I was talking with a close friend recently who was really beating themselves up about some weight gain. In fact, the longer we spoke, the more she dug in and starting bringing up horrible feelings about herself as far back as grade school. I’ve known her for a very long time, and I was struck by how poorly she spoke of herself. She was saying things about herself that I know she would never say about someone else, but here she was freely saying them about herself.
It got me thinking, how high would your confidence be if you were getting bullied day in and day out? How would you feel if people commented about having a round face, or big legs? Would you want to spend time with the person who was calling you names? Would you leave the room with your head held high in confidence, feeling like you could take on the world?
Of course not! You would feel terrible, head hung low and you probably wouldn’t want to spend any time with that person at all, and if you were forced to, you would probably hate every minute of it.
‘For some reason, we are truly convinced that if we criticize ourselves, the criticism will lead to change. If we are harsh, we believe we will end up being kind. If we shame ourselves, we believe we end up loving ourselves. It has never been true, not for a moment, that shame leads to love. Only love leads to love.’ -Geneen Roth
One of the big mistakes people make is they believe that this critical talk doesn’t really matter. They believe that it is going to change them for the positive, or maybe that they will be so disgusted that it will catapult them into change. But it won’t. Not real change. Not lasting change.
Low self-esteem is at the center of our weight loss issue, and if you are criticizing yourself daily, you are encouraging weight gain. To really change, you must build your confidence.
We gain self-respect when we make decisions that support our highest aspirations, even when nobody is there to witness or correct us. It’s like a muscle that is weak at first and must be built by repetition with daily use and struggle. Every time we make the right decision, we build the muscle and our self-esteem is increased. Every time we struggle, fall down but then are able to pick ourselves back up again, we are increasing our strength and our self-respect. Soon you’ll find nobody (not even you) will say something bad about a person like that, a person who gives it their all and keeps on going.
When we have self-respect, we can continue to make the right decisions and those decisions become easier and easier for us. Soon they are a habit, and you are working your way toward your ultimate goal with a different mindset and most often, a healthier weight as well.
So stop talking so poorly of yourself, and look for the small decisions you are already making every day that should be recognized and appreciated. Build your self esteem by working on yourself each day, making the right choices and picking yourself up when you fall!
I want to help with more ideas, and have something special planned to share with you after Thanksgiving. Be sure to sign up to get early access to my new nutrition course! (Coming soon!)