027 How to create habits that serve you (and get rid of the ones that don’t!) solo round


Sometimes we think we’ve failed because we didn’t have willpower. We suffered a set back even thought we had big dreams and plans, but why?  It’s because will power doesn’t have anything to do with you hitting those goals!  There are some simple things you can put in place so that you increase your chance to making things happen and eventually…. make your actions so routine, you couldn’t imagine having it any other way. 

Listen in to today’s solo round to get the run down on making and breaking the habits that support your dreams! 

Join our free facebook group to learn more and get involved in the conversation at www.TheArtofLivingBig.com

music by bensound. com





today’s podcast is brought to you by the infinite soul project where you learn how to shift your energy and manifest the change you want in your life. We’re gonna dive into your brain and the scientific reasons why you get more of what you focus on and help you consciously create some miracles for yourself. You can find out more at infinite soul project calm. Welcome to the art of living big. My name is Betsy Pake entrepreneur, author and personal success coach. This is the show that brings you stories and small ideas to help you live a big life. I hope this once a week podcast will inspire you, motivate you and encourage you to think differently about what could be possible for your life. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let’s go live big. Hello, Happy Monday. All right, this last week, we talked about habits. But this week, I want to talk about that motivation piece because I got a lot of messages from people. And I actually got quite a few tweets from people about being motivated, like, how do I how do I get motivated if I’m just like so not motivated? And sometimes we’ll look back on our lives. And we’ll go that was I was really motivated right then to do that thing. And why can’t I make that happened again? What is the deal. So I will tell you that motivation is really funny because people are normally either they’re either motivated by one thing or the other, they’re motivated. It’s like the carrot and the stick. So sometimes you’ll meet people and they’re like really motivated to, to save their money so that they can go on a vacation. So they’re motivated that day, they’re a salesperson, and they’re going to make a million phone calls, because they want to earn the extra commission. So they can go on vacation and impress their husband or their wife and bring their kids and life will be happy, and they’ll be good. And so that is what propels them forward. And other people, it’s running away from the stick. So I don’t want to be heavy anymore. So I’m going to start to exercise and watch what I eat. Like I’m running away from a feeling I don’t want anymore, right? So there’s one or the other. But I want you to notice the examples that I use to that those are both full of stressors. And like I’m not enough. And let me explain what I mean. So if I’m always if I’m going towards something, I’m the salesperson and I want to make a bunch of phone calls, so that I win the trip. Even if I make all those phone calls, I may still not win the trip, I may not bring my wife on a holiday and my kids might not be really like all of that might not happen. And in that process, it’s really stressful because now I have this stress of this, like dream and idea and what if it doesn’t happen, and I’ll be so let down. And on the other hand with the stick, like to be running away from something means like you’re disgusted, or you don’t like where you are, you’re unhappy. And I am just have the belief that when we live in joy, when we’re joyful, exactly where we are right this minute with the things we have is when miracle start to manifest in our lives. That’s really when greatness begins is when we’re really happy and joyful. And you’ll find that you have and you may have experienced this in your life, the time where you had the best job, like you made the most money really enjoyed it as when you were having fun. So life isn’t always just trying to get to some end result, searching and racing for the horizon that you can never get to right. It’s really about being happy and enjoying right where you are. So when we motivate ourselves in one of those two ways it creates like it’s it creates a sort of like an atmosphere of unhappy in one way or the other. Like where I am just isn’t enough. And for me, I don’t like that. So this is what I do. And I want you to think about yourself. When you get up in the morning and you go and brush your teeth. Are you motivated to brush your teeth? Probably not. You just do it right because it’s got to be done. Like that’s what we do. I gotta brush my teeth, I just go do it. I don’t feel anything about it. I don’t think about it. When I’m walking into go brush my teeth. I’m not having like a whole lot of mental chatter. Like my brain isn’t going like I don’t I know I should. I really should brush my teeth. But I don’t really want like unless you’re sick. You’re not having that mental chatter happen. But when we say like, I gotta go work out, I know, I should work out. I need to go but I’m tired. I don’t really want to but I have all of this mental chatter, right. So really, motivation is really just doing the thing. And so I call it Zen motivation. It’s really almost sans motivation. Like it’s the note when you have no need for motivation is really where you want to be because then you’re pushing or pulling yourself either way, you’re just doing the things that you know, will help you create the life that you want. So if I want to work out every day, and last week, I used the example of the triggers and the associations. And when I finished my morning meditation, I put my workout clothes right by my my bathroom sink, because that’s my association in my trigger, and then I’m triggered to get those workout clothes on and go work out. But am I motivated to go do it? Because I can put my workout clothes on but then Am I having this internal chatter? Well, what that internal chatter actually is, it’s your default mode network. It’s an area, it’s actually many areas in your brain that are trying to discover which it is the the carrot or the stick, like what it what is it, I should go work out, but I really don’t want it like it’s trying to discover what it is it’s supposed to do. And it starts to get really, really loud. Now, I could put you into an fMRI machine, and we could watch your brain activity happen when this is happening. And there’s studies that they’ve done a lot of research on your brain in this particular area. And really what, what they found is that people that are more depressed people that have more anxiety, even people that have a DD have a much, much higher activity in their default mode network, that demon, their dmn demon, they call it. So really, when I go to do something, like exercise, and I have all of those competing thoughts in my mind, that’s my demon. When I go to brush my teeth, I don’t have that. So what would be great is if I got finished my meditation, I went into the bathroom, my workout clothes were there. And I didn’t have any mental chatter. I just put my workout clothes and well went and did the thing. Right? So how do I do that? I need to simmer down the demon. Simmer down now. So how do I do it to to, to do that, to quiet down the dmn and just be able to do the thing without having all of the the chatter and the discovery in there. I just have to focus on something outside myself. Now, that sounds really simple. But all I need to do it is really simple. But it takes a little bit of practice. And you can look outside yourself for a sound. So maybe you listen to a fan. Maybe you turn on the fan in the bathroom when you’re brushing your teeth and putting on your clothes. And all you’re doing is thinking and listening to that fan sound. Now you can’t have we’d be listening to a song, although songs can get you pumped up. But then you’re still you’re still carrot and stick. So if you can, don’t listen to the sounds of people talking, it’s really a sound that is like a white noise sound sound of a fan sound of something that’s just white noise, you could probably do instrumental because there’s no snow talking because you don’t want anything that’s going to activate your brain you want to outside yourself, you don’t want to be thinking inside, you really want to step outside. Okay, so that’s one way. Also outside could be pressure. So maybe it’s as you’re putting on the clothes, you’re focused on the pressure of the clothes. Lots of people say they can focus on the pressure of gravity, pulling them down. So what that feels like on the soles of your feet, how that works. Some people talk about it being more of like physical textures. Now, I remember watching my daughter do this. In fact, I think I remember doing this as a little kid. And maybe you still do it, where you rub your feet on the sheets when you’re trying to relax at night and go to bed. I remember watching my little one and well now she’s now she’s 15. But when she was a little one, like moving her little feet because remember, thought it was so cute, but that’s what she’s doing. It was outside of herself, feeling the texture of something would help calm down everything. And then she could relax. So when you’re feeling that push and pull, it’s your demon looking for the carrot or the stick trying to figure out what is going on. All you need to do is focused on something outside yourself. Either pressure, either sound or texture. And that will help calm down your demon and then you can go and do the thing. So it’s not even about being motivated anymore. It’s about stepping outside yourself and just being able to do it just like you would be able to go and brush your teeth. There wouldn’t need to be any kind of discussion, it would just be another thing that you do during the day. So I hope that helps. I hope that helps motivate you or not motivate you so that you can try something new. Make sure you listen to last week’s episode so that you can understand about the habits and the trigger in association because that’ll help you to kind of get everything set up throw in this non motivation motivation in there. And you will be well on your way to making some real lasting changes so that you can live your big life. Thanks for listening. Have a good week. Thanks for spending some time with us today. Remember to jump in on the online community at SS lB community.com. And, as always, here’s a little message from my husband.

That’s it.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.