This episode we explore mentorships. We dive into why we would need them, how to identify how they can best help us and where to find them. Inside the lab we talk more about scripts to reach out to mentors and also how to get a virtual mentor of anyone on the planet that you’d like to be mentored by. Learn more instead the lab at www.livebiglab.com
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music by ben sound. com
Hi I’m Betsy Pake, I’m a reinvention strategist, an NLP coach, author and speaker, but really, I feel like I just worked with people all over the country to help them be happier and to help them have a little bit more ease in their life. Today I hope to do the same for you. Thanks for listening, now let’s go live big.
Hey everybody! Welcome to the show. I want to talk with you today about a shortcut to success.
Now, I know you’re probably thinking like, ‘‘Betsy there are no shortcuts to success’’ and, although I agree with you, I will say that success lives close. You’ve probably heard that before. But, it does! People that have been successful know the path and there is a proven way to have things happen, and if you can find somebody that can show you that path, then your odds of success go up, as well as the timeframe can actually become shorter because you have somebody guiding you.
Now, mentorship is what we’re going to talk about today. And so you’ve probably heard about having a mentor before, but I’m going to bet that you haven’t ever acted on it. Like you’ve heard the benefits of having a mentor or you thought like ‘‘I really need a mentor’’ or ‘‘it would be nice to have somebody help me’’. But you’ve never taken the steps to actually actively go out and try to find somebody to help you. And so, in this episode here we’re going to talk about mentors and what they really do. We’re going to talk about how they decide if you even really need one and what you need one before. I’m going to tell you how to find them, what to say when you’re trying to get them to mentor you and, inside the lab I’m going to provide you some sample emails and just some scripts of how to go about this as well as a trick of something that I have used to get some of the most incredible mentors on the planet.
I know that’s pretty big right? But I’m going to talk to you more about virtual mentors, inside the lab it’s a really incredible process that I have used to dive deep and get inside somebody’s head that is someone I have watched from a far. Somebody that’s in the public eye and I thought ‘’If I could just sit down with them, how incredible this would be?’’ and so I’m going to go into that process inside the lab.
So, if you want to join us in the lab you can go to www.livebiglab.com or you can just text ‘‘LIVEBIG’’ (one word) to 444-999. Okay? Alright, so let’s get into it.
So, what are mentors actually do? Right, so you’ve probably heard of mentors, what do they actually do? There’s a really good quote by John Crosby and it says mentors are a brain to pick, and ear to listen, and a push in the right direction. And I really love that because it really is somebody that they even go to, that you can rely on, that as you’re working through, whatever it is let’s say you’ve got a business you’re trying to build and you find someone that has built a business, and you’re able to go to them and say ‘‘have you experienced this?’’, or ‘‘this thing is happening to me and I’m just really struggling’’ and chances are they have seen it or felt that same thing and they can give you some really great feedback based on experience. So, mentors can be critical to your success and just to close the gap between where you are right now and where you want to go.
Now, some really amazing people that you’ve probably looked up to have use mentors and talked about mentorship. I mean, Oprah Winfrey, whether you love her or hate her she is highly-highly successful and she had a mentor in Maya Angelou. She talks about that many of her interviews about how Maya was always there, kind of guiding her. Through some of those really important years where she was trying to navigate her career and how she would move forward with her life. The former apple CEO (late) Steve Jobs, he was a mentor to Mark Zuckerberg of the Facebook fame. So, they developed a relationship really early on when Facebook was getting started, and then Mark would go to Steve often to discuss like business practices and management practices as he was building Facebook and setting up that company. Who else? oh gosh, so many amazing people,
Sheryl Sandberg, right so she’s one of the most powerful women in business. She’s the COO of Facebook and you may know her from her book ‘‘Lean in’’ and she talks about how she had a college professor who served as one of the very first mentors and made such a huge impact in her life.
Now, one really cool thing I think is that, you know your mentor doesn’t have to be somebody that’s doing the same exact thing that you are doing or that you want to do. So, there’s a story about John Glenn and I’ve remembered hearing that he’s an astronaut, right? Former astronaut and US Senator, and he was mentored by a high school teacher, and he talks about how this person had such a huge impact on his life and was a huge mentor to helping him feel like he could go forward and live this life that he wanted. But that guy was not an astronaut. So, remember as we’re thinking about mentors, it doesn’t have to be somebody that has done the same exact thing that you want to do. But it can be somebody that has a new perspective on something or has gone through trials or hardships in their life and has made it through and has some knowledge or something to share.
Now, the other thing is that it’s somebody that is willing to share with you because we all have really incredible experiences that we’ve made it through, right? If you’re sitting here listening to this right now, you’ve made it through some really hard stuff in your life. I guarantee. And so, you do have something that you could share with somebody else. And so, think through that process because it doesn’t have to be somebody that is really well known, it doesn’t have to be Mark Zuckerberg, it doesn’t have to be somebody that’s doing the same thing that you want to do. But it has to be somebody that has travelled down the path. That has knowledge to share and is willing to share it. Okay? So that’s what a mentor is.
Now, the next step is really figuring out, why you need a mentor? And inside the lab there’s going to be some checklists for you to be able to help you kind of walk through this process. But, we may want mentors for different areas of our life. You know if you want to start an online business maybe you want a specific mentor for the financial side of that. Somebody that really understands finances and how business is working in that capacity or, maybe you’re a newlywed and you really want to get advice on how to work through some kind of interaction with your spouse that doesn’t favorable, right? Or, get through with disagreement or, come to an agreement of money or, children or, any of those things. So, when you think about getting a mentor think about what kind of area you really want to have. Because If I wanted to talk to somebody about building a great relationship with my husband that I might not want to go to Steve Jobs, right? So, there would be obvious strengths and weaknesses with everybody and so try to think through what it is you actually want your mentor for. So where do you actually need help?
And now, the next really big thing, let’s say, now you know what you want to get help with, you’re clear on what kind of mentor does you need. I want you to think through, ‘‘why you really want the outcome to be?’’ So, if you work with this mentor ‘‘what do you want to have happened?’’ This is so important because as we go into the piece where we’re talking to the mentor. We want to be able to explain what it is we want, and what we’d like to have happen. Because anytime we’re working with somebody or, we’re trying to build a relationship with somebody, being able to be clear on what we want is really helpful for them to be able to give it to us. In that way we don’t waste a lot of time and we don’t feel like we’re not getting what we need when really we haven’t told the person what we need, right? Okay! So those are going to be the things you’ll going to need to decide before you go and work on selecting your mentor. So decide what area you need help with, decide how you want the help, and decide what you want the outcome to be on that relationship with the mentor. Okay?
So now we’re going to get into, ‘‘how do we find to them?’’, so ‘‘how do we actually find a mentor?’’ so now you’re sitting now like, okay! I have two (2) or three (3) different areas where I think I could use some help in mentorship. But, how do we actually go about finding somebody?
So, here are a few things that you should be thinking about and that you should also be doing. Now, you have an idea of what kind of mentor you need. You have an idea of what you want the outcome to be. And now you need to find a mentor. Think about it from a mentor’s point of view.
If you would be given a time to somebody, you want someone that is already active. You want someone that is already trying, so the first thing you’re going to do before you start going out to get your mentor is you’re going to make sure that you are in action. That you are doing. So, whatever that area is, if you’re thinking like I really want to write a book. So you’re not going to go find a mentor and then find them and say, ‘‘I really want to write a book! ‘And they say ‘‘about what?’’ And you’re like, ‘‘I don’t know?’’. So, think through and get into action. And also when you get into action you’re going to be telling the universe right, and telling you’re reticular activator in your brain if you’re a scientist person, so telling the universe if you’re a spiritual person, that you are ready, and that you want someone to come into your life to help you because you’re already in the path and you’re taking action. Okay?
So get into action become a doer and then find the area that you are lacking in so if you’re writing a book are you lacking in figuring out how to walk through the book process, how to actually get it published or, are you looking for somebody to help you with the actual writing and brainstorming it. How do you actually go around about the structure of that? And getting super clear on that particular portion of what you need help with will help you to identify who you need as a mentor. Okay?
So now you have that, when you’re clear on that, you’re going to go into whatever place you think those people would be. So now I’m writing a book, I know I need help with actual writing, the actual creative portion of that. So I’m going to go into groups on Facebook that are for writers, I’m going to go into groups on maybe on LinkedIn where its people that are copywriters or people that are creative writers. I’m going to go find out where those people hang out. I’m going to go maybe find coaches maybe there’s coaches out there that are specific for teaching you how to write. Now, mentors aren’t always free so you could find a mentor that would be willing to help you. Or you could find a mentor and a coach that you have to pay so you have to decide sort of where that goes but go to where the people hangout. And so let’s say you’re in a Facebook group and you’re hanging out in there and people are posting, get involve in conversation.
Now remember, I believe everybody is in a place where they need to have someone that they can help. They need to have someone that is equal to them, and they need to have someone that is better. So as you’re going through this process be aware of where you can help. So now you’re in a group and you’re trying to find these people, right? The people that are the helpers that are above you, that could help you, bring you up. Also find the posts inside the group where you could help somebody else because you’re probably on a different spot. Probably farther along then you actually realize and you can help someone out. And when you do that and you’re active in the group, the people that are, the potential mentors for you will see you. So you want to become noticed in those groups. So become somebody that’s also a helper, alright?
Now, the other thing is, the other place you can look is mentoring programs. Many times there are mentorship programs. The small business spiral actually has programs for people that want to start a business, and they leave it free, they even go in there and get mentored by someone who is a retired business owner or, is a current business owner for some time. So, be aware of some of those things as well. So now you’re actively helping somebody else, so you’re becoming noticed, you’re being involved, you’re giving out the word to the universe that you’re looking for somebody to help you. And now when you identify someone in the group that, that’s the kind of person I would like to mentor me. There’s going to be some things you’re going to want to do.
One is you’re going to want to reach out to them, because you want them to know you. And so maybe it’s that you’re reaching out by posting on something that they post, or commenting on something that they put into group, or maybe it’s simply they have a twitter and you’re commenting on the things they tweet about or, an Instagram, and so you’re making comments on some of their photos so that you’re trying to begin a conversation. You’re trying to develop a relationship with them. And so don’t underestimate the power of reaching out, telling them that you appreciate something that they are already doing and that you’d like to learn more, okay? So now you’ve identified the people, you’ve got involved, you sent the word out to the universe, you’re helping someone else, you’re identifying the people you think could help you and you’re trying to start to build that relationship.
Now, the next piece of that is really asking where you could help them. So very rarely will somebody put their guard off if you’re coming and saying ‘‘I really appreciate your podcast, that you do’’. Like ‘‘I love your podcast, I listen to it all the time’’. ‘‘Is there anything I can do to help you? I could help spread the word? Or, ‘‘is there anything I could do? Because I’ve looked up to you so much and would love to be able to pick your brain someday’’. Now if somebody came to me and said that, I mean I’d be so flattered and honored, now you all need to ‘‘No, go ahead and do it. You could do it. Go ahead ’’.
But really, if you think about, people are helpers, right? I believe people are helpers and if you are not saying like I just want to take take-take-take, but I want to help you too, I really appreciate what you’re doing and I think other people need to hear it. I’d love if you could give me some feedback on this little thing that I’m doing. Okay? So now you’re asking for something. You’re giving them something and then you are asking for something.
Now, one thing you want to do when you ask is you don’t want to be what I call an ‘‘askhole’’. Don’t ask for something, for some piece of advice or for some guidance and then just ignore it. Now I have had mentors before that gave me advice that I didn’t necessarily agree with. But I try it and some of it worked for me and some of it didn’t. But I didn’t just totally disregard it. I thought they have some experience in this, I’m going to least try because maybe my views tainted by something. So don’t be an ‘‘askhole’’, so if they give you some advice, take it to your heart, see how you could work in pieces of it, and see if it works for you.
The other thing is, if your mentor says like ‘‘Yah, I could talk to you’’ or ‘‘I’d be happy to give you some advice’’. And I can’t even say this strongly enough. Work-around-them, so they are offering to give you time or advice then work around them. I had a mentor last year who offered to give me advice and I would meet him anywhere. I actually had my car breakdown and I walked several miles to where he was so that I wouldn’t miss my appointment. So work around their schedule, you know if they can talk on the phone, talk on the phone, if they can meet you at the coffee shop, go to the coffee shop. If they have to drive 45 minutes drive, 45 minutes like, whatever you need to get in front of that person of that’s what you want. Make it easy on them, because if they are giving you their time and energy and all of that for free, you want to make it as easy as you can. Okay?
So we want to wrap it up now and I want to tell you to be appreciative. So now you’ve gone now and you’ve found your mentor, you’ve worked with them a little bit. Be appreciative. I had a mentor last year that helped me so much just in the belief that I could do something that when I wrote my second book I dedicated it to them. It was just my way of showing my deep gratitude and appreciation for them. Could I have done it without them? Sure! Could I have done it in the timeframe? That I did without them? Probably not! They gave me some great advice to set up parameters with my husband and my family and to work through some issues that came up in writing the book and kind of helped me on that process so it did brought me along so, absolutely! I couldn’t have done it without them. It wouldn’t have been the same, without them. So mentors have been super important to me. Now, there is another way to do this and there’s a way that I get mentorship now. Every single day from the most sought after mentors in the world. Alright I’m going to talk about that inside the lab. Its virtual mentorship. And it has been incredible and it’s free. So join us inside I’m going to deep dive into virtual mentorship and how that works. And remember, you deserve to live a big life. Go get it, go find your mentor.