074: How to live big when you are struggling and overwhelmed. - Betsy Pake

074: How to live big when you are struggling and overwhelmed.


In today’s podcast I talk about struggling, feeling isolated and how to gain footing when you feel like life is overwhelming.

This episode is great for anyone who is struggling and feeling lost in how to move forward. I share two steps that can help you begin the path of moving forward.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and if this resonated with you. Comment below or find me on Instagram @betsypake


Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake, and this podcast is designed to share interviews and new ideas to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. today’s podcast is brought to you by audible. Get a free audiobook download and a 30 day trial at audible trial comm backslash live big, there is 180,000 different titles to choose from. Here’s the thing. I love Audible, I’m sort of obsessed. And I wanted to tell you that last week, I listened to the five second rule by Mel Robbins, which I really loved. I kept hearing about this book, and I was like, you know, 54321 go, I get it. But there’s actually a ton of brain science and I’m all about the brain science. So it was super interesting. And a really, really good Listen, she reads it. And it’s amazing. All right, so grab your audible trial. Audible trial, comm backslash live big now on with the show. Okay, everybody. So today’s show is not really the show I thought I was going to share today. But you know what, I decided that I was going to have this authenticity on the podcast, and I made a commitment. And so I really wanted to, instead of the regular scheduled programming, I wanted to share some things that have been happening, and then tell you about a new fun thing that I have planned for 2008 on the podcast. So all right, yesterday, I posted on Facebook, and I shared how my daughter has been struggling with anxiety. My daughter, Oliver is 15 she’s about to be 16. She’ll be 16 next month, and she’s been struggling with anxiety for years, like years and years. And I almost think like most of her life, isn’t that so crazy. But I would say it kind of came to a head around five years ago. And I’ve, we’ve done a lot of different kinds of things. And my post yesterday was really just that all of is a sophomore in high school. And we’ve kind of gotten to the point where she really wasn’t able to make it to school. And I know that may sound really wild to some of you that have never dealt with this. And in fact, I’ve talked to people about it, people that I know love me. And I’ve shared this with them. And their reaction was oh my god, my mom would make me get up and go to school. And it didn’t. It didn’t bother me because I knew, it’s because we don’t talk about it. Right. So we don’t really talk about this. And so that’s why I’m here because I really want to talk about this. And it may not be that you’re struggling with anxiety or depression or you’re helping somebody that is, but you probably have something in your life, that’s really overwhelming. And that makes you feel like you’re failing a little bit. That’s how I feel a little bit like I’m failing every day, I feel like I’m failing. And I feel like I’m winning. And so if you’re struggling with that, I just wanted to share sort of a quick message. It won’t be long. But I wanted to kind of share this with you and kind of give you some thoughts that I’ve had about it. And you know, in the beginning, I didn’t want to share all of my story. I didn’t want to share it because I felt like it was her story. Does that make sense? Like I felt like that’s something really personal about her and what she’s going through. And, and so sometimes, like even on podcasts, people would bring it up because I talk about it a little bit in my book, right? I say my daughter suffered with anxiety. And that’s how I started the whole small step thing was with her. And so people would kind of push me sometime on podcasts. And I would be like, Oh, that’s her story. Like we’re not going to talk about that. But what I realized was that that was a huge error. Because in that silence, people feel alone. And if she had cancer, God forbid,

or if she had some other

more, like I’m doing air quotes like accepted, issue, more accepted


then I would be talking about it I

would be getting support from people I would be getting people’s input and ideas. I’d be asking for different doctors that people used. I wouldn’t be asking for input I as a mom would be getting support. But instead because I have been silence.

I have isolated us

so much. And you might be doing that very same thing you might be isolating yourself. It’s funny because last week if you listen to the episode where I did the QA not was it last year I think it was last week’s episode. And I talked about someone asked this is really interesting. Somebody asked specifically about if someone’s getting under your skin, like sort of what that means. And I talked about how that was really, it was bothering you, if somebody gets on your skin, it’s bothering you, because it’s shining the light on something in yourself that you don’t want to see. And it was funny because that episode aired on a Tuesday and Tuesday night, I drove to Florida to go to an event. It was like a business event to help me with my with my coaching business. And it was really an incredible event, the people I that I met there I loved. And one of the people that I really loved that I met there, like I met her right off, and we jive. She’s one of us, you know, like, totally gets it on the spiritual side and was just so cool. And we were talking about some struggles. And she mentioned that she wasn’t getting any help. And she was talking to one of the coaches, and she said, I don’t have support in my business. I don’t have support and things I don’t have people that can help me. And it struck me because I had just offered to help her. I had just offered to share some ideas and, and do some different things with her. And we had brainstormed on some things. And so I was like, Oh my God, why is she saying that? Because that’s not true. I just offered to help her. And then it occurred to me that possibly she didn’t really see it as help. Like, she’s just been so isolated, just like I am. So bent, so isolated, that it didn’t, she didn’t even see the help as help. But also it made me shine the light on myself and say, who’s trying to offer me help, that I’m not seeing or that’s offering me help? And I’m going, that’s not the right kind of helper. That’s not what I need. Or, like, I can do this. Right? So I hope I didn’t. If she’s listening, I don’t know that she’ll listen. But if she does, I say that with love, because I recognized it in myself. And so I thought, What is it about my situation that’s making me shameful, and making me think that I can’t go out to get help, and who is trying to help me that I’m not open to receiving help? All right, that whole story to say, yesterday, I posted on Facebook, and I said this is what’s happening with all if she’s not able to go to school, this is what I’m looking for, like I’m looking, she’s been on medication, and we’re weaning her off the medication now, because I just didn’t, that didn’t feel like a right decision for me anymore and for her anymore. And so I was looking for a homeopathic doctor, like how can I proceed with this? I got so many great ideas. And and I’m going to share a little bit about that, then we have a plan to move forward. But if I had kept quiet, I never would have had this new thought this new idea. If I had kept quiet, I never would have felt support. If I had kept quiet, I would have continually felt depleted, and not getting my own bucket filled. And if I had kept quiet, I may have missed the opportunity to let somebody else know who’s scrolling through my Facebook, that life isn’t perfect. And we keep on going. Maybe there’s somebody out there that’s really on the brink, right? somebody that’s really feeling isolated and really feeling hopeless. And this time of year tends to bring even more of that because it’s the holiday time. And so how

can I use what we’re going

through to not only expose ourselves to step out of the closet of ours are of our own, you know, quiet struggle, and perhaps inspire somebody else to do that to to go and get help and to to see that people are trying to help and to see that they’re not damaged. So if you’re listening to this, you’re not damaged, you’re struggling. You’re not alone. Our struggles are here for a specific reason. If we never had any kind of struggle or pushback, that is where that’s where we build our character. I have I have a friend that I love and I was actually thinking about her this morning. And she’s a potter and she makes beautiful pottery. And I was thinking about this because one day we were talking and she was talking about the process and how you need these big huge irons, like ovens, ovens, not irons

like ovens where you go where you put, you know

you make the clay you mold it into what you want.

And then it has to heat up at this like crazy,

crazy, crazy temperature. So that it becomes hard and it becomes this beautiful thing. And I woke up this morning thinking about that. And I was like oh you know what, this is so beautiful. Because we’re in the oven. Like we’re in the oven right now. It sucks being in the oven. It’s unfamiliar. And, but we’re turning into something beautiful. And so

if you are out there and you’re struggling,

this is this could really be an opportunity to build yourself into something really beautiful, even better than you ever imagined. And if you speak out about what you’re going through, well, perhaps you’ll be able to get help, and perhaps you’ll be able to inspire somebody else. You know, I said that to my all of I was like, how cool would that be? If in your darkest moment, and I mean, that you can hear in my voice, darkest moment, she could inspire somebody else, like, wow, like that is what makes a big life, right? So here’s my two little thoughts for you put on your oxygen mask First, if you are struggling, or you’re helping somebody else who is struggling, put on your oxygen mask first. You know, you always hear that in the airplane.

But I have personally, I’ve pushed aside

a lot of things that helped me like workouts. I mean, I’ve like my whole life, I’ve been a workout person. But I’ve pushed that aside. Because I was trying to take care of her. I was trying to build my business, I was trying to be a good wife. And I felt like everything else sort of fell to the side.

I fell to the side.

But what I realized was I wasn’t being good or effective at any of those things. Because I wasn’t filling up my own bucket. And so as I drove home on Friday, on Friday, from that event I went to last week, I really had a moment where I was, it was a transformative experience last week, and as I drove home, I thought, my situation is the way it is because of what I’ve been doing. And I have to do things differently. Where can I get help? And I called all lives dad, and I said, I need more help. This is what I need. And I was more I’m always so friendly. Because we have such a nice relationship. We’re divorced, but I was much more aggressive. In what I need, I need this. And I need this. And I need this. And I was specific. And he said, Fine. That’s great. He wasn’t doing it before, not because he didn’t want to, but because he didn’t know. And so I put on my oxygen mask. I can’t do this alone or in the way that I’ve been doing it. These are the things I need. He said, cool. I went to my husband. And I had a really difficult conversation. And I said, I don’t feel like I’m heard. I don’t feel like how can I I need you to listen to me. And I need time to like discuss things with you. If you only can, like spend 15 minutes talking about whatever it is I need to talk about. That’s cool, but I need something. So I need you to tell me what you can give me. He didn’t even realize, right. We get wrapped up in our own things. And he and I have had that discussion, you know, in the past. But for me to say it again, as a reminder and bring him back. And and then what can I do for you? How are you not being? How are your needs not being met. And he gave me feedback. And it was super interesting to me because he’s really learned how to do that by watching me. And so a side note, if you don’t like your circumstances, change yourself and other people around, you will begin to change because they cannot stay the same if you are different. And that’s what I experienced with him like he was totally open gave me ideas, suggestions, things he needed. So that wouldn’t have happened if I had not changed. Okay, so that’s one little thing. And, and then I decided I was getting back to the workouts. And if I had to get up 45 minutes early to do that, that’s what I was going to do. Because that was going to help me become the person that I wanted to be. And where I stood right then was not the person I wanted to be. So that’s my, that’s my first tip, put your oxygen mask on first. And my second tip is to share,

ask for help or just share what you’re feeling.

Our feelings are guideposts for us right to be able to understand ourselves, and to understand what’s really happening. So you know, as soon as your brain feels in emotion, a whole series of chemical processes have taken place in your body. And actually, this is how your thoughts become things because you have a thought, it creates a chemical reaction that becomes the emotion and it happens like that in just an instance. And so this is a super great feedback process. So you can go Wait a minute, what was I just thinking? So if I’m feeling like I get this overwhelm today, I worked out and I cried through half of it, I felt overwhelmed. Also, also maybe a little bit of relief in there too.

But there was this feeling of like,

catching my breath like I have to there’s a lot now I have a plan but there’s a lot to do right so I got to put like my warrior hat on and go forward and maybe if you’re struggling Something that’s where you got to get to where you’re like, Okay, I’m a warrior, right? I’m Joan of Arc, right? Like, I was built for this. And so when I have that thought, it creates the chemical, chemical reaction, which creates the emotion that you just heard in my voice. And so I have to go back and go, what was I really thinking? Then? What was I really thinking? Why, you know, why did that make? Why did that cause the emotion that it did? Can I change the way I’m thinking, so maybe I feel a little bit more empowered, or I feel a little bit better, where it makes me feel stronger, whatever that is. So our thoughts are, you know, critical chemical transactions, and sharing those can help you process understand, it can help you get support, it can help you just get assurance, or just to have somebody,

here’s, here’s what it is just came to me to have somebody witness, just have somebody witness what you’re experiencing, we are co creators. And so having somebody witness, your life is so important. And so share, it will make us not feel so alone, if you’re struggling with like anxiety or depression, like my daughter is, you know, we can help people by just sharing what you’re going through. So the stigma doesn’t have to be there. I hate it. I feel like I need to be talking about this more, because the stigma is so stupid. It’s so stupid. It’s it’s

doesn’t make sense. And so

I’ll leave you with those two things. So put your oxygen mask on first share with somebody, somebody that you trust, share somewhere so that you can get the support and feedback that you need. All right. So I’m going to be talking more about what route I got two loads of ideas on that Facebook post I did yesterday. And I brought all of the choices to all of all of the things and I mean, there was the list, it was a laundry list of stuff. I brought them all to her and I said which of these would you like to try.

And she chose

getting off her medication and a complete overhaul of her diet to see food is medicine. And I talked about that. And I’ve been talking about that for years in our home. And that resonated with her. And so that’s the route we’re gonna go I’m going to share more about that as we go along. And so you know, follow me on Instagram. It’s at Betsy Pake in in, I’m good, I feel like that’s kind of a good place for me to share that. And I’ll talk a little bit on the podcast too, but connect with me there, let me know that you hear the podcast and, you know, let’s connect and support each other. Alright, so here’s the fun thing for 2018. I’ve been thinking about this. And I have decided to do, that’s me with a do. Those are my sound effects. All right, 2018, I will bring you the live Big Book Club. So fun. Each month, we’re gonna roll out a new book, and I want you on the podcast, I want you giving feedback, we’re gonna have questions to be answered. So you can share what you think and really create a conversation. So you can read it or listen to it on Audible, right, use your free Audible, or just listen to hear what other people have to say. So you can just listen to the podcast, if the book doesn’t resonate with you, you don’t have to read it. But I think it could be really fun for us to go through, read a book together, talk about it inside our group, you can find that at SS lB community.com. And that’s our Facebook group, which is a free group, there are going to be books that are universal in terms of the message. So you know, not not specific just for a specific genre of people. But they’re going to be pretty universal. And in sticking with the message of living big. But they’re either books that I’ve read and had a profound impact impact on me personally, or they’re going to be books that I’ve gotten recommendations from people that I trust and admire. I’m a big reader and a big audible listener. And so so I’ve got some great things to share and things that can really help shift how you see your life. And once you do that shift, that’s when your life starts to change. So I’m really excited about the book club, I hope that you’ll participate. I hope you’ll get involved in the conversation. And I hope that this podcast today helped you or inspired you in some way. If it did, please share it with your friends and please reach out and let me know I would

love to hear

from you and connect in another way.

So thanks so much for listening. And don’t forget you deserve to live a big life. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Remember, you can find me inside my facebook group at SS lB community.com as stands for start small live big community.com and as always, here’s a little message from my husband.

That’s it.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.