154: Expanding Into Your Contrast


Episode 154: On today’s show I talk about expanding when you are in an uncomfortable position instead of struggling and fighting the path.


You’re listening to Episode 154 of The Art of Living big. Hey everybody. Welcome to today’s show. Today we’re going to talk a little bit about contrast and expanding and keeping consistent even when you feel a wobble. So this is something that I’ve really been working on a lot and that has come up a lot into my awareness just over the past few days.

So I wanted to share some things with you today on today’s show. Now, I wanted to remind you that I have a free training on my website, if you go to Betsy Pake calm there is a free training on how to turn your crisis into your transformation. And which actually ties so well into today’s show. Because anytime we’re going through like our ups and downs feel can feel like a crisis, right? And so how do we actually harness that and turn it and transmute that into something that really benefits us and helps us on our journey. And I do this every day with my coaching clients and there are five steps that we go through.

And I explain exactly that journey for my clients and so hopefully that will serve you so be sure to go check that out. If you like this episode and it speaks to you please share it with your friends. And if you leave a review on iTunes, just screenshot it, and then send it to us at support at Betsy Pake calm and we will send you a free self hypnosis audio for you to use to help you to transmute your beliefs into something new. So, alright, shall we go? Let’s go to the show.

Welcome to the art of living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an international expert in manifesting from your subconscious. And this podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live Ben. Hey, everybody, welcome to the show. It’s Tuesday. Is it Tuesday? No, it’s Wednesday, it is Wednesday.

And they don’t have a podcast out because yesterday was Tuesday. And I recorded like three episodes, and I didn’t like them. It was really weird. Because I don’t usually do that. I usually like to get an idea and turn on the mic and go. So I’m sorry, I’m a little late. Although in the beginning, I used to always, I always posted on Wednesday, so maybe I’m just like getting back to my

roots. We’re

gonna pretend that was on purpose. All right. So okay, so before we get started, this week, this past week, inside the Facebook group, I rant So okay, so I was home, I ran into a limiting self belief that popped up for me, I felt a ton of resistance. And so what does a girl do when she runs into a ton of resistance, but hop on live inside my group.

And I actually worked through the block live. So if you’re interested to see how to work through a limiting belief, or resistance, when it comes upon you, then hop into the group, you can search for the art of living big community, but

you can get

to the exact group by just going to the art of living big.com. That’ll bring you right to it. And I’ve been posting in there, we have just a really fun group. So you know, join us in there. I’ve got a couple other videos of some things that happened that it’s almost like little mini pot. I feel like I’m doing like little mini podcasts through the week as things come up.

Which might be why it was hard to come up

with a podcast this week, because I have been going in there and like saying what’s happening. Alright, so then what is this episode about? it? So this episode today is about our need to want things to be going great before we can feel really happy.

I do it. So I know you guys do it too.

And the interesting thing was I have someone that’s really close to me that reached out to me this morning and asked for a message asked if I could channel a message for them. And so I spent some time in meditation and thinking through what they needed to hear and seeing if I could hear anything.

And what I heard was this very thing was that we we come here we come here to experience this physical reality. We come here to have this life. And we come here to experience ups and downs. We I think that when we transition I think it is like a piece of a place of total peacefulness and full love.

I don’t know what you think about what happens after you die. You die I say transition. But I also think that we long for this experience. I think we long to have the human experience in this physical experience where we have the ups and downs. downs and we go through different things. And so for me, I wonder why then, if I came here, if my purpose was to expand, I’m getting ahead of

myself, okay?

So if my purpose here

is to come into this world, to expand, to expand my soul and myself into something bigger, I cannot expand, if life is perfect, if everything is always going the way it’s supposed to be, I’m staying exactly how I am. So I have to expand, and so to expand is uncomfortable. Right? It’s, it has that moment where you’re like, this isn’t normal for me. And if it’s not normal, then it’s uncomfortable. But as soon as we hit something that’s uncomfortable, then we say, then we say, I can’t be happy.

So now I’m going to stop with the happiness. Because now I’m into the uncomfortable. And so we end up having these, like waves in our life of like, things are going really good. I’m really happy things are going really bad. I’m really unhappy. And I do this. So I’m telling you this, I’m not saying this from a place of like, I don’t do that. Why do you do that, like I do this? I’m becoming aware of it so that I don’t do it. And I have made a lot of strides in not doing this, but I still do it is my default.

Still, I have to think through it, to not have this happen. And so as I was going through this this morning, what kept coming up was you came to this experience to have these experiences you came here to have these ups and downs, you came here to learn and to expand and to grow. And now you’re unhappy about it. Why are you unhappy about that? Why are you suffering? Why suffer when the expanse in the expansion? And, you know, it was kind of a interesting thing, because I was like I suffer during the expansion too.

And there have been moments and I’ve talked about it on the show, like when my daughter was really sick, and I had those moments where she would be really sick. And I would be able to keep my vibration heart high and how hard that was. But now in my everyday life, I’m realizing like I’m going up and down and up and down all day long when little things happen, right? So it’s not even like some big huge thing that’s causing me to wobble. But it’s like a small thing that happens where I’m like, oh, suddenly that happened.

And now I’m feeling resistance or now I’m feeling frustration. And so I’ve been really focused on this lately on how I can maintain a higher vibration even when things aren’t going exactly, well. Okay. So with all that, let’s stop for a second. And let’s like break it down. Because there are some things that I have been doing that I think might help you to.

Okay. So before I even go into this, I want to say that sometimes life is really, really, really hard. And life can serve us up unexpected, terrible things. And sometimes we can’t handle that on our own. So I’m going to give you some tips and ideas and some things that I’ve done to keep my wobble and to keep my wobble from wobbling.

But I am saying like these things are things like, you know, if you are struggling, and you are depressed, there is no shame in the game of going to a therapist going to get medication or going to do whatever it is you need to do. So I just want to say that first. So I don’t want this to be like if you’re really struggling, like just focus on the positive. Like,

that’s not what I’m saying.

Okay, so we got that out of the out of the way, I am a big fan of mental health care as you know, and girl Do what you got a guy, you do what you got to do, right? Because we just want to be healthy. And we’re in a physical experience. So really, we’re having two experiences, right? We’re having a physical experience, and we’re having a spiritual experience. And so we can take care of


right, we can take care of both of those things. And so what I’m going to be talking about is like some mindset stuff, some things that I might do with my coaching clients or some things that I’ve done with myself, but if there is another level of that, that you need help with, like take care of that, because that is also on the path and that is also part of this.


All right. So I believe that we come here because we want to expand and we want to learn and we want to grow and I am of the belief and you don’t have to believe this, but I’m just going to share with you what I believe is that we actually know we actually choose, I believe we choose, like what who our parents are and When we come into this existence, and this types of struggles that we are going to have now I don’t think I like as a spirit, I thought I’m going to come in, and I’m going to be


mcpheeters, which is who I was who I was born as Betsy mcpheeters. And I don’t, I don’t think that I thought I’m gonna, my mom’s gonna die when I’m 16. And I’m gonna go through that, like, I’m choosing that, I don’t think that I do think that I knew I was going to experience great loss. And that I was wanting to learn about that. What is that?

What is that? Like? How do I move through that? How do I use that? for the betterment of myself, my own spirit, and for others that now that’s me, right? So my spirit, I believe, I am very, I and I don’t think everybody has to be like this, okay, so I believe that we do have, we have this, we are these spirits, we decide what we want to grow through, Okay, I’m ready, I want to grow through that. But we don’t know when it’s going to happen, or what’s going to happen,

but we are all aligned to it.


So I believe that for whatever reasons, we are aligned to that thing that we want to expand into. And by, by aligned to it, I mean, my mother was aligned to that in some way, my sister was aligned to that in some way. So like all of us together, and, you know, perhaps decided that we would come and work through this together, we would all be players in this.

And, you know, the other big struggle in my life was when my daughter was sick. And you’ve heard me say that I have said to her, you decided to do this, we decided together. So you can’t give up. I’m not going to give up either. We were meant to expand through this. And I believe that that discussion, saved her life several times.

And now she’s doing so good and great. She’s like, I’m so happy I moved through it. Like, you know, life still has ups and downs for her. But there was an expansion that took place because she hung in there. And that belief of that, that it was that she was here to move through it. So it wasn’t bigger than her.

None of the

struggles that you have are bigger than you. I guess that’s really what my point is, is that you are ready for it. If you’re experiencing it, and it feels overwhelming, then it’s okay. But you were meant for this, you are meant to expand and become who you will become as you move through it. You don’t just become the person after it’s done.

Like I became a different person every single day that I moved through the struggles that I’ve had, and so have you. So I believe that we come here because we want to expand and grow. And then we have things that happen that cause us to expand and grow and we get pissed off right? Then we’re like, I don’t want to have this. Why can’t everything go the way? Why the way I want it to go? Right? Do you ever like scroll on Instagram and be like, how come they have such a good life?

I’m in the middle of expanding. And so my life is really good to my life doesn’t have to look just like somebody else’s, to still be really good. And perhaps seeing something else. And identifying that that’s something we want is actually on the road to our expansion. Right? So how do I even know what it is that I want? If I can’t, if I can’t imagine it.

And typically, if I’m going to imagine it, it’s something that I’ve seen, or I’ve seen something similar, right? So I can imagine the beach house that I want to buy. I haven’t actually seen it. But I’ve seen little things about other beach houses that are helping me to create the image in my mind. And so that image is clear and it’s mine. But I took those images I took those ideas by seeing the bits and pieces of things I liked. And I also see see things I don’t like


So I can go I would not want that outside I would just want one Margarita machine outside I don’t need to write so I get that little piece of contrast. So as I’m going throughout my life, I’m going throughout my day and I’m having ups and downs can ice try and stay steady. How I can try and stay steady is when the ups and downs come is to understand that it is simply to show me contrast to keep them On the path of what it is I want.

And so as I’m experiencing something that is in like what I would say is negative or uncomfortable, can I actually say, ooh, this feels uncomfortable, like this is not something I would want. What is this trying to tell me? What is this trying to direct me to? What happens many times is that we will have something that gets uncomfortable, and then we constrict around it,

right? Almost like a bull constrictor, like strip

constrict around it so that it can’t go anywhere else, right, we have control


it. Because we think if we have control over it, then it we can, we can contain it somehow. But when we do that constriction around it, it hyper focuses it, it makes it seem way more uncomfortable. And we lose the aspect to actually grow through it, because we’re hanging on to it so tight. If you’re really hanging on to something, you can’t release it, you can’t let it go and just expand into that new thing. You know, yesterday, on our group coaching call, we were talking about expanding, and we have got the best group of women in this group this time.

And we were talking about how when you expand when you are you’re in a place, and then you grow into something new, you’re going to have a reaction, you’re going to either cry, or you’re going to laugh. It’s a release, you’re going to have a release, right? I told them the story about I don’t know, maybe like 13 years ago, I had this really, really crappy boyfriend. And when I finally was able to get away, and I went, I had, I had one massage at work.

And so I went and brought one of my girlfriends, it was a couples massage. And I brought one of my girlfriends to this couples massage. And the guy that was massaging me was I think he was so confused, because I was hysterical laughing through the whole thing. Like the kind of laughing that almost wasn’t making any noise.

He kept asking, Are you crying? And I was like, No, I’m so sorry. I was laughing. I didn’t even know why. But I was expanding. I was a release, right? It was a release of all of that, like tension and all of that stuff releasing so that I could expand into this now is what I’m worthy of this is the relationship that I’m willing to accept moving forward. Right. So that expansion. So what happens when we go through something really, like uncomfortable, even something little uncomfortable in our day? And we like we stifled the tears, right? We pushed down the feelings because we don’t want to feel all that which is limiting our expansion.

So feel the feelings, right? Feel through it. We want to put a governor on our negative, like uncomfortable feelings, right? We want to I don’t want to cry. I don’t want to cry in public for sure. Right? Which whatever, I’m just constantly tearing up. So like, I don’t want to if I’m feeling joy, sometimes I’ll cry. And our reaction is like, why are you crying? My daughter will say like, you always like you have a problem. You’re always leaking. And I’m like, if I’m really happy, like I’m expressing it, I’m letting it out.

I’m allowing myself to expand. When I get really nervous. I start to laugh. Right. So maybe you have kids that do that. Do they laugh? It is an expansion, right? So it’s a release and an expansion. And so I think that as we’re going through our day, and you’re experiencing things that may be comfortable or uncomfortable things wanted not wanted contrast of the ups and downs. Right.

And you are stifling the emotion you’re putting a governor on the emotion, you cannot govern put a governor just on the negative, uncomfortable feelings. It goes both ways. So now I’m also putting a governor on my joy and putting a governor on my love are above vibrations, right? So all of those higher vibrations, I’m governing governor during those two. So how can I do this? How can I move through? So ask yourself like what would need to happen for me to be able to experience these feelings during the day and be safe.

So like in my home, it is a safe place to express my feelings. And it wasn’t always that way. You know, there was a time and it’s not because of Craig, it’s not because of my husband. It’s because of me because I thought I cannot share this. I can’t you know when you’re crying really hard. What do you do you cover your face, right? This can’t be seen because this is so bad. I don’t want anybody to I don’t want to expose myself. I don’t want to be seen. And so ask yourself what wouldn’t need to happen for me to feel safe to express my feelings. And when you have those wobbles when something comes into your experience that’s giving you contrast, that’s the uncomfortable. How can you

stay open? How can you remind yourself? Ooh, this is really good. This is directing me someplace that I need to be. And it’s giving me this really amazing opportunity to expand. And that’s why I’m here. How can I express this emotion? How can I experienced what’s happening and still feel safe? So as you go about your week, this week, you’re going to have ups and downs, you’re going to have contrast. Ask yourself these questions, get really clear on what you would need to happen for you.

And this level of awareness will cause you to manifest much quicker, because you won’t be that boa constrictor like, like siphoning off the life to things. energy needs to flow and needs to surround you. So if you’re in a job you hate, and you’re like, I hate this frigging job, and you’re getting tons and tons of contrast, today, ask yourself, what is this trying to direct me to? I’m in this job I hate I hate my boss, I hate my coworkers, I hate the job, like whatever it is.

Notice there is a piece of contrast in your day, that is something you like, it might be really small. See if you can be looking for that scanning for that. Maybe you hate your schedule, maybe you only work nights, and you’re like, I hate this. But I work nights, and then I come home and I’m exhausted, I can’t look for another job.

Expand what you’re you’re saying you need to look for another job? Because that’s what you’ve seen. That’s been your experience. But what if it wasn’t? What if you could expand what if you could release the boa constrictor on this is the only way to solve this problem. And you could expand into something new. I have a client that I’m working with right now. And we’re working on a transformation, right? That’s what I do with people, I actually create a transformation.

And it became clear to me that in her transformation, I would need to talk to her husband, I think maybe I’ve talked about this before, but I would need to talk with her husband. And so I wanted to do a little bit of work with him if he was open to it. And he was and we expanded, we created a space for them to solve a problem that created this huge expansion.

Now, I know there was a moment, as we walked through some of these NLP processes that I did with him to expand where he was like, I don’t know how that could possibly happen. We got the end result, this is what we want expand into it. And I said, Don’t try to figure it out. Just wait. And I got a message from her just the other day saying you’re not going to believe this.

And she told me this amazing story about how the solution to the problem just stumbled into their lap in a way that was better than they ever could have imagined. It’s expansion. It’s being open to the possibility of the unknown, right? It’s stepping into who you’re really meant to be, which is expanding on this journey and learning and appreciating the contrast and feeling really open.

Alright, so this week, this is your homework is to just really notice the contrast, appreciate the contrast, thank it for what it’s trying to show you and expand. Allow yourself to find a safe space to experience the motion and move through that process. There is a really big life for all of us. And I believe that a really big life is designed when you allow yourself to expand. So be sure to jump into our Facebook group. You can find it by going to the

art of living big.com.

And as always, here’s a little message from my husband.

That’s it.


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.