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How do you see the world? And does it empower you to live the life you want to have?
On today’s show, we discuss it.
You’re listening to Episode 167 of The Art of Living big. Hey everybody, on today’s show, we are going to talk a little bit about reframing and how to see your world in your experience in a totally different way. I have experienced some things myself in the past few days, that made me realize
much control we actually have, over how we view the world. And when we can take control, everything can shift because, quote, we see the world not as it is, but as we are. And so if we can shift who we are, we can shift how we see things and actually how we experience our reality. And I’m going to prove it to you in today’s show. But before we go to the show, I just want to ask you, if you have been struggling with something, if you have been struggling, and you don’t feel clear, and you feel stuck, and you starting to wonder how you ever get out of this pattern, today’s show is going to really help you. And it’s going to help to kind of shift how you’re seeing things.
But if you are ready to see things in a different way and to see your situation in a new way, I want to just invite you to watch a training that I have, that describes the five shifts that I use to help shift my clients
of struggling and feeling stuck and sick of it to moving into a space where they feel expanded and organized and in control and self confident. So if you want to see that, you can just go to my website. Just go to Betsy Pake calm and you’ll see it right there on the front page. It’ll say take my training.
So jump in there if you want to watch that. And
now let’s go to the show.
the art of living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an international expert in manifesting from your subconscious. And this podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hey, hello, everybody. Welcome fellow adventurers to today’s show. I am just on the heels of coming back from a trip to Maine. I went this weekend. And if you follow me on social media, you saw some that I basically ate my body weight and lobster rolls.
I had such a good time and I saw my family I went to my cousin’s wedding, and just reconnected with people. I saw one of my bestest friends since kindergarten. So you know, 44 years of being really good friends. And in fact, our moms were our best. Well, we’re best friends, her mom is still alive, but they were best friends.
And so it just it felt like home. You know, there are times where I think I really want to go home, like, you know, you have that feeling like I want to go home. But I realize that the thing that I’m longing for actually doesn’t exist anymore. But being there and there was one point when I was at the wedding where I was like, Oh, this is what it’s like to have a family around all the time, you know, like to really belong somewhere. So it was just really good for me and, like super therapeutic.
And now I’m back. And I realized that I really loved my life too. So even though I’m not by the ocean in Maine, I guess the oceans colder in Maine than I would want but just to be able to be there and to have a life where I could go and then I could come back and I wasn’t dreading my life. Right. I was like this is really good.
And so I came back on Monday. And this morning, I went in saw my daughter. And it was just so interesting to me. She’s getting ready for college and to go, she’s gonna go to art school, and we were talking about all the things and I am giving her my car. So she is about to get her license. She’s a little bit behind where she should have probably already had her license, but she’s about to get her license. And so I had told her when she gets her license, she can have the my car.
it was interesting because as we were driving around today, she said, once I get this car, there’s a couple things I’m going to do. And she said one of them is I’m going to get one of those little hammer things so that if you’re stuck in the car, you can break the window and then it has on the other side like a big cutter so you can cut the seat belt and you can get out and I have seen those before.
But I was
kind of like why do you need that? And I’m not saying don’t maybe she does need it like I don’t. But I said when would you need that? And she said well if I
fell in the water like if the car went in the water
and I was like we don’t live at the beach. I know I talk about it all the time, but we don’t actually live at the beach but I I think she’s probably right. Like there’s a safety thing. And that made a lot of sense. And then she said, and I want a dash cam, so that I can record. And that way I’ll have proof. Okay, so this is where I was like, Wait a second, like, we need a dash cam. And so here’s what here’s, here’s where I want to go with this, y’all.
So, whatever she wants to do, whatever makes her comfortable, and whatever she feels like is the right thing for her to feel safe driving is what I want. So this episode is less about her and more about the frame that we’re looking at the world through. And so we can see the world, however we want.
And if we’re not consciously deciding how we see the world, we’re going to see the world in the way that somebody else, or society or circumstances handed us to see the world. I’m going to explain what I mean. And I’m going to give you some examples. So you can experience what I mean.
And I did this with her when we were talking today, because I was trying to make a point about how she sees the world. So I want you to if you’re driving, you know, you might not be able to do this. But if you’re in a place where you can, I want you to just imagine, for just a minute that I’m handing you have an imaginary pair of glasses. Now the filter in these glasses is danger. And so everything that you see through these glasses you’re going to see as dangerous. The world around you is going to be a dangerous place.
And so I want you to go ahead and take those glasses from me,
imagine me handing them to you. And I want you to put them on. And I just want you to look around.
I want you to notice
what you notice with the danger filter on. If you’re driving, do you notice that you need a dashcam or a seatbelt breaker? If I’m here in my office, and all of a sudden, I noticed that there is a plug that has like 76 different things plugged into an outlet extensions. And all of a sudden, I’m like there
is a fire hazard.
Right? I have Christmas lights up in my office that I’ve had since Well, before Christmas. I like them, but I think they get hot. So I’m looking around and I have a desk. That’s new. I just got it like within the last month, but it goes up and down. And all of a sudden I’m like, What if that malfunctions and I’m standing up and everything falls and my drink would crash and the water the kombucha would get all over my computer if all of a sudden it went down low, right?
Because I’m standing right now. And it goes up and down so I can stand or sit. Right. So all of a sudden, I’m seeing danger that I never saw before. So I want you to just notice, what do you see?
All right, now I want you to take those off. And now I’m going to hand you another pair of sunglasses. And these glasses are very special. And they are very powerful. And I want you to put them on and what happens with these they have lenses in these that are gratitude lenses.
Now I want you to just put those gratitude lenses on and I want you to you’re going to notice that it’s going to everything’s going to seem different all at once. So go ahead and put those on.
And now what do you see.
I have a huge tree outside my window. And it just occurred to me that I get tons of birds at my window of my office, even though I’m on the second floor because they’re by this tree. And although I’ve seen the birds before, I actually haven’t seen them with that frame. Like I’m so grateful that this tree is right there because then I get the birds. So there is a wasp, that’s by my screen. And I’m grateful for the window because the wasp is not in my office.
So I want you to notice, what do you notice? What do you notice that you’re grateful for? And the gratitude that’s all around you. All right, so you can take those off and just put your regular glasses on. But I want you to recognize that things shifted when you are consciously choosing to put on certain glasses.
There is a common belief in psychology that there is a stimulus and a response and then there’s a movement between that that is like a moment of choice. Right so I have the stimulus and then I have the response but in between I get to choose and I know Viktor Frankl I think talked a little bit about this in Man’s Search for Meaning.
But I don’t believe that that tells the whole story. I don’t believe that we just have a stimulus, and then we make a little choice. And then there’s a response. I think that heads how we see the stimulus that matters, it’s the glasses we have on that matters. So when I look at that
outlet with all of those chords in there,
it depending on how I see that depends on what my reaction is what my response is. So I don’t believe that that tells the whole story. And I believe that our inner attitudes, our beliefs, and our feelings,
creates our reaction. That’s what creates what we believe and what we think and how we respond and how we interact with people. And the thing is, is there’s not necessarily a right or wrong, and this, I think, is where we get stuck sometimes when we’re trying to deal with other people.
Because the right or wrong is really dependent
upon me and how I see it. So my daughter wanting the seatbelt cutter. It wasn’t wrong, it just was so different. Like I’d never even occurred to me to get a dash cam, like I’m not in a like seedy part of town or doing anything that would elicit that. But my daughter has had a totally different experience in life. She was bullied heavily. She’s a gay woman. So she is prepared constantly for ridicule, for bullying, for harassment for people’s looks,
So she sees the world totally different than me. And it doesn’t matter how much I said you should put on these gratitude glasses like she has been trained to see the world that way to be to be worried or to be apprehensive, right? So it doesn’t mean she’s wrong for her if I walked in her shoes, and I had her life.
Absolutely, I may think the exact same way, I may think it’s important to have a dash cam. The life that I’ve had, I don’t see the need for that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. And it doesn’t mean she’s wrong. It just means that it’s different. There’s that quote, I wish I knew who said it, I could Google it. But it is it’s something like we see the world not as it is. But as we are, right, like perfect example of that. So if we can change how you see things, right?
If I could throw some gratitude glasses on her and take off those scary glasses, then her reality would change. So what’s happening in her life would seem different. Even though it from a outside influencer or outside bystander, I mean, looking. If I might say like, nothing’s different. There’s nothing different in my office.
But when I saw when I had on my glasses that were the, the scary glasses, the danger glasses, and I saw the danger in my office. And when I had the gratitude glasses, I saw all the cool things. My reality hasn’t changed, but I changed who I was, and how I saw the world changed. And so I’m curious, if you look at the things that you’re struggling with right now, if you’re feeling anxiety, do you have threat glasses on? And I know you might be saying but Betsy, that’s my reality.
Right? It’s not just a belief, it’s based on my reality. And that is the very worst kind of belief. Right? I say worst, it, that is the kind of belief that’s the most challenging. Because it may be that you’re exhausted. And it may be because you have an illness. And that’s true. That’s reality. But how you choose to see that is up to you.
So it may be the reality is that the I have danger here in my, in my with these cords, right in my office, this might be a danger. But it could just be chords that aren’t really a danger, but it’s how I’m seeing it how I’m experiencing that. It could be that my daughter really is worried and has a reason to worry and wants to have a dash cam.
Or it could be that she sees that. She sees that instead of as a fear thing. She sees it as a way to empower herself. So then instead of being afraid, and having this be like a victim mode where she’s got to be able to capture in case somebody does something, maybe she does it so she could catch somebody in a heroic act
right Maybe the meaning of it is different. And how she chooses to respond to what she’s seeing is what is in her control. I think if you are exhausted and tired, and it’s because you have an illness, it is really, really difficult to an end disempowering to go? Well, it’s because I have this. Well, it may be that you have that.
But what if that was the thing that made you strong? What if that was the thing that was propelling you forward? What if that was the thing that was creating a character in you, that was propelling you to go forward. And that was actually something that was feeding you, you know, what if from a spiritual perspective, you were here to learn something accomplished something spiritually, and you couldn’t do it unless you push through something really hard?
Right, Unless Unless you experienced bullying unless you experienced complete exhaustion, unless you experienced doctors that weren’t listening to you, so that you learned how to find your voice. And then that became the glasses you put on was that I can say what I think and I can speak my mind, and I can share my voice, right.
And that’s what you’re here to learn. So the glasses that we use, the frame in which we see our situation, changes how we experience it, which changes our reality. So maybe you’ve experienced a lot of rejection in your life, and so you have a low self esteem. But what if you experienced a ton of rejection in your life, and so you were kinder, because you knew that if you were experiencing it, and met somebody else was and you were gonna find the people that were experiencing that too.
So when we hang on to our past too tightly, when we hang on to the things that have happened to us, we pull it into our future, and we go future, look at all this stuff. Look at all this stuff from the past, I’m going to use that so that I can stay stuck in the past. But when we can use it instead, to empower us, when we can put on the glasses that frame things in the way that we want. Well, then, we have a really empowering situation empowering life, I’m going to tell a quick story.
And I won’t get it completely right. But I’m going to get the basis of it right. But I have a friend that has been a friend for a long, long time. We lived next door to each other man, maybe 30 years ago, my very first house that I ever bought, I lived next door to her. And she had a couple she was she is a midwife. She had a couple kids.
And when she had her third kid, I think it was the third kid it might have been the fourth. But it was her final when she had her final kid. We are still friends on Facebook. And we have communicated and caught up on the phone several times since. But he’s like probably 12 or 13. He is paralyzed. And in a wheelchair.
So something happened in the delivery that caused this. In conjunction with that she also had postpartum psychosis. And so after she delivered and she brought home this baby, that wasn’t what she thought was going to happen, right. And she was suffering from that. She ended up going to the doctor’s house that delivered with a gun and ended up being put in jail. I think she was in jail for a couple years. But when she was there, remember, she had been a midwife.
She ended up writing and creating a lot of healing and creating a textbook that helped other people. Doctors learn about postpartum psychosis from somebody that actually had gone through it. And now she speaks. She’s like the foremost speaker on the world on postpartum psychosis and speaks at all these conventions and stuff all over. And now is living her life. And like I said, Now her son is, you know, early teens, I think.
if her lens had been, this is awful, I’m a victim. I screwed this up. I did this thing I never should have done. Like all those things. Her life could have gone quite different. But she didn’t. Even while she was there. She was thinking about how can this be better? How can I make this into something that I can help people?
Because I’m suffering? I have an illness, right? Like it’s not like she just did something like she had an illness. And but she used it. So the frame the glasses that she put on? were one of empowerment, and how can I use this to bring a message to the world? So I share that with you? Because many times we think, yeah, but that’s the man I had. You didn’t have this happen. You don’t have that happen. Well, if anything could happen Then, and it’s how you see it, how you are framing it is changing how you’re experiencing it, it’s changing your reality. You know, Dr. Joe dispenza would say like when we harbor attitudes, from our past experience, we see
our world through the lens of the past.
I know I don’t want to live through the past, I want to move forward to future stuff. I want to see all of the good things that I can create in the future without the baggage of the past. Now, am I gonna bring some of my past baggage forward? Absolutely, absolutely. But I’m going to try my best to be aware and to shift where I can.
So if I’m not getting the result that I want, I’m going to ask myself, where do I need to be in my head? Right, pointing to my head? How do you can’t see me? Where do I need to be? And now I can take that lens into my current situation. I can go Oh, well, Betsy, if you want to be this, then that’s how you should see things.
And I can take that in, right? If I’m disagreeing with my husband, how do I want to see that? I’ve been divorced before? Do I want to see that through the lens of a divorced person? Because I have, I have I’ve gone. My husband and I have gotten into an argument. And I’ve said, I ain’t afraid. I’ve done it before. ain’t afraid.
And he’s like, great, Betsy, really, is that the lens you want to have? No. The lens I want to have is one, that is a person who is full of compassion and forgiveness, forgiveness for myself. forgiveness for him, not that he’s done anything other than irritate me. But I want to see it through someone who has lived for 50 years.
So how can I take that lens? And now you might be thinking like, well, you haven’t lived for 50 years, married for 50 years. So how would you know what that lens is? Oh, I know, I can look it up, I can listen to people, I can watch successful couples, I can all I need to do, I don’t need to know what it’s feels like to be married for 50 years. But I need to know what it feels like today to feel successful in my marriage. And I’ve had moments and days where I’ve felt successful.
So all I need to do is stack those days on top of each other. So what was the lens that I saw the world then? Right? How did I view things. And now when I see things in a way that causes me to feel constriction, or I’ll notice, I have noticed, just in the last week, that I will see things through the lens of the divorced woman, and I don’t want to, so I have a choice. Because that can empower me. And instead, the lens of the divorced woman could be like I have graduated from that I’ve moved on from that.
And now I’m going to see things in a totally different way. And I get to pick, I get to choose. So how do I identify the lens that’s getting in your way? How do you even do this. So I have a couple steps that I have used. The first one is to identify a response or read or a reaction that you are having that you aren’t happy with. So I realized that I was not happy with the response or reaction that I was having in my husband when he was just being like a normal, a happy person I was seeing through the lens of a divorced person. Right.
And then I named the response.
So what is the response? My response was that I was I realized that’s the lens of a divorced person.
So naming it,
recognizing it for what it is, is going to be important.
And then I determine how I’m seeing that stimulus. So what is it that the stimulus the the thing that he might be doing or the situation that might be happening? How am I seeing that? Well, I’ll tell you a story. I hope he won’t mind. Sometimes he says I tell too much. But I say I say that if you seek to cover people will seek to uncover so I will tell you that my life is not perfect. I think I say that enough. But I always am. But I try really hard to stay in the frame of a grateful heart and to be learning. So I will have downfalls. But if I’m learning I am always winning. And
I had the house painted out a couple weeks
ago so that we could sell it. And then when I was gone to mean this weekend, he was home and he rearranged some things and he moved this huge antique mirror that I have. And it exposed a wall that I did not have painted
and so I was really pissed.
Like bizarrely pit like why did you because what I saw, what I saw was now I have to deal with that wall. And I thought I was ready to sell the house. I thought I was at the point where I could where like the jobs were done the tasks Double coordinating was done. Because for me coordinating is so difficult because it takes me out of my work, I can’t have like, will be there between nine and four, like that takes me out of my work for the whole day, I can’t schedule things because I don’t know if someone will be here when I’m coaching. So, to me, when I saw that wall, that’s what I saw, I have to block off my calendar.
And I’ve already blocked off my calendar for so many things, right? So I identified the response number one, identify the response or reaction that I’m having, I named the response, right, I determined how I’m seeing the response. So I saw this as like a cut into my time, right? where this was going to be a challenge to my schedule, and then I considered how I’d want to see it. So how I want to see it is that he was trying to help because the big heavy mirror was leaning on a light switch and keeping the light on in the attic.
And he knew if somebody came to look at the house, they’d want to go in the attic, and they would need a light. So when I could shift and see the truth, then I could choose to put the glasses on have the woman that had been married for 50 years, not the divorced woman. So it doesn’t mean we never get upset about things. It just means we have a choice, like in five years Am I going to be thinking about that mirror, I bet in a month, I won’t be thinking about that mirror.
So why put myself through the hassle. And the drama and trauma of like being angry and making him feel like crap, I made him feel like crap. Like, that’s not my intention. That’s not what I want. And so when I can do that, I can reframe how it is that I’m seeing things. And I can then put on the imaginary lens that represents the belief that I would need to have which is we’re in this together, we’re working towards this together, we both want the same thing, we both want to sell the house, this is helping sell the house, this
is gonna help the house sale goes smoother.
When I thought he moved the mirror. I did not think it was making things smoother. I thought it was getting in my schedule and screwing me up.
But the reality is,
when someone comes to do an inspection, if the light wasn’t working, they may have had to come back a second time. And that would have been more of a hassle, more of a pain and a nervous kind of pain, right in my schedule. And so when I could identify it, I could I could name it, I could find out a belief that would make it feel better, then I could pull on the lens of that belief. And then I could see it different then
I could apologize to him for being a jerk.
So learning, right? We’re
always learning. So it was a when
I got in a
fight with Craig Well, he didn’t really fight back. I just hurt his feelings. So I got a fight with him. But it was still a win. So do you see how now I’m winning? Now I’m not a divorced, not seeing things through the lens of a divorced woman. I’m always winning. I’m always learning, I’m always getting better. I’m getting better at relationships every single day. You see how that’s so different? And so if you can notice how you’re seeing the world and ask yourself, Is this serving me?
Is this getting me to my goal? Is this creating the life that I really want? And if it’s not, then stop. It’s okay. There’s no shame in it. It’s okay to be wrong. Like it’s okay to screw up. The only way that that could have been a failure for me is if I never changed and continued and continued and continued and continued and, and never learned ever.
But I’m always trying to grow and always trying to learn and nothing is perfect. And so when I give myself that level of forgiveness and allows me to be human, yeah, I’m a coach. But it doesn’t mean I know every single thing in my life is perfect. If anybody tells you That’s true, then they’re not telling the truth. Nobody’s life is perfect. But the difference is between who I used to be as a divorced person and the person now
is that I find the winds and everything.
And I figure out how to grow.
And I figure out how to change from it so that it creates the life that I want. And you can do that too. And that is how I think you live a big life. Thanks so much for listening. I’ll see you guys next week.
Thanks so much for listening to this episode. If you found it a value please share it with your friends, tag me on Instagram or leave a review on iTunes or any of your listening apps. If you leave a review and you take a screenshot please email it to us at support at Betsy Pake calm and we will send you a self hypnosis audio That will help you break down any limiting beliefs that you have. So thanks so much for sharing. Thanks so much for leaving your review. And don’t forget to join us inside our Facebook group by going
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And I’ll see you there.