168: Failure is working for you! - Betsy Pake

168: Failure is working for you!


My high vibe playlist:  https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6uagPvLN7uYgbZEikz8i4O


You’re listening to Episode 168 of The Art of Living big. This is the episode where I talk for 22 minutes before realizing that my mic isn’t on. So you’re gonna have to bear with me and forgive me because the beginning of this episode may sound a little tin canny because it was just recording from my computer audio now, probably the, the Tim Ferriss of the world, or who else is a big podcaster someone else with a really amazing podcast would re create it all. But so much of what I say it’s not scripted, I just turn on the mic. And it comes from flow. And I feel like the message was important.

So if you can bear with me through maybe a little bit, if not, maybe it’s better. You know, who knows? Who knows, maybe it sounds better, but you’ll hear when I switch into the microphone. But thank you so much for listening. I just want to thank you guys for being here with me for joining me inside the Facebook group. I love our little community and our tribe. And I think it’s so powerful. And you guys always just blow me away with like your awesome questions and your support of one another and all of that. So thank you, thank you, thank you.

If for some reason you are not on Facebook, you can actually get to the videos. A couple weeks after I post inside the Facebook group, they will show up on my YouTube channel. And you can get to that by going to Betsy live.com that’ll bring you right to my YouTube channel. And don’t forget if you go to my website, if you just go to Betsy Pake comm you can link it links to the YouTube channel it links to the Facebook group. But also right there on the front page is a free masterclass that I created that helps you understand the five shifts to really take your struggle and turn it in to your greatest transformation. I believe that our struggles are here to define us, they are here to help us grow.

They’re here to help us to shape us into who we’re really meant to be in the world. And it is all how we’re using those crisis and those traumas and those times of trial. And all of those things can actually be one of the greatest things that have ever happened to us. And I don’t say that lightly. If you’ve listened to the show for any amount of time, you know that I’ve had my share of really, really hard times. And so I say this from a point of knowing and the five shifts that I teach in that free masterclass are really the shifts that I think everybody needs to take if they’re going to move forward in their life. So you can check that out just by going to Betsy Pake calm, and it’ll be right there right on the front page next to my picture. So anyway, I’m excited to share with you today’s show. Welcome to the art of living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake.

I’m an international expert in manifesting from your subconscious. And this podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers. Welcome to today’s show, that is like a week late. Ah, I never miss a week you guys. So I’ve had this podcast almost three years. And the first time that I have ever messed, was in this past February, I was really sick. I had double pneumonia

and all the things I didn’t even know where

I was, it was completely out of it. And I didn’t do an episode there was just one week I didn’t do an episode. And I think two of the episodes that I did following that you could hear it in my voice like I hardly had a voice. So I am consistent. If nothing else, I am consistent. But the past couple weeks have been so busy. So what I thought for today’s episode, is I just have little things to share with you. So it’s gonna be sort of a coffee talk episode, right? So I’m just going to share with you some things that have happened and things that I have learned. And hopefully there will be some little lessons in there that you can get for yourself to on the

journey. So I feel like I’m

always learning things. And I’m always thinking about things. And so I’ve just got some of that stuff to share. So if you follow me on Instagram, a few weeks ago, I was talking about how I was so tired, and like really insanely tired. I haven’t been tired for like a few months in the afternoon. And it was I felt like it was getting increasingly worse. Like where it was hard to stay awake in the afternoon and then

and then I started getting tired in the morning.

And that’s when I really got concerned like I’ve been up 30 minutes. And I posted something on Instagram and so many of you reached out and were so sweet and and gave me a lot of ideas. And I just was like what

is happening

like what’s going on. And so in that whole process interestingly, I mean, there was one day where I mean, I went to the doctor, I went to the chiropractor, I went to the nutrition store and got like, some very extensive probiotics in case it was like my gut health, right? I went to, I had an energy session with Audrey, who’s been on the show before. I mean, I was doing all the things. Well, that was like a Thursday.

And then

Sunday, I left to go to California. So I had come home from Maine, that Monday, Thursday, all of that I had all that stuff done, because I was starting to panic, like, what’s going on? And then Sunday, I left to go to California. And on the plane, I went with one of my girlfriends who’s a physician. And on the plane, I was like, I’m dying, like, I think I’m dying. And she and I were like, strategizing like, you know, you could get a MRI on your head and see if your sinuses are in bed, like all these different things. Well, I got to California and I was fine.

Like, it was weird. And so

I got thinking, I’m like, Am I Why am I fine? Am I fine, because I’m just so like, energized by the group. And I’m going to tell you a little bit about my event. But I’m just so energized. And I realized that what I really had going on was really, really bad allergies. And when I was in California, I didn’t have allergies. And because my I had such bad sign you type sign your Titus. I don’t know if I’m saying that right, my sinuses were so blocked. I wasn’t getting enough rest because I was I couldn’t breathe. So I kept

waking up like micro


all night long. I didn’t really even realize it.

And I was getting exhausted. So it was like this perfect thing because I went away and I felt great. And then I came home and I got the proper medicine. And now I’m like healed. So I you know, it sounds so crazy, because I suffered like for months. But sometimes, you know, maybe that’s more reason to be like traveling, it’s just I can I can fix more problems. Who knows what else I could fix. So anyway, if you follow me on Instagram, and you saw that whole story, or if I’ve never had allergies before, like when I was a little kid, I had allergies, but I haven’t had allergies as an adult.

So, you know, sometimes it makes me wonder if we go to the most difficult thing, right? Like, I was like, sure I had fungus in my sinuses, like I was googling all the things. I mean, you know, had created this whole thing. And, and truly, it was just a pretty simple fix. So anyway, I’m feeling good. I’m back here. But last week, I missed because I got home from California, and I had clients. And that’s just my main focus. And I just, you know, life got really busy. So I’m here now, and I’m so excited to be with you guys. And I want to tell you a little bit about some of the things that I’ve done. So in the last couple weeks, like I’ve gone to California to this awesome event.

And I came home, I was home for a couple days. And then I saw Tony Robbins. And so I want to share some of that as well. And I also had I did a Facebook Live, if you’re in my facebook group, you saw that. When I was in California, the day I was going to leave where I had a just a really good download in a in, you know, like kind of meditation or when I was asking questions to my intuition in the morning. And so I wanted to share some of that with y’all too. So let’s dive in. Alright, so I went to California, I went to meet with my coach. So I’m a big fan of coaching. Not only

am I a coach, but I have a coach.

And sometimes there have been times in my life where I have had

several coaches depending on what I’m

working on.

And so I have had this coach for quite some time.

And I went to California to an event where all of his other coaching clients were too. So we all got together. There was, gosh, 150 of us maybe in this big room, it was really incredible. Now, the coaches, it’s a coaching group that I have used for my business, and it’s heavy, heavy mindset. And several of the folks that work in this coaching group, worked for years and years with Tony Robbins, from my understanding.

And so the interesting thing is I came home I was home for like two days. And then I saw Tony Robbins. And there was so many similarities. So I just want to talk about that a little bit about some of the breakthroughs because I think the way we did the breakthroughs might be beneficial the way I’m going to talk about it. So I have talked on this show over and over about getting your vibration high and using music to be able to do that right and I’ve talked about how I come into my office in the morning, and I always have this little dance party and get my vibe high.

Well, the interesting thing is when I went to this event, they really used music release strategically in the music was really great, I created a playlist from the music from that event and from the Tony Robbins event, you can find it in the show notes. But when that I realized how important it is, even, especially when you do not feel like it, to change your vibration. So this is what I mean by that I’m in a really great mood, it feels really good to stay in a good mood, right. And when I’m in a, not even a bad mood, when I’m in a mediocre mood, it doesn’t feel better to just stay in a mediocre mode, like to actually up level and become in a really good mood feels like effort, and I’m not in a bad mood.

So why bother? And if I’m in a bad mood, what do I want to do, I just want to like, just wait, it’ll pass just give it some time. And I realized because when I got to that event, I was still suffering with my, with my allergies, it took a day or so before that remedied itself. And so although I was so happy to be there, I was like, oh, like cut still kind of suffering, right. And I realized on a different level, how important the music is to change us. And every time something happened, I mean, they would put on this pump and music and it would it would make you feel something. And so I realized at that event that I have dropped

my structure. In the morning,

I like having a morning routine. And my morning routine had always been a really high vibe event where I would listen to music get pumped up, I would move my body, I would lift right I used to lift and I would meditate and I would do all these things. And now I realize my morning routine is like, I get my coffee.

And then I get back in my bed and i and i journal and I do all that stuff. But it’s a low key. It’s the low key stuff. Now I want to fast forward for a second when I saw Tony Robbins, Tony Robbins immediately got out on the dance floor and said, This room is so low energy and coming from my other event, I could feel it, I was like this room is not pumped up. And so he did a lot with music, and standing up and jumping, changing your physiology, right, putting your hands over your head to get you pumped up. But one of the things he said that stuck with me was I get my energy high every day. And I keep it there. And that is why you know my name.

And I realized that my morning routine, although it might be structured and Mike is so low key. I don’t get my, my vibe high. And and and that had always been my purpose of having a morning routine, right? Get my vibe highest so that the rest of my day follows this vibration. So when I’m at this event with my coach, and I’m sitting there and I’m like, I feel like crap, right? My nose is totally clogged up. Like I don’t feel like myself. I’m not Betsy, right? And the music comes on. And I can feel it starting to change even though I feel like she talky, right. And so I bring that to you to say, if you don’t feel like your vibe is high enough, if you don’t feel like your energy is high enough, if you feel like you have that afternoon slump.

If you’re not if you don’t have a physical reason for it, right. And obviously, we’ve got to take care of our health and we’ve got to eat well, and all those things. But I am telling you, if you can put on some music that inspires you that gets you pumped up, that changes you. Like everything can start to shift. And it was interesting because I went to the Tony Robbins event, and my husband was with me. And God loved him because he was really open to it. And you know if that’s not your thing, like everybody starts jumping up and down. Like it is like he was like, Oh my god, Betsy, what’s happening to you like jumping up and down. But when he did it, he could feel it. It felt different. And yesterday morning, I was doing my thing, but instead of closing the door like I usually do, and you’ve heard me talk about that how I shut the door.

So nobody else is startled by my jumping body. He came in and he did it too. And it changed. And we both began vibrating higher. So I bring that to you as one little lesson of the power of music, although I say it and I believed it. I experienced it in a different level over the past week and a half. And I bring that to you because I say go in my facebook group I’ve been posting a little, you know,

whatever song I will Adding to

that day, but I’ve got this playlist, go there. And listen, make your own playlist of awesomeness that makes you feel like you’re alive, right? That makes you feel inspired and excited and makes you feel like you could jump up and down, right makes you feel like you could be the happiest version of yourself and the highest vibe version.

So anyway, I found that that is really serving me and gave me a different way to look at things. And then, of course, at this event, we did a lot of, you know, noticing what our beliefs are. And you know, this is something that I do so heavily with my clients is what is your belief? What’s the story around it? What’s the lie? And how do we shift that. And one of the exercises that they did was something that you see, I mean, I’ve seen videos of this with little kids like doing karate, where they break the board in half. And it’s, it’s, it’s not like hardwood, right?

It’s like balsa wood or pine or something that’s really easy to break in half, but they gave us all aboard. And we got in little groups. And we wrote down what our limiting belief was, what was the thing? And you know, we had done a lot of work around it to come to that point. And what’s the limiting belief? And then on the other side, you put what it is, that would be true, what would be the reliable, what would be the thing that would inspire you, what would be the belief that if you had that belief, then you could do the things you want to do.

And we wrote that on the other side of the board. And we got these little groups, and we put our board down, like between cinder blocks. And they taught us a specific way to hit the board with the heel of our hand to smash through the board and smash through that limiting belief. And what I found was really interesting. And again, I wasn’t totally myself, I was sort of it was sort of interesting. watching myself, because I wasn’t totally me. And part of it, because I wasn’t feeling the best. But I wondered in that group with so much energy. If I was just simply observing and not take, I held myself back a little bit, I think as I look at it now. And maybe that’s where I was in the moment.

But I found it interesting, but I got in this little group. And I have had shoulder surgery. And so I immediately was like, Oh, well, I can’t hit the board because I don’t want to hurt my shoulder. And that is true. Sometimes my shoulder hurts. Like if I go to a concert, and I stand for too long, actually, it makes my shoulder hurt. And so all of that is true. But I competed in the Pan American Masters for Olympic style weightlifting, and I never worried about hurting my shoulder. But I heard about hurting thought about hurting my shoulder when I thought I had to hit this board in front of people.

Right? So isn’t that a weird thing? And so I really, cuz this is what I do. I like was really thinking about it. So here’s what I want for you. What’s the thing that you really want to do? Right, and, and you’re not doing it? What are your reasons? What are your excuses? So my excuse was this shoulder injury that was nine years ago. It’s not even true. Like, I wasn’t gonna wasn’t gonna bust my shoulder. I mean, it maybe it would have been a little sore. But it wasn’t because I did it. But then I realized, here’s what’s the two things holding me back.

I’m a little bigger, right? I’m taking up more space than I have in the past. And that is something that I think about a lot. And then the second thing was, I was afraid I wouldn’t break it on the first try. So I was afraid everybody else was going around. It was very last one to go by design. Everybody else went around the hit it on the first try. And I thought

I’m afraid I’m not going to hit it on the first try.

And then I was like, Betsy, why are you doing this? Why are you keeping yourself from having this experience of busting through this limiting belief, right and pushing through and doing this thing that when the music was pumped and like everybody was jumping up and down like, it really was fun? And so I went No, I was like, I’m gonna do it until I got up there. And I did the thing. Like I did jump it out. Like I’m sweating. I haven’t even done anything yet. I’m like sweating. I go to hit it.

And I didn’t break it the exact thing that I was worried about, I did not do my glasses were falling off. I was not you know what I mean? Like everything that would have made me feel comfortable was gone. And I didn’t hit it. And because I was thinking I’m not gonna hit it. So I actually hit it right on the side so it couldn’t break because of in the middle. And I didn’t die. I actually hit the board on the top of the cement block with my shoulder that I thought I couldn’t write, and it was all fine.

And once I had failed, I was like oh my god, I can do this. It doesn’t matter now because now the thing I was most afraid of had happened. And I did not die. And so I just did it again and I busted right through. And it felt so fun. And everybody gave me a high five. And it was like, music was going in, it was amazing. But I was so afraid of looking stupid or being stupid. And then I did the thing, and I didn’t look stupid, I just looked human. So many times when we are being human, we think that means we’re not good enough, or not enough or doing it wrong.

The failure, the fear of the failure was keeping me from experiencing this thing with 150 other people that were my people, right, it was totally something I was making up in my head. So I share that with you. Because I know I’m not alone. I know there is the thing, and you’re thinking it right now, this is the thing I want to do, but I’m afraid of looking stupid, I’m afraid of failing, I’m afraid I won’t be able to do it the first time. And then what will happen. The other interesting thing is when we did that, when we push through and we hit that

hit that board,

the goal was not to hit the board. The aim was not the board, the aim was three inches past the board. So I’m not pushing to hit the board, I’m pushing to hit three inches past, which totally changes the velocity of my punch, right? Of my push on that it changes where my focus is, it changes the speed in which my hand is actually hitting the board, because I’m going past the board. And it made me think about what is the goal? What are some of the goals in my life.

And with my coaching clients, we do something where we implant in our subconscious, past the goal, and this is exactly it, pushing past the goal we shoot for past the goal. And there’s a couple of reasons why we do that. One is because then we’re sure to hit the goal, right? We can go past the goal, have that be our thing, but also for subconsciously, that makes the goal less of a threat, that actually changes the way the goal is perceived in my subconscious. And so we’ve got to create a subconscious path that is expanded beyond. And so as we were punching that I was like, This is so cool, because it is a physical manifestation of what it is. I talked about so much with our subconscious and creating that path.

So that was pretty cool. So I wanted to share that. And having that whole experience with all of those people that were my people, I’ll tell you, I think, absolutely coaching can be so powerful. And one of the most powerful things about it, is having your tribe, having your people that understand you and have your language, right. And that’s what one of the things we build well inside the public Facebook group to you can get to that, by the way, if you just go to the art of living big.com, that’ll bring you into the public Facebook group.

But with my coaching clients inside that little group, right, they’re all speaking the same language, they’ve been on the same path, they’re on a similar trajectory, they have the desire to change. And when you surround yourself with people like that, that is when you start to shift, you know, Jim Rohn, talked about how you are the average of the top five people you spend the most time with.

So if you are trying to change and grow and be something different in your surrounding yourself with where you were, and I’m not saying drop the friends you had, that’s not what I’m saying. But you’ve got to push and expose yourself to others, right, you’re not going to get any better. You know, if you’re a tennis player, and you always play with people that are not as good as you are, you’re going to get any better. No, you’ve got to be around people that push you and I believe that there’s three things you’ve got to be around somebody that’s better than you, that pushes you, you’ve got to be around someone that’s your equal that you can talk with, and that you can commiserate with, right.

And you’ve got to be around someone that’s not as good as you so you can serve as a mentor. I think all all three of those pieces are so important. And that’s one of the things that we really try to build inside my coaching program because some people are farther along and some people aren’t. And everybody gets to create and have that experience each of those three experiences within. So find your tribe, find the people that you need to be around in order to grow and become the next level of yourself. And if you don’t know what the next level

of you is,

find that out first.

Get clear on that, and then say that’s what I want. I know that’s it. And how do I extend beyond that? How do I shoot for something just past that. And now that I have recorded 22 minutes of this, I recognize That my mic has not been on. And it’s been recording through the computer. So it probably sounds really funky. So a failure, I’m gonna go, No, I’m gonna say it’s making you appreciate how clear and how much, maybe you liked the other better because you can’t hear my breathing, right? So we’re gonna count it as a win. But here’s how I want to kind of follow up and finish this out is that this morning, I spent some time with my daughter, and she was talking about something that she tried to do. And she failed.

And I could see in her eyes that she was like a little emotional, right? Like she was getting disappointed. And I said to her, this is amazing. Like, this is incredible. And she looked at me like, What do you mean, it’s incredible. I didn’t get what I wanted, like I failed, right? But I was like you tried. Try, try, try try, it doesn’t mean you’ll never get it, what you wanted to just means you didn’t get it right now. But it means now you know that there’s something else you need to do or learn or be or become to or in order to do that next thing. And so this is great. It’s feedback, that’s all it is.

And so as you’re failing, as you’re having experiences that aren’t going exactly the way you want, right, as you’re hitting the board, and you realize you’re hitting the, the cement the board on top of this cement, or you’re trying for something or you forget to turn the mic on, like whatever it is, it’s okay. It’s part of your experience, and it’s helping you learn and grow. Next time I pop on here, you know, I’m going to be checking the mic, right. And so if we can see all of this as a path, a part of our path.

Now I want to follow up, because this is all kind of included. When I was in California. I got up my very last day before we left and I got on the airplane and I got on and I talked about this live, but I open up I use an app called day one, you’ve heard me talk about that. And I and I write and typically, it’s I am writing to the universe or writing to my intuition, or whatever it is. And I will write out all the things I’m thinking. And then I wait. And I just listen.

And I hear whatever it is I’m going to hear sometimes I hear nothing. Most of the time I just start typing and something comes out. And I had asked about problems, you know, like have all these things. And just like my daughter, right? I have all these failures. I have all these things that I want to do that aren’t working out or things that I want to experience or why isn’t this happening? And I heard like, dang, Betsy, you get so upset about the redirects. And when I heard the word redirects, I was like,

Wait, what?

What do you mean, the redirects. And I heard Look, this is basically what I heard. Look, you’ve got an idea of what you want, right? You’re crystal clear on what the goal is, don’t you think we know how to get to that goal faster? Don’t we think we know? Don’t you think we know what the muscle is that you’re going to need when you get there to be there.

So everything that’s happening, if it’s not the fastest path, we’re going to redirect you. And then we redirect you by putting up a roadblock or giving you a problem or whatever it is, and then you get so mad. And so it’s like, stop getting so mad about the redirects, just enjoy the fact that you’re being redirected. And when you can see it that way. Right? The redirects are roadblocks, the redirects might be my failures. But when I can see it in this other way that this is actually moving me to a different path so that I can get to where I want to go even faster, then it changes the story around it. And so I was asking about that. And so I’m just gonna read with you to what it is that I got.

And it says when we can get exact clarity on what we want, it makes it easier to find us. Without clarity, our energy is scattered and our dreams do not come through in a straight line to the universe. The fastest way to get what you want is to have extreme clarity, and then to move towards the thing with no doubt and no hesitation. Simply knowing that you will be redirected many times on the path to the end. That’s always in sight. That’s when I went Ooh, redirection. And it said, redirection is cause for celebration yet you struggle so much unnecessarily?

Can’t you see by looking back how valuable all the redirects have been. We like to call them redirects because that’s what they are. In fact, nothing more don’t apply meaning where meaning shouldn’t exist. When you can release this self imposed struggle. You can see the end result While staying focused on the moment and enjoying the journey, things don’t need to be hard at all. It’s all just feedback, detours and redirects on your path. Do you think you know better than we do, how to get where you’re going the quickest?

Then why do you get so frustrated when we provide a valuable redirect in your path, it’s all meant to serve you, to help you and to inspire you to look for the right path on your own without having to be redirected. That is what you call flow. And when you can live from that space of intention, you can get there and into flow faster and with more joy, which is really the key Joy. Joy is the key that can unlock flow.

If you’ve been struggling with that question, there is your answer. It’s like walking into the woods and looking for the river, the river will take you right down the path and out of the woods where you want to go, joy will do the same, find the joy, and follow it all along your journey. And that is what we call flow. So be okay with your failures. be okay with the redirects, be okay with the stumbling blocks, be OK with the roadblocks. Just keep moving forward, get really clear on where you want to go. Find your tribe, raise your energy, and keep it there. And that is how people will know your name. And that is what I think makes you live a big life. All right, you guys, I’ll see you next week.

Thanks for listening. Thanks so much for listening to this episode. If you found it a value, please share it with your friends, tag me on Instagram or leave a review on iTunes or any of your listening apps. If you leave a review, and you take a screenshot, please email it to us at support at Betsy pake.com. And we will send you a self hypnosis audio that will help you break down any limiting beliefs that you have. So thanks so much for sharing. Thanks so much for leaving your review. And don’t forget to join us inside our Facebook group by going to the art of living big.com and I’ll see you there.


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.