On today’s episode, I talk about stepping up into the arena and stepping up for yourself.
The three questions I ask are:
- What are the areas of my life, and are you in the arena?
- What do you really want?
- What do you need to believe in order to step in fully?
Listen in for more and stop by our Facebook Group to join the discussion: www.TheArtofLivingBig.com
You’re listening to Episode 169 of The Art of Living big. Hello everyone. Today we’re going to talk a little bit about getting
in the arena, you know that quote,
you’ve probably heard Bernie brown talk about it. But we’re going to talk about that and what that really really means. And, and I want to challenge you a little bit on what you’re really doing. But before we go there, don’t fast forward, because I want to invite you, it’s Monday. And so if you’re listening to this on Monday, there is still time, if you’re listening to this on Monday or Tuesday, there’s still time, jump into the Facebook group, you can find it by going to the art of living big.com. Just type that into your browser, it’ll forward you to the Facebook group. But if you get in there, we’re doing a morning challenge.
So every day, it’s different than the other morning challenges that you may have experienced before. But every day, we are adding a little something to our morning routine. And already on this first day. For me, I know it was it was life changing. Like I was like whoa, I snapped out of a really bad, bad I say that in quotes, bad pattern that I had, that wasn’t serving me in the mornings, I was going downstairs, you’ve probably heard me talk about this, going downstairs, getting my coffee coming back up and getting back in bed with my coffee to do stuff and the energy was so low. So we have changed it up.
So join us inside the Facebook group. If you’re not in Facebook, I’m sorry, you can get to my videos just by going to Betsy live.com. That’ll bring you to my YouTube channel. But this particular challenge, we’re just running on Facebook so we can have like the back and forth communication. So join us in there if you can next week.
There will be no show. I know. So here’s what happens happened is that I was supposed to record a show later today with a guest and that was going to run next week. I’m taking a vacation next week. It’s the first time that I’ve taken like a vacation from clients and stuff in a couple years. So I’m excited about it.
But I I have a feeling that like Friday afternoon, I’m going to get a thought and I’m going to end up recording an episode that you’ll hear on Monday but I wanted to leave the disclaimer that that might not happen. I’m going to be in Key West for the week. So if you live in Key West, be sure to let me know jump in the Facebook group and message me. I’m going to be there for from Saturday to Saturday so it’s going to be a really fun trip and I will be on Instagram you can find me there at Betsy Pake sharing some stuff and you know always I always am sharing like the thoughts or insight that I have along the way so so but there probably will be no show next week. So I will miss you all but I will see you soon with lots of good thoughts and new ideas and growth to share.
I wanted to remind you I have a free training. So if you are struggling, right if you’ve if you need to take that struggle and you are ready to transform that into one of your greatest successes, you can go to my website, just go to Betsy Pake calm, there’s a free training there for you. So if you are a member of the self hypnosis library, so you could find that you can just go to my website and it’s under the Explore tab self hypnosis library.
There are a ton of self hypnosis audios in there, I am going to be doing a live hypnosis for the people that are part of that library. So over when I get back from my trip, you will see an email in your inbox that invites you to the live hypnosis, okay, so that’s included as part of the library. So if you’re not already in the library, you can join us just go to my website, go to the Explore tab and go to self hypnosis library, you can join us and then you’ll get the email on the 19th when I get back and that on the 19th it’ll tell you when the training is okay. So just look for that.
And now let’s go to the show. Welcome to the art of living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an international expert in manifesting from your subconscious. And this podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now let’s go live big. Good morning fellow adventurers.
All right. Welcome to today’s show. We are going to talk a little bit about stepping into the arena. So I want to set this up and describe to you what it is that I actually mean. So you’ve probably heard the quote the arena, quote, Bernie Brown has made it so popular, but this is a teddy roosevelt quote, I’m gonna read it to you,
and we’re going to talk about it.
Okay. So, it goes. It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the Dewar of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena whose face is marred by dust and sweat, and blood. So I want to ask you, if you are truly in the arena, are you in the arena? Are you as your face marred by dust and sweat? and blood? Are you living fully? Are you going full in? Earlier this week?
I woke up and I have a little morning routine. And I asked my my intuition or my spirit guides or whatever you want to call it. And I had just passed what would have been my mother’s 73rd birthday. And if you’ve listened to the show, for some time, you’ve heard me talk about how my mom died when I was 16 in a car accident, right? So I’m 48 now. So it was a long time ago. And I’m also older than she was. And I think about that a lot.
And a few days prior it had been her birthday, what would have been her birthday, right? Her 73rd birthday, she only lived till she was 41. So 73 is quite a bit different. And was hard for me to imagine. Like what would she have been? Like? What would she have thought? What would she have? Like all these things? And so I asked my intuition about this. And I asked like sometimes I just don’t know what to do with my love for her. You know, most days I get up and I go about my life. And I think about her I you know, I probably think about her every day even though it’s been you know, 31 years, since she’s been gone. But her birthday came and I definitely thought about her on that day. And what would things be like and you know, who would she be? But then it was a few days later when I woke up and I was like, what what do I do with this? What What do I do with this love.
And so I asked, I asked my intuition, or my spirit guides or whatever you want to call it. And this is what I heard. And now and this relates to the arena. So I want to talk about this. So I heard, don’t worry about solving for things not right in front of you. open yourself up. Love so hard, you are getting hurt. And when you get hurt, be grateful that you had the capacity to love so deeply dust off and do it again. Life is a series of love and pain, if you are avoiding it, you are avoiding life.
And so it you know, I thought about that I wrote it on Instagram, if you want to read it again. But it made me think it is the arena, right? being fully giving fully without, without stepping back to say I don’t want to get hurt, I don’t want to get hurt in this. This relationship, this friendship, this love life, this job this, whatever it is, I don’t want to get hurt. So I’m going to stand back. But the goal of life and to fully be in the arena is to love so hard that you are getting hurt.
And when you get hurt, be grateful. Because you had the capacity to love that deeply. I don’t know about you. But I don’t want to be the guy on the sidelines. I want to be in the arena. Right? I want to be going full in. I want to be experiencing all of the things all of the ups and downs. And you know what I don’t like the downs either.
Like I there are times in my life where I’m like, I’m really sick of the downs. Like, let’s I want the up part of the roller coaster. But I realize that I can’t have the full extent of the thrill without the full extent of the crap. And so I want to talk about standing back and standing on the sidelines. And are you
are you acting as if you’re in the arena, when really you’re holding yourself back because you don’t want to get hurt. And you don’t want to lose. And you don’t want to spend your money and you don’t want to spend your time and you don’t want anybody to see you look foolish and you don’t want whatever it is like where are you holding yourself back. And because I believe that if you are holding yourself back in this way, then you are truly not becoming the person that you are meant to be and the person that you can be in this lifetime. So I’ve got three things that I want to focus on.
That may help you to shift to ask and ask yourself this question right now. Am I living? Am I fully in the arena? Am I in the arena? I’ll tell you that there are things in my life that I’m full on in the arena. I’m putting my money towards them, I’m putting my time towards them, I’m putting my focus towards them like I am full on. And then there are other things in my life that I have said, is very important to me. But I have not been putting myself full in.
I’ve been standing on the sidelines. And I’ve been pointing at other people that are full in and saying, Why are they really? Like, what about them? What about them? Right? I have not been the man in the arena. And I’m going to, I’m going to share some of that with you. Because I’m overshare. But also, because I want you to know that I’m saying this from a place of like, this is these are things that I go through all the time, right, so everybody goes through these things.
So like with my business full on, I have a coach, I put money towards myself, every single month, I believe I’m worth it, I put money into my business to promote my business, I put my time into my business to promote my I put money into growing and learning new things so that I can help my clients. Like I put myself out there over and over and over and over again, right, there’s very little, I’m pausing because I’m double checking myself is there very little, there’s more I could do.
There is more I could do to to be fully in the arena. But for the most part, like I am aligned with my mission, and I do the work. Okay, so I’m not holding myself back. I’m not just like rah rah calling myself but not actually doing the hard things, right. But I’m gonna give you a some contrast with my relationship. I realized, like about a month ago that I wasn’t going all in, I was very much standing in the sidelines. And you’ve heard me talk about this about how with the glasses, the episode where I talked about what kind of glasses are you wearing? I was wearing the glasses of a divorced person, right. I have been divorced before.
And so even though I am, like married and whatever, I still had the divorced glasses on. So it was still seeing the world through that, which is one of protection. It’s one of like, I am not gonna give everything emotionally because if I got to go out on my own, I got to have one foot in the I’m okay, on my own. Right. I, I totally throttled back on things. I can’t let somebody totally see me because if they see me, then they could leave. And then like, you know, then I if I haven’t protected enough.
So I realized that I was doing this very much. And about a month ago, I was like, I have got to make some changes. And I’ve got to look at this really clearly, like myself, like stop. Everything else I was doing everything else I was talking about about it, everything else that I was thinking about it, and really have like a come to Jesus with myself.
What do I really want? Is my behavior supporting that. And it wasn’t it wasn’t congruent in the past month. My husband’s probably listening. he’ll agree. I think I’ve made huge changes, the changes came, because I have taken steps to go all in. And I know that sounds weird, because I’m married, you think I would have gone all in? But I was holding back? Absolutely. I was wearing the divorced persons glasses. And so when one little thing wouldn’t be perfect, I would be like, Well, wait a minute, Is this right?
Maybe this isn’t right. You know, and that is not how I really wanted to live my life. And so I started to try to find other people that have relationships that I would like to emulate and have they been divorced before, then how do they act? Were they able to take those I’m divorced glasses off and see the world in a different way. So two contrasts. One is my business totally aligned, stepping into the arena going full on putting my money, my thoughts, my beliefs, my words in alignment with that mission. On the other hand, I had this relationship, then I was like, sometimes I would be really all in sometimes I would be not.
But I always had my foot on the other side where like, I can be okay on my own. And I felt like that was a place of strength. I felt like, well, I can I’m a strong independent woman and I can be okay on my own, which is still true. And I can still go all in I can fully get in the arena. I had that moment in the morning where I asked my guides and I was asking about my mom, what do I do with that love? But what I heard was getting the goddamn Marina, right? Stop putting a throttle on things. Stop saying I’m not gonna, I don’t want to feel any of the pain. So let’s just hover here and the weird in between, right? That’s not what I really want. And that’s not what you really want either. So how do we get in the arena How do we actually shift?
So that we’re playing full on and you know, if you’re playing full on, I knew I had to stop and ask myself. So, here’s what I did is I made a list of all the different areas of my life, right? Where and where am I lacking? Where am I not playing full on. So I wrote down my relationship with my husband, and these are the areas for me, I want you to come up with the areas for you. Okay, so I’ve talked about these areas of my life before as I’ve tried to, like, create balance.
But now we’re gonna look at these areas in terms of, am I playing full on? Am I in the friggin arena. Okay. So my relationship with my husband, my relationship with my family, that includes my daughter. So that’s not a romantic relationship, right? That one’s separate with my daughter, my sister, my dad, and then relationships with my friends, I look at my finances, I look at my career, I look at my spirituality, and I look at myself growth. Okay, so those are my seven areas, you can pick yours. Those are the things that I looked at. And so I just looked at the list and I asked myself, true, truly.
am I playing full on? Am I in the arena? And you know, you know what that feels like? If you are or you’re not? Right, you’re gonna look at that list. And you’re might try? Because I did the Well, no, but Okay, so I want you to notice when you do that, so I want you to look at your list, where am I flat paint? am I playing full on right?
And full on might be different for me than it is for you. So you’re going to know Am I in the arena or not? Right? So I looked at my friendships, am I in the arena or not? I have had this dream for years to rent a yacht for my 55th birthday party, and bring all of my friends to the Caribbean to party on this.
And I’m not a big partier. But you get what I mean like partying, we’ll probably give out Palo Santo sticks in like a goodie bag. Like crystals, right? So, but party with me on this yacht for a weekend. That is my dream for my 50th birthday. I’ve always known that’s going to come true. I didn’t know how I didn’t know how I would afford it or anything like that. Now I know now it’s actually super clear to me. And so I was saying last night to my husband.
Because I looked at this list am I playing full on? And I and I said to him, am I 48? Or 49? We got to do the math because I gotta I gotta reserve the right? And then he said, Who would you invite? And I was like, I’m not sure. I have like maybe two people, literally that I would invite. So I say that. Because I realized that I had a governor, I’m not fully in the arena with my friendships. I do a little right. And my life is busy. And Mike, I had a lot going on, you know, last year with my daughter, and life is busy.
And I’m right, all of these things. But I realized that’s something that I’m missing. And maybe that’s not missing for you. And maybe the amount of friendships that I have would be perfect for you. So I’m not saying compare it. But I’m saying that moment, that discussion made me realize that I was there, there is something missing? And how do I change that? Right? So I want you to just look at your lists and say what is it that? How is my relationship with my spouse or partner romantic relationships? How is my friendships? How is my finances? How is my What is it? Am I fully in the arena?
Okay? If you are not, I believe part of the reason is because you don’t know what that would be. Right? So you’ve always had a governor, you know what you don’t want, right? I know, I don’t want pain. I know I don’t want to get divorced. So I’m going to be one foot out so that I’d be okay if I did get divorced. You see what I’m saying? So I want you to recognize you know, already if you are not in the arena, you already know what it is you don’t want. I want you to put down I want you to write it out.
What is it that you do want. And it might be that you struggle with this, but then just write down what it is you don’t want and then look at the opposite. Because that’s what you do want. If you don’t know what else you want, I want you to notice where you’re jealous. Jealousy can be a huge gift because you could go Oh, it’s because I want that.
Well. It is in that expansion of going I want that. That then you have the restriction that says I can’t have that and that’s what gives you the jealousy. So that his fault, expand out and open up and Know that you could have that. So that’s keeping you out of the arena, right? It’s keeping you away from living this really full this big life, right? So I want you to decide I want you to look at your list, decide where you’re not in the arena, I want you to decide what it is you want, what would put you in the arena, what would that be? Right? And then I want you to decide what you would need to believe.
What would you need to believe in order to be fully in the arena? Okay, so I’m going to tell you what I what I believe. I believe that if I am fully in the arena with my relationship, then I don’t need to know what the divorced version of me would do. Well, and that felt super freaking scary, because I was like, ah, but I have to be okay. Do you? Because if you’re fully in the arena, then you’re you’re burning the boats. Right? You’re saying there’s not another option. I’m fully in?
Like, I’m fully in with my job fully and with my career totally aligned with it. And it shows in every area. Right? Because I fully believe there’s no other option. You know, a couple years ago, I might have talked about I maybe I talked about this on a coaching call, but it might have been a coaching call, or it might have been on the podcast.
But years ago, I read this story about Travis Barker, who I think is in blink 8182 181. What’s that band, blink 182. That’s the band. Travis Barker is the drummer and he’s covered in tattoos. He’s got like tattoos on his face on his neck, like everywhere. And I read an article about him years ago, and he said, I wanted to be a drummer so bad, I wanted this to be the thing that I would do the rest of my life. And so I made myself look in a way that nobody else could hire me. He burned the boats, he gave it no other option.
Now that’s like drastic, right? He’s changing the way he looks. But for him, that was burning the boats that was fully in the arena, there’s no other option. And the risk of getting fully in the arena is that something might happen that you don’t want. But I am convinced that if you’re fully in the arena, and you’re full on that all things unfold in the way that it’s meant to be. And I cannot have a true unfolding. Unless I’m all in if I’m always sitting on the sidelines, if I’m always standing on the corner, and going up, what will happen, what will happen is I probably would have gotten divorced, like right, like three years from now, two years from now, 10 years from now, because I always had a foot and the other side with those sunglasses on the divorced glasses on.
And so that’s that is what would have ended up happening eventually. And then I would have said Thank God, I had my food on the right. But I believe that if I go full all in the arena, cut off all the other options, burn the boats, that that my experience will be so different, that even if something happens two weeks from now, two years from now, 10 years from now, I will walk out of the arena, not the same person. And that I believe is what we came here for. We came here to grow.
And if I always have one foot in the other world, right, if I always have that one foot in that wearing those sunglasses, I’m not fully growing, I’m not fully doing what I came here to do. And if I want to be that little old lady in my bed when I’m about to die, and I want to be the little old lady that says I freaking did it all. I could took every risk. I dreamed every dream. I tried everything. I don’t want to be the little old lady that goes I wonder if I could have done that.
That was not for me. And that’s what I was living. So I want you to look at your life. I don’t want you to ask yourself, where am I not fully in the arena? Where do I need to play full out? You know, where do I need to step up? Where do I need to say what I really think where do I need to put my money behind me so that I get the help or the shifts that I need? Right? Play full out. That’s what I am doing. That’s what I’m doing in lots of different levels of my life and I invite you to join me.
If you want to jump into the Facebook group. Write a post. Let us know Make a declaration. I’m not playing full out in this, and I am going to write I’m making a declaration do it. That’s how things start to shift. So take the steps, decide where you’re not fully in the arena, decide what it is you really want, and decide what it is you need to believe. And then take the action, get the help make the shifts, tell the people do it. Get in the arena, because you deserve it.
And you deserve to live a big life and to be that little old man or woman that looks back on their licenses. Hell yeah. All right, let’s go. Thanks so much for listening to this episode. If you found it a value, please share it with your friends, tag me on Instagram or leave a review on iTunes or any of your listening apps.
If you leave a review, and you take a screenshot, please email it to us at support at Betsy pake.com. And we will send you a self hypnosis audio that will help you break down any limiting beliefs that you have. So thanks so much for sharing. Thanks so much for leaving your review. And don’t forget to join us inside our Facebook group by going to the art of living big.com. And I’ll see you there.