187: Avoiding self sabotage


Listen to todays episode here…


Welcome to The Art of Living

big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake, and I’m an author, speaker, and a master mindset coach focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of your subconscious. This podcast is designed to help

you think

differently about what could be possible for your life.


let’s go live big.

Hello fellow adventurers,

welcome to The Art of Living big. Today’s show,

we are going to be talking

a little bit,

I want to share a little story about something that happened to me right before the new year and give you some tips on how to deal with some self sabotage that you might feel like is coming up, you’ve probably made changes right with the new year or you have new hopes and dreams and ideas of what you want 2020 to be. And so I’m curious because now we are sort of in the we’re in it now, right?

It’s, it’s when this airs, it’ll be the ninth right? So we are in it, it’s no longer right after the New Year, or there’s no longer like, I’m going to start that on Monday, or I’m going to get focused, we’re in it now. And the decisions that you’re making now, truly are shaping what’s to come. But before we go too much further, I want to just remind you that you can jump into our free Facebook group, you can get there really easy just by typing in your browser, The Art of Living big.com, it’ll bring you it’ll forward you right into the Facebook group.

So come and join us there, I’m going to be doing a little bit more coaching in there, as well as we’ve got some just awesome people and just some fun things that are shared inside there. Now, over the new year, I did a visualization. And I talked about it in the group and I mentioned it on the show. But I just want to remind you that I did this visualization, it was a live experience that people could come to

where we helped release the past,

you know, we helped release the junk that we no longer wanted to carry into 20, from 2019 or years before and created something new for 2020. So if you didn’t get a chance to listen to that, or to get that you can just go to my website, and there will be a link right on the front page where you can get the new year vision download.

So I hope that that serves you. So let’s get into it a little bit. So right before the new year, I was doing this whole thing where I was prepping and I talked to you guys about that in the visualization when I was talking about coming together to do this visualization was to prepare, right was to like, what do I need to let go have having a heightened awareness so that I know what I need to release.

And then what I need to bring in and call in for 2020. And you know, if you’re listening to this, and it’s 2021 or if it’s 2020. And it’s like August, it doesn’t matter, you can do this at any time. You know, I will do this more than at the New Year. I like the new year. I think it has a heightened energy of sort of clearing and releasing. But this could be a monthly practice that you do you know, every time there’s a new moon, have it remind you that it’s time to release what has happened over the last month and call in something new set that intention for the new year.

And so at the end of 2019, I was really doing that I was, you know, making lists, I was identifying beliefs, I was taking huge leaps in order to be ready to hit the ground in 2020 and do the things I wanted to do. And I was hiring people I was paying for things to get done that had been on my list that I had not been able to figure out or have time to do. I was making some changes to my website and hiring somebody to do those things, which I have always done it myself. And it’s just time. Somebody do a lot of that now.

But I was making these huge shifts and changes and

putting myself out there in a different way. And it was interesting because there was a day where I messaged one of my girlfriends and I said to her, I am having so much anxiety like I can feel it rising in me as I’m making these changes in these shifts. And I think anytime we spend our money on something or we spend our time on something, at least for me, that’s where I can start to see that or feel that like level of anxiety come in. But the most magical thing is that is when I start to notice change. Those are the triggers for me that that create a new level of up leveling a new level of awareness around my life.

And so I emailed this girlfriend and said, Oh my god, I’m doing all this stuff and I can Feel the anxiety. It’s so weird, you know, within like four hours, I had a cold. I mean, like, I mean, like, I was sick, like, I felt like I’d been hit by a bus, you know. And it was so interesting. And if you’re in the Facebook group, I talked about this, I came on live, and I said, I’m getting a cold. I knew even that moment, I knew that it was an upper limit problem, I’m going to explain what I mean. But I knew that I wasn’t sick. I mean, I was sick, my body was acting as if I was sick.

But I totally did not believe that I had like a pathogen or a virus, like I totally believed it was my body, saying, okay, Betsy, let’s slow it down. How can we slow her down, let’s just get her sick. And I was so stuffed up. And I mean, I just felt like crap. And so I want to tell you about what I did in that. And I want to talk to you about some things that you may see in this year, as you make shifts that are going to be really important for you to uplevel.

Now, I’ve talked about this on the show before, but 2019 was a huge up leveling for me, huge, what was the biggest change that I made? Honestly, I got a coach that cost me a lot of money and put me totally outside my comfort zone, I paid this coach more than I made in a month by a lot. And I felt super aligned to it. It was one of those moments where I was compelled, I felt compelled. I had, you know, I, I looked at his stuff, I’d been sort of watching and it was time and I was like, I’m gonna do it. I don’t know how I’m going to do it.

I don’t know how I’m going to make this happen. But I’m going to make the leap. And I believe that when we take those kinds of risks with our time, and with our money, it tells our subconscious, like I’m done being who I was the who person who I was, never would have done that the person who I was would have waited until all of the things were aligned. And I was being like, quote unquote, responsible, right. And I wasn’t doing anything that seemed too far off the grid. But what I realized was, I didn’t want to live in the grid where I was I wanted to be off the grid. And so

what would I do? And so

2019 was a huge shift for me. So by the end of the year, I almost was surprised that I was feeling this way that I was feeling this sort of anxiety and this like low key awfulness. And so I went to bed, I said out loud to myself, many times you are safe, everything that you’re doing is going to be amazing. You are going to learn things, or you’re going to succeed.

And either way, you’re getting closer and closer and closer to the vision you have for success. And I told myself that out loud. And then I said, but right now. And it it was I think it was a Friday, it was like a Thursday afternoon, maybe or a Friday morning where I was getting sick Thursday afternoon, I think. But I it was rolling into the weekend. So I was like, I’m gonna just take care of you this weekend.


I just rested, I did tons of self care, I had a massage, come to the house and give me a massage. And I just took care of myself in a way that I wasn’t so that I could calm myself. So you know, when I get that. And when we all get that like anxiety, it’s this feeling we’re not safe, right, the things I were was doing was making my brain go, we’re not safe.

So I did all the things to tell myself that I am safe. I like ninja level self care, right? Talking to myself out loud telling myself, I did some guided meditations just around success and feeling secure. And I ate really healthy food that was one of the biggest things is I took a really, really good care of myself.

Sometimes I think, at least for me, and I know this, some of my friends, when we get sick or we’re on vacation, or whatever we’re doing. It’s almost like an excuse to just eat like comforting foods. So I wanted to feed my body really healthy foods so that my body felt like it was being taken care


Right. So I just found comfort foods that were really really good for me. And I think that made a huge difference. Within like three days I was better, like completely better. It was just gone. within two days, I was feeling quite a bit better.

And so

as you start to make changes

over this next year, maybe you’re making small changes at first, maybe you’re making some big leaps. You know, I am a fan of small consistent actions. And I’m also a fan of taking aligned massive action. And so not just willy nilly massive action, but massive action where I can feel that that is the right next step for me and so One of the big things for this year that I just want you to be aware of, is that you might feel uncomfortable. And so I want you to just get used to the idea that being uncomfortable is safe.

And that we have to become uncomfortable in order to change. If you’re never uncomfortable, then you’re absolutely staying in the same place, right, you’re staying in the same little circle and sphere of where you’ve been. Anytime you’re feeling comfortable, that’s great. But it means that you are where you have been before. And if you want to push the boundary, and if this year, you want something totally different for your life, or even a little bit different for your life, you’re gonna have to branch out into that uncomfortable.

And you know, sometimes we we can conceptualize the uncomfortable by, you know, I’m going to the gym, and I’m spending 30 minutes that I feel uncomfortable, or I’m pushing my body in a place where I feel uncomfortable, like, absolutely, you know that if you go to a gym every single day, and you work hard and you do different things, eventually your body will begin to change. And it’s just like that with your mind.

So there may be

other places where you really need to get uncomfortable. Maybe it’s stretching, you know, maybe it’s maybe it’s stretching the types of help that you get, you know, I just yesterday officially made the leap to sign up for a new, a new mastermind for this year, right. So I made the decision about what I was going to do for my coaching for this year. It’s in LA. And so I’m going to have to travel. And I felt really, really strongly that this was the next right step that this was the next right thing.

Does it make me uncomfortable? Yeah, I’m gonna be away, I’m going to be in LA, six or seven times this year, I live in Atlanta, Georgia. So it makes me uncomfortable. Because of my time, like I said, my time I’m going to be away, I’m going to be away from my family, I’m going to be away from my dogs. You know, that’s important to me, you know, and I’m going to be traveling, which

that is

just, you know, sometimes can be stressful and overwhelming and a lot going on. And I’m gonna be away from my peloton, you know, so my routine, and also it’s gonna cost me money, I gotta fly there, I got to get a hotel room, you know, all of those things. But I felt so strongly that, and I have to pay for the actual program,

right, which is,

you know, thousands every month within itself. And so I but I feel so strongly that that’s the next right step. And so I’m willing to go outside of my comfort zone, and risk that because I need growth. And I know that if I do what I did last year is great, but I’ll be where I was last year. And this year, I want something different. I want to see how else I can expand, I want to see what else I can learn, I want to see what how I really want to see what I can hold what what’s the highest vibration that I can hold for a sustained amount of time. And to be able to do that I have to constantly be releasing junk, right?

This is how we raise our vibration, constantly releasing junk, and raising my vibration bringing my vibration up. And I feel that lift in vibration when I’m learning new things. And also when I’m around other people, and I’m going to talk

about that

other high vibration people. And so I want you to just think about getting used to being uncomfortable. And when you go to make a choice, and you go to make a change this year, and that’s leading you to the place where you want to be. And you feel that that tension, right? You feel that anxiousness and you go, oh my gosh, I’m feeling that I want you to just relax and tell yourself, it’s okay, I’m safe. This is totally fine. This is actually where I want to be. When I look forward to 2020 I hope I’m uncomfortable a lot. I hope that I get so used to feeling uncomfortable that my body becomes addicted to that chemical, right?

Because we can become addicted to the chemicals of our emotions. And I hope my body becomes addicted to the feeling of being right on the edge of being just uncomfortable enough that I’m in a place of growth. And so when I feel that I celebrate it, so when I started to feel that anxiousness and I messaged my girlfriend and I was like, Oh my god, this is happening. And I knew I must be birthing something really big. And so I celebrated it and when I felt the cold when I felt myself getting feeling sick.

I was like Oh, yes,

yes, it must be so big that my body’s like, Oh, no, Betsy. No, no. So as you feel that level of uncomfortableness go Yeah, this is awesome. This is exactly what I want, and really celebrate that. The second thing I want you to just be aware of is who you’re spending time with. And, you know, I like I said, I do I’m going to be, you know, attending this mastermind I want to be around people that are doing bigger things, people that are living in that uncomfortableness.

And this past year, that’s one of the biggest things that shifted for me was that I found people that were having this type of success that I wanted. And I tried to spend as much time as I could with them, so that it normalized it for me. So whereas before, you know, success, having having this level of success, you know, a certain level of success felt not comfortable to me. But now, a huge, I took a huge leap in what seems normal and doable.

And this past week, I was talking to somebody about what my goal was for 2020. And they were like, Oh my gosh, like that. That’s not where my goal would be. And we talked about their goal. And I was like, Oh, my gosh, you have to uplevel that, like, that could be so much bigger.

But it truly my goal, although it was, you know, way bigger than what I had done before. It felt normal to me, because I have surrounded myself with people that normalized that. So when you are in a group with people, we tend to want to be the same. Right? We want to be in a group of people, we are the same as. And so if you’re in the same group of people where you’ve always been, I’m not saying like, dump your friends, unless it’s not serving you and they’re not, and they’re toxic, or it’s not, you know, it’s not the life you want to live anymore.

So I’m not saying like, leave your friends, but I’m saying try and put yourself in situations where you were around people doing different things. You know, there is a reason why Sara Blakely, the Blakely, the founder of Spanx, and Richard Branson, and Warren Buffett, there’s a reason those people are all in a mastermind group together, there’s a reason they spend time together. Because when you’re with people, you tend to want to be like them.

And when you want to be like them, you begin to uplevel. And when you start to uplevel, the uncomfortableness changes, because it seems normal. So you’ve got to get in a group where that seems normal. You know, one of the most fun things about watching my coaching group that I have, the people that come to coach with me is simply that they get in this community.

And then they start to see how one person is shifting and the other person starts to shift. And when a group comes together, and when I have, you know, different groups come through my coaching program. And when there’s a really cohesive group, it is it truly is that the idea that a rising tide lifts all boats, absolutely. And I see this over and over and over again. And I see it with myself when I step into a group that is really doing big things.

And so I really want to be the, the lowest rung on the ladder, I guess you would say like, I want to step into that group this year. And I just want to soak it all in, I want to see other people doing amazing things, I want to have that be normalized. And I want to start creating more and more change. And what happens is your threshold for that uncomfortable begins to rise and rise and rise. And so I think this is so important when you can start to spend time with people who are doing other things.

Now, a few years ago, I had this calling, like I want to be around people that are doing other things, and I wasn’t in a space with my life where I could just join, uh, you know, join a mastermind in LA or do whatever it was. And so I started only surrounding myself with things that would uplift me things that would uplevel me. So I started listening to podcasts, you know, if you’re listening to this show, I hope that that is doing that for you.

So I started listening to podcasts, only reading books that were uplifting me, I’d stopped watching the news, I stopped watching, you know, shows that weren’t, like supporting what it was that I really wanted, I became a steward of my mind and not allowing anything

to get through. And I think that when you when you are surrounding yourself, you know, it’s not just being physically with people. It can be so Dr. Joe dispenza. I’ve read three of his books, I have them here on the on the bookshelf, and that’s who I was surrounding myself with. That’s the ideas that I wanted to permeate my mind, right. So think about it, think about and take some inventory, you know, truly take some time either pause this right now and think well, who are the top

five people I spend time with right now?

Like, is it serving me? are they living the life that I want to live? And if they’re not, then just find some other people to take up more of your space. And again, that might be books or podcasts. are other things that I people that have have big ideas, right? And so do an evaluation and then look and say, Where can I pull in other things?

Is it time for me to get coaching? You know, is it time for me to, to cut out the news? You know, I’ll ask my husband, he’ll say, Would you like to know what’s happening? And I’ll say yes. And then hope, give me the version that I need to have without the fear mongering attached to it. So, you know, ask yourself, what

is it that I need,

in order to surround myself with this next level of where I want to be? Who’s living that? Where do I need to go to be near them. So the next thing is, you’ve got to take risks, you got to take risks to change. So you have to get comfortable with this. And we are designed to be risk averse, our brains don’t want us, they don’t want us to change.

They don’t want us to take any risks. They don’t want us to do anything different. But we’ve got to be willing to take risks. And by willing to take risks. I mean, like, not just saying it, but really having a moment, and you’ll feel it. When you have the desire

for something, this is when you’re going to know you’re going to go,

Oh, I really want that. And then immediately, you’re going to feel a restriction that pulls you back where you are. So I’m going to use this mastermind as an example. So I, I saw it, I went, Oh, I want that. And instead of retracting instead of going, Oh, but it’s too much money, or Oh, but that scares me. Oh, but it’s too far away. Oh, but I mean, there’s a million reasons why that is not a good idea. Right? But I knew that I had the desire. So instead, I went, how could I make this work?

What needs to happen for this to become my reality. And so I needed to take a risk, I needed to understand that risks, were going to be part of this process, and just allow myself to go there. And this might be a moment where you have that feeling, right? I have that feeling I desire that. And what you’re going to notice how you’re even going to identify that as because you’re going to feel the restriction.

The pain isn’t in, oh, I want that the pain is in, there’s a reason I can’t have that the pain is in the restriction. So sometimes people will say to me, like, I don’t even want to dream about stuff. Because I’m afraid that I can’t have it. And I don’t want to dream about stuff because then it won’t work out. And that’ll just be miserable. But the pain isn’t in the dreaming about stuff. So I’ll try to explain that, you know, keep dreaming, keep dreaming, keep thinking about the things that you want. The pain is in the restrict retraction. So just stop the retraction. So you need to shift that. So if that is your automatic response, that is that is the place you go to automatically then become aware of that.

And there are ways to begin to shift that, you know, one of my favorite ways is with tapping and I have a specific way that I do this, to help release that. So you can use Emotional Freedom Technique, I did a show on it. It was early on years ago with Bill doval. where he talks about it’s right after I found EFT. And I use that now for so many reasons. I use it to shift beliefs, but I use it to also calm myself as I want to make changes and I want to take risks. risks are necessary on the path to you creating the thing that you want to have in your life, it’s necessary for you to be able to try something new, it’s necessary for you to experience something outside of what you’ve already experienced.

And then the final thing that I want you to be aware of this year as you’re making these changes and up leveling, and trying to avoid the self sabotage. And I’m just gonna say it things are gonna go wrong. And by wrong I mean they’re not going to go the way you think they’re gonna go. We are here you know, I say hello welcome fellow adventurers. Because I believe we are here to have an adventure.

I believe that we are souls that came into this physical reality in order to have an adventure. ups and downs. It doesn’t mean you’re traveling all the time. Being an adventurer doesn’t mean I’m traveling, I’m leaving. It means I’m experiencing the wide vast array of emotions that I can as a human being because I believe that we came here to have that. And so when something goes wrong, and we go Oh, no, this is the worst. What if it’s not what if it’s part of the process of what we were trying to learn? What if it catapults us into

To the next success, when things start going wrong for me, I go, oh, man, something really good must be coming. Because this is teaching me what I need to know, in order to handle that success, and capitalize on that success and create more of that success of whatever that is whether it’s, you know, with a relationship with my job with my relationship with my child, like, whatever that is, with my health, and my fitness and my friendships, and, you know, my spiritual life, whatever that is, you know, what things are gonna go wrong. And we are adventurers. And we need to just embrace the adventure, just know that it’s not going to always work out in the way you think.

But I like the idea

that all of it is training for where it is I’m going. And I like the idea that it’s not that it’s not working, it’s just that it’s not working the way I thought it would. And so it must be able to work in a different way. And so then I just need to become aware of what’s happening not get so bogged down in the Oh, my gosh, this isn’t working.

But I need to get more focused on where it is, I really want to go and what are my opportunities, and now, because if I’m in point A, and I want to go to point B, and I end up in point C, then there’s a totally new realm of possibilities around that. When I’m in point A, my surroundings are different, I could get to point B in a totally different way. And maybe it has a way that’s more joyful. Maybe that includes a way that actually gets me to point D and E much more quickly.

You know, so when something doesn’t go the way that I think I just go, Oh, well, this was gonna happen, the more times and I use the word failure, but the more times that I can fail, or the more times that things don’t go the way I want, then the quicker I’m moving towards what I want. You know, Edison said, he figured out like, you know, 957 ways not to find electricity, or whatever it was, he said, but like, the idea there is that I’m finding out all the ways that I couldn’t get to point B. And that’s progress. And so just relax, knowing that things are going to go wrong, because then when they do, you don’t go Oh, no, right, you don’t hit the panic button.

You don’t think that because of that, then it’s not for you. And maybe you had a goal for your health and fitness this year, maybe you had a goal for your business this year. I don’t know what your goals are for this year. But if you’ve got something that’s big enough, then you’re going to screw up. And maybe you already have but do not think that that means it’s not for you don’t think that that means that you picked the wrong goal. Or don’t think that that means that you’re not supposed to have the vision of what it was that you wanted. Because that’s not true. It is all just part of learning and growing and being an adventurer. And that’s why you’re here. So don’t let that fill you with fear.

Don’t let that take you off course. So I believe that we are all here on a mission. And that we can control that self sabotage so that we can create an incredible life where we’re constantly up leveling and growing. And that every single year can be totally different than the next with new adventures. You can leave Groundhog Day behind, and you can move forward. And it just is small, simple shifts in how you’re approaching the things and the problems that come up in your life and the opportunities. So let me ask you, what are you willing to risk this year?

What leaps Are you willing to take? What growth is it that you desire so that you become the kind of person who has the kind of life that you would like, because I think when we can do all of that, that is how we live a big life. And if you would like some help with that, I do have some spots open on my calendar. You can start by just going to my website, Betsy Pake comm I have a free training there that will take you through five simple steps that will help to shift from wherever you feel stuck, or that crisis that you’re in and move you to a place of transformation.

And at the end of that, if you are, if you feel aligned to the work and to the message, you can schedule a breakthrough call on my calendar, and we can talk and we can actually connect and go through some of this and see what it is you’re really struggling with and what you need to shift to In order to create the life you really deserve. So I will see you all next week. Thank you so much for being here, and I will talk with you soon. Thanks so much for listening today. Just a reminder, we’ll see you on Mondays and Thursdays.

Now if you enjoyed this show, I would love it if you shared it with your friends. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy pake.com. And we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.