238: What to do about jealousy - Betsy Pake

238: What to do about jealousy


Today on the show Betsy talks about jealousy and what that means for you and your full potential.


Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake.

I’m an author,


Master hypnotherapist

and NLP coach,

and I help high

achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers, welcome to today’s show.

If you’re new here, I’m

super excited that you’re here. I know, there are so many options of podcasts to listen to a couple weeks ago, I was looking for a new podcast and

I was like,

Oh my gosh,

there’s so many. So thank you, thank you for being here with me today. All right, so I got a message. If you’re if you are on my, in my text community, you can text me if you’re in North America, it’s just 770-343-3409. And I send out texts like I don’t know, maybe twice, sometimes three times a week, sometimes once, it just depends, like what comes to me. And typically I do these texts. Well, or right after I have done my like morning routine where I’m talking to my inner Knower or my guides, or whatever it is, you want to call it. So. So I send out these little things. In fact, as I’m saying this out loud. There was a time several years ago, maybe like five years ago, where I

started recording,

I would go, I would meditate, like get these like ideas or whatever you call it. And then I would go live on Facebook. And I did it for like a week and I’ve put them on YouTube, they’re still on there on my YouTube channel, you can get to that from my face, or from my website. But I would like half my face would be like bedhead. Because I would have been like, super in meditation. And then I would share stuff. So now I sort of do it through this text community. But in all of that people sometimes will text me back, you know, so they’ll get something and they’ll share something cool, like about how it came at the perfect time, or, you know, what they were reading or thinking or whatever. So I got a question a week or two ago, asking me if I had a show about jealousy. And I don’t. And so I thought today, it might be fun. It might be fun to talk about jealousy. I know that sounds crazy. Alright, so I want to get into this a little bit.

And again, you know, this

is like my thought on it, take it as you would this is a buffet, you can choose to believe parts of what I say or all of what I say or none of it. But I think if it gets you to think a little bit differently, that’s really my goal, right? Because anytime that we’re thinking differently, or we’re expanding our awareness on a new thought or a new concept, it helps us to grow you know, so alright, so before I dive into that, if you right now, you could jump into my membership. So if you’ve never heard me talk about the alchemy collective, it is my monthly membership. And in there, I do coaching workshops, there is hypnosis recoding. We have a really awesome Facebook group we are we got a book club, we’re do something that I’m calling pods, which is like basically mini happy hours throughout the week. So people can connect, especially during COVID, you know, so anyway, we do lots of stuff. It’s every month is a little bit different. But it’s really, really fun. So I wanted to invite you to jump in there. So if you want to jump in, you can just go to my website, go to Betsy Pake comm, backslash alchemy, and that’ll bring you right to it. And you can join us and get right into the Facebook group and get started. So there’s two parts to it. There’s a Facebook group, and there’s also a portal and the portal has all the workshops and you’ll get all the back stuff.

So you know, we had one month where we focused on money, you know, we have a month where we focus on our values, like whatever it is, you’ll get all the back stuff. And there’s a couple of my courses that are in there for you too. So Alright, so now let’s get started now that I’ve shared that, okay, so when when this person messaged me and said, Do you have any show on jealousy? I was like, No, but I had just posted something to my memories. You know, you get like those Facebook memories. And I had a post from three years ago on jealousy. And it was weird that she had asked No, it was amazing that she had asked because I had just posted a memory about it.

And so

I wanted to dive in to jealousy today because I think this is something that all of us I struggle with or deal with, or that comes into our awareness. And I think it’s such an interesting emotion. You know, I’ll see somebody doing something that I wish that I could do, or, and I’m not upset that they’re doing it, like I’m excited for them. I just want to be doing it too. And so I think that that’s the case with a lot of people. And sometimes we have this thought that like, Oh, my God, jealousy is so bad, right? It’s like this terrible thing. I don’t want to feel jealous. And anytime we have an uncomfortable emotion, people think it’s bad, and they don’t want to feel it. But I and I’ve said this before, but I really believe this, that it is what gives context to the Good, good, the comfortable emotions, right? If we don’t have any contrast, everything feels really, really, blah, you know, everything feels really yuck. Um, I watched a show last week, called upload, I don’t even remember if it was on prime or Netflix, it was like one of those things that like popped up and said, you might like upload. So the concept of it is that people are about to die. And instead of choosing death, they have chosen to be uploaded into this digital virtual reality, where they keep their consciousness and everything about their body and their experiences digital. And so people that they love can put on a virtual reality headset thing and visit with them, because they are consciousness, they still have all the same memories. And anyway, the part that was fascinating to me, and I know this was just a show, it’s not real. But the part that I thought was so poignant, really, was that the virtual reality people, when they were uploaded, they would get really excited, if they would get a cold, they would like pay extra to have an experience. That was like being an experience of being alive. Because when everything is great, it’s not fun. You’ve got to have ups and downs, ins and outs, and that’s what gives context to your life. That’s what makes it really interesting. I think, you know, we’re here, for a little bit of the roller coaster, when everything’s going really great. That’s great. But it’s really because you’ve experienced something bad that you appreciate the Great. So all that to say, when we feel jealousy, or an uncomfortable emotion. What if we didn’t hide from it? What if we didn’t run from it? Or have the shame around it? I think jealousy is one that is a little bit shameful. I have people that I follow on Instagram. And they do lots of stuff that I want to be doing. They go on trips, places I want to go they have a business like I would like to have that I’m planning on expanding into. And I feel that clench sometimes when I’m watching. In fact, sometimes I stop watching for a while because the uncomfortable is so uncomfortable. That I also wonder if it’s starting to lead me at times into like scarcity or feeling so needy or wanting for something. And I know that when I will wanting when I’m in the deep desire of wanting, I know that I’m actually repelling The thing that I want. Because being in the vibration in the reality of having it already is what leads you to be in the vibration of bringing it to you. One of the things we talk about in my course, next level is quantum manifesting in the quantum. And really, this is the opposite of that, right? So when I’m in scarcity or when I’m in this like oh desire, like I want it, I’m so thirsty for it. I’m actually repelling it or pushing it away. So when I have those feelings of like jealousy that uncomfortable, I typically am the scanning to check and make sure I’m not diving into thirsty.

Right? And how I do that. How I make sure that I’m staying present. And I’m not diving into Oh, they’re so lucky they have it they have it right. Number one is to take the shame away from it because if we’re afraid to talk about it, or afraid to say somebody else’s doing something and I see this a lot with business owners Coaches like me, they don’t want to say they wish they had something different or more. Like, it’s like, if I’m jealous of somebody else that I’m people won’t think I’m good enough or something I don’t know. But I’m like, I have that feeling and that emotion a lot, wanting something more. And so what I believe about this is number one, is that it’s really helpful to us because it gives us context, and we want that it also helps us to see where we want to go. If somebody has something that you want, it means that it’s for you. You know, you’ve heard the thing, like, we’re all a mirror, you know, like you, everybody’s just a mirror for you. Like, if you see something in me that you really like, it’s because it’s in you. If you see something in me you don’t like means that’s in you, too. And I know this when I get like super crunchy, or,


I go, oh my gosh, it’s showing me something I need to heal. And so when I feel the jealousy, I go, Oh, that’s for me. I wouldn’t feel it. If it wasn’t in me. I wouldn’t even recognize it. You know, I see some other people doing stuff. I’m trying to think of somebody because it’s so out of my awareness. I don’t even know. But like Tim Ferriss, for example. If you’ve never heard of Tim Ferriss, he wrote the four hour workweek. He’s got a great podcast, I’m sure he’s doing stuff that I want to do. But it’s not even in my awareness. Like he’s just not in my awareness. Because whatever. And however he’s doing it isn’t designed for me. Now, when I look at other people, and the person that I watch a lot is Catherine’s and Kedah. manifestation babe, she and I have gone through the exact same training, the exact same coaching program teaching us the same things. Lots of times, she’ll post books, and it’s books I’ve just read or, or it’s on my bookshelf, you know. So I know that our path is so similar, but her business is quite a bit different. You might know who she is. So sometimes when I watch her, I’m like, I get the clench, right? So it’s in me, whatever it is that she’s got, is meant for me, that that piece of it right, I don’t want her whole life. I just want parts. And so I want those experiences in my life. So I believe that that feeling of feeling jealous, and feeling I’m going to say the word like thirsty or, or needy for it is way simpler than just simply like, oh, they’re having something and I want it and like the idea that we get about jealousy when we’re kids, right? I think it’s so much simpler. I think it’s you, I believe you are having that emotion. Because you know, deep deep down inside, that there is more that you are capable of right now. And you witnessing their greatness. you’re witnessing that piece of their life that you wish you could call into your own those experiences, or their way of living is knowing that you have the greatness inside of you that you are withholding from the rest of the world. Now, you may have heard me say this before on the show, but if you could, and I say this for myself, too. I’m preaching to myself here. If you could step in to the greatness of who you are, and what you’re meant to do in the world without fear, without the layers of junk and crap and programming of our past and what our parents thought of us and what our brothers and sisters think and all of those things. If you could release all of that, just be this version of you that is completely connected to source and you step into your greatness. I believe lots of us don’t do that because it feels selfish or something. We think we can’t do it because of all the best programming.


what you do is you inspire other people to step into their greatness. Now. I’m Catherine’s Ankita inspires me to step into my greatness. It’s not that she she’s doing

it for herself, but it acts as a window to other people to see what could be


So what if instead of feeling jealous and having that be this constructive, like a thing, what if it is a window into what you are supposed to step into and you stepping into that greatness and being called to something much more bigger so that you not only fulfill your own purpose, but you show other people that it’s okay to fulfill their own purpose to that, that withholding is what you are interpreting as jealousy. But in reality, it’s just your uncomfortable acknowledgment of what you are keeping to yourself and not sharing to the world. So in fact, has nothing to do with what they are doing, right? Because there’s simply a mirror of something inside you that’s not being fulfilled, or leveraged to your full potential.

So what if,

instead of having this, like shame around jealousy, what if it was incited us to notice that we’re not doing everything that is available to us right now, we could be taking bigger leaps, right? Now, we could find another way to get to our goal to get to the feeling of what we want, right now. What if it was just a sign that there’s another way, and we’re not doing it in the way that it is there? Right? I mean, our guidance system, our emotions, are an emotional guidance system to show us something, it’s trying to keep us on a path. You know, if you were on a canoe and you were canoeing down the river, and then you hit like a bunch of branches, you wouldn’t be like, Oh, my God, those branches, like you wouldn’t be like, I could just sit there, you’d be like, this must be showing me that this is not the easiest way to get down the river, I gotta, I gotta go back into a different path, and get down the river that way. So what if the feeling of jealousy the feeling of any uncomfortable feeling that you have is really just like the guidance, the pushing you back on the path? You know, when we ride a bike, we go side to side, side to side, right? We’re not just like me, like, right on the, on the, I’m making faces and signs with my hands, but you have no idea what I’m doing. But you know, we’re not going straight. We’re going back and forth. And that’s what your emotional guidance system is doing for you. So what of all those emotional, the all of those negative, uncomfortable emotions, you could really celebrate and go, this is so good. I’m feeling conflict, I’m feeling jealousy, I’m feeling unhappy. Like, instead, we were like, Oh, I must be misunderstanding this, there must be a different way, there must be an easier path for me to go on to get the experiences that I want or the reality that I want.


what if it has nothing to do with them? and everything to do with your path? Then it opens you up? Right? So how do we even do that then? So I feel the jealousy, I’m like, Oh, my gosh, I want to be having that experience? Well, then I have to back up and look at myself and say, Where can I take a bigger leap? Where am I holding myself back? And this might take some self reflection, you know, it might take you being quiet. It might take you taking a day or two off social media and just noticing what you’re thinking about, because that’s going to give you a clue into your subconscious mind and what is being what’s programmed in there. what’s what’s happening, you know, maybe it’s you journaling. Maybe it’s you just getting some clarity, and separating yourself from other thoughts or voices, you know, when I want to get inspired, lots of times, I’ll go to like, find a brand new podcast and listen to and I just want to listen to something else, some new way of thinking. But when I want to connect within, then I don’t want to think about anything else. Like I just want to listen to what I need to listen to. When I was writing my book, the star small, live big, it was like, I don’t know, five years ago or something. When I was writing that I stopped reading, I stopped listening to other things because I wanted to make sure I was really listening in and paying attention to what was happening inside. So I think that if you’re feeling this and you’re like, I want to shift that, first of all, don’t resist the feeling because whatever we resist persists, right? So I don’t want to resist it at all. I want to welcome it and say, oh, Chelsea, thank you for showing me that I have hit some branches on the river. And I’m going to I’m going to regroup. I’m going to go in terminally. I’m going to ask myself where do I need to take leaps where am I holding myself back. And then every time I try to push the canoe onto the different part of the river, and I hit more branches, I want to celebrate that. I want to really get excited about it. You know whenever The mentors that I have a virtual mentor is Sara Blakely. And she taught she’s the one that invented Spanx. I’ve talked about her on the show before, I’m sure. But she invented Spanx. And she, she says, and I’ve heard her. I’ve heard her speak live. And she said it then but I’ve, every time I hear anything from her, she talks about how her family celebrated failure. So that failure wasn’t something to fear. Because I think that keeps us in the lane, right? It keeps us stuck on those branches and the river and go, I don’t want to, what if I go back out on the river, and then I hit more branches? Well, what do you do, then you hit them, and then you regroup and you move. Last week. I was last week was Thanksgiving here in the United States. And I was doing alchemy week in in the Facebook group. Right. So if you’re in my facebook group, it’s just the art of living, big calm if you want to join us, but I was like, this is going to be so fun. It’s going to be like a chill week, because it’s Thanksgiving. And I’m going to like go in and do a card poll and do meditation and like, do all this good stuff. And we’ll open up the alchemy collective, because then we’ll be pulling in the perfect people. And I love this community so much. I want it to be full of people like them, you know. So I’m like, this will be so good. Well, Monday happened and that was perfect. Tuesday happened. That was great. Wednesday, I had to go pick up my daughter, we had a whole snafu, which is a whole other story. But I couldn’t do the card poll. And so I was like, I’m gonna miss the time. And so my friend Aaron ended up going and doing it and she did an awesome job, she probably did better than I could anyways. We’re gonna hire her to keep doing that. So, but it was so fun. And everybody really enjoyed it. And it was fine. But if I had been so worried, like, I’ll tell you last week, the whole alchemy week, I I was I’m using quotes launching the alchemy collective, but I did a terrible job. I’m really bad at launching, I have to learn. So I got to read, pause, regroup and learn. I’m just bad at that. And it was, I love to coach. So like the marketing? Sometimes. I know I did. I didn’t do a good job. Like, you could even say that it failed. I mean, you could say that. I mean, I have a hard time saying that because I see the winds, we did get a handful of really awesome people in there. And I learned a ton I realized that I need to get some help on launching because I’m no good at it. Like I realized that I have awesome friends that will jump in and support me. I mean, that

in itself is freaking invaluable. Like I have kickass friends that do cool things, and they will help me anytime. Now, if Wednesday happens, and I was just like I failed, I failed. And I just stayed in my canoe and those branches and cried, which is what I did do, I cried because I was so frustrated and overwhelmed last week. And what I thought was going to be a two week just wasn’t. And so I could have stayed. But instead, I was like what other resources do I have? How can I make this great. And then at the end of the week when I was like, Well, that didn’t go as I planned. I was like, What can I do better next time. So instead of looking at Katherine’s and Keita, right, who had a launch, that was a $1.8 million launch, instead of being jealous of that, I

was just like, Oh,

I bet she’s launched a million, I bet she’s launched way more times than me. And I bet she kept trying to learn, you know, like, she didn’t just give up and go, cuz I can’t do it. You know, and I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but I’m gonna say it again, because I love the visual of this. But if you have a little kid or you’ve been around a little kid that’s learning how to walk. They don’t fall down and then go, I guess I’m just not supposed to walk. They get up and they do it again, and they fall again. And we clap and say Good job. Try again. Right. And so that’s how I have decided to deal with failure. And I hate even saying failure because it doesn’t feel like a failure. It feels like, you know, it’s failure, I guess. But my point

to all that is,

instead of feeling jealous, and looking at someone that had a $1.8 million launch, I’m like, that’s possible. That’s freaking possible. And the reason that I go, Wow, that’s really cool, is because it’s meant for me, that means I can do that. I just have to reroute and get out of the weeds and get back on the river. So how do I do that is I get internal I go internal figure out where am I staying small? Where do I need to take a leap? How can I celebrate my failures? And how can I leverage those so that I start to learn and I can do better. years ago in a job that I had I used to do a debrief, so I would go out. I was trap. I was a traveling, I’m gonna say like a traveling salesperson. But I covered like a whole eastern half of the United States. I traveled all the time for work. It was a amazing job.

It was awesome.

And I had so much fun. But when I would go and do a meeting, when I was done, I would do a debrief, which was like, I asked myself, like this series of questions, and I had someone that worked with me that was in and off in the office, and we worked as partner. So I was outside and then he would support me. And so we would debrief. This is what went well, this is what didn’t go well. And it was so valuable.

And so I was like I

have not deep briefing like that whole week, last week, alchemy week. It was like the joke of alchemy week, like, how can I use some of my other skills and you have other resources and other skills too, that you’re looking at people and you’re feeling jealous when you have skills, and things that are available to you internal


that can help you get back on the river. So I was like, I got a debrief, I got to figure out what went well, what didn’t go, well. How can I shift? What do I need to learn what could be a good new idea, right? So I want you to take a look at all the places where you feel that constriction where you feel jealousy, and know that it has nothing to do with what they are doing. You have more of your unique and special gifts to share. But fear is holding you back from presenting it to the world. And you are calling that jealousy. Think about what you’re keeping from the world and step into your greatness start to live in a totally different way because I think that is how you live a big life. Thanks so much for listening this week. If you got something out of this, share it with your friends, tag me on social media tag me on Instagram I’m at Betsy Pake

and be sure to join the alchemy collective so that it’s not a complete failure last week, doing the alchemy collective go to Betsy Pake comm backslash alchemy join our free Facebook group we’re doing fun stuff in there too. It’s

the art of living big.com I’ll put all those links on my website inside the show notes. So have an amazing week. I love you all so much. Thank you for being here with me and I will see you soon. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big.


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.

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Alchemy Collective

A monthly membership to help you create deep change that lasts.