247: Are you abandoning yourself?


Today Betsy talks about a very personal story where she describes a moment in life where she stopped abandoning herself and how she shifting on to something new.

We hope it inspires you to be brave, listen in and find the resources you need to shift to higher possibility.


Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, speaker, a master hypnotherapist and NLP coach. And I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers, welcome to today’s show. So I had this whole, like, I have like a laundry list of these little things that I wanted to talk about. And none of them seem together to go together. I was like, do I do like the most random show with all these like weird thoughts I’m having I, you know, I have my text community, if you’re in if you’re in there, you know what I mean? Where I text you, the thoughts that come up, when I have done, I call it my meditation, but it is a form of meditation, it’s when I ask my inner guides, or my higher self, or whatever, what it is, I need to know. And I always get something that I think is really interesting. And so I share that on my text list. So you can join that if you want, you just have to text like hello to 770-343-3409. And, um, it’ll be an automated message, you have to click the link to click the link so that I can actually start messaging you. So that’s the only automated part after that. It’s actually just me. Um, so anyway, so I send out those those messages. And sometimes people say, I really like your brain. And I kind of laugh like, I’m glad you enjoy my brain. So I thought, do I just do this random show, where I share these like pieces of the things that I’ve been thinking, but I’m not going to do all that I am going to give you a couple quick thoughts. And then I have a story to tell you. So I saw this is one of the random things that I think about. I saw Kourtney Kardashian posted a picture of her holding hands with Travis Barker. I guess that was like they’re announcing their relationship. Now I am not. I just started following Kourtney Kardashian on Instagram like I don’t. I like having the Kardashians on sometimes, like in the background, if I’m cleaning or something, you know what I’m saying. But I’m not like, I’m not following every little thing. They do all that just to say, when I saw it was Travis Barker reminded me of an interesting story about him that I wanted to share. So years ago, I read if you don’t know who Travis Barker is, he’s a musician. And he is the drummer for blink 182. In fact, I may have even talked about him on the show before, he’s covered in tattoos, like you know, his face, his neck, his hands, you know what I mean? Like the whole nine yards. So when they were holding hands in the picture, it was obvious it was him because his hand was all tattooed. But years ago, I read this story about him and how he had this dream that he wanted to be a drummer and be in a band and be really popular. And that’s what he wanted to do with his whole life. And so he started getting tattoos, so that he would be on hireable. But nobody else would be able to hire him because he would have all these tattoos all over his neck and his face and his hands and whatever, like he would have it was his version of burning the boat. Right? Have you ever heard that before? Like, you burn the boats, this is the only option. So there’s no other way, there’s no plan B, there’s nothing else that I can do. I’ve got to keep forging ahead. And I find that so powerful. And if you’re listening and you have your own business, or you want to start your own business, or you’re a coach or you want to be a coach, you know, I remember I went through that in my business like do I do this? Or do I had a really great career, I made a lot of money. You know, it was fun. I liked it. I had to like burn the boats, I had to stay there. So I am unemployable. Because I am so focused on this. I’m so focused on this dream, nothing else will satisfy me. And so I’m going to do things that maybe I wouldn’t do. If I wanted to keep that old version of me in my back pocket, you know that I could maybe go back to work for someone else. So I share that just because that was in the news. And that’s one of the little random thoughts that came up. But if you’re struggling, you know, because this is what I think happens is we come up against something that’s difficult on our journey. It’s fear, right? It shows up as procrastination or confusion or comparison, right? Mine shows up as confusion. I’ll get confused. I’ll be like, I don’t know. I can’t figure that out until I’ll keep putting it aside and doing something else. And there’s something else is always sort of busy work. So then the big thing doesn’t get done. You know what I mean? And so when we do that, it’s It is almost like we’ve got to if there was another option, if there was an out, we would take the out, rather than deal with the crap that’s coming up. But when we have no other options, we deal with the crap. And then we get over it. And then there’s more crap. And then we get over that. And we, it continues to feed us and we become bigger and stronger and able to start leaping over the things that that would have held us back before. So anyway, I think there’s value in burning the boats. I love that story. years ago, I signed up for a coaching program with a coach that was pretty expensive. I think it was maybe like 12 grand, it was eight weeks 12 grand. And I remember like week three, I was like, This is so hard. I don’t want to look at my crap, I can’t believe I have to do this. And I remember being so grateful that it wasn’t 597. Because if it had been cheaper, I would have quit. So I spent the money and I got the transformation. I burned the boats, because I’d put my money into it. Does that make sense? So anyway, there’s lots of different ways that we can burn our boats, there’s lots of different ways that we can fully commit and tell the universe that we have no other options. But anyway, I wanted to share that story because I saw that picture of their hands. And I thought about it. So these are the things that roll through my brain. Sometimes they make a list and I’m like, oh, if someone lived reprints probably just like you, you probably have these random thoughts, too. So Alright, so I want to tell you a story. And, you know, years ago, I’m about I’m about to turn 50. I’ll be 50 this late this spring. So this was quite a while ago, and but I got out of college, and I had a boyfriend in college, a lot of you are going to relate to this story so that you’ve probably never heard it before. So I had this boyfriend in college, who was a really nice guy. You know, if you’ve followed along on the podcast for a while, you know, my story. And you know, my mother died right at the end, sort of, of my high school career in my junior year end of my junior year. And so really, when I got to college, I was still like, you know, I felt like a blind person, like feeling, you know, feeling for stuff around me. And, like just trying to get my footing and understand who I was, which, you know, if you if you’ve gone away to college, like that’s a whole different experience of identity in itself, right? Because you’ve got to figure out who you are, after being with people like I had been with the same people since kindergarten, right? So it was like, my identity was sort of established with myself and with them. But now, I was somebody different because I’d gone through this terrible thing. And nobody knew me. And so I was really just feeling around for stability or something. Anyway, towards the end of my senior year, I ended up dating this guy who was such a nice guy, and his family was super nice. He was from New York, just outside the city, which was so different from where I was from. And he did a lot of fun things and was interesting. And we ended up in college, living in these really cool houses that were right on the lake. So I went to college in Vermont. And they were right on the lake. And they were like, it was like lucky that I got this house and he had the house right next door. So we sort of like shared sort of like a parking lot, you know. Anyway, we started hanging out as people do in college and ended up dating and when I graduated, we were dating and he went to New York City got a job, a really great job working for a national television station, doing a show that you probably have heard of, and I moved to North Carolina. So I got in my car and started driving. And that’s a whole other story in itself. I think I was trying to get to the beach, honest to God, but I I left with like a few $100 like I didn’t really know what I was doing. And there wasn’t a whole lot of guidance out there for me. So I just started driving and I ended up getting to North Carolina and that’s where I ended up getting a job and sort of deciding to stay. So there I am in North Carolina, and he comes down to visit now. I remember I don’t remember like being crazy crazy about him. But it was familiar and I was excited to have him come down. And when he came down he really really liked it and it was so different from what he was used to and he wanted to move. And so we did we had to move down and if You dated somebody in college, and then they moved down to where you are, you end up living together sort of by default, right. So a lot of things were just like, not necessarily choices that I was making consciously, but just things that were falling into place by default. Now, you’ve probably experienced something like that before. And in some cases, that could be really good. Like, it all just came together. But I sort of felt at the time, like, it was just happening to me. Like I wasn’t, it was like, things were rolling, and I didn’t have a lot of control. And I think at that time in my life, I didn’t have a lot of awareness. You know, I didn’t have a lot of awareness about who I was or what I really wanted, or how I wanted to move through the world. And so it was fine. You know, that’s a really good word to describe it. And I know that if you’re listening, you’ve had experiences like this, where all of a sudden you’re like, Okay, well, this is fine, I guess. And so after we live together for, I don’t know, six or eight months, he asked me to marry him. And so I said, Yes. And we were engaged. And so we ended up planning this wedding and came back to Vermont for the wedding. And it was on New Year’s Eve, and it was beautiful. It was so many of our friends and family and friends from college came and it was really, really fun. It was exciting. You know, it felt really exciting. I was 24 years old at the time. And so there we were. And I remember feeling sort of like I was moving through things, but not really having my feet on the ground. And feeling like I I wouldn’t I’m not sure what’s happening. But this is a big deal. Like I’m about to get married, like this is a big deal. And I remember being in my wedding dress, and leaning over the sink and grabbing the sides of the mirror and saying that See, if you do this, you’re gonna get divorced. Like I said it out loud. And I knew, but like the room was full of people waiting and the wheels were turning. And I was like, I get I’ve got to do this. Like, it’s gonna be fine. He’s so nice. His family so nice. Like, he’d be a good dad, you know, all of those things. But there was something inside me that was like, No, like, this isn’t the right thing. I still felt so unhealed and young. But I did it I got married. And we ended up moving back to North Carolina and bought a house and things from the outside probably seemed really good. But I never felt like it was the right thing. I always felt really out of place in it. I didn’t know how to be. I didn’t know how to be. And so trying to also be someone’s wife was really foreign to me and really uncomfortable. And then one day, I decided to just tell him that. And we ended up he was devastated. And it was so sad. And he absolutely didn’t deserve any of that. Although I know now, I did him the best favor. Although I should have done it before I did. But I had to get to the point where being me. And listening to me was more important than doing what I was supposed to do than doing what like everybody thought I should do or what I knew, like I should do. I’m using air quotes, like what should I do? I should try and figure this out, I should try. But I just wasn’t in the position to do that. I just wasn’t I didn’t have the resources. And I didn’t have the help to get me the resources. And so we did we got divorced. And it was super sad and uncomfortable. And I remember I had this thing where I would go. Like I would breathe like that a lot like at work even after I was so stressed. Like I couldn’t catch my breath. And I felt so guilty about it. But I had to get to the point where I listen to myself and I chose me. And so I offer you this story because I believe that there is a time and everybody’s life, whether it’s something big like that, that hurts other people God forbid, but where it’s just where you have to take a stand for what’s right for you, where you have to pause and look at yourself and say, Okay, I have been avoiding this voice in my head. But I know that this isn’t right. I don’t know what is right yet. But I’m going to acknowledge that where I am isn’t right. And when I can do that Then I can start to look around I can, I can put my hands out and feel for what could be next. Like, what do I need to do, it doesn’t necessarily mean you abandon whatever it is, like I did. But it may be that you stop and you say, I’m not going to ignore this anymore, that this isn’t the way it’s supposed to be that I am abandoning part of myself, by continuing to live in this and ignore it or to act like it’s not really happening or to downplay it, or to push things aside. I can take a stand, and I can stand up for myself. And I can say, I don’t know what it is, but it’s not this. And from there, I believe when you have that acknowledgement, when you say it like that, then the universe starts to show you options. You know, if you are spiritual, maybe the universe resonates. If you like the science, it’s your subconscious, your subconscious cannot show you the things that you need to see, if you’re not willing to acknowledge what’s really happening. It can’t because it doesn’t think that’s important to you. But once you take that moment, and you say this, no more this, and maybe that’s a relationship for you, maybe it is, maybe it’s a job, maybe it’s someplace, you got to burn the boats, you know, maybe it’s a friendship that you’re in, maybe it’s just where you feel like you’ve been taken advantage of maybe you’re just not listening to yourself. Maybe it’s your health, or your weight, maybe there is something bigger for you, and you continue to stay small, because you don’t know how else to deal with it. But you know, that nagging feeling is keeping you stuck where you are. You know, there could be a lot of things happening. And I know if you’re like me, it doesn’t take long before you can’t keep ignoring those things. So today, I offer you this thought to just acknowledge, it doesn’t even mean you have to take action yet. All it means is that you have to listen in to the in their deepest part of you. And ask yourself, what is it that I need to know right now? What do I need to see right now. And what is no longer acceptable in my life right now. And from there, give yourself the grace to allow it to unfold, be brave in it, take the steps forward, even if people are gonna think you’re a failure, or a screw up. Or what you’re doing doesn’t make sense, or you didn’t try hard enough or whatever they think. As long as it’s not what you think I want you to just keep going. And, you know, maybe that is, you know, if I had had that relationship today in my life, I would do things much differently have different resources. So how are you going to use the resources, you have to move forward to the place where you want to be? Give yourself the grace, notice where you need some space and move forward. I hope that that was helpful. I hope that that shifted or gave you permission maybe to experience something that you’re going through in a different way. I am going to be opening up my rise coaching and is a transformational coaching program. And you’re going to want to get on the waitlist. If you have something to work through. We’re going to be opening it up in April. But I’m going to be offering some calls just to kind of talk and see if you’re a good fit for that. So be sure to jump on my mailing list, you can go right to my website, you’ll see that there are two blocks, there is a block right on top for alchemy week. Join us in alchemy week we’re going to be starting that March 8 through the 12th we’re going to be just doing some magical stuff. It’s an invitation in to learn a little bit more about how to get in touch with your inner soul. And then if you’d like to book a call with me to talk about joining us for the rise transformational coaching program, it is life changing. And I would love to be able to talk with you a little bit and see if you’re a good fit. So I hope that you all have an amazing week. I hope that this helped you shift a little bit and thank you as always for sharing these episodes with your friends. I’ll talk with you soon. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following us on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow And comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week and Until then, keep living big


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.