In todays episode Betsy talks about success and how to know your outcome and succeed at the game of life.
Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, speaker,
a master hypnotherapist
and NLP coach, and I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place.
Over the next 30 minutes,
I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life.
let’s go live big.
fellow adventurers Episode 256. I haven’t been here since 255, which wasn’t a week ago, it was like two weeks ago. This is week three. And I’ve missed y’all. I am sorry that I just disappeared, it felt like, Well, my last episode 255 was about my dog dying. And you could hear from my voice that that was kind of hard. I recorded that episode just a few days after she died.
Like she died on Thursday. And I recorded that on a Sunday. And, you know, by the time it aired, I was feeling better. I think the shock sort of wore off after a week. And I was still crying a lot, especially in the mornings, I’ll talk about that and what I did. Um, but in all of that, it just felt like self care to just not push myself to get things done. And so thank you for being patient with me. You know, it made me think there are probably times where I need to plan, like a short hiatus like a couple of weeks off. I’m not one of those people that that pre records podcasts for weeks in advance.
I did that closer to the beginning. And it always felt authentic, inauthentic, because I felt like I was changing so quickly, by the time the episode would air. Like I would be like, Oh, I forgot all about that. So I wouldn’t be able to, like really engage in a conversation with anybody about it. And if I did it so much in advance, like if you were following along, like on Instagram and my stories or whatever, and I would share things I was doing it felt like, wait, she talked, she did that like three weeks ago. So it if it felt like out of alignment, you know.
So anyway, so I always do the episodes the week of the show. So like today is Tuesday morning, this will air on Thursday, that’s how I like to do it. And so when I was, you know, grieving my little Miley I, I just I didn’t have the energy. And so I had to, like, I had to have a moment where I was like, okay, like I need to do this, you know, for me and just take a break for a minute and catch my breath and find my, my feet again, you know what I mean?
So I will tell you that I feel a lot better, I still really miss Miley, obviously, I always will. But for about three weeks, because it’ll be a month here in just a few days. So for about three weeks, every morning, when I woke up, I actually woke up crying. Like sometimes the crying would wake me up. Because the mornings and nights were always the hardest, like during the day, I would be fine.
But like I caught all the way up with that dog, I didn’t realize how much affection I was able to give and to get from her. And so I was like really crying in the morning. And it was really a crappy way to wake up. Like it was didn’t feel like a good way to wake up. And so I want to tell you what I did about that, in case this will help you that I did. What I did was time techniques, which is something that I do with people inside the alchemy collective my membership, you can join us, if you go to my website, just find the collective on there.
But I do this a lot with people in the collective or just with my one on one clients, or anybody that I’m working with, we use time techniques to go back and, you know, shift a negative emotion. And so there was part of me that felt like and maybe you’ve had this happen before too, that my grief was, um, it was proof of my love. And there was a part of me that didn’t, I guess didn’t want to give it up because then it would mean she was really gone. Like if I was totally okay, it would be like she was really, really gone. But I got to the point where I was like, I can’t keep waking up like this. So I did time techniques. And I went back in time and I released grief
and emotions tend to form on a Gestalt. So they form in, in groups so they go group together. So, um, I have already done so much of this work that I really felt like my reef around Miley was just my grief around Miley. But there can be times for myself and for other people or other emotions that I have had, where I will feel something and it’s it is bigger than the thing I’m dealing with.
And then I know that it’s a good start. I know it’s pulling from the past, right. So what I wanted to do with Miley was to make sure that I wasn’t pulling like grief from my mom or grief from something else. I have. Not grief. Yeah, grief. I don’t know why I heard myself say guilt. Grief from I had a lot of grief around. You know, if you listen to that episode with my daughter, I had a lot of emotion around that I actually did. I hired an NLP practitioner. And it took us about eight and a half hours, and we released like a ton of emotion around that.
So I thought there’s was a lot of grief around that rate, sadness and grief, it like maybe I’m pulling from that, and I really wasn’t. But once I released the grief, and I released sadness around, whatever, you know, the Gestalt that had formed just around Miley, I just felt so much better. I still, like long for her and miss her, but it’s manageable. And I’m not waking up crying.
And I was able to come up with a new morning routine that felt really good to me. And felt like, like, you know, like a not like an opportunity to create something new out of this. Right. So anyway, so that is the update on that. So thanks for hanging with me. Um, I’m about to turn 50 on Saturday. So I’m leaving tonight to head to the ocean. I’m insanely excited. If you’re on Instagram, you will be overrun with ocean photos.
I actually had bought a really nice camera last year, like around Corona times because I thought I’ll learn how to take really good pictures, but I never did. But I’m going to bring it and so anyway, it feels fun. I’m going to go to the ocean, chillax, read some books, take some photos, do some things. And I will be back on Sunday. And you’ll have a regular show next week. I have a really good guest interview for next week.
So Alright, so let’s dive into today’s episode. And what I really want to talk to you about, I have begun all of the recordings. And I’m taking a group of people through my NLP certification. So you can find that on my website too, if you want more information on that. But it has been really, really fun to record I’m just about to get through the entire pre study. There is EFT I teach you time techniques I teach you NLP, like all the things hypnosis, success coaching, and deep streaming facilitation.
And, you know, in all of that is was sort of evaluating what success really is, and what does success look like? You know, I think we have this idea of what success is from our culture and our society, and things that we think makes us successful. And I think it’s an important thing to evaluate, you know, from time to time is like, what is real success, like, What does real success look like, to me, instead of what it looks like, to marketing or companies, right, that want me to think that success is having, you know, not having gray hair, right, like having blonde hair. So continuing to dye my hair, or success is being like, really rich, or really skinny or really tan or whatever
it is that we are fed, right that we’re marketed to. And so what I wanted to talk to you as I was recording the certification, it made me just reconnect to a lot of the lessons that I had learned so long ago and and had sort of forgotten but this one I think, is really good. And it might give you a little bit of perspective and something to think about in a different way.
So, um, there are six principles for success in NLP. And the first one is a little bit interesting, but it is one you’ve heard me talk about. It is always know your outcome. Now, your outcome is different from like a SMART goal. It can be a SMART goal, but I think the outcome for me, I have a process that I put clients through and I teach it in NLP but outcome is really like, what will I be experiencing? When I get it?
Like how will I know that I get it? You know, so many times people are like, well, success is having a lot of money. Well like how much money well, a million dollars. Okay, how will you know you have it Well, all, I don’t know. Because really, will you have a million dollars in your checking account? Probably not. But you could be a millionaire, like, how
will you know?
see my I will see my financial statements, I’ll look at the value of my home. All right, like these? Are there different kinds of things. Now? Why is that even important? Like it seems kind of frivolous, right? Why would I need to identify that. And it’s because our unconscious mind needs to know what it’s looking for, you know, if I say I want more money, and then I walk through the hallway, and I find a quarter, my unconscious mind is like, wow, we’ve done it. So my conscious mind is the goal setter, it’s the thing that says I want a million dollars.
My unconscious mind is the goal getter. It’s the thing that figures out a way to make it happen. Now, you’ve heard me say this before. But my unconscious mind sees 2 million bits of information every second. But my conscious mind only sees 126 bits. So if you can imagine, if you’re walking down the hallway with a friend, and you’re seeing 126 bits, and you’re like, I really want to make more money, and your friend sees 2 million pieces of information floating around, do you think they’re going to find the opportunity?
First, who’s gonna find the opportunity, or the dollar bill on the street, or whatever that is, right? The person is who’s gonna make the connection that that person, somebody you need to know. And that person could help you meet the person, like who’s going to, you know, when you play chess, I don’t play chess. But I’ve watched the Queen’s gamut.
So I know how to play. So you know how they the good chess players can see ahead, like, like five or six steps, right? So if you’re walking down the hallway with a friend that can see 2 billion million bits of information in a second, they’re probably going to find what they’re looking for first, right? So what we want to do is we want to put our unconscious mind to work, we want to make it be our friend out there, that’s helping us make these connections. And so when we know our outcome, we know not only what we want, but we know really specifically and I always tell Pete tell people don’t say a million dollars, say $1,000,002.23 Do you see how that feels different, like your unconscious mind, probably glossed right over the million dollars.
But when I said the other one, then it was like, it was more like, catchy, you know, like more grabby, you know what I mean? So know specifically what it is that you want, and know how you’ll know you have it. Be really specific about this, like, take a minute and be like, I will be looking at my checking account. And I will see that there’s, you know, $50,000 in there, and I will notice the $52,000 in my savings get like whatever that is for you. So get really specific about it. The third piece of that outcome is I want you to know how you’re going to feel.
Remember, my unconscious mind really likes metaphors, right? It likes the story. And it also really likes emotion. So if you knew how you were going to feel, and what if every morning when you got up, you felt it, like you just got yourself into the state that you would if you were already had the thing. Like, if you’re walking down the hall, with your friend who can see 2 million bits of information, and can see all of these opportunities and all these connections and all these little things you can’t see. Like how are they going to feel like they’re gonna be like, Whoa, it’s really exciting.
Get in that because then your unconscious mind goes, Oh, we’re doing that we’re already there. You know, when people talk about Beginning in, well, Abraham, right Abraham Hicks, getting in the moment getting in the feeling of it already being here. Like that’s why that’s what you’re getting into. You’re getting into that emotion so that it knows your unconscious mind knows what to look for. So know your outcome.
You know, I worked on this the other day, and I was sort of surprised. And I teach this and talk about it all the time. But my outcome has changed since I have really looked at this last time. And I needed to get specific again I needed to write down what it is. If you are on in my text community, you know I send out texts after I do my deep streaming in the morning and there was one on Sunday that I sent out? I’m gonna read it. Let me find it, I should have found it before. So the one that I sent out?
Was this alright? How much of your reality is yours? really yours? And how much is the plagiarism of others thoughts and ideas about who you are? Yet you adopt those as real and wonder why you feel off? What if you could simply let all that go and allow your life to create itself by focusing simply on what you like, in every given instance, make it today’s game. Now, if you got clear on what it is you really wanted, so now I’m super clear, right? We’ve done the outcome, where you’ve found out what you want, you know how you’re going to feel, you know, how you’re gonna know you have it? Well, then all I have to do is,
if you could imagine
walking, your let’s imagine, you’re a video game. I’m not a video game player. But this is how this came to me this image and walking through a video game. And I know the outcome, I know how I want to feel. And all I do is tap. And I imagine like tapping Tingting, right, like, you know, the sound video games make everything that matches that feeling. So I go downstairs and somebody opens the door for me that matches the feeling, right?
It feels like I’m connecting with people feels happy. Like, I focus on that. Right? I walk around the corner and somebody like cuts me off. And gives me a mean, look, I don’t focus on that at all, I just keep going. Because my game, the goal of my game is to, like take my hammer and pound the things that match the feeling that I want. So I don’t want to focus on that thing that just came up that I didn’t like, I want to quick focus and find the next like bubble that’s coming up that I have to smash that shows, that’s the thing I want Does this make sense?
Because this is the image that I had in my head, if you could imagine that. Maybe reality is just this game. And that when you can identify when you can get the outcome, you know exactly what you want, then all you have to do is just find instances of it and focus linger on it. The other things just ignore it, just keep going. And if you could do that, your unconscious mind your friend walking down the hallway would start to understand what you were looking for. And it would start to go Oh, look at Betsy, it’s over there.
Oh, look, there’s some over there, it would start to show you more of it because it would know what it is that you need. So maybe we complicate things. And we make things seem way more important than they are. And we struggle. When in fact, if we could just let the things we don’t want go and let them create themselves as we simply choose through our focus to point out the thoughts, the feelings and the ideas that we like bringing more of it to us in a state of total ease. So the six principles for success, I want you to really know your outcome so that you can play the game. really know your outcome.
Number two is to take real action. So take the action when you see it, you know, focus on all the good stuff. And then when you see it take the action. I feel like I should meet that person need them. Do you know what I do? I will say to people in fact, I when I went to my trainers training, there was someone in my trainers training.
Henry Amar, I
don’t know if you guys know who Henry Amar is, he’s a good one to follow on Instagram. But he was like, I love how you do this. Like you just walk up to people and you’re like, Can we be friends? I know people probably did that like in kindergarten, and then people said no. And so they stopped doing that. But if I find somebody I think that I’m supposed to be friends with, I’ll just walk up and be like, I feel like we should be friends.
Right? Like I so take action. Like if you get the feeling take action. If you think you’re supposed to meet somebody if you think you’re supposed to do something, if you’re supposed to go live and share something if you’re supposed to, you know whatever it is do the thing. Try the thing and see how it works. Then all you have to do is focus on the pieces of it that you like, right the video game you’re back in the video game. I like this part.
I like that part. That part Those parts will start to expand. But you got to take action sometimes when people will come to me and they’ll be like, I’m stuck, like, I’m really stuck. I’m like, take any action, it doesn’t even matter if it’s an action, you want to take just do anything, make it super duper, duper, duper small, any action, because then you get contrast, then you get I like this, I don’t like this.
And then you just focus on the thing that you like, make a list, make a list of all the things you like, if you feel stuck, make a list of all the things you like, just make it simple. Pretend it’s a game, and make a list of the things you like, Don’t even worry about becoming unstuck. Just make a list. Alright, so So number one, always know your outcome. Number two, take real action. Number three, pay attention to your results,
So that’s what we’re doing, we’re taking the action, we’re focusing where we want, we’re paying attention to the good and the bad that we get. And we’re we are noticing where the good is, right? So pay attention to your results. And then number four is be willing to change. You know, if I’m getting a result that I didn’t want, I’m gonna go What could I do to shift this? How can I be at cause like, I don’t want to be at effect of things. Like, I don’t want to be like, well,
that’s the way it is.
Well, they did that to me.
to have I want to be at cause. So how can I shift that? How can I have a better boundary? How can I be more compassionate to what they’re experiencing? How can I say no, in a way that I stick up for myself? Right? Like, there is a way to be able to, to, to, to be willing to change to be flexible? And you know, the most flexible in the system wins the system. So, you know, how can you notice pay, take real action, pay attention to the result you get, and then be flexible and go? What could I do differently? Number five of the six principles of success is to focus on excellence.
So you know, when we do something, if we focus on being the best at that thing. Now, this doesn’t mean that we are better than somebody else, it means we’re doing our best. You know, when Miley died, I had made a commitment to myself that I was going to do these workouts I had bought like a 12 week program. And I have always really done well with like, if you give me like a program, I will do it. You know what I mean? Because I don’t have to think I just do it. When Miley died, it was really hard to work out. But I had made a commitment to myself.
So that felt like the right thing to do. So focusing on excellence, it didn’t mean I was going all out like today, my workout would have been different than my workout when Miley was died. But I did the best I could in that situation. And I know moving my body really helped me process a lot of grief. So focusing on excellence doesn’t mean you’re perfect. It means you’re doing the best you can with the resources you have at that time.
Right. So number six, is to live with integrity, and to live with gratitude. So I really like these, you know, to live in integrity is you know to do to me, this means to do the things you said you were going to do to show up in the best way that you can and to be grateful, you know, to be like I have all these new opportunities sometimes when I have a problem. And I’m like, Oh my god, I have a problem. Like, you know what, I think I haven’t ever had this problem before. Like, especially with work. Like if something happens, and I’m like, I’ve never had this problem before.
Like that’s really good, even though it’s a huge problem. Like I haven’t had this problem. So right now I have a problem. We have Oracle cards, I think I’ve talked about this, I created these really beautiful, I hired a designer to create these really beautiful Oracle cards with some of my deep streaming messages. They’re so awesome. I love them so much. And they are they just finished so we just uploaded them to the publisher. I’m getting one so I can make sure that they’re perfect and they are amazing. You can see him on my website.
But I have to figure out people have been pre ordering but after the pre order, like I’m going to charge shipping. So the pre order didn’t include shipping. Like I include I paid shipping. So if you want to jump in well the pre order because they’re probably going to be a little more expensive afterwards. But um I got to figure out how to Figure out the shipping thing. I’m like, how do I, I don’t know how to do this, like, I got to figure it out. It’s a problem. But it’s a new problem. So I’m like, this is really cool, because I didn’t have this problem a couple years ago, because I didn’t have these awesome Oracle cards to share with y’all. So sometimes when we can live in gratitude, we can be grateful even for the struggles.
Now, none of this means that, like things can are always rosy and perfect. It doesn’t mean you’re not ever struggling. It just means that you trust, the things are working out for you, you know, just means that in the crap, you’re trying to find the nugget of something good. You know, when when Miley was gone, like I was devastated. And I also was searching for what could be good about this, how could this be like something that propels me forward on my journey instead of holds me back, you know, that was a dog, I know. But if you have dogs, you, you feel me.
take all of this, and rethink what you’re thinking about success, how you’re moving through your experience, you know, take the parts, I always say, like this show, it’s a buffet, you can take the parts you like, and you could ignore the other parts, like it’s totally your life, you can do what you want.
But I really wanted to share that because, you know, I feel like this is important, really knowing what your outcome is for you, and what it is now, you know, maybe you did this years ago, but maybe it’s a moment to revisit, you know, take some real action, pay attention to your results, and be willing to change, you know, have some behavioral flexibility, what do I need to do in order to bend with this situation, so that I can make this work for me, focus on excellence, and use the resources you have in every given moment. You know, do what you can with where you are, and what you have.
And just live in gratitude, you know, be in integrity, and, and live in gratitude. So, anyway, I hope that that gave you something new to think about, if you’re not already on my text list, and that was something that you wanted to do, you can go to my website, and there’s way down at the bottom, there’s the phone number, but I will give it to you here too. It is 770-343-3409. And you can just text Hello, or live big or whatever, it’ll send you a link and you just have to click the link that will allow me to actually text you. So I text out it’s a it’s a it is a service that I use. So I texted out to everybody.
But if you text me back, I do get it. So I get it through the app that I use. So I love when you guys tell me what resonates and how you feel if you want to join us inside the alchemy collective jump in there with us. It’s really a great community like amazing, the best people ever. And of course my certification has a couple spots open right now for this early this early entrance. So if you’re interested in that, you can find everything on my website.
Thank you so much for being here. All right, you guys. I’m going off to the beach to celebrate my birthday. Because you know that is how I think you live a big life going to the beach. Alright y’all. I love you so much. Thanks for being here. I’ll see you next week. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big