Today Betsy talks about the focus that you have been dwelling on and how to shift that so you can create something magical.
Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy
I’m an author, a speaker, a master coach, and trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I help people create lives they’re excited about over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers, welcome to today’s show.
So I had this plan that today I was gonna do, I was gonna do some deep streaming. So if you’re on my text list, I send out texts a couple times a week, with, like, I don’t know, for lack of a better word like messages, right? So like these ideas about the world about life. And last week, I asked if anyone on my text list had something they wanted me to ask. And so I do deep streaming, I guess I would describe this as like, sort of like a meditation, I would say, but where I, I pick a target, and then I listen.
And when I listen, usually I get something that’s a little bit different than maybe what I would say. I’m not I’m not saying it’s coming from some place else. I’m just saying it’s coming from some higher part of me, you know, collective consciousness, maybe I don’t know, I don’t know where it comes from. But it always is positive. And it always is something that makes me think a little bit different. So last week, I asked my text community if they had things that they wanted me to ask, and honestly, I thought maybe I’d get like one or two. And I got like dozens of dozens of them. And so my thought was that I would do a whole podcast and I’m going to, it’ll probably be next week where I do the, there’s so many, it’s going to take me some time to actually see what if I can get anything about those.
But this week, has been so busy, that I felt like I couldn’t quite settle in to hear what I needed to hear. And there were a couple times this week where I asked what I normally ask, which is, what do I need to know today, and I would hear something like right off, you know, but it wasn’t related to what people were asking me. So it was just something I guess that I needed to hear. The one the other day was about simplifying, and about getting the clarity that we need to make adjustments in our life that are necessary for the growth that we’re seeking. And when we continue to complicate things, we’re just slowing things down. And that that is an unconscious response to your overwhelm. And so if you can simplify things you can actually speed up. Now, this week has been like a really, really busy week, I’ve been doing a lot of things, I’m still recording the NLP practitioner component of my certification, which is now moving right along and feeling really good and aligned.
And I also launched inside my alchemy, collective my membership, a VIP option. So I have been on a bit of a journey the past 67 days. To be exact, I’m counting. And I wanted to walk people through that journey. So I wanted to create like an eight week course where people could work with me and I could walk them through that process. So there’s still some spots open if you want. If you want to get information on that. Email us or direct or DM me on social media, just
just the word beach,
so you can go to support@BetsyPake.com the word beach, and we’ll just send you the information you’d need. There’s still I think three spots left. So if you’re interested in that,
jump on that. Alright, so
in all of that, I was like, what,
is the thing that I’m supposed to talk about on the show today? Because I’ve been so busy that usually when I do an episode I like slow down enough to listen. And it’s weird. Because when that last week before I came back, so last week was the first week back after my little mini month off. I had like a lot of ideas and I wrote them down somewhere. You know how you do that? Um, and so I knew that it wasn’t, I wasn’t supposed to talk about anything that I had written down, and that I knew that it would just come to me.
this morning, I ended up you know, when you’re just on social media and I was surfing around and I kept seeing this same thing comes up over and over and over and over again. And whatever it was, isn’t important as much as what I kept thinking.
this is from a larger scale, because I was seeing this all over social media, but I want to like zoom it way into your life. And I want you to just think about your life. And you probably have like dreams, or hopes or ideas or things that you really want,
And when you think about those things, are you beating the drum of those things? Or are you beating the drum of the thing that you don’t want? Right? So are you talking about it, thinking about it, finding evidence of it. And in that, it’s pulling you away from the thing, it’s pulling you away from what you actually want, but it might feel good. So let me give you an example. Maybe, maybe you, maybe you have been really struggling to find a partner. Or maybe you’re in a partnership that you don’t really want to be in anymore. Or maybe you hate your job or your boss. And so the thing that you want, isn’t actually in your awareness, what’s in your awareness is the part of that that you don’t want. So, the great thing about having
The great thing about having crap in our lives is that it actually helps to refine our clarity. So when things don’t work out, or when things are crappy, or when things are like I don’t like this, it is a huge gift, because it helps us to narrow down our focus and give you direction. But the thing that people normally do is then they start looking at that thing. So instead of using it as a refining tool to get where they want to go, they use it as something to look at and something to like use as like a chew toy for their brain, right. So let’s just, let’s say you hate your boss.
And every day you come in and your boss does something or sends an email, or makes you go to a meeting or gives you a weird look, or you handed something in or you presented a project and you know you did a good job and they made some backhanded compliment. And you feel like they don’t really appreciate you and then they gave somebody else raise, and then someone else got promoted. And then you’re beating that drum, you’re thinking about that all the time, you’re wondering about it, you’re thinking about if you should go and get a different job. And if you should, you know, if you if the person that got the promotion is the is really that much better than you and you’re chewing on that and chewing on that and chewing on it.
that what those things are all showing us as a way for us to like laser beam in our focus on where we want what we want. So all of that outside noise, all of those things are to redirect us to what we actually want, right? So when we start to move now there’s two different reasons for this. And I’m going to get into what I was about to say. But there’s two different reasons for this. One is our reticular reticular activating system, our RS in our brains, is built to show you more of what you think is important, and how it knows what’s important is what you give attention to and what has emotion.
So if you’re giving a lot of attention to the fact that you hate your wife, or hate your husband, or hate your job, or hate your boss, or whatever it is, and there’s emotion in that because there is because that’s life, then that’s going to be the thing that your reticular activating system thinks it needs to show you more of. So you’ve heard me say this before, but our nervous system, your nervous system, the things you see, you hear you feel you taste all those, it gets bombarded with information, every day, every second, so much information that it cannot consciously make you aware of all of that it consciously can only make you aware of a teeny, teeny teeny tiny bit of that. And so, how does it do that? How does it know what to bring into your awareness
it uses your reticular activating system to go Oh, look, look,
you wanted this, you wanted this, I’m taking in a million pieces of information every second, and I’m only going to show you 126 of those pieces. Imagine, think about Facebook, right? You’re on Facebook, you have 1000 friends, right? But you see the same people all the time, right in your feed, you get the same people in your feed all the time. Because the algorithm knows who you interact with.
And that’s how your brain works. It’s like the Facebook algorithm. You getting all this information in, but it’s only going to show you the things it thinks you’re interested in, and it thinks you’re interested in things that you spend time on. Okay, so now you’re at work and your boss’s aihole. And you linger on it. The algorithm in your brain goes, that’s really important. Let’s show her more times.
I’ve had people ask me before, and they’re like, Yeah, but my boss is doing that. But they are giving me a dirty look. Right? I noticed it because they were doing it. And I say you noticed it because you were looking for it. And if you start looking for something else, maybe you’ll find that other something else. Now,
I’m not saying that you should stay in a job you hate. I’m saying if you’re unhappy, and you go to another job, it won’t be long before you’re unhappy because that vibration is in you. Like that reticular activating system is activated. So I was saying before, it’s two things, one thing is your brain, right? And one thing I think is the energy of it.
Right? What’s the
what is energetically being brought to you? Right? We’re we are energetic beings. We’re spiritual beings, right? Having a physical experience. And that’s the reticular activating system. So when you think about your life, and when I asked you this question, I want you to just like right off, just come
up with what what comes into your mind. But what are you beating the drum of? What are you beating? What’s the drum that you beat every day?
In? Is it
what you want?
I’ll tell you that I was beating the drum for a long time about how I couldn’t go to the beach. I can’t go to the beach, I can’t go to the beach. I can’t go to the beach. I want to and I can’t because of these these things. And so 67 days ago,
I started beating a different drum, just to see what would happen. Like what would happen. You know, for a long time, I have this little thing on my desk. In fact, I found it this morning in my in my drawer here I’m pulling it out. It says if I paid you a million dollars to keep a positive focus for 90 days, could you do it? For 90 days,
could you do it? Could
you not beat the drum of what you don’t want for 90 days. So I’m on day 67 when I started and I’m going to teach this whole system to the people that are taking my class, when I started. My daughter, you know wanted to go to Scott, she’s wanting to go to scad, which is the Savannah College of Art and Design. They have an Atlanta campus. They have a campus in Paris, they have a campus in Savannah, each campus focuses like on a different area of art. So like if you’re into painting, I think that’s you go to Paris, right? So
she’s wanting to go since she was a little kid.
And you’ve if you’ve heard the episode that I did with her and how sick she was in high school. I mean, I don’t know that. I don’t know that we thought that could happen. But she continued to beat that drum. She has had scad t shirts since she was a little kid. And so 67 days ago when I started this
I did not it wasn’t in my awareness. I knew that she was she’s goes to Georgia State and she and she was looking into going to scad and had sent information for an application. She had sent an application. But because she was transferring in she had to have a certain number of credits. She’s gotten like all A’s like she’s a outstanding student. But I didn’t think she had the credits. In fact, she didn’t think she had the credits.
And I don’t think they thought she had the credits. And they had emailed with her a few things and talk to her about when she could hope that when they would look at her application for January. And so I started beating the drum of what I wanted a lot of things of what I wanted many things and I started blocking out any other thing, like I was not going to entertain or look at it. If something would come up on Instagram that wasn’t that was causing me to waver, I just would get off, I got off all social media for like several weekends, I haven’t, I have not been spending nearly as much time on social media. And that’s sort of evolved over the 67 days, but I have had a process that I have done.
I told you last week, she got accepted into scad. But what I didn’t tell you was that it was so sort of a surprising email that she got that said she could get in. And then there was still room in the dorms like
it. It. It didn’t
make logical sense, if I had been mapping out what I wanted, logically, how, how can this happen?
I would not have been able to do it. Because logically, it didn’t really make sense. I kept saying to her, are you are you sure but like she
was sure. She was like, yeah, we’re having a meeting on such and such a day when her dad were meeting with them.
And it begin to happen. And when that piece and if you’re a mom, or even if you’re not a mom, I’m sure you can imagine. Like when your kid is settled, especially after the experience that we had together, you can listen to that episode, it’s just a few episodes back. Then, when when they feel settled, it gives you room to expand. Right? It is almost like it gives you permission, right? To have what you need and want and have, and desire, because you know that they are okay. And I don’t know that. That’s right. But that’s how I have always felt maybe like I couldn’t be okay, or I couldn’t have everything that I desired or wished her dream for until she did. Now, I don’t know that that’s right.
But you could argue that I needed to focus on what I wanted. And then she would get what she wanted. And maybe that’s what happened. As I continued to beat the drum of what I wanted. All the other obstacles began to float away and drift away. So I want to ask you about what the drum is that you’re beating, and are you aware of it, sometimes we can consciously be aware of it.
And sometimes there’s an unconscious drum that we’re beating, you know, the the drum that tells us that we’re not good enough for the drum that tells us that we’re not worthy, right, some thing that we picked up maybe from a absent parent or a parent that wasn’t able to evolved enough to be able to give us what we needed when we were young. And so we carry that with us. And then we decided that that meant something. I I have made a huge shift in all of this. And, and you’ve heard me say this before, and you’ve probably heard a lot of people say this. But when this shift happened within me, I it, it felt like such a relief.
And it felt like such a change that I feel like it’s important to mention it because it might be something that’s holding you back too. But the things that I had a story about. And remember, everything out there is neutral. Everything that we experience is neutral. It’s just It’s just what we are focusing on in the story that we’re making about it.
So the story I was making about my daughter was that I couldn’t be happy till she was happy, right? I couldn’t get what I wanted. Like I won’t want to say happy. But I couldn’t get what I wanted until she got what she wanted. And then I felt like I had permission. But when I started to beat the drum that we already had what we wanted, what we wanted started coming into our awareness and started coming true. The story, the story. So what’s your story? What’s the story that you tell yourself?
You know, I am training coaches right now people that want to become coaches, or maybe coaches that are already coaches and they want to expand what they know and teaching them hypnotherapy and NLP. And as we expand into being coaches If the desire that we have isn’t matching our external experience, What’s the story? You’re telling yourself? Nobody’s signing up. Nobody likes me. I’ve got the wrong message.
I don’t have the
right. What’s the story? When you drop the story? When you’re like, that doesn’t mean anything.
I’ll tell you that I
sent a kajillion people messages about my small group I’m doing a lot of people wanted information about it. The fact that they replied to me or didn’t reply to me, it doesn’t
mean not that I don’t care, but it doesn’t. There’s no story to that for me at all. I mean, I know that if they’re not doing it, it’s not right for them, whoop dee doo, whoop dee doo. But
a lot of
people and maybe the old me, right version of me several years ago would have been like,
Oh, my God, it means
this isn’t good. I’m not good. Nobody likes me, this is never gonna work. No, like, none of that story is true. That’s not true at all. So what’s the story that you tell yourself when you see the result out there, because you’re beating the drum internally of something different. The shift that needs to be made, to stop beating the drum,
making up the story is for you to become hyper focused on what you do want to see and have an experience where you know, that the reality that you are experiencing in this moment
because you were beating the drum for it in the past, and that now you’re beating a new drum. So you know, the new story is on its way. Like, without a doubt, the new thing is, is here, you’re just kind of waiting for it to show up. The thing for me is here already, and I’m just waiting for it to show up. And it shows up daily moving me in the direction of seeing it in my reality every single day. So when I look at my actual reality, right now, it almost makes me giggle. Because I know that it’s already different. It’s just taking a second to show up in my physical reality. And so the things that used to bother me, don’t bother me.
Because I’m beating the drum for where I’m going, which is already here. It’s not here physically where you could see it, but I can see it. It’s already here. So I want you to notice, what are you beating the drum for? throughout your day? What’s the story? You’re telling yourself over and over and over again? Is it bringing you where you want to go? Or is it shifting you into staying where you are or even going backwards? And we can take this from something like micro in our lives, and we can take it even bigger to something bigger in the world. You know, Mother Teresa said, I’m never going to go to an anti war rally. You have a peace rally I’m going to show up. Right? Because she understood the power of beating the drum of what you want. I have you’ve probably heard me talk about how I love tic Tock.
I think people are so creative. People are magical, creative amazingness. But I do not watch any videos about Karen’s, do you know what I’m talking about when I say that? And if your name is Karen, I’m so sorry that that is the Karen um, but I don’t watch the videos of that or have negative stuff not because I don’t believe that those things are happening in reality not because I don’t think it’s bad. It’s because I don’t want to beat the drum of that. I want to beat the drum of what I want. And so I’m actively seeking out stuff that I want. And the algorithm just like Facebook, just like your RS is starting to show me more and more and more of the happy fun stories.
Right of what I do want of how the world is good about how things are changing about how awareness is happening. So I want you to if if you are called to ask yourself, what’s the drum that I’m beating and is it serving me and is it is the story I have about my life the story I want to go forward with. You know, last week I talked about how I had this moment where I was like oh my gosh, I have six months left of 2021 Haven’t expanded into where I want to be. And I can write like I can, because I can feel this momentum because now I’m on day 67 of this process.
I can feel the momentum like, why am I wasting time? I don’t want. You know, there are lots of reasons why I haven’t done some of the things I want to do, like real reasons. And I decided that I didn’t want to be an old lady in my bed, about to die in my hundreds, because I’m gonna live to 100. I decided that sounded fun to have a big party. But I don’t want to be her and go, Oh, I didn’t do those things. Because I had a lot of reasons. No, I don’t want reasons I want like magic. And I have beat the drum that we are magical spiritual beings.
And I’m living that now. Like, no more, like no more. Like, what are you beating the drum? And do you want to step forward and be magical? Is it time? Are you like, hell yeah. It’s time. I invite you then to join me. I’m, I’m, I can’t wait to tell you all the things, magical, amazing things that are happening. And you can get there too. And it can only take 67 days. So beat the drum of what you want. Notice what your story is, and shift so that the algorithm of life begins to show you
things that support where you really want to go. And I think that is how you live a big life. Now if you want to join me, in my process, you can just shoot me a message support at Betsy pake.com just send the word beach and we’ll just send you back all the details and then you can decide that feels aligned or not. Alright, I love you all so much. I will see you next week. If you liked this episode, please share it please help me get the word out, put it on social media tag me. Let’s celebrate that we can be magical and we can have magical people around us.
I think when other people hear the call and they just needed something you know, they just needed something to be able to go like oh that’s I want to do that. Then you start having like magical friends and people that want to expand with you and that is what creates like even more momentum. So all right. I will see you all next week.
Bye bye. I love you. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I’ll see you next week. And until then, keep living big