261: What if I don't know what I want! - Betsy Pake

261: What if I don’t know what I want!


Today Betsy talks about last weeks episode and what to do if you don’t know what you want!


Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, a speaker, a master coach, and trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I help people create lives they’re excited about over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, welcome to the show. Hello fellow adventurers, welcome to The Art of Living big if you’re new here, thank you, thank you for being here. And if you’ve been here for a little while, thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I really appreciate it. Because you know, I’m like, sitting here, recording every week. And to know that you liked it so much that you told somebody that you care about is it’s pretty awesome. So thank you. Thank you for that. A lot of people shared last week’s show. And the reason that I know that is because I got quite a few messages. And I want to talk today about the message that I got. And why I think it’s a really, really good distinction. And even if when I tell you look, the messages that I got, even if you’re like, Oh, that’s not me, Listen anyway, because there’s gonna be like a little something in there for you. I can feel it. So this week, I’m recording the podcast a couple days early, because I am going to visit a girlfriend in Minnesota. So I’m leaving tomorrow on Wednesday, and I will just spend a couple days at the lake with her and with her parents, and I’m so excited. I’m so excited to just like have, like, some girl time, you know, it’s funny to me, because since I moved to Atlanta, it’s not like I moved very far right? I lived outside Atlanta. And then in December, I moved into Atlanta. But it is far enough that you don’t just meet up and honestly, I don’t. After I sold the gym, I’m not sure I really was meeting up with anybody anyway, because it just wasn’t where I needed to be. So it’s really, really fun for me, which leads me into today’s show, like it feels fun. And sometimes we can be unsure. A couple different things happen. But we can be unsure about what feels fun. So here’s the here’s the message that I got from quite a few people direct message on Instagram, replying to my text messages. If you’re, if you’re not on my text list, a couple days a week, I send out a message from my deep streaming and you can get on there, it’s free, you can just text me, if you just text like whoa, 770-343-3409 you’ll get on that list. Anyway, I got messages, I can get messages back through that service. And I got some messages back. Okay, so here’s what the here’s what the gist of the message is. Last week, I did an episode about what is the drum that you’re beating? It was episode number 260. What is the drum that you’re beating? And it was really about? Where is your focus? You know, whatever you’re focused on for a lot of different reasons, both brain reasons, and I think energetic reasons. Whatever we’re focused on is what we’re seeing more of and it becomes our reality. So then we go, Yeah, but that is real. I know, I think my boss is a jerk, but it is real, because he is our I know, my husband is, you know, annoying, because he is like, no, like I see it. And that’s how I know it’s true. And what I want to challenge and what I talked about last week was I want to challenge that it’s not because you see it that it becomes true, it’s becomes true, because you see it, and you see it because you’re searching for it. And whether or not you want it is irrelevant. And so wherever you’re placing your focus is what’s going to expand, they call it the law of attraction, right? Whatever I’m looking at is going to expand. And I think that the problem, the error that we make, and I make it too, is that when something happens that we don’t like, instead of using that as a tool to refine what we do want, we instead use it as a chew toy and just think about it and ruminate on it and discuss it with our friends and it becomes this really big thing. And then all of a sudden, everywhere we go we see it, right. You know, like when you go to buy a car, and you’re like, I never see that car. I’m gonna be so unique. That afternoon you see like seven 17 dimes, right. So the message that I was getting was, so that’s all fine, Betsy, like, what’s the drum that you’re beating? I get it, I totally get it. But I don’t even know what I want. So I don’t even know what drum I’m beating because I don’t know what I want. Okay, so this is something I heard over and over and over again, from a lot of people. And I find it really interesting because I think that 2020 screwed us because it sort of shifted how we were interpreting what was available to us. And we would think I would like that, but I can’t do that. I’d love to go to Starbucks and just hang out, but I can’t because everything’s closed because of COVID. Right? I’d love to go travel Oh, look at the travel photo at member and my memories when we went to Baba, but right, and then, and then you’re like, but I can’t. So you, I believe that this is a little bit I’m, I’m gonna go I’m gonna say I believe that this has become become a bit of an epidemic in that people are have pulled in what they think is available or what they think is possible for themselves. Because they had to in order to be comfortable in the system that was created because of COVID. Last year, now, things are opening up, the world is opening up, you can fly on Delta, and you don’t get us extra empty seat next to you anymore, right? So the world is shifting, and I know the Delta variant is coming. And I know that might change things yet again. But I think what we’re left with right now is this idea, or this habit. Remember, whatever we’re focused on, what’s the drum we’re beating, I think the drum we were beating last year was I can’t do that. And I can’t do that. And I can’t have that. And I’m not allowed to do that yet. Now I right. So that was the drum were beating. And now it’s like, it’s like it sucked up the image that I feel when I think about this is like when people were messaging me It felt like people were Saran wrapped to you know, like those, um, it’s not saran wrap. But you know how like a vacuum pack. When I was growing up, my mother had a seal a meal, talking about. So she would put leftovers into like a basically a Ziploc baggie, she’d put it in this like machine that was like, attached to the wall. It was supposed to be white, but the sun had been on it so much, it turns like that yellow color, you know what I’m talking about. And she would seal a meal, she would shut the thing and it would vacuum out all the air and like melt the plastic. So then she could put it in the freezer, okay. That’s what I’m feeling we’ve done to ourselves, we’ve like seal a meal, ourselves. And now everything outside of that really, really dense plastic is is not as attainable to us. Now, there may be things where you’re like, I know I can do this. Now I can go to a restaurant now. But there’s a part of you that still like scanning for how free you can really be in that situation. Do I need to bring a mask? Do they require masks? When I get into I need a mask? Are the tables far enough? apart? Do you want to sit outside? Should we sit outside? Maybe we should. Right? So it is different. Even if you’re doing things you used to do? They’re different. So last week, when I talked about beating your drum, you might have been like, that’s great, but I don’t know what I want. And I think that that is because we’ve gotten in this habit of not being able to have what we want. And so then it became sort of easier to be like, Well, I didn’t I didn’t want it anyway. Right? I know. That’s what I do. I mean, so here’s my thought for this week. You don’t have to know, you don’t have to know what you want. You’ve been through a lot. And maybe you’re going through a lot now, you know, maybe you’re going through a lot now, because of the ramifications of last year. You know, maybe it’s not directly related to COVID. Maybe it’s not about wearing a mask or going out to Starbucks, maybe it’s something else. Maybe there has been like a reevaluation of your life and your values and how you want to live. Maybe you’ve re evaluated who you want to live with, and where you want that to be and how you want that to me. I think all of this is really, really normal, but it may leave you feeling in a place where you’re like, I don’t know what I want. But I know it’s not this and that is a distinction in itself. That is saying I will I need to turn I need to look at the other side of this coin because I know that it’s not this You know, Abraham Hicks talks about, everything has another side, right you flip the coin over. And the other side to not this is this. And so although we need to not beat the drum of what we don’t want, we can also begin to shift to a place of leveraging those feelings that are coming now naturally to us. of I don’t like this, and I don’t like this, and I don’t like this. And I don’t like this. Because when we can get that awareness, instead of just blindly thinking it, instead of just having that emotion, and then feeling like poo, and continuing to add on and add on and add on till you have like this pile up. Instead, I want you to see if you can pause and have an awareness of it, when it happens when you have that, not this pause and say if not this, then what? If it wasn’t this? What would it be? And I’m going to tell you that I know from myself, that this can be really difficult. There have been times where I have thought, well, what’s the opposite of that? I don’t know. Like, I can’t think because we tend to feel as if we’re in a bit of a box when we have a struggle, or we don’t know the answer to something when we feel stuck. I mean, that’s the definition of it is that we can’t see the other options, we can see the other options, we take them, but we really can’t see them. And so settle now and know that that’s a normal place to be. And that when you have an awareness of it, and you have an awareness, just of the fact that there may be other ways to look at this that I can’t see from where I’m sitting right now. And that’s okay. Just having the awareness is going to open you up to something else that could be there. It’s also going to open you up to the fact that you’re doing the thing, right, that you’re cutting yourself off from other options or other things that might be available to you. So how do you get awareness? And I know everyone says this. And so forgive me, because you’re going to be like, Oh, I read a list. This is how I feel Oh, right. You got to be present. And really, I know sometimes I’ll go, because I’m like, I don’t want to be present. being present, especially when you feel stuck, isn’t good, it doesn’t feel good. You’re like I really don’t want to be present because the socks. But if you can stay in yourself, stay in your body and stay grounded. You can start to notice, I am, I am here in this. And I see these things that I don’t like that right there is the step number one. Now you might even be asking, like how do you even get grounded? Because we hear that a lot, don’t you? I remember years ago, I was like, Okay, keep hearing about being grounded. I would do it if I knew what it was. I always think of being grounded is coming back into my body. When I need to get grounded. It’s because I’m really in my head. Like I’m thinking about things and mulling over things and looking at all the options that I think I see that probably aren’t enough. Not enough options, right? So I need to get back into my body and into the present moment. So I really imagine my my spirit. That’s how I imagine it my spirit actually filling up my whole body and going down into my legs. This can feel like a really interesting thing. If you find that you’re not normally there. You know, I had a C section when I had my daughter. I mean almost 20 years ago. And every time I get Reiki or anything, they’re like you’re cutting off I’m like, Yeah, well, I was like it was and so sometimes I feel like it it’s almost hard for me to even visually like in my mind’s eye push my spirit down into my legs. And so I spend a lot of time in my head. And sometimes that’s great. And sometimes it doesn’t really work for me. So if you feel like you need to get grounded into the moment just imagine your spirit filling up your whole body. You can imagine it as a color I imagined mine is like a gold, gold, white light kind of color going down into my legs. And then I imagine it like shooting through my feet into the earth. Do you know those little When I was little, I had these little figurines that you’d hold in your hand, and you’d put your fingers like around their legs, and you’d put your thumb at the bottom. And when you pressed, they were, like, all held together with like a rubber band. So they would like collapse, and then you’d unpress it, and they would like, like, get really stiff again. Do you know what I’m talking about? That’s how I imagine it. So imagine this light shooting out through my feet into the middle of the earth until I can feel that soft spot in the middle of the earth. And then when it hits that, I imagine it being that release of the button at the bottom of that little puppet thing. And that I go, we’re okay, stand up really straight. And I feel myself actually being pulled into the earth. And then I look around, and I look at the walls, and I look at my desk, and I look at my computer and the microphone and my iPad, and I say computer, iPad, desk, I name things in the physical, because I want to be in the physical when I’m when I’m feeling stuck. I’m way up in my head. I’m way out there, right? So I want to bring it into the now. Because right now is where I’m going to be able to shift things, I can’t shift anything in the future. My friends, I cannot do anything about the past, no matter, I could think about it all. Damn day long, it doesn’t matter. But I can anything that I anything, even if I have a dream. I’m not getting it. And I’m not doing it in the future. I’m doing it right now. So getting present feeling that pole to the earth and being here. Now from here, I can start to notice, what am I feeling? What am I telling myself. And then when I have that moment where I’m like, these are the things you know, write them down, take a piece of paper, put a line down the middle, on the left hand side of the paper, write all the things all day long that you thought all the crappy, stupid things I know, you’re gonna be like, I don’t know you’re expanding on it, just do it for a day, if you’re having trouble, do it, write it all down. And then on the other side, you can spend some time and go, what would be a better feeling thought, what would be something different. You know, if you hate your boss, and you write down all the stuff that you hate about your boss, you know, on the other side, you might write, I really like when I have a boss who makes me feel valued. It doesn’t have to be about that boss, but it’s the feeling is the opposite of the feeling you’re getting. Right. So when you start to do this, you’re going to start to shift out of the box of that situation. And into someplace more expansive. You know, I think this is so important. Because so many times I’ll talk with people, and they’ll say the things that they think. And here’s a really good example. And this is an example that I have heard from my coach, she talks about, about different kinds of money coaches, there’s one in particular, who has like a radio show, and he talks all about not spending any money. Like if you have debt zero, don’t spend anything, don’t go out to eat like you don’t deserve to go out to eat. If you have any debt. That’s basically what he says. But he also says this thing, and this is what she talks about, and she’s sent it on Instagram, you’ve probably heard this kind of thing. But what that money coach says, He says, Don’t go to Starbucks. If you have any debt, don’t go to Starbucks. And that is a very constricting, the whole message is constrict. And my coach always says expand, do you want Starbucks figure out how to make more, right expand into what you want. So when you have your list, and you’re looking at the things you don’t want, and then you’re looking at the other side, expand, expand in we have been sila meals for a year. And I want you to think how can I make this even more expansive? When you find something you do? Like, think about how could that be really really big? How could that expand into something even bigger, and start to feel what that feels like to shift into taking up space? Let your thoughts take up space let your ideas take up space. Let the the the way that you’ve been living confined, right limited to your home, not doing a lot. I want you to take your mindset now and start to shift it out. So when people were messaging me and they were like, I don’t get it I’m beating the drum but I don’t know what drum to beat because I don’t know what I want. It is okay. It’s okay. start beating The drum that every day you get clarity, start beating the drum that every day, you’re redefining what you want. start beating the drum that you know that the up the opposite of what you don’t like is available to you. And then just start refining, start using your crap sack, all the stuff that you throw in your bag of crap you don’t like start digging through that crap sack and figure out what is it that would be the opposite of all of this? And then how can I start to focus on that? And be expansive? You don’t have to know exactly. You just have to know you’re expanding into something else. Then, as you keep going forward, you’re gonna start noticing more and more and more. The contrast, right? I like this. I don’t like that. I like that. I like I like this piece of it. Right. I like that. That seems fun. Right? You know, I went and got ice cream with my husband a couple weeks ago. There’s ice cream place right downstairs, which praise Sweet Baby Jesus. I don’t like ice cream that much. Because otherwise I’d be in a lot of trouble. But we went down there. And, you know, we they have a million flavors, we figured out what flavor we wanted. And then I was like thinking about it. And I was like, you know, I really, I don’t enjoy the cone. I don’t really enjoy the cone. So I don’t want to hold the cone and it was hot. And I didn’t want it dripping down me. So when I thought that, oh, that’s gonna be dripping all over me. I was like, oh, I’ll take a cup. Can you put it in a cup? Yeah, it’s not that I dislike the cone itself. I just don’t like it dripping all over me. So then I was like, could you stick the cone in the cup? So that I could still have a cone? Yeah. Do you see what I mean? So instead of taking the cone and being like, I hate this, I hate that this is dripping all over. I used it to figure out what would feel like more fun. And then I just asked wasn’t on the menu. mean the cup was on the menu, but not sticking the cone in the cup, right? It didn’t say like, Do you hate it when that ice cream rolls down your fingers and gets all sticky then order the cone in the cup, they should do that. That would be a very cool ice cream place. But I took the contrast and then created what I wanted and then asked to make it real. So if you struggled last week listening to that episode, or if you’re wondering like, I don’t even know what I want. I don’t know everything that I want. But I’m using the contrast to help me refine what I want and to get clarity, and then to not constrict Nabila meal, but to expand out into how could I just bring in what it is I want because I think that is how you live a big life. So before we go, I want to just let you know that my alchemy Institute where I’m certifying you with a million different certifications, six different certifications, NLP hypnotherapy, deep streaming facilitation EFT time techniques. I mean, like all the things success coaching, this is like nuts to bolts, I teach you how to be a coach. It’s awesome. And the group that’s in there now is so killer. And we have like the best, our zoom meetings the best. And so, if this is something that you’ve been interested in, then I encourage you to just check it out. I think I’ve got a really great program and I would love if you are aligned with it to come in and join us. So you can find it by going to my website, go to Betsy pake.com. Or you can go right to the alchemy Institute the alchemy institute.co.co or just go to my website either way. All right. Thanks so much for being here. Thanks for sharing this episode. I really appreciate it. Everybody that shares it and puts it on social media and tags me Thank you Thank you. It makes me want to toss confetti and click my heels together. And I hope you guys have an awesome week. I love you so much. I’ll see you next time. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I’ll see you next week. And until then, keep living big


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.