264: My journey of ayahuasca (and why I didn't take it) - Betsy Pake

264: My journey of ayahuasca (and why I didn’t take it)


In todays episode Betsy shares a personal story about a very personal decision she recently made while on the path for her spiritual expansion. Listen with an open heart, as always, take what serves you and leave the rest.


Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, a speaker, a master coach, and trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I help people create lives they’re excited about over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hi, hello. Hi, Hello fellow adventurers. Welcome to today’s show. So today is going to be one of those episodes where we just pretend that we’re friends that met up at Starbucks. And I’m going to tell you a story. It’s a different story than I thought I was going to tell. It’s, it’s, there’s still so much energy around it, I’m going to, but I also, okay, let me say it this way. So I want to tell you a story. We’re meeting up at Starbucks, I want to tell you a story. It’s so fresh, but I wanted to tell it because I know that the more that I think about it and examine it, the more that it may change, you know, as you examine things and time goes by, things start to morph and change. And I wanted it to be as close and as authentic as I could possibly get it. So I was going to do this episode anyway, about why I wanted to do Iosco, and if you don’t know what that is, I’ll explain in just a minute. And then I was going to do a second episode after I did the iOS guy. And then I was going to share them both after I returned so that I was sure that I wanted to share everything, you know, I’m gonna share it, I’ve been doing this show for almost five years. And so when I’m going through my life, I always am paying attention. I like to think that I’m always paying attention and, and, and getting lessons from like, the ordinary things. And those are the kinds of things I think are really good to share. And so in some ways, I think I’ve trained myself to see the world in through a filter of, like, how could this help other people? or How could I best share this. And I also think that that’s just sort of who I am. That I’ve always been like that. And I always I always have tried to connect with people by opening. And in doing so. I think I’ve always hoped it would help them open up to so this episode’s a little different maybe for me, because it sounds um maybe there’s a lesson in here for you. And maybe there isn’t, maybe it’s just gonna be like a really interesting story. Maybe it will help you expand what you think reality really is. Maybe that’s it. So if you’ve never heard of I Alaska, I’m not gonna do a whole lesson on Iosco, you can google but I’ll give you the basic rundown. And maybe that’s like, maybe that is also my lack of fully understanding. And the the depth of my understanding was okay for me. But I’m not totally sure I could explain exactly, all the pieces. I’ve watched a million documentaries, I’ve watched a million YouTube videos, I’ve gone down every rabbit hole, about iosa. So I Alaska is plant medicine. It is a psychedelic and it is done in a traditional ceremony, typically, in the jungle. And it comes from a vine to vines that they brew together to make like a tea. And you drink the tea. And it allows you to expand your consciousness and heal things that need to be healed and release things that need to be released. It is done not as a recreational journey. But it is done as an ascension. You know, it’s done as a way to expand your consciousness and change how you see the world. It allows you to heal things that maybe you’ve tried to heal on your own for a long, long time. And it allows you to see things that may be holding you back. And so this has been something over the last. I don’t know maybe five years or so that I’ve been aware of and have wanted to do. Maybe last year maybe right before COVID My husband and I watched a documentary about it and really had a lot of discussions about going to Costa Rica and I’m having this experience. And so recently when a friend came to me and said that she had done iOS SCA, and that the shaman that she was doing had done it with was opening up more spots in August. And she asked if I wanted to be introduced to her so that I could do and have one of the spots. I thought about it for a couple of weeks and then decided that I that, that it seemed aligned, you know that it seemed like maybe this was the right time and this fell in my lap in such a way that I should do it. And so I signed up, and I was to leave this week. Now, if you guys listened to one of my earlier episodes with Kat, she is one of the healers sort of in my on my team. She does some really amazing work. And in my work with Kat and let me look and see what episode Alright, so it’s Episode 237 if you want to check that out. Cat is an intuitive resolutions expert and I worked with cat, she does something with your energetic field basically, to keep it simple. You can listen to that episode if you want to know more. But around the time that I made the decision to do this, the Iosco journey I was working with cat and we were we were sort of just finishing up like a six month worth of work together. And in our work together. I guess the best way to explain it is that she was helping me to open up like my portal and clean out my portal. And so when I told her I was going to do the Iosco, you know, she she was a little I could feel a little concern in her. She also was open to whatever experiences I had decided that I wanted to have and really just wanted to be a support for me, I think as a healer and also as a friend, you know, so. So, when we were finishing up our work together, you know, the way that cat explains Iosco to me is that there is a spirit in the vines. And if you’ve heard of Iosco, you may have heard of people call it like mother Iosco and the spirit is what calls you to it. And so when you drink the tea, it is really bringing the spirit inviting the spirit into you to do the work or to help you do the work that needs to be done. And so cats I wasn’t gonna say concerns, but her expressions to me were that, you know, this is a spirit that you’re calling in, and you’re allowing into this portal that we’ve spent a lot of time cleaning up. And so you just have to make sure you’re really comfortable with that. And if I’m being honest with myself, I wasn’t 1,000% comfortable. I’m not like a recreational drug user of any sort at all. I rarely even drink alcohol. It’s not my thing. I’ve never been a marijuana smoker or anything like that. Like, that’s just not my thing. So this was really outside my comfort zone. And I think I chalked it up to that, like my hesitation, I think I chalked up to the fact that I’m pretty conservative when it comes to that stuff. And so this felt so out of out of not what was normal for me. And so it wasn’t that I was had a concern about the iOS guy, it was that it was outside of the identity that I’ve had my whole life of being someone who who doesn’t do that. I very much like to be present and clear. And I have the belief that alcohol and marijuana and honestly fried food and sugar even though I do partake in those things that they cloud that connection to source. So for the most part, I like to remain really open you know, so so Kat explained to me kind of how she felt about it and and since that time, it’s been maybe a month since she and I had that conversation. Now I’m supposed to leave next week to go and I’ve been having so at that time she told me that she felt like They, that the Spirit was already visiting me, you know that the spirit of mother Iosco was already here? And she was like, they know you’re coming and it’s already here. And, you know, your portals really open and, and the mother Iosco is just wait like waiting and knows and is doing, you know, some some work. So, the past few weeks, I have had really crazy dreams, like very intense, very vivid dreams. And honestly, during the day, I haven’t felt very good. I’m not really one that gets anxious. But me and I have felt so anxious. And I don’t know, I just thought maybe, maybe I need to stop drinking coffee again. Remember when I gave up coffee, and then I started just about a year ago. Maybe I need to do that. Like maybe it’s something else. And anyway, over these last few weeks as well, I haven’t felt my dog Miley. If you guys are new here, my dog Miley died about almost four months ago. But I have felt her you know, I’ve talked about it on the show. I’ve talked to her I, I feel her go on walks with me and Henry, my husband’s dog. And I’ve just felt so connected to her. But over these past few weeks, I really haven’t. Like I keep saying like, what I don’t know where she is. And a few nights ago, I said out loud, like Miley, where are you? Like I cried about it. Like, I used to feel you so strongly. And now I don’t. And that feels so strange to me, because I’ve really developed sort of a new relationship with her. Now that she’s transitioned, and now that she’s been gone, and gosh, it was really bothering me. And so yesterday morning, when I wrote out in my journal, the three things I was going to do today, and then the three things that I asked from the universe, one of the things that I asked was to show me evidence that Miley was still around. I just hadn’t felt that and weeks. Anyway, I wrote it down in the morning, and didn’t think about it again. And in the afternoon, around four o’clock. My daughter called and she said, I had it. I just took a nap. And I woke up. And Miley was licking my face. And she said it felt it so strongly. And she said I actually fell back asleep. And she woke me up again. And then I kind of drifted back to sleep. And she woke me up again. And she was like kind of urgently looking my face. And she’s like, Mom, it was so real. It was so real. And she was had like glowy light around her. And I thought oh my god, I said that’s so cool. Because I asked for evidence. So what I asked for today, and my evidence came through her. And she kind of had a look on her face. And she said she told me to tell you something. Now, before I go any further, I’ll tell you my daughter’s 19. She’s in college. I told her that I was going to this, but I she doesn’t know what I Alaska is. She’s not familiar with it. She doesn’t understand, like, what I was going to do any of that. Okay, so it would be as if a stranger on the street told me this in terms of this discussion. Okay. So I said, Well, what did she say? You know, I was kind of laughing about it. I was like, This is so fun. What did she say? And she said, she said that she’s trying to get to you, but she can’t because of the Giants. Now, I didn’t know at the time that she was telling me this. The many times when people are doing Iosco they say that they see giants. And so I was like the giants, and I said Did she seem scared? And all I said no, she wasn’t really scared, but she couldn’t get to them. And she said, and then she sat next to me and she showed me and so that now this point, I’m getting a little concerned, right? All it doesn’t know what she’s saying. I am getting a bad feeling. And so I said, Well, what did she show you? And she said it was these giant vine people. And they were, they were about a mile away. But they were so big that only about two or three of them took up my entire vision and all I could see was like their feet. When she said they were covered like in kudzu like, like these giant kudzu vine people. Now at this point, I know exactly what it is. And I’m getting a little emotional about it. And honestly, a little concerned because anything that’s good would allow what I love to be with me. And if Miley can’t be with me, then there’s something wrong. And so I said, How come I can’t get in? Are they not letting her in? And she said, No, it feels like their feet are so close together that they’re blocking her. Now, the word blocking her concerned me also. So we got off the phone. And man, I mean, I just, I just really my intuition I have, you know, I preach this over and over and over again, listen to your intuition. Listen to your intuition. It doesn’t matter that you paid for it, it doesn’t matter, you paid for the trip, it doesn’t matter. You had to prepay for your rental car doesn’t matter. None of that matters. Because I’m going to, I’m going to listen to my intuition every time. That’s my promise that I’ve made to myself and I. And I want to do that. And at the same time, I was so looking forward to this, that I was like, how could this not be right? But something hasn’t felt right. I chalked it up to something else. I chalked it up to me just not that just not being a normal thing for me, right. And so I grabbed my Oracle cards, if you are familiar with my Oracle cards that I have made, so I started just shuffling What do I need to know about this? And when I say one popped out of the deck violently, I mean, I mean, I’ve never had one pop out of the deck like that violently as soon as I started shuffling. And the card that I got was, it’s time for you to release this and create something new. So at this point, I’m like, okay, like there’s something. There’s something here it’s time for me to release this, this idea. And honestly, I started thinking like, what are the what are the reasons why I wanted to do this, there was an ascension that I thought I needed to do this in order to get. And the thing that I know about Iosco is that it’s not the divine doing the healing, it’s you doing the healing. And basically, the vine is showing you what you need to see that you haven’t seen. And I know that there’s a lot of Ascension that I can still do without that. Right. I know. I know how there’s power within us. You know, Dr. Joe dispenza, talks about doing the breathing so that our pituitary gland is expressed, and we can have these experiences without without going to Iosco or other methods. So, I reached out to cat, you know, she’s on my spiritual team. And I reached out. And she was very concerned, you know, she’s like, Betsy, you have to really look at this. And she said, we spent a lot of time opening, cleaning things up. And you are inviting this in and we don’t know the source. We don’t know where this vine came from. We don’t know, the source of it. But anything that’s blocking something that you love isn’t doesn’t feel like the right thing to do. And, you know, as I kept thinking about it, and I kept kind of contemplating it, I was like, you know, you have that experience. And then you’re like, What is it? What am I making this is this in my head. And my husband was to go with me, he wasn’t going to do it, but he was going to just be there with me and drop me off. And then he messaged me and said that something had happened at work, and he couldn’t go being blocked. That’s how it felt to me. And I thought, this isn’t the right thing. And I wanted to share that story. Because I think sometimes we get on a path, we’re moving quickly towards something, we’ve made a decision. And we don’t want to make a different decision. We’ve paid money or we don’t want to seem like we’re flaky, or we don’t want to disappoint people or whatever. But listening, listening in I mean, I for Miley doing her best to get this message to me. Right, I can’t get in. I asked my daughter later, I did some things that the cat had told me to do to start to clear the space. And I’ll tell you when I said I’m not going to do this. I out loud, there was three different times where I said it out loud, that my whole entire body got covered with chills, like from the tip of my top of my head to the tips of my fingers, like everything about my body was like it felt like it felt right. And it felt like something. wasn’t happy about it. But not in like a good way. Now, I don’t know if that was in my head. You know, I don’t know, I don’t care. I just know that sometimes. We have to abandon everything else to listen and to ourselves. You know, sometimes we have to say like, I know, I said I was going to do this thing. And I want to be a woman in my word. And I’m changing my mind. And I thought about how am I going to let them know that I’m not coming? Right? I don’t care about a refund or anything like that. But I thought, and I’m not going to try and Please someone else. I don’t think they care. Right? But I’m not going to try to please someone else and abandon what I am feeling. And I think we I think we have this incredible guidance system that has been dismissed. I know when I was growing up, you’re too emotional. It aired that all the time. I was like, Oh, my God, I know. I know. And what if I’m not? Like, what if I’m exactly right, emotional, and that if I listen into that emotion, it helps guide me. It helps me make decisions. It helps me like separate the wheat from the chaff right where I go. Okay. I can see clearly even though there’s all these other circumstances and stories around it, stories around it, right. So I’m curious of what that little voice is saying to you. What’s that voice trying to communicate with you but but maybe you’re rationalizing or pushing it down? Or saying I can’t deal with that yet. Even if you just acknowledge it. Even if you just go I can see you I hear you. I know what you’re trying to communicate with me? Then I’m aware. I’m gonna think about it. But I’m aware, because I believe that the more that we ignore the guidance system, the more we push it down, the more we say, Oh, that’s just me making it up. The the harder it is. And I was ignoring it. Right. I knew something. But I, I think I thought it was just I think I thought it was something different than it was. And it took the clarity of my daughter to bring it into my, to my awareness, right? So we can, we can notice other things around us, we can take guidance like that we can go That’s me, when you tell me that thing. It makes me feel something. And maybe I wasn’t listening to myself before. But this is new, and I’m going to listen to this. Right? Maybe there’s something that you know, what you have been avoiding. And then you watch a movie, and it makes you feel it. And you go, that that’s the thing. It doesn’t matter if it’s something outside of you that’s reflecting in that’s giving you the guidance, right? We always have that system, that feedback loop that’s giving us direction on which way to go. And so what am I going to do now cuz I’ve, I’ve got a trip, time trip planned, right? So I’m going to go and I’m going to get the ascension that I needed without going to the Iosco ceremony, I’m going to meditate and connect with myself and ask myself the questions and relax and shut out the world. So that I can still get what I need. And maybe what I needed was that maybe I didn’t need the the ceremony like I thought I did, but maybe I had to go through that path in order to actually book the hotel. Stay at the resort, you know, leave for a little while and reconnect. And maybe my husband had to not go so that I could go on my own. And that everything really is divine timing and divine planning and and coming together when we just start to allow it. Right, I felt a nudge to do it. And then I felt an urge not to and what was left in the aftermath of that was perhaps exactly what I need. So I’ll let you know next week how it all turns out what I experienced on my own, and maybe some shifts that happen that maybe are really fun and totally better than I ever could have imagined. So this week, listen in. Notice how you’re feeling. Ask yourself some big hard questions and see what comes up and then notice what’s reflected back to you in the world. You know, this is how we grow and shift and heal. And we don’t need iOS good to do it. All right, I love you all so much. If you want to keep doing this work, come and join us inside the alchemy collective you can find the link on my website. And if you’re interested in helping others becoming a coach yourself, I am starting a new cohort inside the alchemy Institute training you to be a coach everything you’d need to know so you can find that on my website Betsy Pake calm as well. I will see you all next week. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it, please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I’ll see you next week. And until then, keep living big


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.