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Today Betsy shares some lessons from her solo trip to AZ.
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Transcript:
Hey, and welcome to today’s show. This episode is called reflection, vision and waffle fries. Okay, I just got back from my solo trip to Scottsdale, Arizona. If you listen to last week’s episode, I had planned a trip to take iosa. The trip in 10 changed. And I decided to go on a solo trip. So I was there for four days I left on Thursday came home on Sunday night late late. And it was an amazing trip. It was exactly what I needed. Have you ever had those things where you’re like, we’re like, this isn’t turning out the way that I wanted it to. And then at the end, you’re like, Whoa, that turned out better than I thought it would. So it was a really, really interesting trip, I want to tell you about it. I want to tell you about a few of the things that I became aware of that, maybe it would be helpful for you to become aware of to. So reflection vision and waffle fries. So let’s just start let’s just dive right in.
So
I had the intention of going and doing high wasco didn’t work out that way. And so before I left, I sat with myself and I asked like, what, what did I think I was going to get from that? What was it that I needed? From the iOS? SCA? What was it that what was the shifts that I was hoping for? What was the the insight that I wanted? Like how did I want to change who did I want to be when it was over. And by spending some time and really diving into what it was I really thought I realized that a lot of the things now, I will say if I did iOS get probably I would have gotten experiences and things and insights that I did not expect, right. But the things that I wrote down that I really wanted, I realized were things that I could get to on my own, you know, it was a level of clarity that I could actually reach on my own, I have a lot of tools, I can sit with myself, I can sit for extended periods of time with myself. And I can really get clear and there were a lot of things that are have been happening in my life that I didn’t really like. And I needed to to make some changes and to see things in a different way and to get clarity on what it was I really wanted. And so when I got there, I actually stayed in the way the resort if you’ve if you’ve ever heard I stayed at the Venetian if you’ve never ever been there, it’s very cool. They have like a big huge hotel, they have like these four pools that are all different levels with like beautiful cabanas, and it’s it’s really beautiful. There’s a huge golf course there and there’s lots of different restaurants. And then they also have a humungous spa that I think people come from all over, just go to the spa. And then they have like these little bungalow houses around the property. And that’s where I stayed. So I had my own outdoor little patio area and you know, room and a bathroom had a huge soaking tub. So I was able to like relax and take a bath and all of that felt really fun. So, so the the experience in itself was really beautiful. I joked inside the alchemy collective I was talking to people and I was like they calling me Mrs. Pake, which made me laugh, right. And so just a really unique experience. And so I had a lot of time to relax and to sit. And so reflection is really the main theme of the four days. And I know that, you know, I feel really lucky that I was able to go away and have a solo trip, right four days away is a real privilege. I didn’t get to go last year because the COVID the year before I went to the beach, and I did an episode on that. It was Episode 155. It was called lessons from the beach. And so being able to so I understand the value and I’ve experienced the value of being alone and being able to sit with myself. And so I appreciated all that when I got there. I decided to just sit and just see what would come up. You know, I didn’t want to direct my thoughts in any particular way. Even though I had set up an intention of what it was I really thought I was going to get This weekend and what I really wanted, and the shifts I wanted to have, but I decided I was just going to sit and just see what was coming up. And, you know, we talk a lot about meditation. And I think that is amazing. I think stepping outside and slowing down your brain is really, really important. Also, I think sitting with your thoughts, and allowing yourself to think through the things that keep coming up for you has a lot of value to and so that’s really what I tried to do. I just sat, and I just allowed the thoughts to come. And one of the biggest reoccurring thoughts that I had, was really about the horizon. And you know, you probably have goals or things that you want or dreams that you have for your life. And they are out there.
You know, they’re, they’re just beyond your grasp, you know, they’re out in the horizon. And you can see them and you can imagine them, and maybe you do all the visualization stuff. But always in the future, it’s always out there. Or maybe you’re like I was AM, where I think sometimes I go well, as soon as this thing happens. And then I can have that, you know, as soon as all of us off to school, then I can start thinking about moving as soon as this thing have, as soon as my business does, as soon as like all these different things, like putting these parameters on that something has to happen first, before I can feel the way I want to feel. And I think that that’s a really interesting thought. Because why we want anything is really because it’s how it we think it’s going to make us feel, right. That’s why we want things. That’s why we have desires, we want to see what it would be like to experience that thing. Would it be fun? Would I feel content? Would I be happy? Would I have joy? Right? That’s why we do it. And so as I was sitting there, I was realizing that I have so many things on the horizon. And really my whole life, I have been very much driven towards running for what’s on the horizon. And in a lot of ways that served me in a lot of ways that was really fun for me. The problem as I was starting to recognize it as I sat there was that when I reach it, nothing really happens. I remember years ago, when I wrote my book, start small, live big. It was right before I started the podcast. That’s where the podcast names comes from, if you don’t know. But I remember I was so into writing this book. I mean, everything about it was so into writing this book. And I remember when it came, the publisher sent me like a pre copy in the mail. And my daughter was there. And she was like, I’m gonna videotape you opening it. And I was like, Oh, yeah, that’s fun. And so she videotaped me opening it. And as soon as it was, it was open, like the second I saw the book, I just started crying. And she stopped the video. And she was like, what’s wrong? And I remember I said, I thought I was going to feel a certain way. And I don’t like I think I’ve thought I will do this thing. And then I will feel worthy and happy and excited and free and successful. And I didn’t I didn’t feel any of those things. I just felt like okay, whoop dee doo. Now, what’s next? What’s next? And I think what’s next can be a really valuable thing, when you appreciate what you’ve already done. And so maybe you’re like me, where you’re always like, what’s next? What’s next? And you’re not really pausing. And so as I was sitting there the the biggest a reoccurring thought that was coming to me was that it was time for reflection. That actually reflecting on how far I had come was was more important than what was on the horizon. Because when I could reflect on how far I would had come, I could feel all the things that I thought I was going to feel when I got to that mystical magical place in the horizon. I could feel free, I could feel successful, I could feel happy. I could feel accomplished. You know Think about everything that I went through with my daughter. And we did an episode on that if you want to just scan back just a couple months ago, but we did that episode on that about four months ago. And, you know, that was such an enormous hurdle. It was insurmountable, it was overwhelming, I didn’t know if we would even make it through.
And then when we did, I immediately dove into the next thing. I remember my husband at that time saying just rest, just just like sleep, like sleep every day for like weeks if you want to. And I was like, No, I immediately joined a coaching program, and got to work and put a ton of pressure on myself. And within just a couple months, I got so sick, I was sick for for like weeks and weeks, like really, really sick. It was pre COVID. This was long before COVID. But it made me think that memory came up for me. If like, what if I had just paused to
reflect on
the moment, and feel accomplished and successful and proud and happy, and free. All of those feelings that I think the beach house is gonna give me or whatever it is, I don’t even know if it’s the beach house anymore, you guys, but all of all of the things that I thought that was going to give me I already had in that moment, but I was so focused on the horizon. You know, I think about my business, and what I used to hope for, but he used to, like pray for, like, truly are the things that I have now. But now I don’t stop and go Hekia now I go like how can I? how can how can I be more? What else do I have to do what’s next? And I don’t want that for me, I started to see myself. And I want you to think about yourself in this. But I wanted to I started to see myself as like this other person, almost as if I was just observing myself, observing all my thoughts, I started to realize how much chatter was happening. An incredible amount of chatter. And if I was watching her, if I was watching her, and she was a friend of mine, what would I say? You know, how would I receive her and all the things that she had done and overcome and accomplished and experienced, and, you know, Ben, a friend to people, like if if I was experiencing myself as someone else I would be such a kinder person. You know, sometimes I think about the people in my community, you know, in my group, you know, in the alchemy collective, for example, in my membership, I love them, you know, if they came to me, and they said something I would see, like the goodness in them, I would try to convey that, you know, I would try to show them how far they had already come. And when I was sitting there, I was having this realization that that was a gift that I wasn’t giving to myself. And when I have this reflection back, it’s good to go for the horizon, it’s good to have new dreams and hopes and to be working towards things. I think that can give us purpose. And I think it gives us value to see where we already have come see what we have already done. And so the gift that I got, was really this gift of reflection, and understanding value and worth and success in a different way. I started to just really shift and see all of that in a different way. And in doing that, as I sat there, it started to shift the way that I saw how I how I work my business, and specifically how I how I market my business. It was interesting because I was sitting there and I was thinking, you know, if you follow me on Instagram, I have this really this this is gonna sound very inconsequential, but just bear with me. So I have this really pretty blue that I use for everything but that’s not my branding color. I had my branding colors done professionally there. What’s on my website, it’s a dark teal and a light teal and a peach and a yellow and it’s very pretty. But for whatever reason, I decided we’ll If that doesn’t, that’s not good enough. It’s not good enough. So I have to do the blue. No, I know this sounds really silly, because you’re like, well, this is the blue, good enough. Now, the blue wasn’t good enough either. I always always bugged to me. And I realized that it wasn’t about the colors at all, it was about the fact that there was no reflection, it was about the fact that I thought I had to change to be good enough. And all of a sudden, I could see the branding, I could see it in a totally different way. And if if you have never had to brand yourself, this might seem like kind of an odd thing to linger on. But it was a representation of myself, right? That I always had to be shifting a little bit, and not just being, because perhaps if I was being, I wouldn’t be good enough, because I didn’t recognize anything that I had done.
So you know, that I could see the branding in a different way, I don’t need it. That sounds a little silly, but I could see images of how it should be and what it should look like that would really reflect to go back to the colors that somebody picked out for me because I loved those. And they are good enough, because the colors don’t matter. It’s the me behind it. And it’s the you behind it. You know, the things that we think, matter so deeply, perhaps, perhaps it is a reflection that we need to adjust in ourselves. I hope that that makes sense and comes across clear. So as I sat there, and I could just see myself as if I was someone else there was this reflection. So I would ask you, as you listen to this, where are you always striving for that horizon? for the future? But are you appreciating where you’ve come? Are you appreciating like the hard things you’ve done? Are you appreciating the easy things that you’ve done in the how you’ve shown up joyfully and how you’ve been a good friend and a good partner? Like, are you appreciating yourself. And so getting that reflection allowed me to have a different vision, it allowed the horizon to actually shift. And for me to say the feelings and experiences that I want are here. You know, sometimes we, we don’t see the opportunity that’s right there in front of us. That’s one of the things I work with clients on all the time, the opportunities are all around, but we just don’t see them. And so it started to shift, that it started to shift the way I saw my vision for where I’m going and what I want to call in, and how I want to experience it when it comes and how I want to experience right now. So notice how far you’ve come. And, and the importance to be able to keep going to be suffering and moving through things and moving into a better place a different place. And that every day we’re overcoming things every day. We’re changing and growing. Like every day can be a new day, a new viewpoint on things and a new viewpoint on your life. I kept having this dream, this like vision when I was doing when I was sitting and thinking I kept having this really distinct vision of a face and it was a specific kind of face. And then I mentioned last week about Cat Cat who is the energy healer on my team, I say on my team on my spiritual team. And I get a message from her. I told her I messaged her and told her I was there and that everything was good. I told her I was having this face and she was having the same face. She said Did it look like this? And it did. And so I knew that even though we are like sitting and reflecting maybe we’re not in this deep meditation, but having that time where you are just being with yourself. You are still connected. You know we’re also connected in a in a in a higher way and an energetic way. I don’t know what the face men yet I need To think on that more, or see what else comes, I just was allowing whatever to come to come in whatever we needed to go to go. And I noticed that my energy has shifted. And I noticed the things are going, that needed to go. And things are starting to come in into my awareness, opportunities. Things are shifting. One of the best things about going away is being able to do the things that you want to do when you want to do them. So if I was at the pool, and all of a sudden, I felt like leaving, I could just get up and leave. Like I didn’t need to say, hey, do you want to leave pretty soon? You know, if I was ready for dinner, and it was 430, because I was still like, eastern time, I could just go eat. There was a little like tavern, by the golf course by the golf club that had the most amazing sweet potato waffle fries. And they had this
Maple Tahiti dip. I don’t know, it was some kind of Angel Dust in it. The the little fairies came and whipped it up for I got no, it was so good. So every time I wanted, I wouldn’t get a salad one day because I wanted to sell it. But then I wanted fries, I want them sleep table waffle fries. And so I got them. And there was something freeing about that. And I want you to just imagine because I didn’t have to worry about what anybody thought I didn’t care what the waitress thought. And she didn’t think anything. She was like, those things are so good. And so I could do what it was that I wanted to do. And it made me realize, perhaps how much I adjust and not do what I want to do. Because I’m trying to do things for other people or things that make other people happy. But I don’t actually know if those things will make them happy. I just think they will. So I alter my behavior. So that everything’s happy. But you probably do that too. Right? We think that we’re doing the right thing, I don’t even know. It made me realize how much I shift things so that I can do what I think everyone else wants. And I don’t know what everyone else wants. I think so many times we don’t say I mean, I know lots of times, I don’t sound like whatever you want, right? Because it’s easier. And in many cases, I don’t mind, I’m open to anything. But I all of a sudden I realized being decisive, would help me get what I want. Being able to say it would help me get what I want. And then that other person would have an opportunity to say I don’t want that. And then there could be a discussion. But instead there’s no discussion. And who knows where maybe we’re both doing things that the other one doesn’t even want, but we think they do. I think about this with my daughter a lot. You know, I’ll say, Well, whatever you want, you want that. I mean, I’ll do that if you want to do that. And probably neither one of us are really saying what it is we really want? And do we know what we really want? And so the waffle fries made me realize that I need to get really clear on what I really want in every instance. You know, we talked about setting intentions and how powerful that can be.
And what if
I was really intentional? What about if I was choosing the waffle fry that I wanted? at any particular junction, any decision that had to be made, I was really going inward and I was really thinking what do I really want? If I was sitting with myself? What would I choose? If I was alone? What would I choose? And then present that. And then gives the other person an opportunity to stand in their truth and say what they want. And now it can be something as little as where you go to eat or if you’re getting waffle fries. But it can be other things too. I started to wonder how many big decisions I think are being made based on what the other person wants. You know, I think about like my husband decisions that we’ve been making But is it what anybody wants? Or is it just what the we think the other person wants? I have always thought of myself as intentional and thoughtful. But I realized that there’s another level that there is a nuance to it that I was missing. And so sitting there, having the reflection, noticing the vision, starting to appreciate how far I had come. And recognizing, when I wanted waffle fries, started to give me the structure and the change the ascension that I had been seeking, noticing how connected I could be with someone like cat or any of my other friends. Notice that how connected we all are. If we just pause, right, we just get quiet with ourselves. And we start to notice the little things that are coming forward. You know, those little that image that was flashing in my mind, I don’t know what it means. But I do know it was there. And so I know that it may hold some importance. And maybe the importance was just to show me that there are lots of little signs, and there’s lots of little ways we’re connected to other people. And that I don’t have to always rely on the things I need to rely on. Maybe that connection exists, even if I’m not consciously aware of it. I shifted. I shifted this week, and I know that I will never go back to how I was. I’m unsure of exactly what it will be like moving forward. But I know that it won’t be like that.
And that wasn’t bad. But that wasn’t it.
So where in your life, is it? Not bad, but maybe it’s just not it? Where can you observe yourself and reflect and start to grow? Knowing that you’re connected to everybody want to connect and that it’s okay to have your preferences and choose something new? Because I think when we can do that, that is how we live a big life. Thanks so much for listening. I will see you next week. Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy Pake calm, and we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.
