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Today on the show Betsy talks about when change is on the horizon and what to think about as things start to shift.
Transcription:
Hello fellow adventurers, I was trying to decide like, do I be like, Hey, I haven’t been here in a couple weeks, like, sort of like the friend that you’re texting is texting you back? Or do I just go dive right in to the story and pretend like nothing happened? I don’t know, I still haven’t decided. So I guess I’m just gonna do both. Hi, I’m happy to be here. It has been such a busy month, I will tell you that I have been really micromanaging my energy. About two months ago, I would say probably two months ago, I realized that I was complaining about the same things over and over again, do you have things like that, where you’re like, I’m complaining about the same things. And I have been complaining about these things. Like, for years, and there’s a reason why I’m not doing anything about it. in NLP, we call that secondary gain. There’s a reason there’s something I’m getting by not taking care of what it is that I don’t want in my life. And, you know, we see that lots of times, you know, with addicts, right, they don’t want to be an addict. But they’re getting something from it, even though it’s painful, and it hurts them and it hurts their family. And they are consciously aware of that. But there’s something else. And so, secondary gain is something we see obviously, on a much smaller scale, but there’s something that we get from the discontent. So a couple months ago, I was thinking about it, it was like, I have these few things that I’ve been complaining about literally for years. And, you know, I’ve talked about before. On the show, I’ve talked about how I use an app called day one, and it’s an app on my computer, and I journal in it every day. So I can’t go back. It’ll show me like on this day, five years ago on this day, and it was like the same things I was complaining about. And I was like why, like, it’s totally fine if I have those things. But if I’m not going to do anything about it, then I need to be okay with it. Right? Anytime we have an issue with something, or we’re upset about something, we have options, you know, we can do something about it, we can be content with it, or we can change it. So I started looking at those things. And I decided that in order to make those changes that I wanted to happen, I really needed to raise my standards, you know, standards for myself standards for people around me standards for what I tolerated. Right? In my own life. What was I tolerating, and I know I mentioned this before, but I literally think about it. Like, every day, I had a client that said I want to wake up every day and be stoked. And you know, at the time, she said it, I was like, Yeah, that’s good, that’s good. But then I kept thinking about it. And like, I not waking up stoked, and I get it that we have days that are bad days or days that are great days. But I was waking up with like this underlying like uneasiness. And I think that that happens a lot.
When we give a lot, I know for me, and I’m guessing for you, if you’re listening, that a lot of people come first, right? Like maybe your kids or your husband or people in your job, or whatever it is, a lot of that stuff comes first. And if we’re not careful, it crowds out the room, and the energy that we would have for ourselves. And that’s what was starting to happen to me. I realized that if I didn’t want to keep complaining about these things, and I wanted to wake up every day and feel really excited about my life, then my life couldn’t be the way that it was. And I couldn’t keep tolerating the things I was tolerating. I needed to raise my standards. And so I did that. And when I did, when I tell you, everything fell apart. everything, every little thing, all of a sudden, nothing worked. Because when you raise your standards, the things that were okay before are no longer okay. And in that I had this steadiness, this feeling of like I am so steady in this because I know that when something’s falling apart, something else is coming together. The things that I wanted in my life Were weren’t able to materialize with the standards that I had. And so I had to reevaluate everything and say, who do I really want to be? You know, what do I really want to be doing? How do I want to spend my days? How do I want to feel every day? And I think that it happens to me, I think it can happen to all of us is that we get like in a routine, where the things that used to be okay aren’t okay anymore. So it’s not that it’s not that we chose something that was bad in the first place. It’s just that we have to recalibrate at times, and we have to reevaluate where we’re really going. You know, in my book, start small, live big, I talk about an airplane flying from California to Atlanta. And if it is off course, by even 1%, over that amount of time, it will end up in South Carolina, when it goes to land doesn’t end up in Atlanta. And so the pilot has to constantly, you know, be checking the controls. Now I know it’s computerized, but making sure that it’s going in the right direction. It’s okay to stop and evaluate and be like, this is where I’ve been going. This has been my final destination, I want to de plane in the right place. But I realized that over time, I hadn’t been course correcting. And so things had sort of taken off a life of their own. And the way I described it the other day to my husband was like when you cook a lobster, and you the water gets slowly warmer and warmer and warmer, right? And so it’s almost like that, like, things were happening and happening and happening. And I didn’t realize I was in like, uncomfortable water until I stopped and re evaluated. And then was like, oh, my goodness, I need to course correct. And to do that I need to raise my standards, raise my standards for myself and raise the standards for people around me. Like, who do you allow around you? What kind of impact do you want people to have? Right? How much of an impression and I know I talked about that in the last show, but having that impression on your life. And so in all of that everything starts crumbling, right? Because that’s what happens. And they think that if we know, I don’t like this, I’m going to raise my standards, and this is going to fall apart. Everything about what I’ve been doing isn’t going to work anymore. So over the last six weeks, six, eight weeks, everything has been falling apart and beginning to come back together in a new way, in a way that feels so much more aligned in a way that I think like, I’m not totally sure I have anything to complain about right now. Like everything started coming into alignment with how I wanted to live. Now, will there be a time in the future where I have to course correct again? Yeah, absolutely. Right now, I’m staying steady. I’m getting really clear on what it is I really want, how I want to live, and what feels like stoked to me in the morning. So over the past month, I haven’t really been here because I have been managing my energy, because that has been the most important thing. And in this up leveling, I realized that I needed some help. And so I invested heavily in myself. And I found the perfect coach for me. And I have been going through the process of changing and shifting and growing and changing a lot of things in my business, reevaluating things. I asked myself, if I’m an old lady, and I look back on my life, what will I wish I had done. And you know, there are some things and some dreams and goals that I’ve had, that I’ve kind of put off especially with COVID. You know, we’ve all done that. And I realized that if I looked back on my life, and those dreams are big, scary dreams. But if I looked back on my life, I decided it would feel worse to wonder. I wonder if I had done that. Then if I had tried and failed miserably, I decided it would feel better to look back on my life and be like, I frickin went all out and I screwed up royally and messed that up and didn’t go the way I want. Because if I don’t do if I don’t have that option, then I don’t have the option to be like oh my god, it worked. It was amazing. I had an incredible life and what a ride that was. So I’m curious if there’s something that you have like that too. Maybe something that you’ve been pushing aside or saying that will come later or not right now or that’s I want to do that but that feels really scary. I don’t know who I’d have to be in order to do that thing. And is it time to reevaluate that? You know, to course correct? And to see, is this the path for me now? Is it time now? And where can I raise my standards, so that where I’m living now, how I’m living now is more in alignment with that version of me that does live those dreams, you know, that version of me that does take the risks and do the things and have the life and be able to tell the stories.
So all of this, I realized, you know, the only things that I really have control over in this life are my effort. And my attitude, right, that’s all I can really control. And so when I looked at where I was putting in effort, it wasn’t in the places it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t in the places where it should be. A lot of my energy was going towards things that weren’t really bringing me joy. In fact, the harder I tried, the more it wasn’t enough, the more I put into it, the more effort I put into it, the more it showed itself to like, well, it’s still not enough, you’re still not doing it, right. And I realized that it was time to pull back and to really see what it was that I wanted. And maybe you have those things in your life too, right, where you’re putting a lot of effort into something, but gosh, it just feels like you’re so tired, and it just never feels like it’s enough. Because the thing that we’re supposed to be doing, we feel energized with, we feel like we’re doing enough, we feel empowered by it, we feel excited, we feel motivated, ready to go. Right. And maybe not in every moment. But overall, the overarching, you feel excited to get up in the morning and get going. You know, as I look forward to the rest of this year, there are so many changes over the next four months and incredible amount of change is happening for me. And it feels exciting. Instead of I’m on the same path, I don’t really know. Like, if anything could happen right now, things are still coming together, right? Everything’s still breaking apart, and things are still coming together. And one of the most important things that I can do to make sure that it comes together, the way that I want is to monitor my energy is to notice where I’m putting out the most energy. And where I’m getting the most energy. You know, we can work really, I’m using air quotes hard at something, but we feel energized by it, we’re getting something back that feels really good. And that might be in your relationship, or it might be with your relationship with your children, it might be with friends, it might be with your job, you know, wherever it is that you’re putting out energy, start to notice, where am I getting energy back, I have talked about this with all of my coaching clients. And it’s something that I do often is I take a piece of paper and I draw a line down the middle, and no one is in and one is out. And I write down the things during the day that gave me energy. And I wrote down the things that take the energy away. And then I tried to evaluate it to evaluate and to delegate those things that are taking the energy away, like do I even need to have them I can’t even tell you how many things were on my list that I was like, I don’t have to do that. Like it’s taking away my energy. I don’t have to do it. Nobody’s making me like we have more choice. Sometimes then I think we realize. So all you can change and all you have control over is your effort and your attitude. Where can you course correct? Where can you raise the bar, raise your standards and say this is the minimum of which I’m willing to accept from me and other people around me. And I want to live my life like this. And when I’m old lady laying in bed, I want to know that I either succeeded or I failed miserably at this thing. I don’t want to wish I had done it. I want to try because you have control over your effort. And your attitude can be such that I tried. Even if I do this big thing and I fail. I’m still gonna be happy about it. Because I won’t be living in old lady and regret. So, over the past month, I have been reevaluating my energy. The podcast gives me so much energy. It’s one of my most favorite things to do. When I realized I wasn’t really having the time to do it, and to do it in the way that I wanted, it didn’t feel good to me, you know? And then I would think about this. Over the past couple weeks, I went to, I went to the podcast on the podcast app. And I pulled up I was like, I wonder if anybody said anything. You know, sometimes I look to see if anybody’s
anybody’s left to what do you call it? A rating or a review? And someone had left a review. That was like the greatest review ever if this was you. If this was you, Denise, Olivia, then email us at support at Betsy Pake calm, I want to send you something. But they they said that they listened so much. I look for every chance I can get to listen, even if it’s a three minute card, car ride to the grocery store, and I have to force myself to shut it off and go to bed. I can’t even tell you. The joy that that brought me. It made me so happy. You know, I’m here on this side of the mic. I don’t know if people like it, I can see that people download it. But I don’t know if people like it if they don’t tell me. And that’s gives me energy. You know, it gives me energy to keep doing it. And so I was making my list of like, things I like and things I don’t like and things that give me energy. And I was like, does anybody even like it? You know, I’m doing it. I know people are downloading it. But like, I don’t know, maybe it’s like on auto download. People have they’ve just subscribed long ago on a women I don’t know, are they listening? And then I read that. And I was like, Oh, this is so cool. I want to create more space for this because this is a thing that I love. So I’m happy to be back. Thank you, friend for waiting for me. Notice, notice where your standards are where you need to course correct? And how can you shift your energy so that you’re starting to move towards those big things, so that when you’re an old old person in bed, you can look back and be like, I did that thing? I did it. You can do it, too. My whole world is falling apart right now so you can join me. Come on in the water’s fine. It’s all gonna work out. It’s gonna be fine. I love you so much. When you make these shifts, that is how I think you live a big life. So much possibility ahead. I cannot wait to see where we all go together. Let me know. If you listen to this episode, share it on social media tag me. Let me know if you’re raising your standards. Let me know what you’re thinking. I want to hear. All right, I’ll see you all next week. Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy Pake calm, and we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.
