Today’s show is a coffee talk where Betsy recaps the year and talks about what’s in store for next year.
Welcome to the Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy pake, and I’m an author, speaker, and a master mindset coach focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of your subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hi, welcome to the show today, I have recorded any raised and recorded any raised. We’re just gonna record and we’re gonna just see how this comes out. So Hi, and welcome. If you’re new here, thanks for being here. If you’ve been here for a while, welcome, welcome. If you’ve been here for a while, and you left me a review recently, let me just tell you that I am so excited. I’m silly. It’s silly, how much I get excited. But thank you. For those reviews. You know, I don’t know, maybe like six weeks ago, I talked about how I had gone into my reviews on on iTunes, and I never usually look. And there were so many unlike I was so there was one in particular that I was so excited about. And I posted or talked about it. And then I went back today and there’s more. And I just appreciate you so much. So thank you, you know, when you’re here doing this, and in so many cases, like I’m exposing so many parts of my life, it’s really nice to know that there are like friendly ears out there. So thank you. Thank you. So over the next couple of weeks, I have some really amazing guests. And so I thought I have things that I want to tell you, but I have these guest interviews that I want to share with you. And so I thought, well, I will do like a coffee talk for this episode. And then the next couple episodes will be some really, really fun interviews. So Coffee Talk, if you’re new here is just where I have like random things to tell you. So we just pretend that we’re at Starbucks, and I’m just telling you the random things that I have to say. And you know, since this is like the last episode of the year that I’ll be like, just talking to you. I have to say it’s, um, I think this this time of year, we start looking back on our year and saying like, how did it go? You know, like, is it good? Was it bad? Like, do I just wanted to hurry up and finish? So I can start next year? Right? I mean, I feel like it’s, it’s that’s sort of the theme that I see on social media and things over the years. But I think these last two years, especially, have been interesting, because I think that our time is skewed. Right? How many people think that the pandemic was not last year? Right? I do that where I’m like, it hasn’t been two years like it does. It doesn’t seem like that. It’s like everything’s very skewed. And it also made us shift from accomplishment. I’m gonna explain what I mean. So I don’t know, do you get a lot of those like, letters, like at the holidays, where people send letters, you know, with like a recap of their year and telling you what everybody’s doing. My dad sends those typically, but not this year. And I’m gonna tell you why I think this is happening. So, um, I don’t send them just because I never get my act together. normally send a card. It’s, I’m so bad with it. I don’t know why. So. So I think that most of the time, when we recap our years in our lives, and we send those letters, or we write in our journal, or we recap the or however we do. I think we do it based on accomplishments, right? Like, these are the things that I did this is the promotion that I got, these are the places I traveled to, this is the college so and so got into right, like we it’s accomplishments. And I think over the last couple years, that accomplishments is what can’t be the focus, because we can’t do the things. It’s, it’s, it’s, it’s had to be like a shift, at least in my mind. That’s how it feels. It has had to be a shift to success, which then makes you reevaluate what is success because I think that what we have done is we have put success onto accomplishments. Like I’ve been successful if I made a certain amount of money, and I’ve, I’ve written the book, and I’ve done the thing, and my kid did this thing and my husband got the promotion and I like whatever it is.
And I think that the last couple years has jumbled that up. And I think that’s really disorienting. You know, as I am looking over my ear, and you probably do this too, right where you look over like it’s kind of like you get this like bird’s eye view of the year and you’re like you deem it like successful or like shit to like, okay success, or I got to get into next year. So I can just start over. And, you know, when I look back over this year Holy smokes, I think a lot of us, right like transitional, like a lot of things coming to the surface, things maybe we were able to avoid or put aside no longer could be avoided. You know, at the end very end of last year I literally it was like the 30th or the 31st of December, I sold my house. And we were to be living here where I live now for one year. And then during this year, figuring out where we were going to go. And then in January, I left for the whole month and I went to California for some training and things. And so when I came back, it felt like my year was starting, like in February. And then really quickly a lot of things shifted, and then my dog died. A few guys remember that episode in April, my dog died, which totally, truly changed. Like the trajectory of my year, so many things that I had been avoiding. I wasn’t able to avoid. And if we were just sitting down having coffee, I would say, I would say to you, like I didn’t realize how much she was like a placeholder for things that I needed in my life. A lot of affection and love, and I did a lot of things with her, my daughter and I joke that she was like, she was like the glue that held this family together. Like as a dog. And then when she was gone, it was such an absence, right. And then it was only like a couple months and my in laws were in that terrible car accident, which brought to the forefront all of the, like fear and, like chaos of when my mom died in a car accident when I was 16. So like the chaos of it, I think really was like, like, you know, like pack your bag, and we got to go like that kind of like was really disorienting. And then, um, I had a, like a breakup, I guess it’s a with a friend, you know how you have really close friends. And I realized that I had really firm boundaries that I didn’t want that I that I could hold with a friend where I felt like if you’re going to be my friend, then this is a minimum of what has to happen. And if that wasn’t happening, I had no problem holding a boundary and saying this isn’t okay anymore. But I didn’t hold that boundary with people that were really close to me. And like my husband, for example. And so there was a lot of things became really disorienting, because I was like, hold on, like, I lost my dog, this chaos came up like that, that poked at chaos that must have still been living in me. And then I could see how I could hold really firm boundaries with with some people and not with other people. And in the end, it was like it was September where I took a whole month off. I didn’t have any podcasts, I hardly posted on social media and I just went inward, I actually decided to leave, I’ve moved out and just realized I needed to do some really deep introspection and figure out what made me happy and what I wanted to do. And there were things that were happening. That didn’t make me happy. You know, I want to have a whole lot more control over what I do with my life where I live, like the decisions that were made. You know, I want I wanted to have a lot of things that I wasn’t getting. And you know, I talked to Craig about me talking about this on the episode but yeah, I just needed to leave and sort things out. And I did come back and it’s still kind of up in the air. I’m, we’re moving through things together. Craig’s really made a lot of changes and has opened up a lot and we’ve done a lot of floating together, floating and therapy and NLP and I hired a NLP coach specifically to help me with some things and just a lot of like introspection, what
do I want? You know, what does he want? Because I sometimes I think, you know, we we can fool ourselves into thinking we’re happy. And it takes a lot of courage to say this isn’t okay anymore, because you’re upsetting the applecart. You’re upsetting a lot of different things in different people. Right and like, it’s it takes a lot of courage to do that. And you know, I share so much about my life. Took it was it was hard because I was like, I I’m not ready to share it, I don’t know what it is to be able to share it. And so I’m on that journey. You know, I extended my lease for just like, two months. So I have, like six weeks left here, I’m moving to the beach, I’m going to the beach, which Beach is still kind of up in the air. What happens with that it’s still kind of up in the air. But I just know that I’m not, I’m not waiting anymore for things that I really want. I heard somebody say to me, you know, this year, I turned 50 Over the summer, and someone said, what will the next decade hold for you? I don’t know whether I was like, the next day like, and then all sudden, I was like, Whoa, like, I’ve stopped really dreaming big, big things. And I, when I left, when I left, I realized that I had stopped dreaming. And I started dreaming. And I saw I got several coaches, I mean, too many coaches, I think at once, I think I signed up for three coaching programs, and not $500 coaching programs, you guys like 1000s and 1000s of dollars. I mean I, I invested in myself because I want to I was like I know I have identified I want to change this, I want to change this, and I want to change this and I am going all in because I’m not going to let a decade go by and a decade starts with today. It’s what I do today, it’s creating my decade, I just was like I’m I’m this is not going this way. I think about like how we show our lives. Like I think about like Instagram, how we show our lives. I have such a love hate relationship with Instagram. I love the words, I love sharing the words, but the pictures always stink, I don’t do I don’t have good pictures. Because I don’t like to show because I don’t want to be here. I want to I want to show you ocean photos every day, I want to show photos of me like kicking the water. Oh my god, the day I move that will be the photo, I post me kicking the water, right, we’re gonna make it as cheesy as possible. But I’m not going to wait anymore. And I think that when I was able to declare that, and say, I’m not doing this anymore. I think that it was so jarring for Craig, that all of a sudden he realized that he was waiting to write like fear or being comfortable or whatever it was, he was able to avoid a lot a lot of things. And then when I disrupted then he had to look at stuff. And you know whether we stay together or we don’t. But our both of our lives will be better. Because because we we paused and looked into what we chose, like what is it you really want? How do you want this next decade to go? So as we kind of close out the year, and you look at how your year when I want you to notice and I’m doing this too, because there’s more in here for me. Where are you letting the fear slow you down? Like where are your decisions made? Not from the joy of that moment of oh, that seems fun, but out of fear. Like I’m telling you I’d like I’m noticing now how much I do this on so many things like Oh, that would be really fun to run that program. Oh, but maybe I wouldn’t get enough people on. Like, you know, I should do a retreat. I did talk to several people about a retreat and how much it would cost me to set it up and we are going to do it. But it was insane the amount to take. I want to do it at a way that’s reasonable for everybody to come. But there’s this point where it’s like, oh, I want to do that seems really fun. Oh, but maybe I wouldn’t get enough tickets sold or maybe not enough people would want to so like fear, right? Making a decision from a place of fear. Like I don’t know where I’m going to be living I need to wait, like, some of that might be real. But there is a point where are you making a decision from joy? Or are you making a decision from
fear? I just I want to there is a healthy, there’s a healthy dose of being aware of what could go wrong because then you can shift so that things go right. Right. But there’s also a like an element of if I What if I just don’t try it then I won’t have to deal with any of that. You’ve heard me say this on the show before. But when I have new problems I get really excited because it means I I’ve moved out of the place I’ve always been. So how can you get some new problems? How can you be fearless and just know problems are gonna come, I want them to be new ones. I just, I think that felt so much better to me. Like, I want some really new problems this year. Like, I want to do some things, I want to explore some beaches. You know, I want to be a lot more mobile and discover what it is that I really want for my next decade. Like we don’t have to just sit down and no, you have to sit down and go, Okay, well, what do I want for my next decade? And then it just magically comes to you? Like, it can unravel? It can reveal itself? Right as you go. That’s okay. And so how can that? How can that happen for you? How can that show up? Where would you need to be? What would you need to need to be doing? Like, would you need to? Would you need to get coaching would you need to get would you need to read some different books would you need to surround yourself with like different ideas or, like, just start a totally different routine, usually I get up in the morning, I get my coffee. And then I sit bed and I journal and do my things. I did some NLP on myself last night. And it was so amazing. Because this morning, I did I immediately gotten my workout clothes, got my coffee, sat on the couch outside and then was like, I’m going to record the show. So like, when we start to shift, right, we start to do things different. So so so that is a loop. So if you start to do things different, you’ll start to shift. I just happened to do it in the middle of the night with NLP because I noticed something about myself that I didn’t want anymore. And, and I’m lucky enough that I could make those changes, and then I could see how it impacted me just a few hours later, it was crazy. But we can make changes in any way that works for us. And whatever tools that you have. You know, um, you may have come to my training, I did a training in December, I’m going to be doing it again in January. I’m going to do it on January 2, which is like a Sunday, I’m going to do it in the evening. If you go to my website, Betsy pake.com, there’ll be a big, like, box there. It’ll say like sign up for the training, I will update it. So it’s January’s link and sign up for the training. Join me January 2, and and see if what I share can start to shift you so that you can actually see the things that are holding you back. I think so many times, you know, when I talked about last night doing NLP, and with my coaching clients, I give them these tools to do. But if, if you’re if you’re feeling like how to like I don’t even know how to like I don’t even know what’s wrong. Like I don’t even know, like in that training, I break it down, there’s like five key elements of things that you have to shift if you want to have a totally different decade, you know, if you want to move, and I call it moving into possibility, like I want possibility in the greatest levels, I want possibility. The other thing that I wanted to tell you while we’re here at Coffee is I wanted to remind you that last year I did a show it was episode 242. And it was how I do my new year’s goal setting. I’m going to go through that process. Again. I’ve taken two weeks off over the next couple of weeks. Super excited about it. I’m going to just read and meditate and float and I’m going to do this New Year’s process. So it’s Episode 242, where I go over that and go through that if that is something that you like, if you want a new process of how do I look at next year, that might be something that would be interesting to you.
So the other things that I have to tell you, oh if you’re I’m, I’m I’m putting together. I’m taking two weeks off but like I am it is my time to dream and create. Okay, so I’m taking off basically from serving and working with my clients. So I am going to be putting together something. I’m not sure yet what exactly it is. I know it will come to me but something special for the people on my text list. So if you are not on my text list, then text me just text the word live big. Do it now so you don’t forget but it’s Here’s the phone number. It’s 770-343-3409 or if you go to my Instagram like right underneath my bio, you know has has like the big buttons that says like message, there’ll be one that says text and you can text me just text me live big. And then probably on the 24th, I will be sending out a link with something special I’m going to put together for the people on the list. So I share that with you, if you want to join us on there. Typically, I send out like one or two messages a week with just like thoughts that I’m getting, from my deep streaming from when I am in my like practice of talking to my inner Knower. So, so yeah, alright, so the last thought that I was having, that I wanted to share while we’re here at Coffee is, um, you know that, you know, that feeling when you’re a kid, and it’s Christmas. And, like, you go to bed. And you’re like, I mean, it’s so hard to go to bed, maybe you remember it, or maybe you have kids that you’ve seen this with. But there’s, you’re so excited, you know, Santas coming. And it’s so hard to fall asleep, like you’re so keyed up. You don’t go to bed till later than you usually do. And then you sleep and then you wake up. And it’s almost like a wave of like, it’s it’s almost feels like anxious, but I would say as an adult as anxious, but as a kid excitement, right? So you’re super excited. You’re like, oh, my gosh, what did Santa bring to that feeling? Is the feeling that anything could happen. That there is some you know, that there is some sort of magic that happened, but you don’t know what it is. And so you’re so excited that you can’t wait to go downstairs or to look in your stocking. My mom always did really good stockings. I don’t know if you guys have good stockings, but I tried to do really good stockings for my daughter, too. I think most of the money goes into this docking. But I get the stocking and like see what’s in it. I mean, that was the most fun, I would sit I would go in my sister’s room and we would sit in bed. And my mom would when dad, my mom would come sit with us whatever my dad would bring the stockings up. And we would both open our stockings at the same time. And I have the best pictures from that. It was like such a good fun memory, the magic, anything could happen. I have no idea. But I know it’s gonna be good. What if that was how we moved through every day? I get it that we might not be like insanely excited, but why not? Like really like that anything could happen, that there could be some magic that I don’t know what will happen. I just know something really amazing is going to happen. Like what if it was like, I don’t know, I’m going to maybe I’ll see Santa. You know, maybe I’ll see somebody, maybe I’ll run into somebody that is like the perfect person I was looking for. Maybe I will have like an amazing interaction with somebody. Maybe I will, like something will come to me and opportunity and idea. Maybe I will see my kid and I will feel so connected. And it will be like a magical interaction. There has to be the best moment with your kid. I was talking to Craig the other day about how we don’t remember. So often, like the last time I was saying I don’t remember the last time that I picked all of up. Like I don’t remember. I mean, she must have been like, who knows? I don’t know, three or four or something. Right? But there was a last time. And if that’s true, however, you would quantify the best time there is a best moment with your kid with your spouse, with your job with strangers. And so couldn’t that be today? Like couldn’t you wake up with this magical excitement?
That Oh my God, who knows what today could be? This could be something really magical. I was getting off the elevator a few days ago, like four days ago, probably. And I was thinking about this. I had been thinking about this for days. And I got off the elevator the elevator opens and there was this woman standing there. I don’t know something about her. I don’t know she just her energy was really good, right? And I said hi and she said hi. And then we wrote down one floor and then we both got off. And then we were head started chit chatting. And then she went right and I went left and I yelled I like you and she was like oh my god, I like you too. And then yesterday I saw her and she was like, hey, super waving Happy Holiday like, magic. I know it sounds so silly. You’re like, okay, that’s weird, Betsy. But why? Why not? Why do we not say? Like I like? I don’t know, it just seemed really normal. Because I was just expecting magical interactions. Like, I don’t know, maybe I’ll never see her again. Maybe I will maybe, you know, who knows, like, who knows what will happen? But I had a magical interaction. It was fun. It like delighted me. And so doesn’t that matter? Like doesn’t matter even if nothing like, quote unquote, comes over that? Because isn’t that what happens on Christmas? You get like, delighted for just a moment what’s in your stocking? Oh my god, there’s a giant navel orange in the toe. Like, but then doesn’t matter. But it matters in that moment, right? Because it delights you and delights you until every year you get a giant navel orange, it’s blocking all the space in the toe that could have been for other things. So what could you have? What kind of magical thing could happen today? Can you be just open to it? Could you just expect it? Because what if you expected it, then? Wouldn’t it happen? You know, I remember things about Christmas like my, you know, my, we would do the stocking thing. We’d go downstairs my mom would make like cinnamon rolls or whatever the heck, she made scrambled eggs and all that my dad would go pick up my grandmother’s and bring my grandmother’s back and then we would all eat together. And that’s like one of my most favorite memories. Like why would that be? Because I was expecting, like magical things because there was like an excitement about it. Because it felt special. But there was nothing special other than I expected it to be special. If you didn’t grow up celebrating Christmas, than Christmas morning, probably didn’t feel that way to you. You may have had other days that felt that way to you. But the only difference is because you were expecting it. So how can you shift so that you start to expect magical excitement in your day. It’s okay, it doesn’t make you frivolous, or silly or overexcited, or anything. So before we close up today, and we go home, I want to just remind you that this season is a really good opportunity for you to notice how you receive. Notice what you expect. Notice how it feels when you receive something notice if you’re open to it, or if there is something closed off about you in it. Notice if you feel like oh, I don’t deserve all that or you didn’t have to do that. I want you to notice where and how I want you to notice how you receive. I was talking to one of my one on one coaching clients a month ago or something and we were talking about how you do one thing is how you do everything. And how you receive is how you receive everything. And this is a really good season to just notice because there’s so much receiving. It’s so obvious. And so you can see not your reaction, although it might be your reaction, but more I want you to notice what your body feels like when you receive like what do you feel like you are worthy of what do you feel like you deserve? Like what do you feel like is okay for you to get or not get
and notice what you’re like rejecting? Maybe it’s love or, or hugs or gifts or just the idea that you look pretty on a Christmas party or something. Like just notice how you’re receiving everything and see if you can identify where that lies in your body. Because when we can do that we can start to understand where that came from. I’m gonna explain this in just a different way. The other day I was I scan I like to scan my body so if I am thinking about doing something right I was talking earlier about then I’m like, Oh, I don’t want to do it because of the fear. I just scan my body I go through my whole Where does that fear lie? Where is it? Oh, is it in my stomach? Is it in my heart? Is it in my arm? Is it down to my ankle? Like, where does it? Where do I feel like that is, then if you really sit with yourself, you can feel it somewhere. And then I asked myself, Where is where did that start? Where did I get that from? And almost immediately, I will think like, Oh, I was 14, I remember this event. Like, it’ll just come to me. And it’ll come to you, too. If you just allow whatever, like, it’ll be a thought. And you’ll be like, Oh, that’s not it. I just made that up. Now, if it just came to you. And then you can heal that thing. You can sit with it for a second, you can talk to that version of you from way back when you were 14, or whatever it was, and just say, how could you see that situation differently? What was the truth? Because the truth when you were 14 in the truth, when you’re 40? are two different things. How can we start to release some of this so that you can receive, so that next year, you can receive all the things that you want, so that you can make the next decade the way you want it to be? So that you could live in a way that feels exciting and magical and full of possibility? Because that’s what we’re designed for. That’s why we’re here. And it can be scary to say, I’m not doing it this way anymore. It takes a lot of courage to say, Nope, this isn’t for me anymore. I have to do it this way, so that I can have this full experience in the way that I think I’m supposed to have it because this life is mine. You might be sharing it with your kids or your spouse or your partner or whatever, but this life is yours. And what do you need to have in order to receive the best year next year moving forward? It’s yours, you just have to claim it.
I love you so much. I hope you have an amazing, amazing holiday season. I hope you like the next couple of weeks with the interviews. They’re really good. They’re
really fun, awesome people. I was really, it was really fun to do them. And please join me, please sign up for the training. If you haven’t seen it yet. Join me for the training, we’re going to be opening up a really cool, really cool program that I’ve put together and I want you to see if it’s for you. You’ll feel it in your body. You’ll know if it’s a yes or if it’s a no. So join me for the free training on on January 2, kick off your year, seeing things in a different way. And, as always, that’s how I think you live a big life. I love you so much. I’ll see you all soon. Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy pake.com. And we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.