Today Betsy dives into unconscious and conscious and why this is so important for you to reach your goals.
Welcome to the Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy pake, and I’m an author, speaker and a master mindset coach focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of your subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers happy 2022 Oh my gosh. So it’s the 13th that this will be live. And it’s my first show of the year, I have played around with the idea of just doing a couple shows a month, like two shows a month instead of four, I want to make sure that I’m bringing you stuff that’s like that, that that really Matt that’s worth your time, you know, I, I really want to make sure that I’m producing really great shows. So there’s some changes that I made, I want to tell you about all those. And I want to talk about the new year and what that really means and what that means in your unconscious mind. And this is really important, because I know you may not have resolutions, right but you have hopes and dreams and things that you want for your life. And, and and the stuff that I want to talk about today is really important in terms of framing that stuff in a way that you feel like you can really move forward and have those goals be super attainable, and have those dreams come come true in your life. So this month for the whole month, I am at the beach. So I came down. If you’re new here, Hi and welcome. I love the beach. So So I came down for a whole month I got an Airbnb, I got this condo, like right on the ocean. It is so amazing. It’s the condo itself is sort of shaped like a you. And I’m in the middle. So I look straight out on the ocean, I sort of catch like the edge of the sunrise and the edge of the sunset. But if I go out to the beach, which is you know, I’m on the beach. So if I just go downstairs and out the elevator, I can see it all I got myself this little chair, you know one of those little like folding chairs, so that I can just sit out there. And just watch. And I have been going out almost every single day. And just sitting and listening and hearing some of the things you know, that have been trying to bubble up for me. And busyness keeps those things away. And so it’s been just a really clarifying experience and really, really good. There’s always chatter, you know how we have like the background chatter, being so far away from my daughter, she’s in college, but we’re super close. And so it’s been a little bit hard on her the last couple weeks, you know, I noticed recently she’s like, I miss you, I miss you. So trying to balance that and figure out what’s to come what’s coming forward. Now, if you’ve been listening to the show for a long time, you know, that I sold my house December of 2020. And then I got a lease for a year. And I was the bridge house. I’m using air quotes. It was the bridge house. And then I was going to figure out what to do next. So I had extended the lease for a couple months because I didn’t want to move over the holiday. That was really important to me. So now my lease is coming. Do I have to move in about a month? And so a lot of people have been asking, like, where are you going? What are you doing? And here is my answer. I don’t know. I really don’t know. And I’m really not stressed about that at all. Because I know that I’ll flow into what is supposed to happen next. I have some ideas and some things that I would like. And I’m just allowing whatever needs to come to come now. This may seem kind of radical, and maybe a little crazy. I don’t know, sometimes I wake up and I think Am I a little nuts. Like, should I be really planning and thinking and have a whole plan like I probably need to get a mover like Betsy, you might not be able to get a mover maybe not. But here’s where the chatter when the chatter starts in my head. I just, I just I’m not going to be homeless. And I’m like, I’m not going to get arrested
for having stuff in the apartment. Like it’ll all work out. So I’m, I’m just allowing that to flow as it’s meant to flow. And honestly, that feels good. This last couple of weeks, just flowing has felt the best that I’ve felt in years and years. You know When we played video games, like early on, and it would be like the the little dude, I haven’t played video games for so long, so maybe it still does this but you’d have to like, go up and like your little dude would have to go touch something and then it would Boo Boo Boo Boo boop, and it would get filled up, you know, it get like recharged. And I have felt like I was operating not being like fortified like not having a ton overflowing. But being in the negative, and I think that probably started like when my dog died, right. So if you heard that episode back in April of last year, so it’s been almost a year. But of April of last year, when she died, it drained my battery, and then I never got filled. And I feel like I’m just now getting to where my little battery is getting filled to where then I can get fortified. And then I will have so much extra spilling over. So I have thought until the spillover happens. I’m just going to do a couple episodes a month, I want to give you content that really matters and is is helpful, don’t want to just be on here yakking away. And I also realized that I needed to get a lot of help. And maybe you’re in that spot in your life to where you’re like, I just need help. I would offer you the thought to expand outside of what you think is possible. I remember years ago, years ago, I would say like, Well, I mean, I could do all of the stuff. Oprah does too if I had Oprah money, right? If I had a chef and I had a housekeeper and I have a and I think all that, I think yes, like, obviously, all of that type of all of those things about money matters, right in terms of being able to do that. But I want to offer you the thought of stretching outside what you actually think is possible to get help, to ask for help. And maybe to rearrange the dynamic in your house. Or to reallocate money for things that maybe you didn’t think were possible. There are so many services now to have somebody come into your home and help you. Even a chef to come once a month I or once a week, I talked to a friend not too long ago, who ended up hiring a chef. And it wasn’t cheap. For all the food and the chef, it was like $2,500 a month. But when she looked at how much she had been paying eating out, and all of those things, it actually ended up, they were eating healthier, it was a way calmer, her family was way more settled. And it only cost a couple $100 more. So as I have been thinking about all of the things in my life, and where can I get help? Like where and in evaluate that for yourself? Like where do I need help. So in that we are hiring a Podcast Producer. So I’ve had this thought that I’m going to just do two podcasts a month. And then I started talking to a producer, who is really going to do it all and it just made so much sense. So there might just be two episodes this month. And then when she starts in February, I’m going to just allow her to take over and then I just have to just have to record and just send it to her and she will do it all. So really, really excited about that. I hired another coach and actually another one on the way to help me in my business with both my possibility coaching program and with my certification. So I think there’s just going to be some really cool things there. We are going to be opening up the certification. If you’ve ever wanted to learn nlp hypnosis, you want to become a coach, you want to increase the skills you already have, we are going to be opening that up towards the end of January. So if you go to my website, or you go to the alchemy, institute.co.co. And you can just sign up for the waitlist. And that way you’ll get all the early notification stuff. So so that is what I’ve been up to here at the beach, hiring help so that I can create space so that I can fill my own bucket right that I can get recharged, and then have overflow to share with my clients. So
we don’t know what’s next. Here’s another thing that I’ve been doing that I want to tell you about in all of that. I’ve been really listening and like what is it that my body wants so many changes this year just in how I’m relating to myself, and what I’m giving myself space for and one of the things that I really felt was like I wanted, I wanted to be stretching. I’ve never been a yoga person than I’ve tried. I have tried and maybe someday when I’m really settled in a community, a small beach side community that has a really great yoga place. It will become a place of community for me and I’m looking forward to that day but for Right now, I have been doing my CrossFit a couple times a week, I’ve been walking on the beach like every day. And I’ve been doing stretching with an app called stretch it. This isn’t a promotion, I’m not getting paid, I just started using them. So we’ll see how it pans out. But right now I really like it. And it’s really great, like active stretching, they have short stretches, like I sit at the desk, so much a lot of stretches for that. So anyway, that has been something that I’ve found really, really helpful. So we don’t know what’s next. We’re taking it day by day, flowing with whatever is next. Every morning, I have been watching the sun come up and pulling a card. If my oracle cards, if you follow me on Instagram, you’ve seen me pulling my cards again, and just getting really back into listening and listening to what’s next. Now, here’s what I really want to talk about today. Because I think this is so important. And I think that this is a place that gets missed a lot by people. And you know, you, I know you have friends that don’t listen to this show. And I would encourage you to either send them this episode if this resonates or tell them about this idea. Okay. Because I, one of the I’m gonna say it in this way, one of the saddest things, one of the hardest things for me, when I enroll people into one of my coaching programs, as I hear them, say like, I’ve wanted to do this and this and this, but I don’t know, I don’t have I can’t keep the motivation or I I’m not, I’m not motivated enough. You know, it’s almost like this undercurrent this feeling this unsaid emotion of like, I’m not good enough. I’m not disciplined enough, right. And if you’re not disciplined, it’s a full, right. I mean, that’s the undercurrent of the emotion is like, I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy, I have all these dreams, and I’m not worthy, I can stick to him for a couple weeks, sometimes a couple months, people can be motivated. And then before they know it, they’ve gone back to their old way. Now, this is what this is what like just crushes me when I hear people say this, because they think that it’s a fault, that it’s like a personal misstep or something that they’re doing wrong. And if that’s you, if you have had resolutions in the past, or hopes and dreams, and you’re like holy crap, I don’t want to set another resolution. I mean, I think that’s why we have the like, I’m going to pick my word of the year because nobody wants to pick a resolution because it’s painful. Because it’s painful to not hit your goal. It’s painful to let yourself down. And I think over time of doing that again and again, in whatever way that you let yourself down. I think that starts to erode a level of trust in yourself, and confidence in yourself, and belief in yourself. And so then pretty soon you start scaling back, right? Pretty soon you start saying like this, I’m not, I’m not good enough for this, I can’t do this, I’m not even going to try it, that must not be for me. You might see other people doing it. And you might have to turn away. Or if you’re really injured, you might lash out and say something. And so the thing that is the most painful to me is to see this happen. And it’s because that’s not what that’s about. When you don’t hit the goal when you lose your drive when you lose your focus, when you don’t have the determination or the motivation or the discipline anymore. It’s not it doesn’t have anything to do. It’s actually because your brains working really, really well.
I’m going to explain what I mean. But it’s not a personal failing. It’s actually it’s actually you like being freaking amazing. You not hitting your resolution is actually you being freaking amazing. I’m going to explain why. But I want that to sink in. Every time I want you to think back. Every time that you have a head goals and hopes and dreams and resolutions that didn’t work. It’s you being freaking awesome. Alright, so here’s what I mean by that. When we are walking around when we are living our lives when we’re paying attention you might be driving right now all of that. We’re in a brainwave state called beta. It’s being alert. It’s learning and being open. And then this beta brainwave state is really, really conscious. So we’re walking around in this beta brainwave state, it’s super conscious, you’re hearing the internal chatter, right, you have the little voice in your head that says, This doesn’t make sense I’ve never had like, you’re making judgments, whatever it is, right, you might be talking about whatever it is I’m talking about, you might be watching the road, you might be making comments about things you’re seeing on the side of the road. But all of this is happening, and the stuff that you’re aware of, right, the stuff that you can be aware of is conscious to you. Now, there’s also a lot of things happening around you that are unconscious. Now, you’ve heard me talk about this before, if you’ve been here, but there’s a whole bunch of stuff that’s unconscious to you. It’s stuff like your breathing, right, you’re not thinking about making your heartbeat, you’re not thinking about digesting your food, right? Like you’re not thinking about any of that stuff, that stuff is all just happening. Well, there’s a whole bunch of stuff that’s happening around you, also, that you’re not aware of. Because your brain can’t take in everything that’s happening around you, it has to slice and dice, it has to decide what’s important. So as you’re moving about your day, your brain is making decisions. Based on what’s important, it’s like a funnel, all of this stuff coming in to your nervous system, all of this stuff, sights, and sounds and smells and feelings and all of this coming in. But only a small part can make it through the funnel, right at the bottom part of the funnel into your, into your life. And so your conscious mind has to weed stuff out, it has to say that’s important. That’s not important. That’s important. That’s not important. So how does it decide this? It decides this a couple different ways. But one of the ways is by your emotion. If you have a really strong emotion to something, then your brain is going to go pull that into the funnel, that’s important. That’s important. Pay attention. Right. So if you have something that happens over and over and over and over again, pull that into the funnel, that’s important. It’s repetition, it’s always happening. The other stuff we can weed out, it’s not important. So if you think about your life, and the times that some that you created, change, or you had something happened that just stuck with you, and maybe it’s like, you had a boss that snapped at you, or you have a co worker, that’s really sassy to you. I know every time you see them, you kind of get a feeling. You might feel like a little tense or closed off. Right? You might feel something like you’re like me, I don’t like them. Like something, it’s scary. There’s an alert that goes up. And that’s because whatever interaction you had with them, had such a strong emotion that your conscious mind was allowed access, right where your unconscious was like, We got to make her aware of this. Every time she’s around this person, we have to make sure she knows they’re in the room. Do you ever get like that when you walk in the room, you’re just like, I just know something feels off. And then you’re like, Oh, there they are. Because your unconscious mind is aware of everything. It’s aware of everything. And it’s letting in things into your unconscious, it thinks you need to know. Okay, so now it’s gonna alert you when there’s things you need to know you’re brand new mom, your baby just like makes one little funny sound and you’re awake. Because your unconscious mind is like knocking on the door of your consciousness and saying wake up that might be important. That could be important, right? So emotion, repetition, these are all the things that start to change. What goes from unconscious, to conscious.
Now, if we think of everything in our minds as like a ladder, and want you to think of the bottom rung of your ladder as as your environment. So the bottom rung of that ladder is environment, I can step on that bottom rung and I’m in my environment and totally aware, I can change my environment. So I could I could change my job, I could change the way my kitchen is laid out. So things are different there. Right? I could join a gym, I could. I could change around month furniture in my room, I can change my environment, right? I have control over that conscious control, where I can say I’m going to make these changes. I’m going to make a list. These are the things I’m going to do for the new year. Now the next rung, if I climb up the ladder, that’s my behavior. So now I’m on the second rung of the ladder, and I can change my behavior. I can set my alarm, and I can get up earlier. I can do the thing where I walk to the mirror and give my mirror high five, right? The behavior, whatever that Mel Robbins thing is, it’s going around right now. So I can do all of those things behavior. Absolutely. Will that have an impact? Absolutely. Like if you change your behavior, absolutely. Those two things are conscious. They’re conscious, which means I’m aware of them. I have to assert myself to make myself aware of those things. I’m making a choice. And then I have to do the thing, right. So I’m making a choice, I have to do the thing. So if I want to change, and I’m working on my behavior in my environment, I have to be conscious of those things. Right. Now, most of what I do, remember I said is unconscious. Most of what I do, because I can’t at the top of that funnel, it’s all unconscious. So all this stuff happening around me is unconscious, the funnel gets really narrow when it gets to my consciousness. So now that really narrow funnel is those bottom two rungs of the ladder, really tiny. Alright, so let’s climb up one more rung. So now I’m in potential. This is getting into unconscious, I’m getting into the wider part of that funnel. So I’m getting into unconscious. And it’s my potential, it’s what do I really think I’m capable of? Now, I may have thoughts that are conscious about what I think I’m capable of. I also have thoughts that are unconscious about what I think I’m capable of Now, where did I get those thoughts? Where does my potential even come from? comes from a lot of different places. But it comes from things I’ve done before that I have succeeded at. So I’ve gotten some feedback there. It comes from things that my parents told me that I was capable of. Right? It comes from how I grew up as a little kid. Right? But what were my circumstances? You know, when we think about like socioeconomic status, we think about what our possibilities were, when we were growing up, like what did we see? It’s what were we exposed to? How is that experience coming into our lives as adults as influences our potential, what we unconsciously think. So like, when I grew up, I grew up very middle class, my mother was a stay at home mom, my dad was a PhD, he worked at the university. And so I grew up being talked to about how I was going to go to college, and where I was going to go and how that was going to be that was that was talked about, at a very, very young age that was important to my parents. Now, I didn’t have grandparents that went to college, I suppose my grandmother did, she was a teacher.
But my grandfather was a farmer. I didn’t have cousins that went to college, but I knew it was never even a thing. Because my parents, the people closest to me talked about that. So it impacts my potential. Now, so whatever I experienced as a kid, so my socio economic status, the way that my community was the way I was treated by other people, all of that, even as an adult is impacting my potential because it’s unconscious. Okay, so now I’m getting to the wider part of that funnel, and I’m moving up the ladder, I’m on that third rung of the ladder. Now I want to take one more step up the ladder. Now the funnels really wide, it’s unconscious. Now, these are beliefs. These are the beliefs these are the things that I think about everything. The things I think about everything. Now, I can make these conscious, I can pull them into my consciousness, absolutely. But most of my beliefs are going to remain unconscious. Most of the beliefs that are the most firmly held I won’t even be aware of because they will just be seen as reality. Beliefs are just things he think about over and over again. But they’re really the basis for how you create and structure your reality. So, my reality, as a middle class, white female, growing up in Vermont, with a father who worked at the university, is going to be a lot different than a kid who grew up in the projects. Do you see what I mean? The structure of how I even experience the world, how I form, my reality is going to be different. There’s advantages that I had just by me being who I was not me doing anything, just me being born. So I want to just widen this for just a second and jump back to when I have resolutions when I have goals and dreams. Now, my goals and dreams are going to be impacted in a different way, based on all of that experience, like all of that, so when people say like, Oh, my God, I couldn’t do it, or I fell down or I didn’t do it. Why don’t I have the discipline and the motivation? Well, there’s a lot of things going into this. And most of them you’re not even aware of. Alright, so let’s get back up on the ladder. So we’re at Valley or we’re at beliefs, sorry, we’re at beliefs, the things that I think, you know, I, every year, I go through a course in miracles. I don’t know if you guys are familiar with that. But it’s really about it’s, it’s a every day, and I did an episode on it several years ago, but every day, there’s a lesson. And it sort of builds upon itself. You can start it at any time. But I always like to start at the beginning of the year. And it’s basically breaking down what you think is reality. It’s saying that every single thing that you believe it’s just a story, it might not even be real, because I know that my story is not real for somebody else. Like a little kid right now, growing up in the projects, my story about reality is probably way different than their story based on the time period that I was born like everything, right?
So, of course in miracles is great if you want to walk through that. And I can talk more about that on Instagram or something as well. Okay, so
I’m here, I’m at my beliefs. So many of these are unconscious to me, but they’re forming my reality, which is forming everything below it. Okay, so now my beliefs are impacting my potential. And my potential is impacting my behavior. And my environment, so everything on the rungs of the ladder rungs above impact everything below. Alright, so let’s go up one more level, and this is my values. These are the things that I say like this is true. Like this is absolutely the way that the world is. Values are so so deep seated. And typically we have a set of core values that can’t be changed. Now, these values are formed when we’re really young. Remember, in the beginning, when we started talking about how you’re walking around in beta brainwaves, when you’re really young, you’re not, you’re walking around more and like alpha or theta brainwaves. It’s a brainwave, that is when you’re in hypnosis, it’s a brainwaves when you’re really relaxed. Have you ever watched a movie and then all of a sudden you’re like, oh my god, I was like, not even in the room anymore. You were in those brainwaves. And that’s how kids are all the time. So when you were little, and if you have little kids in your life below set age seven, all their brain is doing is saying yes. So here’s what that means. Oh, you you’re so smart. Yes. Oh, you did that wrong? Yes. Oh, you Oh, life is hard. Yes. Oh, only greedy people have a lot of money. Yes. So they just say yes. And the yes means this is becoming how I formulate my world. There’s a thing on tick tock. This is a weird thing. But there’s the thing on tick tock. If you guys are on tick tock where people throw a piece of cheese at their kid. Have you seen this? It’s it really is disturbing to me. And I know everyone’s like all the Karen’s complaining about the cheese. But the kid is saying yes. And there’s like two or three year old kid and they throw like a piece of like American cheese at the kid and it sticks to them and then they laugh. And something about I don’t think people really understand how much is happening in their little brains at that age, where they’re saying yes, so even if whatever reason you think that’s funny, the kid is that is becoming a part of their reality. So whatever feelings or emotions they get from that becomes standard as part of how they see the world, it’s really important and, and I think it’s important for us to understand why we see the world that way. So we have these set of values. Now, with my higher level clients, we will elicit values, we will do a process to actually pull the values out. So we know and there are some ways that we can rearrange them. So if they’re not serving them, but I will tell you that I never ever touched those top few values, because it will change their personality so drastically, that I feel like it’s unsafe to do. So I have had my values changed once not the first few, just some of the lower ones. And it definitely changed the way I saw the world. And it, it was sort of, there was a shift that had to take place. And it took me several months to get used to that shift. So I’m up on that rung of the ladder values. Now everything below me is what is impacted by my values. So my beliefs are impacted by my values, my potential, my environment, my behavior, all of that stuff is impacted by values. So what’s above that? Above that is my identity. It’s who I say I am. And I’m super curious if you can just notice over the next couple days who you say I am, I am for a long time, I was a problem solver. And I would go to job interviews and I would say I’m a problem solver. Well, for me to maintain the identity of being a problem solver, I had to have problems to solve. And it became a problem. Now, if it’s not a problem, that’s fine. But that became a problem because I had to have problems to solve. And so I had to learn how to let that go. So who are you? I am I am tired of this. Right? I am overwhelmed. What are you saying?
After you say the words I am and this can be really subtle, because lots of times people think this is a role. I am a mom, I am a wife, I am like that is that is that that is your identity. But it’s deeper than that. And if you want to impact your behavior in a way, that changes the way you do things, when you’re not thinking about it, you have to change your identity. You have to step into this version of Who would that be? You know, here you hear people say like fake it till you make it. I think what that really means is be the person that would have the thing you want. If you want to be like in really good shape? Who’s the person? What does that person think? What do they listen to? What do they watch? How do they walk? How what are they thinking about in their head? What are they saying to themselves? Right? It’s not even about my might, joining the gym or like meal prepping. Because that’s something that you’re probably having to think about right now. You may have heard people talk about like energy is 90% of it, or 99% of it or whatever. This is what they mean. If you want something and I say this with my clients all the time, if that if this thing, whatever it is, is the thing that you want. Absolutely. Join the gym, do the things. Totally do it. But you best be spending a lot of time shifting your identity, your values and your beliefs. Otherwise, it’s going to always be effort. Otherwise, it’s always going to be hustle. How do you get in flow? You change your identity. When you become the kind of person that is just the person who does that? You don’t have to think about it anymore. Because who are you right now? Are you sloppy? I say that with love. I’m uh I’ve been a little sloppy. Like, are you tired? Are you over done? I am exhausted. Right? I am in need of rest, whatever that is. That’s gonna impact how you act. Or are Am I vibrant? I am vibrant. I am energetic. I am so excited to be here. I am so in love with my life. How does that person act? Do you see the difference? I didn’t. You knew exactly what I meant. Without me saying like, these are the behaviors in the environment, this person isn’t No, I just had to save the identity. And you knew what that meant. Because it’s that powerful. So when you have something that you’re working towards, and over the years, if you’ve had something you’re working towards, you’re like, holy crap, like I keep failing, how come I’m not motivated? How come I can’t stay disciplined? It’s not that it’s not you, it’s not you doing something wrong, it’s your brain doing something really, right? You’ve just been working on the wrong end of the ladder. You can shift all that it can be so much easier, you can be in so much more flow. And I think that as we continue this conversation, I have more to share about it. But as we continue this conversation, and we talk about like clearing things that are in the way and changing things that are coming up for us, I think we’ve got to start here with a really good understanding of what’s happening in our unconscious mind. Now, there’s work to do here. And I think over the next couple of weeks, if you can just start to be aware of what you call yourself, what you tell yourself what you say, after you say I am, I am having a good day I am. Notice what those are, it’s gonna be really subtle. I was working with a client the other day, and she said something and I wrote it down. And, and then afterwards, I brought her back to it. And I said, you just said I am she was like, oh my god, I did. Like we don’t notice it’s so helpful to have somebody else be able to relay. If you have a friend have them listen to this episode. And so then you guys could help each other, you know, get a coach will be enrolling again into the program next month, if you want. There’s a free class on my website, you can go to Betsy pake.com. And you can watch the class and see if that’s helpful, too, as a place to start or just DM me on Instagram at Betsy pake,
you know, join in this conversation, let me know and screenshot this episode and let me know what your items are tagged me in that and just put it in your story. So I can see I want to know, what are you noticing as you’re i am’s What’s your identity? How does that show up for you and I’m going to be posting mine what my identity is, and what I’m going to choose as my identity. And then I’ve got to do the work to shift it. We can talk more about that work in coming episodes, what that looks like how that plays out. And if you want to do this work with clients, or you want to be a coach, you know, I mentioned at the beginning of the show, but we’re going to be enrolling again inside the alchemy Institute, and we’ve got new paths. So we’ve got a three month path if you want to move through the program in three months or six months, and really get going on what’s in store for you this year. So thank you so much for listening. Thanks for being here with me this year. You know when I think when you get a hold of this and you start to shift, this is how you can start to see real possibility in your life. And this I think is how you live big. I love you so much. I’ll see you all next week. Goodbye. Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy pake.com. And we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.