290: Are Your Experiences Defining You or Refining You? - Betsy Pake

290: Are Your Experiences Defining You or Refining You?


Maybe right now you don’t really like where you are in life or how you feel. What do you do with that discontent? In this episode Betsy talks about feeling inspired, setting intentions, actively participating in creating our reality, and the value in every experience. She also shares a great practice with us concerning the power of “that’s right.”

>>> Connect with Betsy on IG @betsypake


Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Art of Living big. I’m excited to be with here today. I am in Iceland still and, of course the wind is howling. I feel like this is a common theme. The wind is howling. You know what’s so funny is when I got here, if you followed along on Instagram, like I was bundled, when I tell you I was bundled like I had fleece long underwear, you know, and sweatpants. And then what I call my Wakey wakey wakey wakey pants you know when you walk and they go

by Wakey wakey is everyone hear calls and wiki wikis now to which I love. And then like wool socks, big boots, or had like two layers underneath my big puffy jacket. I’d have one of those wool things around my neck, you know, to cover my face, a hat to cover my ears and then I’d have my hood up and mittens. Okay, so this is how I started the trip. And I’ve wondered like how do people live that’s here. It’s so cold and so windy, like oh my god. And I know I grew up in Vermont, but me and I’m like this is like next level windy. You know, a couple times when we’ve traveled, I literally haven’t hardly been able to walk. And I’m not exaggerating. We were on the black beach one day. And I had one moment where the wind was howling and pushing you. And I was trying to get back to the van. And I stepped into the snow and it went up to like my mid thigh. I’m so sure Anyway, like I was like, oh my god, next foot all the way down. So I thought I got a push from my hands. And so I pushed for my hands, my hands went in. And the more I tried to get out, the more I dug myself deeper, it was like quicksand. It really really was. And I thought, Oh my God, all those times where I worried about quicksand. As a child, I used to spend a lot of time thinking about quicksand. This was why cuz I would be in this position. I started thinking about Harry Potter, you know, when they’re in that thing of have all the ropes or whatever, you know what I mean? Those vines that like suck them in, they have to just relax. And then they I was like, I do I just relax, like, what do I do? And so I started to yell, I started yelling, I really can’t get out. And there were people like two feet from me, but they couldn’t hear me because the wind was howling. I’m telling you, I had like a moment, it was only a moment or two, where I felt a panic. Like I’m gonna die with my arms and legs in the snow cheek pressed up against the ice, I’ve got to get out of here. And when I finally got my footing and got out, guide, hightailed it back to the van, like I really left everybody, they were still on top of the bank, and like we’re looking in that the beauty and I was like peace out, I gotta go. I gotta get back to where I feel safe, right, where I don’t feel so wobbly. And so, you know, that experience was very, very real. And now that I’ve been here a couple of weeks, I’m like, do we need a jacket to go out, we stopped to get some food the other day, as we were traveling from one spot to the next we’ve traveled, we are traveling to like six different spots doing the whole loop around the whole country. And when we got into the little cafe, there were a couple local kids that were there, like teenagers, one of them had a tank top and shorts on and boots. And the other kid had like a T shirt and shorts. And I thought, oh my god, we’re bundled up in these kids. So it’s my point is you just kind of get used to it, you know, you get where you’re like okay, well, it begins to be part of the experience and not quite so jarring. And when the wind dies down, it’s actually quite nice, but it has made me laugh at how different my experience has been even since the beginning to just two weeks later, right just a few weeks later, how different I am perceiving things. So you know, as I’ve been here, and I’m thinking about now as I’m heading into the last part of My journey here and my time here, I find myself thinking like, what’s next? Like after I go through this experience? Then what’s next?

Do I just go home back to my life because I feel like I’ve grown and changed so much, and learn so much. You know, in January of this year, I spent the month in Florida at the beach. And it was while I was in Florida, that I was inspired to come on this trip. And so I was just home like 10 days, and then I left for this trip. So now I’m going to go home in mid March, I get to, I can’t wait to go to Sedona, we’ll be in Sedona for the live coaches training for NLP, if you want to partake in that. In you’re listening to this, and there’s still spots open. But if you’re listening to this later, we’ll be doing live events. So be on the lookout for that or head to our website. So here I am, I’m heading back, feeling inspired. But what’s next? What’s next. And so I started to feel this sort of constriction around what’s next, because I didn’t know. And I don’t want to go back to normal. I’m using normal and air quotes, I don’t want to go back to normal because I wasn’t really happy. And I wanted to leave that because it didn’t feel good. And I wanted to experience something different. And I wanted to get some confidence back. And I wanted to do all these different things. And now I don’t want to go back. So I wanted to talk about that. Because maybe right now in your life, you’re like, I don’t really like where I am. I don’t like how I feel every day. I can’t go away for a month I get it that that’s a huge privilege. I’m super grateful. And also like, then what do you do with that? Like, how do you proceed because life is still happening. And, and we deserve to have all of that happiness raining down on us, right? We deserve to have all that joy coming down on us. And we’re blocking it and saying I’m not happy because of this. And I’m not happy because of that. And so I wanted to talk about that and share some things that I have done in my life, but also that I’m doing even more actively now. And that is really about setting an intention. Now, don’t glaze over, because you’ve heard all about intentions. I think that there’s a different way to look at this. So as we’ve been traveling in the morning, I typically have been setting an intention. And I’ll say it out loud to the group, right? I told you that they’re all quite different in terms of the experiences that they’ve had, and maybe even how they’re thinking about things. So like, I think the idea of setting an intention maybe was a little new for them. They hadn’t heard of Abraham Hicks, and definitely not a segment intentions like Abraham Hicks teaches. And so in the morning, I’ll set my intention, I believe that we are creators of our reality. And if that’s true, and we create our own reality, then I need to actively be creating it not just creating it on the fault, not just like letting it happen. So how do I actively create it? Well, I actively create it by deciding what it is I want, we get to pick. So what is it that I want? And typically, you know, for me, it’s that I feel cozy because it’s cooled out. I feel cozy, I feel inspired a notice of the beautiful things around me nothing slips by unnoticed, right that I feel connected with the people that I’m with, that I noticed places that I need to heal and I feel secure in the fact that I will know how to heal them. And if that’s a new concept to you, I did an episode on different ways. There’s a million different ways you can heal things, but on some of the ways you can heal things a few episodes ago. And so I set this intention. So now I’m going home and the feeling of I’m going to say dread but dreads not the right word, but the feeling of uncomfortableness around like going back and having everything be normal after having. So I’m going to pause and tell you I have traveled a lot of places. And like I love the beach, you’ve heard me talk about the beach. I love the beach. But Never have I been someplace where every single place you look is breathtakingly beautiful, that I have posted pictures and they are nothing compared to what’s here. I have said many times is this real? Like how can this be real? I feel like I’m in The Truman Show where somebody just put up like, on speakable beauty everywhere, everywhere. So then I’m like, How do I go from that? To like my condo in Atlanta, like, overlooking like some restaurants? Do you see what I’m saying? And so, I do believe deeply that every experience we have can have value. And that that experience right now of me living in that condo in Atlanta has a lot of value. And there’s a lot of things for me to learn. And when I’m rejecting those things, right, when I’m saying no, I don’t like this, then I’m also because how we do one thing is how we do everything, I’m also rejecting the good that can come of it. So I want to shift that my intention is to shift that so that I’m allowing all the good, and then instead, the uncomfortable, the bad things I don’t like then just become contrast to help me refine what it is I do want. If I don’t like looking at my window and seeing a restaurant, which honestly I don’t mind.

I do see a Costco though. You think I would, if I were to create my landscape, I think I would take that out. I would make it more like if I was going to be in the city I’d make it more city like more hustle and bustle and less like warehouse see journeymen because I kind of see like warehouse II and like a lot of trucks and stuff. So I’m imagining in my head like New York City, right, the New York City streets and like what that must look like. And again, I’ve only been to New York City a couple times. So I’m creating what I think that looks like, how can I set an intention so that if I’m in an experience, that isn’t the best that I get what I need from it, and then I use what I don’t like to help me refine what I’m calling in.

Right? So does that feel different now? Are you looking for a speaker for your next event?

Are you part of an organization or a company that holds annual sales conferences or leadership events, I’d love to talk about the path to possibility and how to use your pain as fuel for your breakthrough. I leave guests feeling expanded, inspired and ready to break through personal barriers so that they can live big. Reach out to my team at support at Betsy pake.com. or head to my website. Betsy pake calm for all the details. So maybe you have an experience like that, where you’re like, I really hate my job, or maybe your jobs making you go back to work like into the office. And maybe you’re like, I really don’t like this, this is not what I want. This isn’t good. This is uncomfortable. I hate driving, I hate being away all day, I’m not getting stuff done, whatever that is. So setting the intention and saying this is what I do like about it. There’s always a mustard seed of something that we do like about it. And then how can I set the intention to use what I don’t like to simply help me refine? Because nothing is forever. Everything is constantly changing. And where you are right now that you don’t like will shift at some point. I know I’m not going to live in that condo in Atlanta for the rest of my life. But I can use my time there to help me refine so that what comes to me next is even better. If I choose not to do that, and I choose to stay in the uncomfortable and focus on the thing that I don’t like and stay in the amplification of the ways that it makes me unhappy. I will carry that amplification with me to my next location. So instead of refining, and helping me understand and get clear on what I want moving forward, instead, it will amplify the negative the thing I don’t like, and then that amplification will carry with me. So, as I’ve been thinking about going home, I’m thinking about what is it that is uncomfortable to me about that? And how can I use it to refine instead of using it to define right instead of using it to say this is why I hate this place. Right? How can I use it and there’s always a mustard seed of something that’s really good. You know, I’ve talked I talked about this probably years ago. Also I probably need to stop saying I’ve talked about this because because all of it I’ve talked about but I have a friend named Andy Dooley and Andy does taught me this thing called That’s right. And it’s a game that I play. And I play, I’ve played it with my daughter over the years, I play it with my husband.

But what it is, is basically you’re saying that’s right. And then you find the mustard seed of the thing you like, I’m gonna, I’m gonna give you an example in a second. But I say That’s right. And then I find the mustard seed, and all you need is a teeny, tiny mustard seed. And then you say That’s right, again, and then you find the next right, then. That’s right. And then the next right thing. That’s right, and then the next right thing. And what happens is, it allows you to expand into finding the things that are good about your experience, when it can be really hard to jump from, I hate looking out my window and seeing a Costco way down the street, to this is joyful and amazing, right. So I haven’t done it yet for my apartment for my place in Atlanta, but let’s do it now. So all I need is mustard seed. So I’m gonna say, that’s right, I have a nice place to sit outside when I look at my view. That’s right. And part of my view is the side of my building, which is actually really cool looking really like the stone how the stone is. That’s right. I really like the stone. And I like the way the design is sort of It almost reminds me of New York City in a way. That’s right, it reminds me of someplace different than I even am. That’s right, I can be in Atlanta, and also feel like I’m somewhere else. That’s right, it can actually feel really expansive, that could be a good place for me to dream. That’s right, I get to live there. And I get to dream about all kinds of things. That’s right, I can appreciate being there and being able to see all the people that might be having dreams, too. That’s right. People all have such different dreams. And that’s so cool, that I get to witness people down below as they walk around and shop and wonder what their dreams are. That’s right, what I wonder about their dreams are then I expand. That’s right. And I can add to their dreams, I can be witness energetically to what’s happening. And I can wish them good things. That’s right, I could actually sit from my perch on that balcony. And just send love and happiness and good energy down to all the people below me. See how I went from like, I don’t really like it to now it feels like an inspiring place to sit down there and do what I really like to do, which is like, imagine good things for people imagine like, lights coming down on people and just blessing them with happiness and goodness, which may sound kind of strange if you’re new here. But like that feels good to me. So now I’ve taken an experience, where I’ve gotten like I’m having this amazing experience in Iceland, I don’t want to go home to that thing that I’m thinking about. That’s yucky. Now, I’m like I’m having this amazing experience in Iceland. And now I get to take all these good vibes and go home and imagine them washing over other people, which would expands me even more, like so now, just in doing that exercise, it feels really different and good. So I’m curious, as you think about like, what in your experience is something that you’re dreading? Like, what’s something that is happening to you right now, that’s causing you a lot of constriction and maybe causing you a lot of pain and taking your energy, your mental energy away? Because you’re spending so much time thinking about it. I know that can happen for me, you know, I’ll have something that I don’t like, my brain goes, Oh, you don’t like it? Let’s think about it for the next six days. Let’s really expand on that. And all the reasons you don’t like it. But if I can find just a little teeny tiny nugget, it really can start to shift your experience. Now I do this game with other people. So sometimes if I’m kind of in a bad mood, my husband will say That’s right. And then he’ll give me something and then I’ll say, That’s right. And I’ll add to it. And so we’ll go back and forth. And I’ve done this with my daughter, especially with she was sick, it was hard for her to do it, but she could. And I really could that changed her experience on on many, many days. And so try it. You can do it with yourself in the car as you’re driving to the miserable place that you don’t want to go. Right I get it, but find the one good thing. The other thing that I want to point out is that doing this exercise and setting the intention for what you want to experience creating your reality. I’m not trying to take away that it’s hard. Like things can be hard. But what We have

labeled hard as bad, as unwanted, when really hard, can be defining, it can be refining, it can help you on your journey to actually get more of what you do want. So embracing that things are hard or things are uncomfortable or things are unwanted. Because it can help you actually get where you’re going way faster. I think the biggest mistake people make is that they pay too much attention to just how it’s hard. And they pay no attention to how it can actually serve them. I believe and this is a true deep belief that everything is working in our favor. Even the things that are awful. And I’ve had awful things, if you’re new here, I’ve had some awful things happen to me. And I truly believe that they had elements of things that served me. And so I truly have the deep belief that everything is serving me in some aspect. But I can miss it if I don’t use it. So I would encourage you over the next week over the next 24 hours. First thing in the morning, put something right next to your alarm clock or that says like, how do I want to experience today. And if you don’t know what you want to actually happen, pick how you want to feel. Today, I really want to feel this way. You know, today, I really want to feel happy and joyful today I want to notice nuggets. Today I want to notice how I can heal, like not even what needs to be healed. But I want to notice, like a way that I could heal like some new modality or some thought that could help me heal something I’ve already noticed. When I feel pressured or uncomfortable or triggered, I want to immediately shift to notice that that’s a gift for me that the goals that I have in the dreams that I have, are being held back by that thing. And now that I see it, I have an opportunity to fix it, not to ignore it, but to heal it. And when I heal myself, I can heal everybody around me, I contribute to the earth being better, and the planet being more whole. All of that the work that you do on yourself is life changing work for the planet. And when you start noticing those things, and you start taking accountability, for doing the work internally, I think that is how you live a big life. So do this work tag me when something uncomfortable happens tag me I would really want to be like, yes, I want to celebrate that it is that way. Because this can be a really great thing. This could be the turning point. In the next 24 hours. Everything in your life could shift where you are on the trajectory that you always dreamed. It doesn’t have to take a long time. It can happen now. All right, I will see you all next week. I love you so much. I’ll see you then. Bye bye.


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.