Betsy shares her thoughts on being a beginner. She uses a recent example in her life to illustrate how celebrating where you are while allowing yourself the grace to learn and grow can bring joy into your life.
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Welcome to the Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy pake. I’m an author, a speaker and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, hi fellow adventurers, welcome to today’s show. Welcome to the Art of Living big. If you’re new here. Hello, welcome. Thanks for coming. I know there’s a lot of podcasts out there. And if you’ve been here for a while. Hi. Come on in. I’ve got some stuff to tell you. So all right, so I have a couple of little stories. And then a bigger story. Let I have a couple of little things to tell you. And then I have a point oh, above that. This past week, I went to Key West it was it was magical. If you’ve been here for a while you know that I love the beach. But it was just a really, really nice break. I went down for four days. And I think that there’s something really great about getting in, like, like a mini vacation. You know, it’s not like two weeks off, or it’s not like a week off. Like it’s just a few days. And honestly, after that amount of time, I was ready to come home, like I felt good. Heading home, I was able to relax and chill out. And I honestly didn’t do any work. I told all of the my clients that I would not be responding to anything until I returned, which was only two business days, I took two weekends and two business days. But it was really really great a chance to unwind and just sit, I read the books I wanted to read, I ate the food I wanted to eat i just i We walked a ton anytime. I don’t know if you guys have been to Key West, or maybe you’ve been to other cities like this, where you just walk everywhere. Las Vegas is like that, too. Like you just walk everywhere. And before you know it, you have like 15,000 steps. You know, I couldn’t, I couldn’t walk that much when I’m home. But I can do it there and not even notice. So it was just really, really fun. I had a massage right on the ocean. I’ve never done that before where they give you the massage like right, you can hear the waves like it was so relaxing and great. And I told my husband, I said, Okay, I’m going to be getting this massage at 130 I want you to just like walk by the beach and take a photo photo of me because I like to share every damn thing, right? And he was like, You need to tell them massage therapists. So she just doesn’t think I’m like some weirdo on the beach. So we told and he came right up and, and talked for a minute and took some photos. And it was just just such a cool experience. And it was really cool. Because he took a what do you call those jetski like a two hour jetski ride all over. And I don’t really like that. I’ve been stepping into more of saying like, I don’t want to do that I want to do this. Or as simple as this might sound like I don’t want to eat that I really want to eat this and compromising when I need to. But really sitting with myself and asking myself what do I really want, you know, whether it’s it’s a massage or food or sitting by the pool, whatever it is, like, what do I really want. And I think that that is something that I had kind of shifted away from a little bit life gets really busy. And we do the things that we need to do. And so to have that space to like back up and go, What do I really want in this moment what what feels good, what feels right. And that was just a really good reset, so that I was able to come home and do that too. So that was key. The second thing I wanted to tell you is the episode that aired this past week. So it’s about three weeks difference. So a few weeks ago, I did a coffee talk episode about how life was like going wrong, like just a lot of things going wrong. And I had been feeling this.
I want to use the word anxiety but I know a feelings of anxiety. I don’t have anxiety. I know that that’s a medical term diagnosis. I don’t have anxiety, but I was feeling that, you know, I was feeling a lot of unrest and they don’t know that I mentioned this on the show. So I wanted to circle back and mention that I started taking this this product called calm. If you guys heard of this. Years ago, I took it and it was like a powder that was like this effervescent powder and I didn’t like it at all. And I so I avoided taking it so I never really knew if it worked that well. And then someone suggested it to me. And I got and I said oh I hate that and they said well don’t tell Take the powder, take the gummies. Honestly, who doesn’t like gummies. So I got the gummies. And it really helped it like I like took the edge off of like that fight, I was having like an edge of like fight or flight kind of feeling, you know, just a lot of things happening in my world, and so kind of on alert, and it took the edge off of that in the stuff. It’s called calm it, it’s like magnesium. So magnesium is a really great thing to help you sleep and all of that. Just relax. The comm doesn’t make you sleepy, I take it in the morning. And it’s been really, really helpful. So I wanted to make sure that I took a second to share that. All right. So now, I want to tell you, I might have mentioned this, but I don’t think so. I started going to CrossFit. Now, if you’ve been here for any time, amount of time, you might remember hearing me talk about how years ago, I used to own a CrossFit gym. I owned a CrossFit gym, I had competed in Olympic style lifting. And if you’ve been here for any amount of time, you’re probably tired of hearing me say I won a bronze medal, Pan American Masters for the SNATCH and clean and jerk. I tell you that because I mean, I was really into it. Like I was super into it. And I competed. The last time I competed was I think it was 44. So I’m almost 45 Perhaps somewhere in that. So it’s not like I was 20 Do you know what I mean? So I was doing this stuff, like in my 40s really, really loved it. And then I think I got maybe a little burned out life changed, my focus shifted. You know, I’ve talked my daughter has been on the podcast before talking about some of her struggles with mental illness. And that really became my focus. And so I know for me, if I get really stressed, we all have something, this might be a thought for you. We all have something that when we get really stressed drops off. And for me, if I get really stressed, I get this feeling that I have to like double down at work, creating and thinking and doing things you know. And so what ends up dropping off is me taking care of me. Now it’s not the right thing. It’s a bad thing. But it is, but that has been my pattern. And I recognized that pattern, I don’t know, maybe two years ago and have been actively doing things to shift that and to have an awareness, like when I noticed that starting to happen, you know, like, I want to get up and get right to work like before, like, like before I’m even like ready in the morning, you know, I just want to like sit at my computer immediately and start doing stuff. And so I think that that was like an important thing to notice. And you might have something that when you get stressed, then this thing drops off? Or to flip it around. Where do you drop off? When? Where do you drop yourself off? What has to happen? Is it stress? Is it overwhelm? Is it like? unhappiness, like what is it that causes you to stop. And when you say the term like taking care of yourself or kind of abandon yourself, that’s how it felt, for me, there was like this moment where I would be really balanced and good. And then a moment where I’d get too stressed. And I would double down at work and I would drop myself. So
in the middle of all that, like kind of stressful things happening. I was like, Okay, hang on a second, because old patterns are taking over and I need to have an awareness and I need to make a different choice. And in that choice, I decided the thing that I missed, I did talk about this on the show, the thing that I miss is having something consistent that I can go to. And so for me, I decided that that was CrossFit. I was going to start going back to CrossFit. Now I want to talk about this from a different point of view now. So now that’s all the stuff that was going on. I decided I was gonna go back. And now I go back. And I am like, brand new, like I the muscle memory took over I know how to do the lifts. Like I’m not having an issue with like the the structure of the movements, right. But I’m having an issue with the weight. And with the cardio like I mean running like, right I mean I like please I can’t even run like to my car if it’s raining like just to save my hairdo is like the maximum right so it’s like a totally a tow totally new thing. And I’ve been going to a 7am class, which is nice because it’s pretty small. But when I go there, I’m completely gassed, I have nothing left in the tank. And I’ve been coming home from CrossFit. And then like having to go back to bed, like I take a shower. And then I’m like, oh my god, I got a nap for like an hour. Like, I’m so gassed. The other day I put on Facebook, like it was two hours later, my face was still read, you know, that feeling of like, you’re like, Oh, my God, I’m never going to cool down. And what I realized was that I was trying to go back in with the same kind of intensity that I had, when I was really, really good shape and conditioned enough to do that. And I think that this is something that happens with us a lot, is that we find it really hard to be a beginner. And I think it became really obvious to me because I was being a beginner at something I didn’t use to be a beginner ahead. But now I have to be a beginner and in and view myself in a totally different way. Are you looking for a speaker for your next event? Are you part of an organization or a company that holds annual sales conferences or leadership events, I’d love to talk about the path to possibility and how to use your pain as fuel for your breakthrough. I leave guests feeling expanded, inspired and ready to break through personal barriers so that they can live big, reach out to my team at support at Betsy pake.com. or head to my website, Betsy pake.com for all the details. Now I think about like all the things that we want to do, like as you sit here, right now you’re like, Oh, I really want to have that experience, that experience. And I would like to be able to do that thing better. And maybe I want to have a better relationship. And I want to travel and I want to like all of these things that we want to do are outside of what we’re doing right now. And if it’s not what we’re doing right now, then it’s not completely comfortable to us. Maybe our unconscious mind isn’t comfortable with it, maybe our body’s not comfortable with it, right? Whatever it is, we’re not conditioned enough to be doing that thing regularly, or we would be doing it.
And so, beginning if we’re like, I want to get to that, then you’ve got to start, you have to start and you have to, I really had to humble myself and be like, Okay, I’m not. If I want to keep doing this, and I want to be successful, then I can’t go once a week and be so gassed, that I’m tired for four days, like I have to be I have to pull way back, I have to allow myself the space and honestly allow myself the honor of being a beginner. And I think this can be really hard to do when we see other people doing it. You know, we see other people able to do all the pull ups and run 400 yards with no issue at all. And so, for me, it was this moment of I have to pull way back. I have to honor where I am right now. And I don’t want to I guess we felt like, like I don’t want to shrink. I don’t want to be small. I don’t want to be like Oh, I’m not as good as them. I don’t want to compare myself to them. I am where I am. And so for me, it was really celebrating being a beginner. And this I want to tell you about this shift, because this shift made it so much more fun. Last week, I was like killing myself like I mean it was taking me like I mean CrossFit wads can take 10 minutes to 20 minutes, typically, unless you’re doing a really big I mean, it was taking me like 40 minutes to finish. And I was like, gutted last week, I was finishing up and I was like I’m dizzy I kept having to bend down and like touch the floor because I was just dizzy, like pushing way too hard. And so then it moves you out of it for so long. So when we are in a place where we are trying to show up in a way that doesn’t indicate where we are, right it’s, it’s I’m trying to look like I’m not a beginner but I’m a beginner and I think there’s that adage of like fake it till you make it. But I don’t I struggle with this like Yeah, fake it till you make it. Because really it’s be where you are, celebrate where you are until you get somewhere else. And so that’s what I decided to do. And so I’ve gone back to CrossFit, and I am being a beginner, I have the movements, right. And I think it was maybe a little confusing for the coaches. Because my, my, my, my form is so good, right? I can do a snatch, it looks great. I just can only do like two of them. And I’m really tired. I can’t do 50 of them. Today, the WOD had the workout of the day, the WOD had 50 snatches, snatches, or that thing where you grab the bar really wide with your hands, they do it in the Olympics, and then you pull it up over your head. So now the bar is over your head, and your arms are really wide, right? So I’m like, running, doing this really difficult ab exercise and then doing this, this, these snatches. I was like, Okay, I’m cutting everything in half. I’m cutting everything in half. And I’m just going to finish when I when, in 20 minutes, like the everyone’s gonna be done in 20 minutes. And so am i No matter where I am. Because I’ve given what I can give, and then I’m only going to get better, because I’ll be able to do it more often. The moment I was able to let go of, I want to fake it till I make it and celebrate where I was. So now, when I’m running, everyone’s running 400 yards, I’m running 200 yards, and I’m still way behind them on their way back, right, like they’ve already turned around and come back. And I’m still way far behind them. I just told them, I was like, Hey, I’m just gonna hang in back, you guys make sure you’re all okay. Like, okay, these fuzzy, you know, they were all doing these really,
these pull ups with weights between their knees, right? I did rows with a ring like, so you hang from the rings, I mean, my feet on the ground, I’m just pulling a little bit like, I’m not doing, I was like, Hey, I don’t want to intimidate you. So I’m gonna go ahead and just do these Ring Rows. While they’re doing these really hard things, like I just tried to make it fun. And I tried to celebrate where I am. Because there’s no shame in being a beginner, we can’t have any changes that we want in our life, without allowing ourselves the space to be right where we are. And what if we were right where we are. And we were celebrating right where we are. And we were present, it gives us an opportunity to raise our joy. Because being present and celebrating where you are is what joy is trying to be a super crossfitter when I wasn’t, wasn’t bringing me joy, I felt very present. But I also felt like completely gassed and overdone. This allows me an opportunity to grow, that allows me the space to be just where I am. And it brings the whole experience a whole lot more joy and fun. So that I can go back tomorrow and I don’t feel like I’m gonna lose my mind or not be able to hobble in. You know, I smell I smell like Tiger Balm, like Ben gay, you know, like that deep blue stick by deutero. Like, smell like a little spicy. And I’m okay with that. But I want to be able to move and to be able to do the things that I love to do and have this be like a supportive piece of that. So here’s the thing, here’s the thought that I want to leave you with?
What are the changes that you want to see in your life? Like, do you want a better relationship? Do you want to improve at your job? Do you want to be seen as a leader? Do you want to have social change in the world? Do you want to stand up for things that you think are injustices? Do you want to be more of somebody that you want to be? And if that if any of that resonates, then how can you be a beginner in that? How can you do like a little bit and allow yourself time to acclimate? You know, I want to have a better relationship. Well, what are some small things you can do to be a beginner at that? You know, we’ve been in relationships our whole life, right? vendor relationships with our parents since the moment we were born with maybe brothers or sisters, cousins, like then classmates and co workers. But are the relationships really good? Is it the way you want them to be? And if it’s not, how can you be a beginner? How can you say these are the things that I would need to learn? If I was doing this in a new way? You Maybe you want something better in your health, and you’re just like, I just want to move. And I used to run marathons 20 years ago, but now I’m just gonna walk. And then eventually I’ll run from mailbox to mailbox. But for now I’m just going to walk, like how can you allow yourself the grace to be a beginner? You know, maybe you want change in the world. I know for me, I’m not I always have said, I’m, I am more like spiritual triage. I’m not the one that’s going to protest. I’m not like, that doesn’t feel aligned to me. But maybe there’s something else I can do. Like, for me, I was like, if I was a beginner, maybe I could start volunteering someplace and support in a better way. The people that are doing some of the legwork, the hard work, you know, I could, I could stuff envelopes. I can empty trash cans, like I can lighten the load for causes that are important to me. And I’m allowing myself to like, just be a beginner, I’m not going to be at this point, my life, I don’t think I’m going to be I have a desire to be like a big activist. Like, I don’t see that as part of my identity. But I can support others. Like maybe that’s my beginning. So when our lives seem a bit overwhelming, and it seems like everything’s gone to hell in a handbasket, I want to just ask you, like, how could you become a beginner, we don’t have to do everything perfect. And we don’t have to do everything. And we don’t have to do everything all at once. We just have to have to start and allow ourselves the grace, to learn and to grow into what we are to become. Because I think when we can do that, that is how we live a big life. So I hope that this helped. I hope it gave you a new perspective. I love you so much, and I can’t wait to see what you become. I’ll see you next week. Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show. And thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me a review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to like figure out how to even make that happen. Now, if you want to find me find me on social media, I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on Tik Tok. It’s just my name. Betsy pake, and that’s my website to Betsy pake.com. And you can find out all about the work that I do. having me speak for an event that you might be hoping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy Institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me just shoot me a DM, shoot me a direct message on Instagram and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening. And I will see you all next week.