Betsy shares three things that she had to learn while building her business. These are universal tips she wishes she had known before starting her business, and they can be applied to any big goal that you have set for yourself.
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Welcome to the Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy pake. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life.
Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers, welcome to today’s show. Welcome to the Art of Living big, I wanted to talk today a little bit about some things that I had to know, in order to build my business. But I want to say that these are things you probably would need to know are things that I wish I knew, you know, before I built my business, they would have been easier to just know these things, just to like, kick me off. And so these I think are things that you would need to know, no matter what you were trying to do. I think these are like universal things that if somebody had like sat me down and said, Okay, you have this really enormous goal, like you have this big thing that you want to do. And like you really need to know this before you start. Okay, so I’ve been thinking about this. And these are the things that I really wish that somebody had done. And I don’t know, you know, sometimes I’m like, you guys, if you’ve been here for a little while, you know, my mom died when I was in high school, right? So it is like a thing that really defines me. And sometimes I wonder, Do other people have this? Like, does somebody sit people down normally and say stuff, but nobody did it to me? Because my mom was gone? Sometimes I don’t know if things are like, Well, normally people know that, Betsy. So I’m going to just guess that you don’t know this. Here’s the funny thing. I was visiting a friend once a while back, and she was making dinner. And she asked me to peel some garlic. And I asked for a knife. So I could like cut the little ends off the garlic. So then I could peel it. Do you know what I’m talking about? And she gave me the weirdest look and just pressed on the garlic with the palm of her hand. And it like peeled itself. And then she looked at me like I had lost my mind. And I remember thinking, I bet that’s something you know, when you have a mom, but nobody ever taught Like, I literally had no idea you could do that. Anyway, I don’t know if this is one of those things. Maybe this is like Betsy, this is stuff everybody knows, but I’m just gonna guess it’s not because I’ve never heard anybody talk about this. So I’m going to talk about the three things that I wish I’d known before I started my business. But there are three things that I think you need to know before you do any big thing before you have any big goal. All right, here we go. Number one, it’s not going to go the way you think it’s gonna go. Nothing about it is going to be the way you think it’s gonna go. Like you have this idea in your head. I’m gonna go from here, and I’m gonna go to there. And yes, there’ll be some learning along the way. And yeah, things will happen. But it’s not going to go anything like you think it’s going to go. And this is why I think people go sideways. When something happens that seems so off track, because they expect it to go in a certain way. Right? They’re like, Okay, I have this goal, I’m going to, I’m going to become a life coach, right people inside the alchemy Institute is my program, where we train life coaches, they come in, I’m going to become a life coach. And then something happens that kind of go sideways, and they’re like, this isn’t the path. And so it must not be working. Like, this isn’t the way I thought it was gonna go. So something’s wrong. And I think if somebody just sat us down in the beginning and said, Guess what, like, none of this is gonna go the way you think. But just be okay with it just just when it happens, just breathe and just know that it’s not gonna go the way you think. And the reason it’s not gonna go the way you think, is because you’ve never been there before. So you really don’t know the road. You actually don’t know the path, you might have an idea of the path, right? Somebody may give you a map. And you might be like, Oh, I see that I have to take this road to this road and then take a left hand turn. But until you actually get there, you don’t realize there’s road construction or they’re you get sick or you know, something happens or there’s something else you have to learn that you didn’t learn or your blinkers not working right or whatever it is. There’s going to be things that you’re going to have to learn that maybe somebody who handed you the map didn’t have to learn because they already knew. Right. And maybe they had a mother that sat them down and told them, or maybe they’ve learned it along the way doing something else, because everybody’s backstory is different, too. So whatever your goal is, wherever it is that you’re headed, just know that the path isn’t going to be the way that you think it’s going to be. It’s going to be full of twists and turns, there’s going to be things number one that you’re gonna have to learn, right, that you didn’t know that you didn’t know until you got there. Sometimes people will ask me, like, what do I have to do? What do I have to know to be able to launch my business? And I’m like, it depends. Like, I don’t know what you know, I don’t know where you are with everything. And they don’t know what to ask me. Because they don’t know, because they don’t know what they don’t know. And so you’ve got to start going on the path to be able to actually know what you’re missing, right. And then the, the second part of that is that there’ll be things that might come up, you know, you might have launched your business, you might have launched a big goal, right around the time that COVID started, like, who could have ever predicted that? Oh, like, when you start your business, just be prepared for a pandemic, like nobody could have predicted that. So you’re gonna have to be really flexible in all of that. You don’t know what you don’t know, and you don’t know you’re going to have to be flexible. The path didn’t have that the map didn’t have that on there. And so what happens and what I see happen to people, is they go, Oh, my God, this is happening. And so it means I’m not supposed to do this, oh, this is happening. And so it means this isn’t the right path for me, or I had this goal, I really wanted to do it. But now this thing is going on. And so that must mean, this isn’t for me. But the truth is that there’s no meaning in anything, you get to pick the meaning. So if you don’t want that to be the meaning just don’t make that be the meaning. So you could make something else be the meaning. Right? It could be that this, I’m going through this challenge right now. Because this is going to help me to become the kind of person who can do the thing. So I’m so grateful for this challenge. I’m so grateful this for this, like being sidetracked on this thing, I’m so glad this isn’t going the way I thought it was gonna go. Because I’m getting a chance to learn something, that must be the thing that’s going to make me get to the goal faster.
Right, you see how that’s a shift. And that’s what I believe when something happens. I’m like, Oh, this is like the thing that’s going to help me get to where I want to go even faster. All right, which kind of brings me here to number two, here’s the number two thing that I think people should be sat down and told before they become a coach or start a coaching business, or whatever goal it is that you have, you’re going to have to change, you’re going to have to change. If you are already the kind of person who could do the thing. you’d already be doing it. But the reason you’re not doing it is because you’re not the person who could do it. Now, you guys have heard me talk about who are you being as opposed to who What are you doing? Because it’s not about what you’re doing. It’s about who you’re being. And I say that with love, because we all I constantly am like, oh my gosh, I want this next thing and I’m not there. I’m having so much trouble getting there. It’s because I need to change. It’s because I have to change. Think about who you were when you were 20 without laughing, right? who you were when you were 20 She’s different than you are right now. Or he’s different than who you are right now. You’ve changed that’s how come you’re not in the same place that you were. So if you want to get to this new place, you’ve got to be willing to change. And what I see so much as people just like, gripping on right, they’re like, I don’t want the who I want to stay right here. Not not because they don’t want to get to the goal, but because they’re so afraid of letting go. Like so afraid of just letting go of where they are. And, you know, there are times where we have to just trust. We have to trust that we can learn something new. We have to trust that will be guided, we we have to trust that we can like them using air quotes fail and be okay. Like we have to trust that all of that stuff can happen in that we have the fortitude to keep on going. I have the trust and my business that I can have like colossal failures and things can go sideways, and not work out the way I want, and that I can even lose, I have lost a lot of money towards things that didn’t work the way I wanted. I’ve hired people and put a lot of money into them. And it didn’t work the way I wanted it to go. And I trust that I can sustain failure, so that I can learn and grow and become the person that I need to become. And I think when we cling really tightly to who I am thinking like who I am, that’s the version of me that that can get this goal, that’s not true. The version of you that you are right now, can’t get the goal you want. Take a big deep breath, the version of you right now, can’t get the goal that you want, you got to let go of them. You gotta be like, it’s okay, you’re gonna grow and change, and I am going to be here to support you, you know, sometimes, I sit down with myself, like I just close my eyes. There are times where I, where I think like, I wish I had my mom, you know, I mean, I’m 51 years old, my mom died when I was 16. I still think that. And so instead, I have to give myself those things that I think I’m missing. Are you looking for a speaker for your next event? Are you part of an organization or a company that holds annual sales conferences or leadership events, I’d love to talk about the path to possibility and how to use your pain as fuel for your breakthrough, I leave guests feeling expanded, inspired and ready to break through personal barriers, so that they can live big, reach out to my team at support at Betsy pake.com. or head to my website, Betsy pake.com for all the details.
Now, I might not know specifically how to crush a garlic clove with the palm of my hands. But I can sit down and give myself the reassurance that I wish I could get from her. So I just imagined that I like sit down with myself, you know, and I take myself in by the shoulders and I look at myself in the eyes. And I give myself exactly what I need it, you don’t need somebody outside of yourself to do that to give you the reassurance right, to give you the love that you need, you can do that you can parent yourself and all of that. But that might give you the mental fortitude to keep going, you know to say like, it’s okay to release who you’ve been. It’s okay to, to change to grow to become the next version of you. And you know, I, I’ve done an episode on this, and I’ve talked about this on Instagram and probably incessantly over the years of the show. But it’s like really about who you’re being. And so you’ve got to let go of who you are. And that can feel really scary. Because that can feel like a loss that can feel like loss of some control. Right? We feel in control and we know who we are. We know where we stand, we know what we’re doing. And and I’m not saying let go of your values, not saying let go of like we’re what you stand for. But I’m saying allow yourself to grow into a new version of you somebody with more wisdom, someone with more experience is someone that sees things through a different lens, somebody that would say like, Okay, I used to approach this problem this way. But how could I approach it differently now? Like, that’s a great way to grow, right where you are, that I have this problem, this is my reaction, this is what I would normally do. But if I was the version of me who had that and just close your eyes and step into her, it safe and say, Okay, now I’m the version of me that, you know, is is where I want to be. How Who is she? How does she see this problem? It may be that the problem that you thought was really big. When you step into the the shoes of the version of you that already has it. She might be like this is no big deal. Holy smokes, we have bigger fish to fry. Right? And then all of the sudden this becomes like no big deal. Because remember, nothing has any meaning except for the meaning that you give it. And so you get to pick, you get to choose what that meaning is. So, the third thing that I would say the third thing that I’d have to that I’d want to tell myself before I started my business that would just help me settle so that I wasn’t so worried. And I wasn’t so concerned with things, and that I wasn’t hanging on so tight was that you have to let go of the things that you thought you wanted. Look, we’re gonna get goals that are hopefully big, big, huge goals, crazy goals. I always say, you actually don’t even have to believe you can hit the goal. I want you to get a goal that’s so big that you’re like, oh my god, there’s no way I would know how to do that. Perfect. All you have to do is know that you can get to the next step that you can become who you need to become to get to the next step. And then the next step, and then the next step, and then the next step, and then all of a sudden, you hit the great big goal. And then you’re like, that’s not even that big of a deal now, so weird that felt so crazy. I have had a goal like that recently felt crazy. And now that it’s here, I’m like, Well, yeah, of course. Because I don’t have to believe I can hit a great big, huge goal, I just have to believe I can hit the next growth timeline, right, the next growth and the next growth. But what as far as, as far as letting go, as far as letting go of what it is that I think that I wanted, we have to be willing to accept that things are going to change.
That things the idea of what I wanted, might morph, it might change, it might adjust, it might grow. And you may have told everybody in your life that that’s what you want. And so then even when your preferences begin to change, because remember, you’re changing, you’re becoming somebody new. Now, your preferences are changing, but you hang on to that goal. You hang on to that thing, because you’re like, I don’t want to change my goal, then I won’t be achieving it. Right that I won’t be I won’t be reaching the goal. If I’ve told everybody everybody knows. Everybody knows I want to move to the beach. Have you ever heard me talk about that? Like Betsy wants to move to the beach, do you know I don’t want to move to the beach anymore. If someone if someone handed me a beach house right now I’d take it but I don’t think I’d live there full time. I want to be in the city, I want to be near a huge airport, it’s really important to me, I stay near my daughter, like I’m really content right now in the city. So that’s not even a thing on my goal list right now. I had to be okay, letting go of the stuff I thought I wanted. I clung to that so desperately, everything in my business was to build to a place where I could move to the beach. Every marketing thing I had had had ocean theme built into the font. I mean, it was intense, right, my oracle cards that I love ocean themed, I love the ocean, that hasn’t changed. But my priorities changed who I am has changed. Some of my goals have changed. And so being at the beach full time doesn’t really align with that. I love speaking I want to speak all over. And to do that the most efficiently. I want to be near a big huge airport. That’s what my main priority, I have found that I love being near things that are accessible, like a, like a variety of gyms that I could choose from right I could get on a barbell, when I want I have access to a lot of different services and places I want to go like that is where I am right now. And so I had to let go, I had to allow and let go of this idea that that’s what I wanted, if I have continued to clung to cling to that if I had to continue to cling to that, and I’m just using the beach as an example. But there’s more in my life, then, and you might have some things in your life, right? The you’re like, Oh, I am clinging to that because that’s what I’ve always said I wanted but it’s actually not what I wanted. You have to be really brave. To be like I always said I wanted that. And now I don’t. Because as we grow and change and things adjust and move and we get more clarity. We’re allowed to change our minds. It doesn’t mean I’m giving up on my dream. Not at all. But it means you’re allowing yourself to adjust. I am still great, my path of growth is still on a trajectory. It’s still moving forward. Even if the outcome of it has adjusted, maybe it’ll adjust back at some point. When circumstances in my life change. It could be that some of that goals adjusted because I’m being really present, and I’m appreciating where I am. All of that is really good. I would like the amount of money that I could choose to be in both places whenever I want. And I’ve done that to some extent this year, every single month. I’ve gone somewhere this year, and spent a week or two weeks somewhere I spent a month in Iceland right so like a month at the beach january MONTH in Iceland couple weeks in Sedona you’re at the beach, I went somewhere last month, like I’m went to Keywest, like giving myself a version of that, right? So allowing yourself don’t become so rigid and attached to something that maybe you don’t even want anymore. It’s safe for you to evaluate, it’s safe for you to go every six months, I’m going to evaluate, I’m going to look at this dream and say, Is this still the dream? Is this still the goal, or are there adjustments that need to be made. And if there’s adjustments that need to be made, I’m going to be strong in that I’m going to be brave, right. And I’m going to be true to me. Because just because I told everybody or just because I told one person, or just because I wrote it down, like in ink in my journal doesn’t mean anything. The only thing that matters is how you feel about it. So those are the three things if someone had told me, I’d have to let go of how I’m thinking, I have to be willing to change who I am. And I have to let go of the things that I thought
that I wanted. Right? Allow the path to change, allow me to change. And just allow the goal to change. When we grow things shift. And I think one of the biggest mistakes people make is that they cling to things because that feels really safe. And I think a lot of times, they cling to stuff that feels safe, even if it’s not good for them. You know, I always say like, at least when you’re in hell, the road signs are familiar. That’s why we stay in hell, because we’re like, Well, I know what’s going on. But if you could be willing to shift and change your path to growth, your path to building your business or getting your goal, whatever it is, could be so much quicker, and so much more fun. Imagine the stress, unconscious stress of having a goal that you don’t really want, and then trying to make yourself work towards that goal. Like every day, we would be like misery. And I see this all the time with people. They’re like, I don’t know why I’m not motivated to do stuff. Like I don’t know why I’m dreading it. I don’t know why it doesn’t feel good. Well, is that the goal still, like maybe there’s an adjustment, maybe that’s part of the goal, but maybe there’s an adjustment. And maybe it’s time you just really sit with yourself and get clear. And you know, I love to go away by myself to be able to do this and really, really think and touch base. But maybe that’s you just saying I’m taking a day off from work. And I’m going to, like go to a coffee shop. And I’m just going to get super clear. I’m going to ask myself a lot of hard questions. Right, I’m going to, I’m going to really get crystal clear on where I am right now and where it is I want to go. I think when you can do that, and you can get on the right path, the path for you at any given time. That is how you live a big life. So thank you so much for listening. I will see you all next week. Bye bye. Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show. And thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me a review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to like figure out how to even make that happen. Now, if you want to find me find me on social media, I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on Tik Tok. It’s just my name. Betsy pake, and that’s my website to Betsy pake.com. And you can find out all about the work that I do. having me speak for an event that you might be hoping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy Institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me just shoot me a DM shoot me a direct message on Instagram and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening. And I will see you all next week.