328: What’s standing in your way?


Today’s episode is a must listen for anyone who wants to experience more in the coming year. Betsy shares 7 questions to identify and clear what’s keeping you from living your big life while taking you on a path to discovery that you can reconnect with over and over again in the years ahead.

Join The Collective on her website here.


Welcome to the Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy pake. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hi, welcome. Welcome to the show today. Happy New Year, fellow adventurers. So I’m excited to record the show today, because it’s been a couple of weeks because I took last week off, which was really nice. So thanks for hanging with me, thanks for coming back. I, I did some work, like I took kind of off from like the 20th to the second, I did work because I had stuff to do. But it wasn’t like, pressure filled, it was like I took naps. And I, like did other stuff in the morning if I want. And I did, like whatever I felt like it was really, really nice. So I hope that you guys had a good break. And a good holiday I’ve been trying to think about next year. Because next year, I want to have some sort of adventure because I will tell you, the towards the end of the break. And I say break like I’m in school, like when we had school break. But when during the end of that break, like I got where I was kinda like I needed some excitement. Like it got kind of boring, but maybe boring. I don’t know, next year, I think I need to travel or do something. I saw someone on Facebook that’s like, you know, like a Facebook friend of mine. But somebody I don’t really know, like, we met in some entrepreneurial group. And they said, I had the most magical Christmas experience ever this year. And I, they didn’t say what they did. But they were like it’s different from so as soon as I saw that, I was like, I want to have that like next year. That’s what I want to be able to say. And you know, it’s hard with family, and you know, my daughter wanting to see me or it’s hard to be away, you know, like different things. So anyway, we’ll see how that pans out. But I got like a moment of inspiration of like, this was really nice to chill out. And next year, I would like to infuse this time with some sort of adventure, even if it’s a short adventure, even if it doesn’t take the whole time. But something to like inspire me, you know, to cause me to think differently, something to lift me up before I come back to work. So next year, that’s the thing. I, I talked all about inspiration this past month, inside the collective one of the weeks, we talked about ways to get inspired. And it just has started to, I’ve started to shift and kind of frame a lot of the ways that I see things through that lens, you know, because once you get like an idea, and then once you share the idea with people like I do in the collective, then all of a sudden, that idea starts to take shape, right, then all of a sudden you start to see things through that lens. And so anyway, I think looking for inspiration and ways to do the things that I do in my life all the time, but in a little bit in a little bit more inspired way. So all right. So I have this thought that I want to share with you. I think this might be kind of a shorter episode, but we’ll see. Because once I get talking, you know what happens, but I this is something that I have been doing. And so I want to share it with you because perhaps it would help you as you look at the year ahead. Now. I will say I talked maybe last the last episode are one of those last episodes about how I really like like New Year’s like the freshness of new I like Mondays. You know what I mean? Like I like New Years. And I’m gonna say resolutions. And I know, I know that that word is really loaded. I know a lot of people have words for the year or a phrase instead. It’s all just semantics. I think what it is truly in the end is that you are calling in something new, right with the word is the frame that you want to see things through. Right, just like being inspired. When you have a phrase, it’s the phrase that you want to frame all of your experiences around. It’s it’s just like the thing that I was talking about, in one of these last episodes about setting an intention, and how we’ve been setting intentions before every single thing that we’re doing in the business with work. And that has made such a huge difference. So the idea of a word or a phrase like I really really love that. And if you are one that likes to say That goals, which I really do, then it’s all the same, I really think it’s all the same, it’s just people got burned so much with resolutions. Now, they don’t want to say it’s a resolution. But we can always have a resolution to experience something new or something different or achieve something like it’s all the same. Anyway, I digress. But what I wanted to tell you about was, as I have set up what I wanted to experience this year, and how I wanted to frame my year, and how I, the things that I thought these things to accomplish would be really fun. And one of the things I’ve been talking about is, again, I’m gonna say like, we’ve been talking about this in the collective but of like, of how do I look at? How do I look at my year? And how do I break it up and say, like, I feel really good. If at the end of the year, I could say, I did this. And we can break it up even further, right? At the end of this quarter at the end of January, if I’ll feel really good if I can say I did these things, or I experienced these things, right? Or had this adventure this this season, or this quarter, or whatever it is. And so as I have been, you know, I’ve got my big goals for the year and I kind of am looking at like, what would I have to accomplish in those goals to feel really good this month. Now, one of the reasons I’m doing that differently than like taking an annual goal and breaking it into 12 parts is because different months are different, have different seasons in our lives. And different months might be busier in some areas and have other things going on or vacations or whatever. And so to divide things evenly between 12 months, I don’t think is really reasonable. So what I have been doing is looking at my month, and then saying like, Okay, I have this overarching goal. But what would feel really good. If I could get done this month. As I’ve done that, I’m starting to just scan and this is the part that I want, that you can relay or kind of lay over any way that you do anything. Okay. So I’m, I have an overarching goal. I know what I want to do in January, so that I feel good about my progress. And then when I think about it, when I think about the overarching goal, or when I think about the month, I want to scan myself. And I want to check and say, like, Where does this feel like this isn’t going to happen? Where does this feel untrue? Right, where does this feel like? Because I think this is why people don’t want to do resolutions, right? Because they’ve been burned because they’ve set goals, and maybe really good goals. Like maybe they did the SMART goal fit. Like who knows, maybe they took a workshop, like it was a good goal, and they really truly wanted to hit it. And then when they didn’t hit it, they just are tired of not hitting it. I know, because that’s how I feel a lot of the time like I’m like, Oh, do I really want to do a vision board. It’s just a whole board of things I didn’t do. Right. So like, that’s why I changed how I do vision boards. Okay. So when I do this scan, and I say what part of me thinks this isn’t really achievable. And I just pay attention to how I’m feeling. Now you might get a picture in your head, you might get

a memory write of another time you tried and it didn’t work, you might just get a feeling in your body, I tend to get sort of a feeling in my body. So if I think about the thing I really want to achieve, and I get this heavy feeling in my body. I’m like there’s something in me that says that isn’t achievable. That’s not for you. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter how much I want it. It doesn’t matter how much I consciously am excited about it, or how good of my breakdown of tasks is like none of that matters. What matters is this scan, and how do I feel about it? And if there’s any part of me, so today, I was doing the scan and I was like, Oh, I there’s this big goal. I have an I have this, this about it. Right. So even though I have a great plan, I just I just there’s something in there that says it’s not for me. So I’m going to give you some questions that I asked myself. And these are questions you can ask yourself about anything that’s coming up. But I think these are really good when it comes to something sort of abstract like this. Like, there’s some reason I just know, I’m not going to hit this goal, but I don’t know what it is. Right. So what is, the first question I asked myself is, what’s the thought? That’s preventing me from thinking I can achieve this? Now, you might be thinking, that’s it. It’s a feeling, it’s not a thought, I totally get it. What is the feeling then? What’s the feeling? So it might be a thought it might be a memory, it might be an idea might be a feeling. So whatever that thought is, that feeling is that’s what is that? That’s preventing me from moving forward. Right? What’s stopping me? And with me, I can feel like this heaviness on my chest. Now, here’s the trick is that I want to name this. So I don’t want to move on to step two, until I actually name this. And you might have to just sit, like, just sit yourself down and be like, What is this? What is this belief? What is this thing? This thought this feeling? What is this, that’s that underlying is causing me to think I can’t have this thing. And I want you to come up with a name of what it is. And this might be like, I just I don’t know how to do it. I’m just afraid. It’s almost always some sort of fear. What if I don’t do it? What if it looks? What if I tell everyone I’m doing it? And then it doesn’t work? I’m gonna look stupid, like, whatever that is. So I want you to scan for it. I want you to identify what is this thing that’s stopping me from moving forward? And then I want you to name it if it doesn’t already have a name, right? So this is what it is. It’s fear that I’m going to look dumb or fear that it’s a fear that it’s not going to work, right fear that I’ll always be striving for this thing, but never get it. Right. All right. Number two, is what is the story that you have around that that makes you think that’s true? What’s the story around it that makes you think that’s true? And it might be like, Well, I’ve, I’ve tried before, and it didn’t work? Or I just I don’t know that I have enough self confidence, right? If I had more confidence, I could do it. If I had a bigger internet presents, I could do it. If I had that, you know, I don’t know the magical Angel fairy wings crushed up in my morning coffee, I could do it like whatever that is for you. What is that story that’s making you think this is true? All right. So number three, is what does that story give you? Because honestly, it’s giving us something, there’s a payoff to it. Now, I know that that might seem kind of like a weird thought. But let me explain. You can actually go to my website, if you go to my website, Betsy pake.com. And you go all the way to the top, in the menu, it’ll say start here. On that page has all my freebies everything for you can get. So if you scroll down, there is a map to the unconscious mind. Okay. So in that map, it describes how our unconscious works. Now. It’s a little more complex, I probably need to do a video to go along with it. But there is a story. There is a benefit to that story. And it might be that if I have this fear, and I’m afraid of doing the thing, and I have a story that because I don’t have crushed up angel wings that I can’t do it, then I don’t have to try. And I don’t have to be disappointed. Because in the end, I know, I knew I wasn’t gonna be able to do it. So now I just proved myself right. It could be as simple as that. So what does that story give you? What’s the payoff of having that story? All right, number four. What can be untrue about that? Like, how is this total bullcrap? Right. Because the truth is that we’re here to expand and to try stuff, and to strive for stuff and to fail. Like, we’re not here for everything to always work out. We wanted the highs and the lows. We’re adventurers. Adventurers don’t just want everything great all the time. Do you know how boring it would be? To have everything great all the time. And we could have the full range of experiences and I’m talking to myself here, not just to you the full range of experiences if we just like, dive in. Right? We just go yes, I’m going to try it. If you guys have been here for a while you remember last year how I saw that tick tock about that guy that was underneath the Northern Lights. And then the next day I booked a trip to Iceland. I was totally living was everything about that great, no, there were actually some crappy things about that. Most of it was great, but there was highs and lows just like anything. And so, but I felt like I was truly living, right, like I was having this full experience. So I want you to think about the goal that you have. And if you don’t really try, if you if you stay in fear, if you hold yourself back just a little bit, even just a little bit, are you really fully living? Are you really fully having the experience that you came here to have? So ask yourself about that? What is untrue about it? How is it total bullcrap? And be a detective? You know, there’s a lot of things that could be untrue about that. And just make a list. All right, number five. And this one, you’re gonna have to think about your identity. Okay, so who would you be? If you didn’t have this story? Who would you be? Would you be living somewhere else would you be experiencing somewhere else? Would you be more joyful? Would you be more confident? Would you be more sure of yourself? Would you be more connected to people? Like who would you be? Get a clearer vision of that? And where would you be? You know, where would you be on your journey? All right, number six. Which one of those things do you want? Do you want to stay where you are? Or do you want to move forward? Do you want to experience the highs and lows? And do you want to dive in? Unafraid? Okay, now, now that you chose, I want to dive in on afraid? That’s the correct answer. Number seven, is what would you have to believe in order to move forward with full faith. And I like to use these as like I am resourceful, I am capable, I am full of possibility I am creative, I am statements. So come up with two or three things that would work better for you. All right. So now that you have those, I want you to write those like on a little post a note, or put them in a little, put a piece of duct tape, not duct tape, put a piece of packing tape over the post it notes. So that is it is water tight. And then I want you to stick it in your shower, you know, put it somewhere where the water is not going to hit it. But I want you to get up in the morning, brush your teeth, whatever you do get in the shower, and I want you to get in that like I am this I have I am making a choice. I can choose to be that old version of me or I can choose to be this new version. And every moment I get a new choice every moment. Who am I going to be now? Who am I going to be now. And I think that these moments, they’re not just the big moments. They’re not just the moments where you go, Oh, I’m taking the trip to Iceland. Like that’s not it. It’s the little moments. It’s the moment where you like I don’t totally feel like working out this morning. But I made a commitment to myself.

And I know that my confidence is higher when I keep commitments to myself, because I tell myself, I can trust myself. And so I’m going to do that thing. That’s the moments. It’s not the big huge moments. It’s the little tiny moments. It’s the moments where you catch yourself talking crap about yourself. And you stop yourself and you say that’s not true. Right? Sometimes I say it out loud. Oh, there we go. Here’s the little voice. The Gremlin is not true. It’s not true. You know, sometimes I’ll say that doesn’t matter. I’ll think of something silly. So I have a couple. I have like four or five speaking gigs this month in January. I’m so excited, really fun things to look forward to. And I notice that my little gremlin comes out, like full force when I’m going to do something like that. I love it. Like I love speaking it’s so fun. And my little gremlin says Come on. Do you remember that time you were in fourth grade and you stood up and farted? In the middle? Like I will remember things I hadn’t thought of like because my unconscious mind the number one prime directive which you will see if you download that map to the unconscious mind is to keep me safe. It’s to keep me alive. And it doesn’t know yet. That I’ll be alive. It thinks this is dangerous. This is different. Pretty soon it’s getting used to it You know, it’s way more used to it than it was last year. But it’s still showing up, it’s okay. Because it is in those moments where I go, I hear Yeah, I know you’re scared, it’s gonna be okay. Don’t worry about it, I got this, I’m capable, I am confident, I am sure of myself, I have an excellent message, all the I Am is I can bring those back, it is in those moments that you begin to move towards your goal. It is in those little tiny moments that you begin to like fortify yourself, and you begin to change. And now after you’ve done this, I want you to just scan your body again. And you’ll notice that it’s shifted. You’ll notice that it’s totally different now. And you can do this exercise, you know, on Sunday nights, I do like a big planning of my week. And I will scan who check it, check, check, see what is coming up for you. And if there’s something else that you need to shift, shift it now you know how you’ve got the list. So I want you to hit your goal, see your world through the lens of the word that you picked for the year, whatever it is, however you do it, what you call it. You deserve to expand and grow and to have new experiences and to feel alive. I am doing the hard scary stuff with you. Because that is how I think we live a big life. All right. If you’re not already inside the collective, please join us. You know, do you know that it’s every week you get to coach with me every week. And it’s so fun. I love the community in there. Every week, I’m teaching something new. If you love the podcasts, you’ll love that. And it’s 420 bucks for the whole year. The whole year is the best deal. It’s the biggest deal ever. So join me in there, I would love to see you plus, we get on the phone and talk for 15 minutes. So it would be fun to get to connect with you too. So you can find all that on my website. I hope you have an amazing week. I love you so much. I’ll see you soon. Bye bye. Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show. And thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me a review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to like figure out how to even make that happen. Now, if you want to find me find me on social media, I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on Tik Tok. It’s just my name. Betsy pake, and that’s my website to Betsy pake.com. And you can find out all about the work that I do. having me speak for an event that you might be hoping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy Institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me just shoot me a DM shoot me a direct message on Instagram and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening. And I will see you all next week.


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.