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In todays episode, Betsy shares how she’s stepping aside to allow her guides to lead the way, why she’s come to this place and how she knows she’s on the right path. In this episode you’ll learn how to find your own evidence procedure and forge your path forward in a new way.
Welcome to the Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy pake. I’m an author, a speaker and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big hello, hi. Hi fellow adventurers. Welcome. Welcome to the Art of Living big if you’re new here. Thanks for joining us. All right. So I have, I have some I have a lot of different thoughts for you today. So let’s just dive right in. I just got home, I just got home from Florida, I went to Florida to visit my dad. I think I mentioned last week I was going to go the week before, but I ended up getting a really bad cold. And so I pushed it off. And ended up going this week ended up going Thursday, I drove down it took like, I don’t know, maybe like six and a half, maybe moved closer to seven hours to drive down and then to drive back. And I drove back on Sunday. But you know, like I liked the time in the car, do you know like when you have time to like really think like you can’t get away from yourself. And I listened to some audiobooks. And I did some car dancing. And like it just it felt really fun. And I got to go down and see my dad, now my dad is in his 80s. I have not been down to see him since his 70th birthday. So it’s been a long time. And I have seen him, I have seen him when I’ve gone through Florida, you know, I would stop and have lunch with him meet him somewhere for lunch, or I’ve seen him at a wedding over the past decade. And I do talk to him every week. But I don’t see him very much. It’s just not the kind of relationship that we have. And I know that you probably have relationships like that, that are similar, where it’s, it’s so complicated, that it’s easier to just kind of let it be the way that it is. And I had this feeling that I didn’t. I didn’t want it to continue the way that it was. And so I wanted to make an effort to do something different. And so I asked if I could go down, he was super excited. I talked to him on the phone probably every week, you know, sometimes more, if I’m struggling with something, I’ll call him or ask his advice for something. So it’s not that we’re not close. It’s just complicated. And so I went down, and my dad is married. And I think I’ve talked about that before, but there was so much evidence of my healing. My dad got married, when maybe the year after my mom died when I was in high school. And that has been that relationship has been a big struggle in my life. But gosh, when I was there, there was so like, over and over again, I could see how much I had grown and changed. And if there is some relationship in your life that you struggle with, it really can be so different. I saw so much evidence of me observing, you know, like, something would be said, and I would just simply be observing, I noticed that I was really keen on interpreting, or noticing micro expressions on faces and understanding what was being said, that was different than what the words were, you know, it just became really clear. There were also several times where in the past I would have been, I don’t know, maybe defensive or, like, for example, there, Megan and Harry, Prince Harry came up. And we think differently. My step mother, my dad’s wife, and I think much differently. But I didn’t need to defend my view. I was more curious about her view. Now does Prince Harry and Megan does that matter? No. Would that like trigger me if I was with like some friend for coffee? Not at all, but because of the relationship and the complexity of the past, you know, several decades within that relationship, that would have been something where I would have felt triggered I would have felt rejected, I would have felt like misunderstood all of those things. And I just didn’t. It was just glorious. It was a it was just amazing. Now, it was exhausting. Because I was really noticing a lot I very much felt like I was witnessing everything that was happening as opposed to like being in the moment being, you know, pre flowing and stuff. So it was tiring, but it was so worth it. And it was worth it for lots of different things. And I got to see my dad, and all of that was great. And so then I came back on Sunday, and I still had time to, like, I got back in time to like, see my daughter and know, do laundry and get ready for Monday, all of those things. So I have been thinking a lot because you know, when you’re in the car, and you can get away from yourself, you’re like thinking, and I’ve been thinking a lot about the work that I do, how I show up, like the kinds of things that I like doing or don’t like doing. And it’s and so many of those things are important to me, because of my business, you know, and the way that I have always, or for the most part always done things doesn’t feel as aligned anymore. Now, I’m a podcaster the podcast feels aligned guy, I feel like it’s just so much of who I am. Like all the experiences I have, I am constantly pushing it through a filter of how could this story help somebody else? Or how could someone else see themselves in the story? You know, I’ve had this show for like six and a half years, maybe seven. And so like thinking in that way is like supernatural to me and feels good. But there was a lot of things that weren’t feeling good anymore. I was like, Oh, I don’t want to do that. You know, actually, I recently started an Instagram for the alchemy Institute. So if you are into learning about like the subconscious mind or NLP you want to like just see more stuff about that. You can find it if you go to my Instagram. If you go to Betsy pake, then I linked it, but it’s the alchemy. institute.co is the is the address for the Instagram, but I started an Instagram. Now why? Why would I do that? Because I haven’t having this thing of like the work that I do and how I show up and the way I’ve been doing it. I don’t like it. So why would I start another Instagram? This is a question I asked myself, Why am I doing this, it felt really aligned to do it. Now, Instagram wants me to do video, it wants me to do reels and all of that stuff. I have always really struggled with this. I do not want to do skits. I’m probably never going to be dancing and pointing at things. And just talking feels really weird to me. Unless I’m talking into like the podcast mic. Like, it felt awkward. And I think that that kind of awkwardness like comes across in your reels. I don’t know, I just I didn’t enjoy doing video. I haven’t wanted to do that. But I wanted to start the Instagram and share stuff about NLP. So I just thought I’m gonna do it in the way that I want to do it. Now, Will anybody see it? Maybe not. But I wasn’t doing it for that. There was things I wanted to share. And you know, when I very first started the podcast, that’s why I started the podcast, because there were things that I wanted to share, not because I wanted some thing out of it. I wanted to share stuff. Now, you know, as it has evolved, and as I’ve, as I started doing it, I realized I wanted interaction. You know, I wanted to like know that people were listening or have people share it like that means a lot to me. And sometimes when that doesn’t happen, I’m like, do I keep doing this? You know, do I keep doing this? So I’m in this place where I’m like, the work that I do and how I show up? I don’t like the I’m recoiling from some of the ways that I know I’m supposed to I’m using air quotes supposed to do stuff, right? Like reels on Instagram or showing up live on YouTube or whatever I know YouTube has like, shorts or something, which I think are stories, I don’t know. But when I hear somebody talking about it, I just immediately turn it off. Like I want to do it the way I want to do it. And like this past 24 months probably so much has changed and I’ve had so much fun. And I like speaking and I like doing my coaching programs and I like working with clients and all of those things. And there is still a necessity to like, market yourself and get the word out and do things in a way that the algorithm likes. Right. So I’m in this weird space of like, like, it’s almost like the space between the hustle and the energy. And, you know, I’m a hustle girl like I don’t mind working because I’ve always really liked my work. You know, Gary Vee, if you guys want Oh, Gary Vaynerchuk like, he’s very all about
the hustle. But that’s his alignment. Like somebody else could do as much hustle and as Gary Vee and not have the same result, do the same exact things and not have the same results. Because he’s in alignment with that it’s really fun for him. You know, I, I was, I’ve been thinking because you know, at the end of the month, I’m having my nose surgery, right, you get if you weren’t here last week I’m having. I haven’t deviated septum and some other things that actually make it really hard to breathe. And there are times where I get like, really claustrophobic in my own head. And I was actually speaking in Baltimore, in January, and the, the event space was so dry, I was having a lot of trouble with my nose. And I kept feeling like I was like, I couldn’t stay in the moment because my nose was so distracting to me. I couldn’t, I literally couldn’t breathe. And I was trying to speak so I couldn’t really be like breathing through my mouth, I was miked up, it was just it was there that I was like, I’m gonna have to get my suit, I’m gonna have to do that surgery, because like, what the mic going gonna faint, I’m gonna pass out talking. So. So in all of that, there’s the hustle side, right? There’s the getting it actually done. And there’s an energy side. And so as I’ve set this up, I’ve also set up Reiki practitioners to be like working on me at the time that I’m going into surgery. In fact, in fact, if you if you would like to help me, if I’ve ever helped you helped me on March 30. So I go into the surgery at one o’clock, which I think means the surgery is like 230, or three or something. Do you know what I mean? But put me on your calendar and just imagine me healing. Like, as they’re doing it, I’m healing like, just imagine me being like the, like my immune system being like, hard charging little cells that are like making stuff happen, that I feel really good that my surgeon feels like, oh my god, this is the easiest surgery I’ve ever done in my life. Right? I would love that. I would love that March 30. One o’clock, think of me, that would be amazing. So in all of that, there’s this like, hustle side and energy side, right? Just like my business. There’s a hustle side and the energy side, right? The beautiful thing I think is when you can be like Gary Vee, and the hustle is aligning, like the work that you’re doing is so aligning that everything is like a clear path, right? So I decided, that’s what I need. I need to have a clear path. And myself as mere mortal need to step back to allow the flow and the energy to guide me. So how this was coming to me was like an image of myself standing at a door and I’m running to grab the door and grab the door handle. And when I get to the door handle, it’s it’s like so hard, like, I can’t grab the door handle like I’m trying to pull. And then I look over my left shoulder and I realized that there’s my guides there. And they’re like, why are you running in front of us? Just step back. Like we’ll we’ll remove the door. And you can just walk right through. In that felt so good to me. That was like, that’s what I want. So if I want to follow if I want to follow the guides, and I don’t want to be the one leading because right now that’s exhausting right now that feels overwhelmed, right? What is my evidence procedure? How will I know when that’s happening? Now in NLP, we have this thing called Evidence procedure, which is if I can identify what it is at the beginning, then it’s easier for me to know when I’ve hit it because here’s what happens is we set goals or we have these things we want to do but then we don’t ever know the specific things that will be happening when we get there. So we never know where they’re. Here’s an example. When I was in Florida, I was talking to my dad and his wife now my dad and his wife, they both still drive. They both still drive, and they’re fine. They’re fine drivers. They aren’t going anywhere far. They’re not going on road trips. They’re tootling around town, and it’s fine. My dad’s actually a really active 82 year old he rides his bike, like does all the things Okay, so it’s fine. But I said, When will you know it’s not fine? And he said, I don’t know. And I was like, Well, what would be happening that would cause you To say, it’s not fine, because here’s what happens is, it becomes not fine, but you’re in it and you don’t want to not be fine. And so you don’t notice. But if you have it set up beforehand, then when it happens, you go, Oh, I had already made this decision that this, when this happened is when I needed to evaluate and maybe stop. So when I think about following my guides, I’m like, How will I know I’m doing it? Like, what’s my evidence procedure to know, today, I really followed my guides, right? Or today, I struggled with that. And my ego was trying to lead the way. And so I came up with a little list of things that I want to share with you, that are things that would make me go, Oh, yes, this is it. This is how I know. Now, this list isn’t in any particular order, this list might be different for you, but it might give you some place to start of what feels good. So the number one thing and not in any particular order. But probably if there was an order, this would be the number one thing is what feels fun, and simple. So I want to always be aligned with the easiest path. There are endless, endless amounts of ways to do things, anything you want to do. You want to lose weight, there’s endless amounts of ways to do that. You want to make money, there are endless amounts of ways to do that you want a great relationship. There’s also endless amounts of ways to do that. But I want the easiest way. And easy. I could even define that. The easiest way, the simplest way fun, I want fun, simple, easy, is that it doesn’t take any effort that it feels aligning that it feels fun. We are equipped with this really amazing, amazing navigation system. It’s our emotions, right? And our emotions are constantly telling us stuff.
And so many times we push it aside and go, No, I gotta get this done, I got to do this thing. Like, my boss will be mad at me if I don’t do it. Like sometimes there are, like real reasons why we have to do stuff. But if there is an internal guidance system, and you have any play at all, then notice what that guidance system is telling you and adjust. Sometimes things don’t feel aligned. But it’s not that they never will. It’s that I don’t record the podcast in the morning, I record it in the afternoon or, you know, whatever, whatever that thing is for you. So what feels fun, what feels simple, what feels like aligning and easy and use that internal guidance system. Alright, the next thing, and this one is going to be a little bit more complex. But again, it’s the internal guidance system, what feels like dread? What feels like, oh, I don’t want to do it. Is it Sunday night where you get the awful feeling. I’m sure everybody’s experienced that on a Sunday night more heart attacks happen on on on Monday mornings at like, 9am than any other time, because you’ve built up all this stress the day before? So what that feeling of dread, like what does that feel like? Sometimes for me, it’s like a procrastination like, I just don’t want to do something. Now, again, there are things sometimes we have to do. But if it feels like dread, I know I need to be looking at that in a different way. So it could be that I’m not doing it in the right way. It could be there’s an easier way to do the thing. It could be there’s another way for me to experience this the exact same exact thing. So it’s it stays the same. But I rotate around it so that I’m looking at it in a different way. So if it feels like dread, you’ve got to look at it in another way or move on to something else. Sometimes I’m like that feels like dread. So that’s not that’s my ego leading, right? It’s my ego trying to open the door, it doesn’t feel good. I’m going to step back. And I’m just going to say what feels like the most fun in this. So I’m gonna go back to that first one. So these are all kind of following that guidance system. Again, sometimes people will ask me about if it feels like dread, is it that I’m not supposed to do it? Or is it like, is it my subconscious keeping me safe? Or is it my guides telling me that’s not the way now that is for you to decipher? And the more you practice, the discernment of that, the better you’ll get at it. But I will say your unconscious mind wants to keep you safe so it doesn’t want you doing things out side of the ordinary. But here’s how I know, if I feel like I’m gonna give an example of, oh, recently, we started running Facebook ads to a special training for therapists. So we created a special training for therapists inside the alchemy Institute, because I think the NLP skills are something every therapist should know, I have that belief. And so I thought, Well, maybe if I market to them directly now, running Facebook ads, I don’t. I didn’t know how to do it seemed a little gets, it’s a little scary. Am I going to do it wrong? am I setting this up? Right? Like, there’s a lot of variables, I’m putting a lot of money into it every day, like, there was an element of I don’t want to do this. But I wanted the outcome of it. And so I asked myself, is there another way to see this? And when I started working on that, it started feeling better. And that’s how I knew now, will I run ads forever, I don’t know, I’m not leading anymore. I’m just, I’m following. Right now it’s working. If it stops working, then we’ll change things, we’ll do things in another way. Which is why number three is so important. And that is to be present, and to be aware. So sometimes, if we aren’t present, we are pulling a thought from our past. I mean, that is how our minds work. And that’s how come they’re so efficient. Right? Every time I go to brush my teeth, I don’t have to go watch a YouTube video to know how to do it. Like it’s in my body. Now I just do it. Right. So like, I can just do it, I can be present in it and just do it. I don’t have to be pulling from the past. And let me give you another example. Because that example, it’s sort of in my body, it’s sort of unconscious. If I’m being present and aware, then when my husband’s saying something to me, I’m really listening to what he’s saying in that moment, instead of pulling will, two months ago, you said, yada yada, yada, right? Two months ago, you didn’t think that, then I’m pulling from the past, I’m not being present. So I want to be present. And I want to be aware, that way, I’m understanding everything exactly the way it is. Remember, I said when I went down to Florida, how I was really observing, instead of being triggered, or like I was observing, I was being present and aware, I was just simply watching nothing held any meaning from the past, it was just in this moment. And that makes everything lighter. If you have never, if you’ve never released your negative emotion, like like, there’s typically like top five negative emotions, we do this in NLP, I do it with all my clients that I work with. But we eliminate those top five negative emotions, it will allow you to be in the present. And to be aware. It’s such important work. You know, I was, if you if you come into the collective, there’s a way to do that work with me. And if you’re already in the collective, and you don’t know how to do that, just message me and I’ll tell you, but being present and aware, letting go of all the past stuff is going to help you so much so that you can follow the nudges. The nudges only happen in the present moment. They don’t happen in the future. They’re not happening tomorrow. They’re happening right now. Right now and right now. And right now, I think this is why our breath can be so powerful as a reminder. So you know, lots of times you’ve probably heard me say like, just stop and breathe. Because we can’t breathe in the past. We can’t breathe in the future. We can’t breathe in the fat in the past our breath is something that is very present in the right now. And so if you can really clue into that, then you can be like Okay, I am present. I’m right here. All right. And then the final thing that is my evidence procedure for following my guides is is for me to tell you that I’m starting to get winded because I can’t breathe through my nose. We will fix that. March 30. Okay, the final thing is that I will start to go down rabbit holes. So I love a good rabbit hole. And here’s what I mean by that is that I go to look up something about my Facebook ad. And then I see a little article that something about Facebook ad but then I click on it and then it reminds me of a training that I took two years ago and then I go into find the notes to my training and when I get there I realized that there was another video Do that I could watch that would solve this exact problem. So when I am, and I’m checking for rabbit holes, I know that I’m following nudges, right? Because those nudges are happening in the moment. Here’s what happens is that if we’ve got too much going on, and we’re not being present, we miss the nudges, things will come into our awareness. And we’ll just go, oh, we’ll brush it aside, right? Something else pops into our awareness, brush it aside, because we’ve got too much to do. Because we’re hustling because we’re running for the door, right? But if you could just bring it back and be like, I’m just going to be present, why am I getting that nudge? Why am I thinking about that thing? Why is that idea coming into my awareness now. And when we start to do that, then all of a sudden, big deep breath, you start to get present. And you start to notice that everything is actually bringing you to the next thing. And the next thing now, big mistake people make is they think, Well, I did this thing. And it led to nothing. Right? And like that went nowhere. No, that’s not true. Like sometimes there are things that don’t make sense to us in the moment. But if we just trust this is where faith comes in, and not blind faith. But faith that it will work out that you will figure it out that the next thing will come because it has before. And you know, you’re being present. And you know what your evidence procedure is to know if you’re following the guides, or if you are rushing ahead. And so being in that, following your internal guidance system, noticing, looking for what feels fun,
what feels simple, what feels good right now, and then taking the action on those things, is going to have a huge, huge impact on how you are experiencing things, how you’re noticing the world, and how your energy is, I know that even the last like 24 hours of doing this, the value of my energy has increased. I’m not I don’t feel quite as depleted. But as I was before, and I’m starting to be like, Okay, I’m just stepping back. I don’t have to figure this all out. And that is a really helpful, beautiful thing. And that is how I think you live a big life. So try this, try and see if you can follow the nudges. Try and see if you can just even imagine pulling yourself back and allowing yourself to be guided, allow yourself to be guided. It’s all there waiting for you. I love you so much. I want this to be easy and fun and simple for you, too. All right. I will see you all next week. Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show. And thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me a review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to like figure out how to even make that happen. Now, if you want to find me find me on social media, I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on Tiktok. It’s just my name Betsy pake and that’s my website to Betsy pake.com. And you can find out all about the work that I do having me speak for an event that you might be hoping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy Institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me just shoot me a DM shoot me a direct message on Instagram and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening. And I will see you all next week.