Episode 146: Today I share three questions that have the potential to change how you live your life…. and I share my experience with the questions and what it means to me.
You’re listening to Episode 146 of The Art of Living big. If you listened to one episode of 145, don’t I sound so much better? I’m feeling so much better. You guys might be getting these episodes like, on the same day, my website had a huge, I don’t know, I think it had the flu, if it wasn’t working, and the whole feed was crashed, and I kept thinking I could fix it.
And I have done an episode on this, that you should stay in your lane man, do what you’re good at and leave the other stuff for other people. And I wasted a lot of time. And at first it was because it was like a puzzle, and I wanted to figure it out. And then it became an obsession. And then even like the thing that was making me angry, and the moment it made me angry, I was like, okay, we’re backing up and gonna hire somebody. And we ended up having to like reboot and pull a backup from last month and start over fresh.
that is what we’ve done. And now we’re back online. And it’s awesome. So I’m glad that I’m back in your feed. Thank you. Thank you to all the people that
went to my website to listen to the show last week, instead of
just waiting on iTunes, it makes me happy.
All right, so today on the show, I want to talk about something that a client, I say client, anytime I say client, I kind of feel bad because a friend, but a client told me about and I did it, and I want to tell you what happened. Okay, so we’re gonna get into that on today’s show. And
don’t forget, if you are a coach or a
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And now let’s go to the show. Welcome to the art of living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. And this podcast is designed to share interviews and new ideas
to help you redefine what could be possible
for your life. Now,
let’s go live big. Hey, everybody, welcome to today’s show. All right.
So today I want to talk about actually
living who you really are.
So I’m going to explain what I mean.
So last week,
okay, so I’ve been sick. And you’ve heard me talk about that like ad nauseum in my last episode, but I’m finally feeling better. And so now I’m finding like, I really liked having the time where my brain wasn’t so consumed with life. And I realized that my being sick actually was this huge benefit to me, for my brain and for my mindset.
And so I tried to learn the lesson from Why did I get sick. And when I finally realized, like, I really needed this downtime, I’m trying to leverage that. So I don’t get back to the place I was at before
overdoing it and pushing too hard. And not like having any time for myself and
you know, little things like
girly things like not even taking time to go get a manicure. Because I was like, I don’t have time for that. But like, really, if you don’t have time for like a 45 minute something for yourself, whether it’s a manicure or a meditation or a workout, or whatever it is,
then you’ve probably got to just reevaluate and look
at your life and where you’re spending your time. And that was totally true for me. Okay, so then it brings me to last week where I got back to my coaching clients. And I have somebody that I love that I work with. And she mentioned a book to me by George kendor. And it’s called Life planning for you how to design and deliver the life of your dreams.
Now, I downloaded the book on my Kindle.
And I will be honest, I haven’t finished it. So this story isn’t necessarily about the book, as much as it’s about some of the questions and I’m going to tell you about the questions. Now, if you follow me on Instagram, you’ve already seen the questions. And I heard from people that said that they did them and they were like, Holy smokes.
Like I didn’t think this would impact me the way that you said it would. So I want you to do these questions, and I want you to be prepared. And I’m going to explain what I mean. Okay. So this book is basically about what we tend to do is we say, Okay, I have this job, and I make this much money. And so this is the life that I can have. And, you know, I think a lot of us I know I’m including myself in this. I have had a life. That was what I was supposed to do.
And I think that might be why I’ve had so much trouble doing it. So like I was supposed to go to college and then I was supposed to get married and then I was supposed to have kids and I was supposed to have a house. And I was supposed to. And although those things have been great, and a lot of cases, and in a lot of ways, you know, I think I probably got married too soon. I’m not the my husband I have now I had a different house, I’ve had a couple different husbands, you guys.
So I had a husband for like two seconds out of college, and poor, the poor guy, because I was just like, I thought that’s what I was supposed to do. And then as soon as I did it, I was like, This isn’t what I was supposed to do. And it was a real come to Jesus moment for me where I was, like, I need to be listening to myself. And then, you know, we all do this, and then I had the job. And then I got married. And, you know, we’ve all lives dad to my daughter’s dad. And, um, you know, that was right, for a lot of reasons. And I’m glad that I did that. And I’ve learned a lot of lessons. And I’ve changed a lot since then. But I did the next right thing, right, like
I bought the house
in the suburbs. And I don’t know that I was always listening to my inner self, is that really what I’d want to do next, because
that’s what was expected.
Right. And you know, when I grew up, my dad worked at the university. And even as a little kid, I remember going to the university and walking around like with my mom. And you know how sometimes universities will have like fall festivals or whatever on the park. And I remember being little walking around with my mom, and I say, little fifth grade, maybe, and my mom talking about how you’re going to go here some day. Like, I just knew I was gonna go to college, that’s something I was supposed to do.
And at that same place at the park, my mother bought a really cute teal t shirt that had a big pot plan on it. But she didn’t know it was a pot plant. But she worked anyway. And then once she found out it was a pot plant. She said I don’t care. I like it. And you know, that’s, there’s a little lesson in there. And so, my whole life, I kind of just knew what I was supposed to do. But I don’t know, until maybe the last few years that I’ve really stopped go. But what is it that
I really want to do? Like, what
is it that I’m supposed to do? And so Okay, so coming back to this book, that’s really what I was reminded of. And, you know, I talked last week about how there’s been so many changes in my life. And so it’s like, really this amazing window to reevaluate and go, what is it you really want for your life? And, you know, I obsess and talk way too much about that place at the beach. And for me, I think that represents something even more than the thing.
But there’s also a point where you’re like,
how long are you going to talk about that stuff?
way, he’s still talking about it. And you know,
with that I had a lot of reasons and excuses with all of it.
Okay, so let’s get back to this.
Let’s not get too far down the rabbit hole friends.
this book by George kyndra has three questions. I’m going to read the three questions to you. If you’re on Instagram, you can go to my Instagram, and I have them saved in my stories, so you can screenshot them. Okay. So these are the three questions and then I want to talk about it. And I want to talk about what happened what I did.
So I have felt like over the last month like something is happening, like within me. And then when I got sick, and it allowed my brain to shut off. I think it allowed, like a lot of those things to happen. And so when my friend told me about this book, it was almost like that was the thing I had been waiting for. And I needed these questions.
Okay. So I’m going to tell you, I’m gonna read you these three questions, and then later, I want you to do them and I am going to just suggest you have Kleenex, and you’re gonna think, I will not need Kleenex, Betsy, there will be no ugly crying. But I’m telling you, if you do it, right, I believe that is what will happen. Because if you’re really tapping into something that you’ve been ignoring, it’s gonna feel okay. So these are George kinders books, his life plan.
These are his three questions. Alright, question number one, I want you to imagine that you are financially secure, that you have enough money to take care of your needs now and in the future. The question is, how would you live your life? What would you do with the money? would you change anything?
Let yourself go Don’t hold back your dreams describe a life that is complete that is ritually yours. Okay, so this is basically saying, like, take money out of it. And you know, I’ve talked before about how Craig and I, my husband and I will dream and we’ll have a rule that you can’t squash the other person’s dreams. And almost always when you’re squashing someone else’s dreams. It’s money, right?
Like, I’d really like to move to California someday.
Oh, it’s really expensive,
right like I would like to do today. That’s pricey, like, right, so people do that. So this is like, this whole exercise takes the money out of it. So you are allowed to dream. Now this might be really hard for you, because it might be so foreign, and it might feel unsafe to do it. Because sometimes we don’t want to get our heart set on stuff that we don’t really believe
could really happen.
And that’s how come we never really touch base with our dreams. And
that’s what can we ignore stuff all the time? And that’s a Can we just keep living the way we are. And we just keep kind of being mediocre. Lee happy. Okay.
So question number two is this time,
whoops, sorry about the little beep, beep beep.
This time you visit your doctor who tells you that you have five to 10 years left to live. Okay, so the good part is that you won’t ever feel sick. The bad news is that you will have no notice of the moment of your death. So what are you going to do in the time that you have remaining to live? Will you change your life?
And how will you do it? So this is basically saying you have five to 10 years left to live? What are you going to do? And when you know you have that limit? And I’ve heard the thing before about like, okay, you know, you’re gonna die.
But for whatever reason, like, you know, or you have one year left to live, I don’t know, when I heard that whole situation, you have one year left to live, I started like actually planning like, well, I would go here and I would go to here and I would go to here. But five to 10 years makes it feel more like this is your life, right? It’s not like the the final Hee ha,
and you’re like just traveling around the world or whatever, like you’ve got a life you have to live for five to 10 years. And the reality is, this could actually be true. You really could have only five to 10 years. And at the end of that five to 10 years. Like what will you feel good if you’ve that you’ve accomplished or that you’ve done or you’ve seen or been
Okay, so now number three.
This time, your doctor calls you with the news that you have one day left to live. Notice what feelings arise as you confront your very real mortality. Ask yourself what dreams will be left unfulfilled? What do I wish I had finished or had been? What do I wish I had done? What did I miss? Okay, y’all, this is where I like, had like the damn meltdown.
It wasn’t because I was dying. It was because I’ve pushed things off. Right? I’ve thought well, I can do it later. Right? I mean, I can do that stuff later. It doesn’t mean I’m never gonna do I’m just not doing it right now. But what if, and I know the what if like, I know, you know, I’ve talked before on the show about when my mom died in a car accident when I was 16 years old. I know better than a lot of people how anything can happen at any moment. You just never
that was so long ago. I think I’ve sort of forgotten the impact of that. And so how, what would you do? Like a for me? It was like, Okay, I know tomorrow, is it?
What do I regret?
Ooh, it was like so.
Okay, so I did these.
And I was like, so like horrified and relieved. And I’m going to share with you a little bit about what I came up with and what I’m doing. But it anyway, I just had this moment where I was like, oh, oh, and we’re done. This is good. Things are about two things are about to get jiggy. So I did him. It was Saturday morning. Yeah, I think it was Saturday morning. And I had pulled the questions together. But I didn’t feel ready to do them. Right. So I
knew it was gonna be a moment, right. So
I did them. I
did them before my husband woke up. And I was like, steranko like bawling my head off. I got in the shower. I mean, I’m like, bawling in the shower. Right? It was just easier to have all this not coming on the shower. Like I was like, yeah, and crank came up. And I mean, you know, that moment where your husband is like, Oh, God, I don’t want to be in the middle of all this.
But I was like, go go. So I was like, will you do these questions with me? And I had asked him before if he would do them and he was like, Yeah, but I don’t think he knew what he was getting into. And then when he saw me like bawling in the shower, he was like, This is not gonna be like a simple Saturday morning thing. But he like a freakin champ. He was like, yeah, I’ll do them. So he listened to mine. And the poor guy like, I mean, he listens to me
cry about stuff and like,
all the heartbreak. Like this isn’t that big of a deal with us, okay, but he did them and we sat down together. Now I like to write it write them out. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to ugly cry. I want to have my Kleenex. But that’s not how he was. So I gave him a pen and paper and had him sit at my desk and I was like, I’ll read you the question.
And he was like, I don’t want to have the pen and paper, I want to just talk about it. And so I share that with you. Because if you do this with a partner don’t expect them to have to have the experience in the same exact way. There’s lots of ways to have this experience. Right? And so he shared his with me.
And I gotta tell you, I’m not going to tell you what his art because those are personal to him. But it was, it was so kind of shocking, like some of the things I didn’t know. And I was also surprised how wildly aligned they were with mine, where I was starting to think like maybe our deepest goals weren’t the same. Like maybe they were at one point, we were both living in a surfacey life.
And then our goals were the same. But when we dig down deep, will they be the same, right? So I had that like fear. And it was shocking to me. And it was shocking to me
because my life right now.
I’m going to explain this to you. And the only reason I explained it to you is not because I think you care about my life, but because it might help you think differently about yours. Okay, right. So I believe stories matter. So, you know, I live in the suburbs outside Atlanta. Right now. It’s just my husband and I living in our house and our dogs.
And so it is like I have lived in Washington, DC. And it is expensive to live in Washington DC. So what I’m about to say is based on an area of the country where I live, that is it’s really inexpensive to live here. And really, excuse me, housing is really inexpensive. So I’m saying all this, but I’m not like, whoo, I’m so great. Like, it’s cheap to live here. Okay. But we have an enormous house,
there’s two of us,
right? Two of us an enormous house, we both like to get out and do stuff. But like we have an enormous house. So like, it’s a lot, it’s a lot to heat and cool and take care of like even just not even the money part of it. I don’t mean that, but just like take care of it, the lawn is huge. The house is huge. It’s three full floors.
I mean, there’s our old house would fit in our basement, do you know what I’m saying? Like, it’s a lot to clean, it’s a lot to deal with. So, as we went through all these things, and I’m gonna share some of mine, because I think that might help you. But as we went through all these things, I was like, you know, we’re living a life that is not even.
It’s not even it doesn’t support, like the dreams that we both have, like, if the dreams that we both have are to do something, to be able to travel or to be able to live in a city, like we live in the suburbs, like, you know, in the suburbs, which is great for a lot of people, but at this phase of our life, it’s not. And so we’re doing a lot of things that are by default, it’s because we haven’t stopped to think about them.
And because we haven’t evaluated and because we haven’t, we have evaluated it based on how much money we had. So we have enough money to live this life. Sure. But is this really like if we’re evaluating it based on our deepest desires? It doesn’t. It’s not it doesn’t match at all. And so we have talked about selling our house anyway.
But then all of a sudden, it gave a different twist, then it wasn’t like, well, we should probably sell our house because we don’t need this much space. It was like we should sell our house because this doesn’t align with who we are, like they can. That’s a totally different thing. So I want to go over the questions and like some of some of what my answers were. So the very first question is really about like, if money is no object, what do you do? How do you spend your time? What’s your life like? And the interesting thing is that
done a lot of that work in terms of my work and what I do in the world. And I had made those changes from doing something that didn’t feel as aligned or as good to me to moving into the career that I have. So oddly, and happily, that was like really pretty aligned. Like I would still do my coaching, like if money was no object, and I knew I had enough money to live now. And in the future, like I would still do my coaching. Now.
This isn’t this isn’t saying you win the lottery. It’s
just saying you’re not worried about money, right? So money is not the issue. And absolutely, like I would, I would do my coaching, I would, I would run retreats, which is something I have
talked about, but not yet
done. I’ve even hired a coach to help me do it, and got this whole plan together
and haven’t done it.
I would see the sunrise every single day. And oddly, when I came to that conclusion, that’s what made me cry. Like that’s where I start. That’s when the old ugly cry thing started. Isn’t that weird? So why? So this is what I did was I was like, why what is the feeling
I share that with you only because
That may come up for you. And when you’re having an emotion, I’ve been trying to ask myself, like, Why? What’s the underlying feeling? Like, why seeing the sunrise every day? Why would that make you bawl your head off?
And so, um,
you know, so I explored that a little bit.
And then I found like beat feeling that calm and peaceful. Like when I was sick, even though I felt sick, and I didn’t
want to feel sick, my brain was relaxed.
And so I realized that for me, I really needed to continue to change some things. And I’ve done a bunch of research based on what I learned from myself on how to like, really calm my mind, and I sort of settled on like a totally different sleep routine.
So I’ve, like, I’ve dove into the science, y’all. And I’m gonna do a deep dive podcast on what I’ve learned, by like reading a bunch of studies and some research from a bio hacker, so I’m going to share that. But again, I got there because I did these questions. And I became clear, right on what would really feel good to me in the world. And then,
you know, the second question is like, you’re gonna die in five to 10 years,
right? And here’s where I,
so I wrote down a couple things, and I was fine. And then I started bawling. So I’m going to share with you even though it’s a little,
it’s a little personal, I guess. But
Okay, so here’s what I wrote, I wrote, I would yell to everyone how amazing they are, I would use every last breath, I have to spread belief in others and uplift them to step into the belief of themselves. Isn’t that so? I feel like I sort of do that with the podcast, but clear. It made me bawl my head off. Like, like, stupid ball, like, my mouth open, like, and I think I realized I’m not doing enough to, like what would feel to me, like really uplifting people, right?
And I think about like,
you know, my Instagram or I mean, I think about these things. I know, these things are stupid, but
like, Just hear me out. So
I think about these things. And it’s a platform for me to do that. But do I do that? I mean, I think I share stories and I, I promote the podcast, but am I really doing enough to like uplift people? I think that’s my purpose on the planet, is to do that, like when I meditate, I see myself like, under people pushing them up.
Like, that’s my purpose is to meet up. I’m like a bra, y’all. I’m here to lift you up. Okay, so Okay, so what do I do with that? Right? So the big thing for me is like, I have this revelation, it’s not enough to have the revelation, I’ve got to have the action. So like, something I did this morning, is I wrote on my Facebook, like the first five people to comment, I’m gonna send you a note in the mail. So we don’t get enough notes in the mail. Am I right? And we don’t get enough.
Like, you’re awesome. And so that’s just something small. I mean, it’s not a big deal. It’s nothing. But to somebody, it might be something. And so it was like the thing I could do. So the point is, is that I’ve taken these, these questions, and I’ve tried to immediately put it into action in small ways. Like, I can’t just automatically move to the beach and look at the sunrise every morning. But I can do this, I can start to do this. And remember it life is a path. It’s like a continuum, right?
So like, on one end of this continuum might be like me living at the beach, to having retreats down there. But like today, I can be on the path and doing something. Right. And so there was a lot of other things surrounding that kind of theme for me. That made me like ball. Okay, so then when I got to number three, this one was really interesting to me, because number three was like, I’m gonna die tomorrow. It said, like, basically, what do you regret? Right?
And I wish I had seen more people. So remember, I talked about the house, like I’m in the house a lot. I work from home for one thing, but also like, I’m just home a lot. So
I wish I had I had gotten out and done more things.
Like sometimes it takes effort, right? So I’m home. Like, you know, I work from home, I don’t have to get ready. But like, it takes a little bit of effort, but I missing the connection with people. And so I’ve got to figure out a way to do that. And I also asked, what was I waiting for? And so
when corrected his questions, all of the sudden, it became really clear how we could start to re engineer our life, so that we were living to the question to the answers of the questions instead of living based on what is like sort of socially acceptable and also within our means, right? So there’s infinite number of things I could do within our means, right?
I mean, it doesn’t just be like living here in this house in the suburbs, like there’s an infinite number of ways I could go about that. I could live bigger, I could live smaller, I could live larger, I could live remote, I could live like there’s a lot of things. But I just got to figure out what actually aligns with me instead of what has just sort of happened.
So I’m going to be sharing as we begin to make some changes in our lives and start to re to live that reengineering that process that we’ve put into place. But I encourage you, even if you don’t get the book, which I think the book is good. And like I said, I haven’t finished it totally. But like, I think the book is good, but just doing the questions like earnestly doing the questions, I think could really start to shift things for you. And I gotta tell you that I have a friend who is I’m gonna have her on the show, but she’s very intuitive, very intuitive.
And I talked to her later that day, and she said, You’re vibrating higher than I’ve ever felt you I look different. When I look in the mirror, I look different. I got like a little sparkle back in my eyes, you guys. So having a plan and knowing that I’m moving towards something that feels what is really like me, is like just this hip brought me that calm and peace that I was looking for in question number one. So that, my friends is how I think you live a big life. So thank you for listening. thanks for bearing with me. Well, the website was down and the podcast wasn’t uploading and all the things. And as always,
as always go to platform to profit and
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And then here’s a little message from my husband.