092: Self Love VS. Self Care: Mini-Edition


We hear a lot about ‘self-care’ but I believe that what we are really talking about is something totally different. In today’s episode, I talk about self-care and self-love and what I see the differences are and why they are both so important!

This is something that I see most clients confused about and focused on in a way that doesn’t serve them like it could.

Listen in and see if it’s a reframe that could help you feel better, live stronger and reach your goals even faster and with more joy!


Welcome to the art of living day. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. And this podcast is designed to share interviews and new ideas to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hey, everybody, welcome to the show. All right, so this week, we have been doing mini additions. Every day, this week, there’s a mini edition, which is really a process or an idea or something that I typically share with my one on one clients. So what I find happens is that everybody’s got their own issues, right in their own circumstances. But there is typically an underlying theme, I guess, as humans, we’re also similar. And so I wanted to share some of those things that come up for my clients, in hopes that perhaps it serves you on your journey. Alright, so today, I wanted to talk about something that we hear about a lot, and I especially see it a lot on Instagram or social media. And that is self care versus self love. So we hear a lot about self care. And this, I think, can be my view of it, I think is a little different than other people. So when I see these posts on self care, I tend to find that they are focused on like, taking a nap or taking a bath or getting your nails done, or putting on a

candle that’s really pretty and makes you feel good, and smells good. And all of those things. Now, I think those have total value. And I think those are self love activities, there are things that you do for yourself that make you feel loved. And those are things like if you could think of it as if you are a separate person, like if Betsy is standing over there, and I want to make her feel loved, I’m gonna make a bath for her with the most beautiful scented bubbles, and I’m gonna light a candle and I’m going to put her favorite music on. And that, to me is an act of self love. And I think that that can be so important. Especially if you’re feeling a little bit haggard or worn out, or like you’re not receiving what you need, perhaps from other people in your life. And you want to have a moment where you, you honor yourself, and you respect yourself and you give to yourself, and you treat yourself like you are something special and unique and you are loved. Because having self love and in in having that moment where you really feel like you’re worthy of more is so important. And I believe that’s something that we really miss. There are other ways to have self love. And I’ve talked before about a Louise Hay process that she has, where you simply get up every morning and you look in the mirror, and you look in your eyeballs and you say, I love you. And you do this for 100 days, this can be really uncomfortable, especially in the beginning, because you’ll notice that your little Gremlin voice comes up to tell you how you’re not really worthy of that. But if you can keep doing it, it really can be profound. And so there are different things you can do to have this self love. And I think that’s so important. But what I also want to talk about is self care. Because this can also be a part of self love. And sometimes when I hear the self care thing on like Instagram, for example, it is all the things that I really think of is self love. It’s all the things that are really things that support us and are pleasurable and fun, right. But self care is different. And self care is something that can slip when you’re really focused on other things. Or when you start to feel like you’re not good enough, when you start to feel like everybody else in your house needs to be taken care of, but not you, when you start to feel like I’ve got so much other things going on, I’m not worth spending time eating healthy. I’m not worth taking the time to exercise even though my inner being says that’s probably really what I need. I’m not worth going to the dentist and taking care of myself, I’ve got to focus on other things for my kid. And so I’m not going to focus on doing anything for me. And I think that this, this tends to be like a slippery slope, where we’re really quick to go like, I’m going to give myself the bubble bath. But I’m not going to allow myself to be structured enough to get movement in for my body every day. Now, when I use that example, that might like rub some of you the wrong way. And so I want to explain what I mean. I don’t mean I don’t mean that you have to have this structured workout plan where you are actually in the garage and sweating for an hour and a half and throwing heavy weights around and all of that, what I mean is you’re taking a moment to be in your body every day, maybe you’re going for a short walk, or you’re doing something to take care of, because that is part of health is moving every day, right. And so maybe it’s breathing exercises, maybe that’s where you’re starting in your self care for you is really taking a moment of breathing, you know, maybe you do have a variety of doctor’s appointments that you’ve been putting off, because life is busy, and you’ve got other stuff to do. And, you know, maybe your insurance has changed. So you’re not sure if it’s gonna cost you more to actually go get that filling or whatever it is. So this week, start to think about what kind of self care you’ve been putting off? And can you call the dentist and find out how much it would cost? You know, a lot of times we avoid things, because they’re unknown. So you don’t have to do the thing. But make all of the things that are hidden known to you, then you can make a decision. And then that step, many times can make it easier to do the next step. So this week, make a list make a list of the things you would really need to do for self care. Make a list, even if you’re not going to be able to do them yet. I don’t I don’t care about that. I want you to do an inventory. So I want you to come up with the things. What are things I’ve been putting off that take care of my body? Think about if you were your mother, and you were looking at your life, what would your mother say about what it is you need to be doing differently to be taking care of your body to be taking care of you? And write those down and see if there is another step in there. See if there’s a step, like calling the dentist to find out how much that would cost or just scheduling the appointment, even if it’s not for three months, right? Because then you’ve got it on your calendar, and you can work it into your life at that time. Maybe it’s asking somebody to help you. Maybe it’s going to your family and saying, look, I really need help. I want to be able to go for a walk every day. So I need you guys to clean up the dishes after dinner. So I can walk up the street Is that okay? I, I would be shocked if your family would say no. But many times we just don’t ask, we don’t make the decision about what we really need to feel good, what we really need to be taking care of ourselves. And how we could get that if you have no time, it’s okay, you can start to discover time. And that might be by delegating things, it might be asking your family to help and maybe by maybe you do your 30 minutes of you know, self development and learning and listening to this podcast. But you do it while you’re going for a walk. You know, maybe you do it while you’re just stretching in the morning, like even that, go into your to, you know, go into your bedroom, or I have a little home office and I’ll shut the door. And just stretch. You don’t have to know how to do yoga, but you know how to stretch, you know how to breathe deep, you know what feels good. You know, many times we look at people that are like doing those Yoga headstands are will, for example, or whatever kind of crazy athletic endeavor that they’re so good at, they didn’t start out at that. Maybe they just started out going in their home office and shutting the door and stretching. So take this step. You don’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to do something big. You just have to do something small so that you can start to live big. So think about that. Think about where you could start taking shifts this week, and see if you can start to move those into your schedule and take the next right step. Now as I’ve talked about on the other mini episodes this week, at the end of the week, I am going to be taking new one on one client so if you’re interested in that, are you wanting to find out more head to my website Betsy Pake comm if your intuition calls you too, you can apply to get a spot I take six people at a time and we work together for three to six months depending on what you’re looking for. So I look forward to meeting all of you. I hope that this episode served you today. And if it did, please share it with your friends. And thanks for all of your reviews and for subscribing on iTunes. I appreciate that so much. That helps me live my big life. Thanks so much. We’ll see you all tomorrow. Thanks so much for listening. Remember, you can find me all over social media at Betsy Pake and, as always, here’s a little message from my husband.

That’s it.


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.