197: Heal your -ish - Betsy Pake

197: Heal your -ish


Listen to todays episode here…


Welcome to The Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake, and I’m an author, speaker, and a master mindset coach focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of your subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big.

Good morning fellow adventurers. So I am looking out my window this morning, it is raining like sideways, the wind has been whipping, the rains been coming down. And not just today, it’s been for a full on week, like every single day.

So over the past seven, eight days, I have been getting in my car and driving into Atlanta every day for nlp training. So, you know, I’m already a master NLP coach. But one of the things that I wanted to accomplish this year was I wanted to be certified so that I could certify others so that I could board certify you to be a hypnotherapist or an NLP practitioner. So part of my process is redoing some of the training that I already am certified in, but it’s been so long, I felt like this is good. You know, there’s always things to learn.

And I talked a little bit about that on the podcast earlier this week, just being an open vessel and saying what is it that I have to learn here? What new thing can I see? So every day driving down in the pouring rain, and I was just lucky because I had a girlfriend that came down to take the course as well. And so she stayed with me. So I wasn’t all alone. But here I am sitting here looking out my window, I’m like, this is insane. I’ve never seen this much rain, all at one time, I don’t think in Atlanta. In fact, for a couple days, we had snow, which is crazy unusual.

And luckily, it didn’t happen in Atlanta, it happened where I lived. And we were able to drive through the snow, and then it turned to rain. And so we didn’t get stuck or have any problems. But as I’m sitting here, I’m like, Okay, so this has been a really, really crazy week, and super busy. And I want to get a show out for you guys. And so I was just reflecting on this week.

And so many of the changes and shifts that I experienced personally, you know, anytime I believe that NLP is so super powerful. And if you’re not familiar with NLP, you can listen to my episode 100. And that’s when I really talked about it. But that’s the type of coaching that I do it is really working with your subconscious mind. And it’s shifting those limiting beliefs.

And this week, as we went through a lot of these processes, you know, we worked in partners, so we would practice. And so I had got a lot of coaching, and it was just really incredible. And the things that came up for me, were things that maybe I hadn’t really been thinking of. And that’s really what I want to talk about today. You know, our lives are chock full of busy ness, and moving through things really quickly.

We have a lot on our plates, you know, we have kids and we have work full time. And we have relationships and you know, if we want to try to have friendships and romantic relationships, like that’s a whole other level of planning and structure in there that sometimes just isn’t, it’s just not the time isn’t available. I think that’s why we get so close to the people we work with, right?

They become like our work friends, or, you know, I don’t know if you’ve ever had like a work husband, right? So I know, when I used to work in corporate America, I’d have a work husband, right, it would be like the friend that sat next to me, you know, you’re together all the time. And so it creates a different kind of experience. And what I realized was, you know, we go through these things in our life where life is really, really busy. And sometimes either we don’t have a chance to dream about something else, or a chance to expand into what else could I do?

I think for a lot of us, we think well when the kids are grown gone, right? When the kids grow, then I will or, or you know, when I do this, then I will do that. Right? So everything hinges on something else happening. So the dream that you have gets pushed back and pushed back because other things happen have to happen first. And the more that I do this work not only on other people, but also on myself over the years, I realized that that is a really a defense mechanism.

It’s truly a self sabotage, to keep me from pushing forward to the thing that I think I really want because it’s so different from where I am, right? And maybe you have a dream that you’re thinking about that you’re able to visualize and it’s really so different. But you’ve probably got things if you can think about it. You’ve got things you think have to come first. Right and And that may feel very real to you might be thinking like, but it is real Betsy like I have to do those.

This comes first and this comes first there’s a structure to things and I get it but what if that is all? What we’ve made up? I know it seems like reality. But what if it’s jet? What if it’s not? What if that’s just something that you decided that your brain put in place to keep you where you are. Now when we were going through all this training, I was really working on some things and gave me some space to go where do I need to heal? like where do I need to look at this a little bit deeper.

And I have a pretty regular practice in the morning of looking at stuff and saying where do I feel this resistance but over the last month or so life was busy and I was working on a lot of projects that I’ll be sharing here soon and I just didn’t I didn’t do my regular daily focusing in you know I got out of practice out of habit with it. You know if you’re on I’ve talked about the peloton if you’re on the peloton, and your friends on the on the peloton, you may have noticed that I haven’t been on the peloton.

I Well, I haven’t been on at all this week, because I’ve been in this training. But But yeah, like, life got stressful, and I got really pulled into projects. And the things that I would typically do for self care, you know, kind of got put to the side. And for me self care is also that slowing down looking at my ish, what do I need to heal. So all the things that you have in mind, all the things that you want to do all the dreams that you have. And I don’t mean just like career dreams, maybe it’s a career dream, maybe it’s a relationship dream, maybe it’s a vacation dream, maybe it’s a lifestyle change, dream, maybe it’s traveling around the world dream like whatever that


There’s a reason why you aren’t there yet. And I don’t believe that it is just because one thing has to come first and then the other and then the other. Because Let me ask you if your dream is to travel around the world, why aren’t you? And maybe right off? You said money, right? But there probably other things too, that you think so money? I mean, so then you think well, I have to make money? And then let’s back it up. Right?

So then I can’t that make that much money in my job. But then I couldn’t get the time off. Do you see what I mean? You see how there’s all these little things that might be happening in your subconscious mind that you don’t even know. And so I say this a million times say this every every single podcast episode, I think but what you are creating isn’t coming necessarily from your consciousness, you know, your consciousness is 5% of what you’re doing. And so if you have a dream, Oh, I’d love to travel around the world, the moment you’re not thinking about it, your subconscious is taking control.

And if your subconscious is full of all of that programming that says you can’t do that until you do this, and this and this and this, and some of the things on your list have have earned like not in your control, right? It has to do with your boss walking up and giving you a $20,000 bonus, like some of that stuff is just made up in your mind. And what if we could clear that out? What if you could reprogram that I believe that we are programmed the way we’re programmed, you know, when we’re young, the pair of parents program us the experiences we have programmed us. And you know what, like, we may have had crappy experiences, you know, and it’s not our fault.

It’s not our fault. But it’s our responsibility to heal the ish so that we can live the life that we were truly come that we’ve truly come here to live. Right, you’ve got a purpose, I believe everybody comes here, your soul comes here for a purpose. And in fact, one of the greatest purposes I think it comes is to heal your ish. I think it comes here so that you have experiences that are challenging and hard and you grow. And if you turn away from it, and you go, Well, I guess that’s just not for me.

I think you’re giving up the most important challenge of your soul’s work, why you’re here. And so, you know, the work that I do with people is helping them heal their ish, so they can make better choices in their life and go out and live the dreams that they really want. Like how, what’s more important than that? And you know, last night I laid in bed and I was thinking I did a meditation before I went to sleep and I you know shut everything down after the meditation and and I laid down and I thought like I’m feeling the resistance around this particular thing that I was focused on in my meditation I can feel the resistance around it.

And so I have tools where I could just I could do NLP I could you know, you can do NLP on on yourself. That’s one of the things I love the most about my coaching group is I teach you how to do it so you don’t need me. You know, I would love you to watch me but not need me. Right and It can change everything, because then you know how to deal with it. Sometimes I’ll talk with people or people will message me and they’ll say, like, I feel resistance around

it. So what have you done to heal the resistance and, and many times, they just don’t know what to do. So here’s a couple, a couple ideas, a couple steps of things that I think can help you on this journey. To get to the place where you are healing some of your ish, you’re noticing it, and you’re moving forward, and you’re able to create something new. So the very first thing is just to be willing to change, be willing to change, be open to it.

Don’t be so fixated in this is the way it is this is reality, this is how things happen. Like, what if it’s not? What if your reality is that way only because you were told it’s that way. And you know, there can be the deepest, most solid belief systems in place, and they can still change, we can still change it. And it can change in an instant. I mean, think about it, when you have some huge disrupter in your life, God forbid, but, you know, a death or an accident or something happens this shocking and surprising, all of the sudden, what you thought was so real, suddenly crumbles, and it’s not real anymore.

So absolutely, those belief systems you have can be shifted. And I would love if we could shift and before something really bad happened that you have to shift them or they shift on their own? Like, how cool would it be to be in control of that. So be willing, and be open to the idea that maybe what you think about life isn’t real? Like maybe it’s not. And even if you just loosen your grip to that to say, I’m not going to say how this is different.

But I’m just going to say maybe there’s this tiny, teeny tiny seed of possibility that this isn’t reality. But this isn’t how everybody experiences this thing. Right? Not everybody experiences this in the same exact way as me. So maybe the reality is mine. But it doesn’t have to be if it’s not serving me. You know, a couple weeks ago, I had on Pam grout. And her book about the Course in Miracles. It’s called an experiment in the Course of Miracles. And it’s so good, I had gotten a free copy. And I’ve been reading through it every day. There’s the lesson, right? So it takes a year to read it.

And of course in miracles is built on the idea that you can shift your reality that what you think isn’t real, that what you have been experiencing is just because of all the programming that you’ve had in place before this moment. And if that’s true, then absolutely you could shift it. You know, I’ve talked before I don’t it was right around the time that Kylie Jenner was, was listed as like one of the first like youngest female, self made billionaires, right billionaire with a bee. And I know a lot of people like, had issues with that self made, but her family is like that.

Well, I would say we all come from our families, thoughts, our family’s beliefs, right? Do you think her reality is the same as my reality? guarantee? It is not, I would like to step into maybe a little bit of her reality, right? Her reality about around money is totally different than mine. And absolutely, she was born with more Yes. But that’s what shapes your reality. But I don’t have to let that keep me where I am.

Yeah, I’ve got the negative programming, perhaps around money or have in the past, something I’m always working on. But now it’s my responsibility to shift it. If I want to live in a different way, then it’s my responsibility to look at that. And to change that. So be willing and open to change, just release your grip just a little bit. And then I want you to give yourself some permission to do something different. Give yourself permission to be insanely successful. I want you to think about how you feel when I say that insanely successful. What if you give yourself permission to be the most successful person?

You know? I’m super curious what your feelings are about that when I just said that? Do you feel a little guilt? Do you feel like I should be more humble than that? Do you feel like I should. Like that’s not fair. I don’t want to be more successful than my friends. And your friends. Everybody can be amazingly successful. None of us have to be it’s not a pie where everybody gets a piece, right? And then if you take the piece, somebody else doesn’t get it. Everybody gets a whole pie. You get a pie and you get a pie. So I want you to think about that. I want you to think about where you felt the restriction when I said that. If you felt any

And I want you to just notice that that is programming that comes from something else. You know, I, this week when we were doing processes with people and practicing on people, you know, we were talking about where we get these things. Oh my gosh, I remember my mom saying this, or I remember my dad saying you got to work hard for money. Right? anything good doesn’t come easy.

What if it did? What if it did? What if all the good things came easy? Like, how, how fun would that be? And I think we’re here to have fun, right? We’re here. We’re adventurers. We’re here to have an adventure. Choose Your Own Adventure? Why would you choose something that felt really hard? And the problem, I think, is that they don’t teach you this in school, right? They teach you how to read and write and math, I learned a little math novel.

They teach you those things. But they’re not teaching you how to shift how you see things necessarily, in a specific way, right? in a specific way. I believe education in general, help transform you and help you to get a better handle on seeing things in new ways. Absolutely. That’s the purpose of education. But they’re not teaching you how to how to heal some of the emotional stuff that we’ve gone through.

And so many of so much of the programming we have is emotional, right? It comes from our, our requirement, our biological requirement to be accepted. And to be in a tribe, right? We want our parents to accept us and love us, right. So the other The third thing that I want you to think about is actually creating space to do this. So don’t, don’t just say, well, when something comes up, then I’ll look at it.

Because for the most part, you’re really busy and you’re running from thing to thing. And if you think I’m going to look at it, when I notice it, you might not notice it because you’re so busy. So if you do notice it, write it down in your phone, don’t think you’re going to remember because you won’t and then go back to it but create a space for it. You know, I like to have a space I have you know a can’t last night. I you know I was in this training all week. I was driving like with a full on but clench in the weather, back and forth each time rain, sleet, slow, sneaks, sleet, snow, we even had a tornado warning.

Do you know what I mean? So like I was like, and plus traffic in Atlanta. You know, long days, lots of training really focusing in, I had a friend here, which was fabulous and amazing. And still like someone else in your home, you know, like, you want to make sure everything’s okay. So like all of that stuff. And last night, my husband had to go to a had to go, he had, he has season tickets to the UGA basketball and he was going to a basketball game. And he asked if I wanted to go and I was like I really don’t like I really want to have my space.

So that’s what I did. I have a little speaker that is a weather like waterproof speaker in my shower. So I listened to a podcast that I’d wanted to listen to. And I deep conditioned my hair in the shower, right? So just this like slowing down giving myself space, I wasn’t rushing in the shower to get to something else. I was just like taking my time. And then I went to my garden bed with my iPad, because that’s what I wanted to write some of my vision stuff on. And I lit a special candle, I had a special crystal and I pulled out my pendulum when I was at my training this week, they gave us new pendulums.

And I thought I’m going to talk to my intuition and just ask some things, I created this space to create, right to have a vision to like really go through and get a clear image of what I wanted. And when I got the clear image of what I wanted, I went through each aspect of it and thought Where do I feel the resistance? Because my subconscious mind can hold on to something else. And to stop me from doing that.

And sometimes it’s I can I know exactly what it is I can say, Oh, it’s this thought, or it’s this thing I remember my dad saying or it’s this thing I remember my teacher doing or whatever. But sometimes it’s just I just feel it and I don’t know what it is I just feel that I can’t quite get there. Right. And so when I can identify this and really start questioning myself and using my tools to start to shift things that can be so powerful.

I got so much clarity last night and I got space to breathe and space to come into myself and one of the things that I did was I just like sometimes I just talk you know there is this outer body right this this version of Betsy that you hear and see right? And then there is my soul and I believe like for me This soul is like the essence of me. And how I have come to express that essence in this lifetime is Betsy, right. And so this soul has been through a lot and learned a lot, I don’t think of it as separate than me it is me. But I also like to talk to it as if it is.

I’m going to say it as as as if it is separate in a way that I talked to it and just say thank you and that I’ve know you’ve been through so much. And I hope we’re doing like this essence of me is doing what you need to be able to grow in the way that you wanted and desire to in this lifetime of the reason why you came to grow.

And if there’s something and I’ll say this out loud A lot of times, and if there’s something that I need to grow through that I haven’t done yet, I’m ready, like I’m open, I want to see what that is. And I want to experience new things, you know, so I almost talked to it in a way like a little kid like trying to make it comfortable and happy. And like, this is what I want. And we can do it. So I’m ready, I’m ready for the next level.

So I want you to create your space, because I think when you talk to your soul, it connects to your subconscious. And it allows you to see the things that you need to see in order to get to the next level and to get to that vision of that thing that you want. But if you don’t have a space and you haven’t created a place for this to happen, then your brain doesn’t know this is the time, this is where we’re doing this, you know, I’ve heard lots of times they say don’t get in bed unless you’re going to sleep right like don’t have a TV in your bedroom. If you have trouble sleeping, because your brain thinks when you get in bed, if you always just go to sleep, that that’s what you’re there to do go to sleep.

And so your brain will do that, right. So I like to have this space, when I pull out my crystals and I light the candle and I do my little opening prayer like all of those things are prepping me to say this is the space I’m going into. This is what I’m ready for this is what I’m working on. And this is what I’m going to this is what I’m going to focus on for the next little bit. So I want you to start to notice, become open, become open to everything this, I am open to this reality may not be everyone’s reality, I’m open to the idea that this reality may not be true.

And I’m open to the idea that maybe my reality I could create so that it got me to where I wanted to go with and made it easy and fun, right? And give yourself permission to be the most successful person you know, because what will happen then you’ll find another room of people where you’re not the most successful. And then you can grow into that be the most successful person in that room.

And success however you define it. You know, if you I’m not saying it’s money, I’m not saying it’s maybe it’s friendships for you, maybe it’s relationship, whatever that is, grow into the most successful version of you, and then find another group to model and grow with again and more. And then create the space, look at your ish, you cannot help what happened to you when you were young.

You cannot help maybe what happened to you, you know, five years ago, maybe you were doing the very best that you could with the knowledge that you had and where you were at that time. And maybe if you were to go back in time, you would do things different. I know there are things like that for me. Holy smokes, if I could go back if I knew now, if I knew then what I know now, but I was at the place I was at because that’s what I was there to grow through and I did the growing.

And so if something happened to you when you were young, or something you did to yourself when you are an adult, like heal through it, it’s okay it’s here for you to grow from. And I think it’s your responsibility to step up and be the greatest version of yourself and you can’t do that if you don’t heal your ish. So if you’re ready to do that, and you want to take it to the next step, if you want the tools and you want to grow, you can jump on my calendar, I have a free training on my website.

You can go to Betsy Pake calm or you can jump on my calendar. You can go to Betsy Pake comm backslash, let’s talk and I can see if I can help you identify some things. And if I think I’m a good fit to help you absolutely I can show you how that could work. And if not, I can give you resources or somebody else that can take you to the next level. So

take care of your ish.

Learn to step into your greatness

and move forward into a place of power and purpose for what you’ve come here to do. Because of that is how I think you

live a big life. See you all next week.

Thanks so much for listening today. Just a reminder, we’ll see you on Monday. Mondays and Thursdays. Now if you enjoyed this show, I would love it if you shared it with your friends. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes, take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy pake.com. And we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.