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In todays episode, Betsy takes us on a journey to understand exactly HOW MUCH you are being impacted by an invisible force that is determining your income, your weight, your relationships and your happiness.
Transcript:
Betsy:
Hello, everyone. Hi. Welcome to the show today. Welcome to the art of living big. I’m excited to be here this week. I’m going to talk to you a little bit about who you’re hanging around with. But I’ve got some other stuff to tell you. First, it is porch season.
Betsy:
Now it’s officially porch season. You know, if you follow my instagram and you saw last year when I moved into my new house in, well, it’s a hundred year old house, but it was new to me last summer and it’s got this big porch and it’s, it’s, it’s literally the best thing ever. Last summer I had like a little couch and a couple little chairs. It’s not the biggest porch in the world, but it’s, it’s, it’s porch fing. It’s enough. It is enough. So I had this little living room set up, right? So great. And at my old house, I used to have this day bed.
Betsy:
And when I moved into this house, I was like, I can’t bring the day bed. There’s not enough room on the porch. It’s sort of awkward. But this year I hired a guy to come, like, power wash the porch because it was so dirty and it was getting kind of nice out. You know when it’s like starting to get nice and you just want to be outside, you can start to hear the birds are coming and all that. And I was like, it was a Saturday morning and I was like, I want to take a nap out here. So I dragged that day bed from my garage all the way from the back of the house and put it on my porch. I mean, is my porch a little crowded? It’s a little crowded, but it’s actually so.
Betsy:
It feels so amazing out there. Now I’ve got this day bed. I’ve got these big potted plants. The other day, an Amazon delivery guy came and he was like, this is like, like the greatest living room. I put outdoor curtains up so it like, gives it like this airy, awesome feel. I don’t know. It’s porch season, y’all. And I am so happy about it.
Betsy:
So I have been out there every chance that I get, anytime I have to do a training or anything like that for the program that I am a student in, which I’m going to get to that in just a second. That’s what I do. I go out on the porch and it just makes everything better, makes everything happier. So last summer when I had moved in, I noticed that up in the rafters of the porch there had.
Speaker B:
There had.
Betsy:
I was going to say there had been a bird nest up there. But when I moved in, there were babies, and the babies were only in there for a short amount of time, and then they flew out and went to live their lives. So this year, they’re back. And, you know, there was something really fun last year about having the babies on the porch when we first moved in. But I will tell you that once they were gone, I realized that. That it was a huge mess. The previous owners had left, like, some outdoor curtains out there, and they were just disgusting. And there was.
Betsy:
I swear, I think the babies, like, back their fannies up off the edge of the nest to poop because it was gross, right? So I had to have it cleaned, and it was just a huge mess. So this year, I had my porch cleaned, and I was like, all right, babies are going to have to go someplace else. I’ll get birdhouses. I’ll do something else. And so when they tried to build their nest in the rafters, as soon as I saw them doing it, I just sweeped away, you know, wiped away the little bit of grass that was there, and then they came back. And so I did that again. And then I turned on the porch fan because I thought, well, that’ll seem like a lot. And then the nest started back again, and so I put some.
Betsy:
I. I was trying to find something, like, shiny. And I know I could have just bought something or got something from Amazon, but I was like, I have these lucky cats. Do you know what I’m talking about? It’s like the cat has one paw up, and there’s, like, a set of them. So one has, like, the right pop and the other one has the left pop, but they’re shy. The ones I have are shiny. And I was like, I’m gonna put the. Gonna put those where the bird’s nest would be so that they’re.
Betsy:
It’s shiny and it scares them. Well, it did not scare them. In fact, I think they liked it, and they built their little nest around it with, like, the little happy cat, lucky cat right in the middle, like a little statue in the middle of their birds nest. I just decided that, you know, perhaps I was the new one and this had been their porch for years and years and years, and that I needed to just be a really good daycare provider and embrace that new job. And so that is what I have done. But now they have built that nest. I swear, it’s not even a circle. Like, you know, you think of a nest as, like, a circle, but because my edge of my curtain sort of, you know, the curtain rod comes out and the edge of the curtain covers that post that they’re on.
Betsy:
And so the nest is like a. An oval, like an oblong giant. It’s like a penthouse. You guys up on this rafter, all protected with the curtains and the fan for comfort. I mean, they seem really happy. So I’m not sure if there are any eggs in it yet. I’m trying not to. They squawk pretty loud when I go outside, but I think they’re sort of getting used to me sitting there.
Betsy:
As long as I’m just sitting there. Fine. Um, but I will keep you posted, and, of course, that will be an ongoing drama on Instagram stories if you follow me over there. So I’m kind of excited about it now. So sometimes, you know, we just gotta. We gotta take the bird poop and just make the best of it. So that is what I’ve done. All right, so next weekend.
Betsy:
Next weekend’s mother’s Day. Next weekend’s mother’s Day. Mother’s Day. And my birthday is coming, like, the following week. It’s weird because there have been times, like, when I was growing up, where my birthday actually landed on Mother’s Day. So depending on how Mother’s Day goes, my. My birthday is pretty close to it. So I was like, I really want to go somewhere for my birthday.
Betsy:
And I had a free companion pass on Delta that was going to expire at the end of the month. So I was like, we have to go someplace where we can fly. And, um, I ended up kind of one morning going, I know where I want to go. Let’s go to Key west. And so we’re going to just go, like, a fast trip, a Friday morning. We’ll be back on Sunday night. I’m so excited about it. Um, I mean, we’ll celebrate my birthday, but, you know, I’m 50.
Betsy:
I’ll be 53 years old. Like, I’ve celebrated a lot of birthdays. Less about the celebration and more just about getting to be by the ocean for a little bit. I’m so excited. I had enough points. The whole thing was, like, points driven and free, and it feels really fun and amazing. So that is what I’m going to be up to. I wanted to talk to you this week, though, about something that has been coming up inside our group, inside the navigate method.
Betsy:
So if you’re not familiar, I’m assuming you’re familiar because you’re here, but I have a program called the Navigate method that I created that guides women through a journey, navigating a new path in or out of their marriage. So when they are stuck in indecision, it gives them crystal clarity. It’s super powerful. It’s incredible to watch these women go through this process and how they come into the experience and then how they are when they leave the experience. And it’s so fun for me. You know, this week we had somebody that was finishing up their ten weeks, and they were saying to the people that were earlier, you know, that were like, you know, week four or five, like, just wait.
Speaker B:
Just wait.
Betsy:
You know, it’s just so fun to see that they can see this huge shift in how they experience the world and how they’re living in it and how that impacts their relationships and their friendships and their career and all the things. So, anyway, something that came up this week, and there are different themes. You know, I feel like there’ll be a theme that kind of comes through on different sessions and kind of like everybody’s sort of in the same place, you know, where everyone’s like, oh. And one of the things that we were talking about is when people leave our program, they really want to stay in it. Like, they want to stay in the culture. They want to stay in the experience, because it’s really such a different way of thinking. And I think it’s so different from our, like, real lives. I’m using air quotes, real lives of most people that when they get in it, they’re like, this feels so true, you know? And I think truth, when we feel that gives us, like, a sense of peace.
Betsy:
They’re learning how to calm their nervous system so they feel good, you know? And so we do a lot of things to keep them in the environment so that even when they’re completed their ten weeks, they’re still getting that experience, so that they can maintain until it becomes who they are.
Speaker B:
Right?
Betsy:
And soon it does. It becomes who you are. It becomes how you think and how you view and see the world. So this week, a theme that kept coming up is, you know, when we go outside of the group, who are we spending time with? You know, the group provides a cocoon of experience and personalities, right? Things that people that you want to be aligned with, right? They’re all learning the same things. They’re talking the same language, that understand the nuances of reality that maybe their friends outside of the program might not. So that’s them being in. That is a huge part of who they are surrounding themselves with. Okay, so a whole idea that came up this week was when people were leaving, they were hitting their ten weeks.
Betsy:
And we talked about that Jim Rohn quote. Now, you may have heard this, and I might get it, not exactly right, but you are the average of the top five people that you spend the most time with. So you’re the average of the top five people that you spend the most time with. And I think that this is such a powerful idea because inherently, as children, we know that who they spend time with is so impactful.
Speaker B:
Right?
Betsy:
I remember my mom always wanting to know, like, who I was hanging out with, who my friends were. You know, she wanted them to come over to the house. She wanted to know who they were. So she knew who I was hanging out with. And we inherently accept that when we’re kids or for kids. Right. If you have kids in your life, you’re like, yeah, I want to make sure they’re hanging out with good kids.
Speaker B:
Right?
Betsy:
But something shifts when we become adults. And maybe it’s just that we don’t have a parent in that same way looking out for us or weeding through things, but we have to be aware of it on our own. We have to recognize, who am I spending time with? Because the truth, and I’m going to explain this, but the truth, as Jim Rohn said, is that you are the average of the top five people you spend the most time with. So your coworkers, which coworkers are you hanging out with? Are you going to the gym? Are you hanging out with people there? Are you playing pickleball? Are you going to the bar? None of these things are inherently bad or good. They’re just. They just are. And so recognizing what you’re spending time with, now, there’s statistics around this. So there’s studies that show that you are the average of the top five people you spend the most time with.
Betsy:
Your income average of the top five people that you hang out with. Think about it. Who are the top five people you spend time with? There was a study done in 2010 by the National Bureau of Economic Research, and it showed that individuals income levels were strongly correlated with the income levels of their closest friends.
Speaker B:
Right?
Betsy:
So then you’re like, whoa.
Speaker B:
So.
Betsy:
Could I just get around people that were making more money? Would I make more money? Yes. Statistically, yes. Happiness research from Harvard and the University of California, San Diego found that happiness can spread through social networks with happy friends, increasing an individual’s likelihood of being happy by 25%. Entrepreneurs.
Speaker B:
Right.
Betsy:
We inherently know this, I think. Entrepreneurs.
Speaker B:
Right.
Betsy:
We want to be around other people that are building businesses or whatever. But a study by the Kaufman Institute found that entrepreneurs were more likely to start businesses if they had close friends or family members who were also entrepreneurs. Obesity New England Journal of Medicine found that a person’s chance of becoming obese increased by 57% if they had a friend who became obese. So who you spend time with is super powerful for where you are and where you’re headed. And, you know, we were talking about it this week because we were like, you’re going to come outside of this bubble, and we have ways for people to stay in the bubble, but you’re in this bubble. Who are you hanging out with now? I know for me, I, one of the main things that I spend the most money on in my business, by a lot, is to hang out with people who are already where I want to go. I’m in a high level mastermind, and I spend a lot of money on that every month. So that, that’s my circle of influence.
Betsy:
I want the top five people that I spend the most time with to be people that are doing great things, that are super upbeat.
Speaker B:
Right.
Betsy:
They’re happy or they’re finding a path.
Speaker B:
Right.
Betsy:
I want it to be people that are action takers.
Speaker B:
Right.
Betsy:
People that are thoughtful. And part of that for me is being around people that are building businesses that are bigger than mine.
Speaker B:
Right.
Betsy:
Because that’s evidence of impact.
Speaker B:
Right.
Betsy:
I can impact more people, and I need to see somebody else doing it, because what’s available for one is available for all. But it’s so helpful to be around it. I remember the very first time I moved from one level of the mastermind that I’m into the, like the higher level. And I remember the first time that I went to our weekly meeting. I mean, I don’t even think I said anything. I just was watching and I was listening to how they think.
Speaker B:
Right.
Betsy:
And if you’ve been through the navigate method, you know what I’m talking about, right. I’m listening to how, how their frame of the world is. What is it that they believe? What are their values? That’s super interesting to me. So I wanted to offer this thought to you to evaluate where you’re spending your time. Now, I work from home, and so lots of times like the, I mean, the thing I spent, my dog Henry, is probably the thing I spend the most time with. And he’s chill and happy and maybe that’s a good thing. So, but top five people, I can create that as well. I can create it.
Betsy:
So it would be the shows that I’m watching, the podcasts that I’m listening to, the news articles that I’m spending time on. So whatever. Whether it’s people, because there have been times in my life, honestly, where I. I know if you’re listening to this and you’re not watching the video that have you guys been on Zoom where, like, the thumbs up thing pops up on the screen?
Speaker B:
It.
Betsy:
It is the thing that makes me crazy town. Okay? So that keeps happening. Okay, so when I think about being an entrepreneur, and I’m like, okay. Like, I’m spending time at home, I’ve got to really hone in on where I want to focus my time. I don’t know if you remember last summer, I did some episodes about, like, big changes. We were moving out of our apartment that we had stayed in for a little while after we sold our bigger house, and then we were moving into this new house, and in that, my husband and I realized that we were. We needed to change our frame. So we each decided we were going to.
Betsy:
The only things that could be on in the house would be. Well, for me, it was Abraham Hicks. So I wanted something like that was positive, upbeat. I’m the creator kind of sounds in my house, and he had his thing. So we really cut out the news and stuff for a bit so that we could really hone in on where we wanted to go. And sometimes that’s the sort of ownership that you have to take of. Like, I’m buckling down on every area of my life. I’m noticing where the leaks are and where I’m spending a lot of time.
Betsy:
So what are the shows and the things that you have around that are showing up for you that are in your unconscious mind, playing in the background.
Speaker B:
Right.
Betsy:
That you can hear, notice who your friends are.
Speaker B:
Right.
Betsy:
And I’m not saying dump friends. Like, that’s not what I’m saying. But I’m also saying we always need to be selective about who. Who we’re giving our energy to, who we’re sharing that with. Who’s the woman? Rachel. Oh, wait, I’m going to pause. Cause I want to find it.
Speaker B:
Okay.
Betsy:
It’s Rachel Rogers. She wrote this book called we should all be millionaires. I read it a couple years ago. It’s really good, and it’s fascinating. She has a process for an annual friend review. And when I first read this, I was like, this sounds mean, and, like, maybe even, like, elitist or something. Like, who am I to? But when I really got into it and understood what she was saying. It made so much sense and it was so smart, because sometimes we are friends with people and we are friends with them for years, and then we don’t realize how different our values have become or our beliefs are different.
Betsy:
Where we’re headed is different. And sometimes we need to just evaluate and say, is that still making me feel good? Like, is that still getting me to where I want to go? And I think that when I say elitist, it’s like, not that you’re better than somebody, because that’s what I was like. Well, I’m no better than any of my friends. Like, that felt bad to me. But that’s not really where it is. It’s really about, where are you on your journey? It’s not that you’re better or farther along or farther back or worse or any of that. It’s just, is your journey aligning right now? And if you’ve got big dreams and things that you want or you just want to transform your life, you want to change up things, you want to create some static so that things don’t stay the status quo, you’ve got to really be looking at all of these different levels, right? So doing a friend review and check out that book, because that will really lay it out. And it makes so much sense when you read it.
Betsy:
Start looking at what you guys are talking about. I think about with my husband, what are we spending a lot of time talking about? Are we complaining about stuff? Are we spending our time on a lot of worrying? Because all of those things start to impact. Now, when we look at these statistics that I was sharing with you from my brain, like with my. My lens of working on the unconscious mind, I know that my unconscious mind is taking in information all the time, right? So consciously, I can only process a very, very, very tiny amount of what I’m actually taking in, right? And I. My unconscious mind does not know the difference between me and somebody else. It doesn’t understand that there’s difference, okay? So when we’re talking about something or I’m seeing somebody, my unconscious mind thinks that’s really available to me. And the closer I can get to it, the more real that becomes, right? So now it’s not just like a concept. Now it’s like, that’s a real thing.
Betsy:
I understand who that person is. I talk to them, I have coffee with them. I listen to how they process information that they hear on the news, and I listen to how they process things that are happening in their business, and it starts to infiltrate my unconscious mind, which is why we have to be so careful about it, but also why it can really propel us forward. So when we think about the top five people that you’re spending the most time with, I want to offer you the thought that you get to choose. So many times we think, well, these are the people I’m around, or this is my team at work. You may have people at work right now where you’re like, oh, my God. That the team is negative or whatever that is for you. That that’s okay.
Betsy:
There are some things that we. I’m going to say it like this, but I was going to say that we don’t have control over. We always, I mean, everything has consequences, right? So you could quit, but I get it if you’re not ready to quit, but you’ve got a team. So I think you can look at that. If you’ve got a team of people that you work with that are not where you want to be, they’re complaining, they’re negative, whatever that is, then I would take complete ownership of it and say, do I want to? Is there times where I’m in the room that I don’t have to be when that’s happening, can I influence the room and can I make this the 6th thing that I spend the most time with so that this isn’t, you know, it’s not like it’s not going to impact me, but I can minimize the impact by expanding in other areas, by really taking control of my situation and saying this is how I want to live. And so I’m not going to spend a lot of time listening to this. They might have a talk and they might be complaining in the beginning of a meeting and I’m going to be focused someplace else. I’m going to start to notice how I think differently and how that might be limiting them so that I can see that there’s bigger opportunity for me.
Betsy:
So we really do have a lot of choice. If you haven’t heard, on my YouTube channel, I uploaded a video just recently, and it was one that I did inside my Facebook group. And it’s about choice, and it’s about how we really have way more choice than we think we do. And we’re always moving. You know, we’re always moving. It’s like, you know, a motion picture is really a ton of stills, but they’re put together so close together that it appears as though it’s a moving picture. We are a moving picture, but we replay the same patterns over and over again, and it appears that it’s standing still, right? When people are like, I’m stuck. I just am stuck.
Betsy:
I’m always stuck. If you’re going to get stuck, get stuck in joy, switch the pattern and get stuck there. I mean, right? What do you have to do to make that happen? If it’s true that you’re stuck, then you could get stuck anywhere. So just keeping in mind that it isn’t, it is really a moving picture. You’re just replaying the same stuff. You’re around the same people, you’re experiencing the same things, you’re hearing the same messages, and you’re believing all of that. And that’s starting to impact what your movie looks like. So do an evaluation.
Betsy:
Check it out. Think about, like, as you go.
Speaker B:
As.
Betsy:
You go through your day. I had to clear my throat, y’all. As you go through your day, think about, what is it? Who am I? What am I thinking about? Who am I hanging out with? What’s happening? Do I feel good most of the time? Do I feel bad most of the time? Am I worried? What am I? Am I lingering on things and then make some choices. You always have choices. You get to pick this. Life is how you choose it to be.
Speaker B:
All right?
Betsy:
I love you so much. Thanks so much for listening. And I will see you guys all next week.
Speaker B:
All right, bye.
