342: The Power of Embracing Disappointment to Find Clarity


Are you tired of feeling like you don’t know what you want in life? Do you find yourself holding back out of fear of disappointment or rejection? In this episode, Betsy takes us on a journey of self-discovery, sharing her personal experience of buying a house and the unexpected lessons she learned about trusting her guidance system. Discover the power of leaning into your emotions, even the “bad” ones, and learn how they can be your compass to finding your true direction. Get ready to break free from restrictions and unleash your potential to live the life you truly desire with Betsy as your guide.


Welcome to the Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy pake. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big.

Hello, Hi, everybody, welcome to The Art of Living big. I am, I have so many things, I have updates for you. I have updates that you might care about or might not care about. But I’m gonna give them to you anyway, you can hit fast forward if you don’t want to hear him. And then I’ll get into like what I want to tell you today. So alright, so if you’ve been following along, I’ve been trying to buy a dang house here in Atlanta. There has been more life lessons in the past, like, I don’t know, five, six weeks since we have been doing this. But last week, I think it was last week. I told you. Yeah. Because I told you about how I was trying to find a house. And I would find that I would get really comfortable in places that were not places I consciously wanted. But they were places like my old house. And so, um, maybe three weeks ago, we found a house. I may have mentioned that last week, and we put a bid on it. And we didn’t get it, we got outbid. So I was under the impression. I don’t know why. But I was under the impression that the whole like house, like craziness had had settled a bit, right. Like we sold our house

in that. And it’s been two and a half years. So I thought surely things have settled down. But we were in a multiple bid situation. I mean, I think they said there was five different bids on that house. And, and the things people are giving is, is crazy town to me. So like they’re giving, you know, like you could stay in the house. And you don’t have to pay to stay in the house for like months, right. So I’ll buy it from you all close, and then you just stay there. So this is a new thing for me. And one of the things that I have realized is that I bought my very first house I was 24 years old, and I bought a townhouse in Washington DC. At that time, there was no the internet was just barely coming around, you know. And so at that time, I met with a real estate agent at the office like I drove to her office. I remember this. So clearly, I remember her name and everything. And we sat in a conference room. She talked to me and asked me all the things that I wanted, what I liked what I didn’t like, how much money I wanted to spend, she made sure I got pre approved because I wasn’t

like intelligent on that kind of thing at that point, you know, so I got that all done. And then she had a list of homes. And I met her at her office and got in her car. And we drove all over creation. And she showed me the houses that she thought would be a good fit. And then I picked one. Okay, so now I have bought many homes and sold many homes since. But it has been like, I mean, it’s been two and a half years since I sold my own house, my old house. And I lived in that house like 10 years. So it’s been like 12 years. And even though we had the internet 12 years ago, it still feels different. And I think

and I, I have had a layer of frustration. And I realized that it’s that my expectations were from 1994 My expectations were that like I tell you what I want you asked me a bunch of questions, and then you tell me where you think we should go look. But it’s not like that anymore. It’s it feels so labor intensive. Like basically I got a website access where I’m like searching and they have like an automated things set up that sends me homes, but like it’s exhausting. Every night we’re like driving to all different areas and neighborhoods trying to figure out if it’s even a place we’d want to go and so we’re doing like all this pre work. I don’t know. I

so I’ve really struggled with this if you’re a real estate agent. If you’re a real estate agent who like set expectations you probably do but set expectations because I don’t know what to expect. I remember years ago, I moved from Charlotte, North Carolina to Washington DC. And when I did that the movers came and they put numbers on all the boxes.

and like, like these big stickers came on all the boxes. And then when we got to North Carolina and they were unpacking, the guy handed me a clipboard and said, We’ll read off the numbers to just check them off. And I was like, why am I doing this? I’m not a mover like there was other things, you know, when you’re moving, there’s things to do. And

I was getting more and more and more irritated. And finally, the guy said to me, that’s what we have the owners do. So this is a normal thing that you do. In my mind, I thought I was doing somebody else’s job. And I was annoyed, because I had other things to do.

But I was never told, once I was told that I was like, Oh, well, now I feel silly. And I’m so sorry that I’ve been kind of jerky because I was frustrated. I feel like that sort of thing is happening. I’m just now understanding that the real estate experience is different than

what I was used to, you know, so it is so exhausting that I’m, that I’m, I’m just like, I’m just tired. I have my own things going on. I have my own things to do you know what I mean? I didn’t realize when I decided to buy a house that I was going to be taking on a part time job. I just I really didn’t. I didn’t. I mean, maybe that sounds really silly. Because maybe, you know, that’s what it’s like, but I’m like, Oh my god. So we put this offer on this house. We get outbid. No, that’s early in the process. So I’m not like, I’m like an whatever. It was a house like whatever, I ain’t getting attached to anything. I’ve bought so many houses in my life and sold so many, like, what do I care, I just need a place to live, you know. So now we’re starting to look around, we’re looking around. And

there’s not a lot on the market in the range I’m looking for. Now, I’m not going to get into the range I’m looking for, but I’m just going to say that I’m under a million, and I need to be just over a million to get something that I would be, like comfortable in.

And I’m not quite there. So I’m like, what, like the places that we’re looking at, I’m like, oh my god, this is like it’s a cute little bungalow that’s been redone or mark part of it has been redone. But like, you know, it’s it’s, it’s like 1200 square feet, or I mean, smaller than my apartment, you know, so I just, and it’s a lot of money in my mind. Like to me that. Like, there’s a lot of money houses cost a lot of money here. I know sometimes people are like, don’t move to California, because I’m, I’m always interested in moving to California. People are like, don’t move. It’s so expensive. I’m like, really? Is it? It? Is it 1000 square feet for a million dollars expensive. Like I want to know if we’re paying $400 a square foot in California, I think we are maybe a little bit more, but like, you’ll somebody will know, and someone will tell me, but my point is like it’s a lot. And if I’m not falling in love with something, I feel like oh my god, I’m gonna pay all this money for like this piece of poop. I don’t know. Okay, so then fast forward, we found a place that I’m telling you, when I saw it, if you follow me on Instagram, you’ve caught all the drama. I mean, I saw it online. And I was like, This is it like this is so beautiful. It was a

mid century modern home that had been like restored. So it was born. It was born. It was born in 1954. And it was beautiful. I mean, I’m talking like in the woods in Atlanta, but like in the woods, and like

the arched ceilings, but the windows went all the way up to the arch. You know what I mean? So like floor top, tippy top of the arch window, and just overlooking bird feeders in forest and like, I mean, big deck and like, I mean, it was so great. And it had this little I’m gonna say it like a she shed but it was really more than that because it had a full kitchen and a full bathroom. And I was like my office could be out there. I could run events like NLP training events in the living room. Like it’s beautiful. It feels so good. This huge

screened in porch, I mean, so great, but only a couple bedrooms, you know, like, it wasn’t big, but it was so perfect. And so we decided to bid and we bid on that house. We bid $50,000 More than they were asking and we got outbid. We got outbid by $15,000. We said I’ll give you $50,000 More stay on it until the end of June. You don’t even have to pay but we can close in a couple of weeks. And they will remind that I wanted an appraisal

which means they knew it wouldn’t appraise I don’t know I just am like so.

We lost it. And it was just

it was I was crushed. Honest to God, I had gotten so excited for like those two days, we were waiting to hear back. I had gotten so excited. I had Pinterest sports, y’all, you know what I’m talking my pitches board. And I kept thinking, I’m getting so excited. Like, like, Are you sure you want to get so excited. And I was sure I made a decision, I’m not going to toggle myself back. And, and if I’m disappointed, then I’m just going to allow myself to feel what it’s like to be really disappointed. And I did, I did feel it got so disappointed. And then.

And then we got a call like the day after all of that, after the disappointment, saying that maybe the buyers that actually won the bid having a little buyer’s remorse, and they wanted to know if we wanted to come back in. But but they wanted us to come back in at $66,000 over asking, and I just was like, now you’re just messing with me, you know any mean? Now you’re like, No, I’m over you. I’m over you in your big, beautiful window. So we’ve moved on, we’re trying to find someplace else. And there’s a little part of me that’s like, Is this is this?

This is a sign just stay in my apartment for another year and then see how I can create an exit. Right to the ocean? You know, I don’t know, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t know. There’s so many moving parts. I mean, I know if it was just me, if the world only revolved around me, I would know exactly what to do. So anyway, that is the update whether you were interested in that or not. If you weren’t interested, then I’m sorry. But that’s the update on my life.

I have felt so aligned, though and so good moving forward, I would really like to find a place quickly because I have sort of abandoned cleaning, you know how you do when you’re like I’m going to be leaving anyway. But now I might be here a little longer. So yes, I can extend my lease, I can go month to month, I can do all of those things. So it will all work out. I am not worried. I just like to know. And that’s what I want to talk to you about today. I just want to know,

I don’t want to be in the in between space, you know, the liminal space. But the truth is that the liminal space is where there’s a possibility for me to do anything.

I could go to the beach, I could find a perfect place, there’s hope that something else will come up, I get to scan and look,

I get to get so much clarity on what it is I really want. Having that experience of being in that house with those windows and it made me go I need to have like grass, I need to have a yard. So we even started talking to we want to go right outside the city and buy like a little farm like, you know, like it, it opened up space. Now, if I had bid on that very first house, which we found really quickly and looking back, that was a beautiful home like it was great. But if we had gotten that, we wouldn’t have gotten this space to expand and explore and decide and to get clarity. And I think sometimes we think when things aren’t going the way we want them to go are things aren’t easy. Or our expectations aren’t set. And so we are expecting something different and we’re frustrated. I think we think I know I do that that’s what it is I’m frustrated. I’m I’m, I’m tired. I’m annoyed. I am sick of you asking for more money, like all of those things. But the truth is what it’s doing is helping me to narrow down. It’s helping me to pivot and make decisions. It’s helping me to understand what’s really important. If I had bought that very first house, I wouldn’t have known how important the having the nature around me was I knew I wanted like a backyard so my dog could go to the bathroom. But like that very first house had a very, very tiny backyard. Very tiny. It had access to a walking trail. But like it what I pick will be different because I got my heartbroken at the second place.

It changed the trajectory.

If I had restricted and constricted if I had said I’m not going to get excited, because I don’t want to jinx it. I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to get my hopes up.

I would have restricted to the point where I wouldn’t have known what felt really good. And that feeling really good is my guidance system. It’s the thing that’s directing me, it’s helping me to narrow down and find my footing and find where it is that I need to go. When we restrict, and we go, I don’t want to get I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to get my hopes up. I mean, that’s one I know I have said throughout my life, I don’t want to jinx it, don’t jinx it. Knock on wood.

What if you didn’t? What if you said, I am strong enough to handle an immense amount of disappointment. I can be let down. And I can learn from it. But I am going to use it to help me gain clarity. So many times when I’m talking to people, they’re like, I don’t know what I want. Like that is a common thing. If you know what you want, give your guides a little nod and a hell yeah, like thank you guides. Because so many people don’t know what they want. There are times in my life, even in the last year where I’m like, I don’t know what I want. I’m not sure. Like I think even this year for me, I’m just getting clarity. And I might talk about all of that on a separate episode. But I think that like, we don’t allow ourselves to feel anything because we don’t want to feel anything that we label as bad or negative. And so it keeps us out of our guidance system. It keeps us from seeing the contrast. It keeps us from having the experiences that helped to define the direction we really want to go.

To what if you gave that up?

What if you said today, I’m just going to be just for today, because sometimes our brains like to know, we don’t have to do things forever. Just for today, I’m gonna get so hyped. Like, I’m going to be my biggest hype woman about every single thing that I do. Like I’m going to just get, I’m going to really notice I’m going to dive into the emotion of whatever it is, if it’s happy, I am going to be so freaking happy. If it’s sad, I’m going to be sad. If I feel constriction, if I feel anxious. If I feel frustration, I’m not going to shy away from it. I’m going to ask myself, what is it about this situation? That doesn’t feel good? Because my guidance system is trying to tell me something. It’s trying to direct me. And when we restrict from it, our direction system just doesn’t work. Right. And then we get stuck. And then we go I don’t know what I want. I don’t know. I don’t know what I want. Nothing really sounds good. Right? Nothing sounds that exciting. I’ll take whatever. I don’t know, I just need to find a house. Right.

But now I want to find a house that feels like grounded. I want to feel a house where I could go dig up in the dirt if I wanted to. I want to be able to walk around outside. Like I want to be able to walk around I don’t know if it’s a whole farm I’m walking around. Also, you know what felt so good is the thought of being able to bring people in, you know, I run

I run a the alchemy Institute, which is my NLP training. Now. It’s NLP, it’s hypnotherapy, its success coaching. It’s my deep streaming. It’s all of that together. And and if you didn’t hear last week’s episode, right now, we are pulling together a group who is turning out to be like the best group of people that want to go through that material to learn how to heal themselves, and help their family and bring it into their company, to people that want to use it for personal development, really learn it for themselves, and then see what happens. Right? Like, then really see where it takes them.

And so as I’m bringing this whole group together,

then so many times we do,

we’ll have a like a live event, in fact, April, and I don’t want to give too much away, we’re talking about doing an annual live event with everybody that’s part of the institute that all comes together. It’s free for them. They just come they just show up. And we provide a couple of days of like learning and community. And this is just such a small. I say small, it’s not really small, but a tight knit group. It’s a family in there. And I know like you might hear that a lot. But I mean it. I always have the best people come into my programs like that is a fact I’m not sure. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you guys. Thank you everybody. But like I get the best people and so they come together and they help each other and form community. So back to the house. I had this idea that I was like, Oh my God, I want to bring everybody in. Like I want to bring them into my house. I want to have like a space that’s wide open where we could meet and have an annual event. Right you stay at an Airbnb nearby and

Then you come and spend the whole day with me. And I’ll have speakers and things just that felt so fun. And so I started thinking, like, where else, what else, when I look at houses, now I put it through that lens, I put it through the lens of the outside the lens of the living room, the lens of bringing people together a lens, I would not have had, if I didn’t allow myself to get excited.

When would be a lens I didn’t have, I wouldn’t have the concept or the idea wouldn’t have occurred to me that that was important, because I wouldn’t have had any contrast around it, I wouldn’t have had it, like in my hand and then had it taken away. And then to know how bad that was, and understand how important that was. And so I want you to be thinking like what’s important right now for you?

Where are you focusing your attention? Can you see how there is a defining

in all of your choices, how it’s helping you define where it is you want to go?

You know.

And if you if you feel like you want to come in, and join us in the Institute, we are still taking applications, if you want to just message me and I’ll send you information, there’s no

there’s no stress. But if you’re interested in finding out how to be part of that group, how to join us, and learn how to do this for yourself, how to really understand your emotions, how to let go of the negative things that aren’t serving you how to do all of the patterns, and how to experience life in a totally different way. How to see things totally different. How to take leaps, then you really want to be part of this. You really want to take that leap. If it’s calling to you, if you feel it if it’s if you have, like narrowed down and you’re feeling like Oh, that feels good. But I don’t want to. Because that’s a choice to just like any of the other choices in your life, where you might feel yourself wanting to do it. And then you constrict. Oh, but it might this Oh, I don’t know if I have the time. I don’t know. You might not.

But what if you just found out? What if you leaned into it? What if you said I’m going to explore everything there is in this emotion.

And then if it’s not the right house, it’s not the right house, right? If it’s not the right fit, it’s not the right fit.

But I won’t know if I don’t lean into it.


wish me luck, because we’re gonna go look for more houses. And I’m looking for them with you in mind.

Someday you can be in my living room, and we can hug and jump up and down and be like, Look, does it is it is it what you imagined?

So imagine something great for me today, please. And I will imagine you joining me in the living room. So thank you so much for being here. I love you guys so much. Thanks for listening. Thanks for all of your awesome reviews. It really makes me feel so good. And if you’re on my text list, and you ever like one of my texts, or message me back, it that is so fun for me. So thank you. Thank you. I’m so grateful. All right, y’all. Okay, I love you. I’ll see you next week.

Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show. And thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me a review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to like, figure out how to even make that happen. Now, if you want to find me find me on social media, I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on Tik Tok. It’s just my name. Betsy pake, and that’s my website to Betsy pake.com. And you can find out all about the work that I do. having me speak for an event that you might be hoping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy Institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me just shoot me a DM, shoot me a direct message on Instagram and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening. And I will see you all next week.


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.