130: Stop using your spirituality as a bypass to pain


Today Betsy talks about using the excuse that you are spiritual so that you can avoid dealing with confrontational issues happening in the world around us.


Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake, and this podcast is designed to share interviews and new ideas to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. You’re listening to Episode 130 of The Art of Living bag. All right, you guys, we’re gonna get right into it this week, you know, every week, when I talk on the show, I’m bringing you lessons that I’ve learned or things that I’m thinking about, like, I literally record the show, and then make it live. Like there’s not I’m not doing it months in advance. In fact, most of the time, I don’t even have notes. Sometimes I sit down, and I don’t even know what I’m going to talk about, until I just have a moment and, and reflect on my week. And then what is important, tends to surface and then I know what I’m going to say. So here’s what I’m going to talk about today. And this is something that has really it’s been something that I’ve struggled with and trying to figure out, like what feels right. So I’m doing air quotes, like what feels right, like, what’s the right thing to do? What’s my intuition, say, okay, but today, I really want to talk about, like a spiritual bypass that we do that I do, to avoid things that are uncomfortable and hard. And especially, especially things on the news, okay, so if you don’t watch the news, and it and you try to, like limit your exposure to like negativity, please listen. And in, in May, maybe you are struggling with this too. And so maybe this will help you think a little bit differently. I’m not going to tell you what to do you, you will eventually know what to do, but maybe having another opinion, or someone else’s thoughts on it will help you to process this in a new way. Here’s what I have done. I try really hard to stay high vibe. And you’ve heard me talk on the show about like, nobody’s life is perfect. Everybody has struggles, right. And I have struggles I have things going on in my life, that are really difficult and honest to God, sometimes those are all I can take, like to look at the world’s problems is like, Look, I got my own crisis going on. Like I can’t even. And so one of the things that I have done, and I’ve talked about it, and I’ve been very proud, I don’t watch the news. I haven’t watched the news in years. And sometimes I will. That’s wrong. I have watched the news, like if it’s on my husband’s watching or something, but like I don’t record it, I don’t make it a habit. I don’t marketing my calendar, I don’t it’s not a regular thing. I don’t have TV on in the morning. In fact, I generally, I could not have a TV and I’d be okay. But here’s what happens is I do hear about things going on in the news. And I’m troubled. And I use my spirituality as a bypass as an opt out as a defense mechanism for things that are uncomfortable. And I go like, you know what, like, I have other things to focus on. I’ve got my own life to focus on. And I donate money to those kids every month in Uganda that have club feet. So I am trying to change the world and I can’t change everything. And I can’t be in charge of everything. And it doesn’t feel right to me to be like a protester, or do you know what I’m going and maybe you do this too. Now, here’s where I’m getting good. Here’s where I’m going. And this is what happened to me this past week. So I think that the news is bias, I think maybe it is wise to filter what you’re exposing yourself to. I also think that when you’re using your spirituality as a way to ignore the fact that 11 Jewish people were killed at their synagogue last week, that that is dangerous. It’s dangerous, and it’s dangerous for your spirituality. It’s dangerous for the world and it’s dangerous.

It’s all around not

I don’t believe the wait for me to continue moving through the world. So I’m realizing that is a defense mechanism. It sounds really good, right? Like I do other things in the world. And I do other good things in the world. And that isn’t for me because that makes me uncomfortable. And like the thought of like protesting makes me uncomfortable. Like the thought of like I like The thought of going on Facebook and like arguing with people like all of that makes me uncomfortable. And that’s okay. But that doesn’t mean that I get a pass.

We are here

in our spiritual beings in our human form, to experience this life to experience this moment. And we are also part of a collective. And if we are ignoring what’s happening to the collective, it’s a spiritual cop out. And I have been doing that. So I have been on a spiritual cop out, okay, so if you are with me, then this is what I’m thinking. So you can join me in this or, or you can just listen, and you can disagree with me, like all of that is okay. But what I feel like is that when things got really uncomfortable, or when I would see things on the news, or hear about things in the news, or hear people talking about stuff, like I would just immediately shut it down. Like even, even on my Facebook, I have blocked, like, I’ve gotten rid of the wall, you know, there are apps, so you don’t see everybody’s stuff. And I can just go into the groups that I’m part of also isolating myself because the groups do what I do for the most part. And so I’ve realized that, you know, I’m, I’m using this, and I’m using other good things I do, as a way to avoid. And when I’ve talked about some social issues on the podcast, I’ve gotten emails from people that they don’t like it. So I get that, and I hear you. So what I’m talking about isn’t a political issue. I don’t nobody thinks it’s okay for somebody to walk in and mass murder 11 people? Nobody, nobody. That’s sane, right? Nobody that’s listening to my podcast, nobody that I want to be listening to my podcast. And, and so how do we move through the world and not ignore that stuff, and still remain true to what like, feels good to us, because there is part of it, where it felt good to me to ignore stuff. But it also didn’t feel good to me to ignore stuff. I felt like, there’s something else I’m supposed to do. And I’ve reached out to teachers that I follow. And they’ve said, like, Listen to your intuition. What’s your intuition, say, and I’m like, I’m trying to figure this out, like, I need guidance, I need somebody else that’s thought through this, right. So I think there is a difference between between self care, so like, when tragedy is happening, like coming into myself, being getting okay with myself having my moments of meditation, like crying if I need to whatever that is, and check out. So self care versus checkout. So here’s where the line is, I believe for me. One is self care where I go into meditation, I, I think about those people. I’m using the tragedy this past week, as an example, I think about them. I send, you know, my light and love to their families, to their community. And, and I feel like I come into myself, I feel what’s true and real, and I connect to love. Checking out is going like, I’m just going to focus on the good, I’m going to just focus on what I need. I’m just going to focus on, like the good things in the world. And not, do you see what I’m saying. So there’s this difference, this fine line of difference between self care and totally checking out. So when we can do the self care and connect to this greater consciousness, we will not only have a greater connection with the people that are in our everyday life, but I believe it opens up our consciousness it actually, when we’re using this like spiritual bypass thing to avoid things that are uncomfortable, it’s actually taking us away from what it is we think we really want, which is like this enlightened living. But if we’re disconnecting from the greater consciousness, it is not enlightened to limit living, it is away from a less enlightened living. And it’s away from acceptance and coming together and forming that connection and union. And I believe that when we’re in meditation, or we’re part of the collective consciousness, we can shift things. So why would I ignore what’s happening? When I have what I think is this ability to be able to shift the consciousness of the world by my own thoughts, but if I’m not thinking about it, then I’m not doing anything.

So embracing the fact that we’re here and a human existence. We’re here to have these experiences. We’re here to explore and have all the feelings So if I’m having feelings of like intense grief and sadness for these people, I’m with my spiritual bypass am, I am robbing myself, my spirit, I believe came down to have all these feelings. And then I’m going, I know you came here to have that, but that feels uncomfortable, so I’m not going to do it. Right. So having that moment where I am experiencing that, and I am part of the collective grief helps everybody to heal. And I believe that when we pass on this, like when we go, like, I’m gonna take a pass on all that, like that is a lot of pain. So I’m gonna go ahead and pass on that. I believe that there is like pain and suffering that comes down. And when you take a pass on it, you are, I don’t know. What I want to say is like, almost essentially, leaving more for everybody else. It feels like there is this pain and grief. And if I can share in it, I can not only connect, but I can help relieve the pain instead of leaving the pain for everyone else. All right. So how do we actually do this? So I’ve been thinking about it. And I don’t know all the answers, and I would love to hear your thoughts and your answers, then come find me on Instagram at Betsy Pake and tell me what you think. Because I’m really processing this and trying to come out now. With all of that said, I

am not.

Okay, so how am I going? Okay, I’m going to use this sentence as an example, this past week, I went to a football game with my husband. I know this is like, now the football game seems very silly compared to this. But I’m just using as an example. There were people there that were cheering on their team. And then there were people and not very many at this game. But there are people at football games that not they don’t necessarily cheer on their team, but they put down the other team. Do you see what I’m saying? So you can cheer on your team. Or you can just put down the other team, but it’s not really lifting your team. So when I think about this, I think about it in that way. So like how can I lift up my team? Right? How can I lift up, the greater for the greater good and not I don’t want to be for me, I don’t want to be somebody that’s screaming at other people that they’re wrong. I don’t want to be on Facebook having fights, like I don’t want any of that. But for me, I want to lift up my team. And so how can I do that one really easy way I can do that is to vote. So voting is coming up. And if you’re so inclined, I would encourage you to vote. The other thing is to you know, we can take action in different ways. So like, right now, it wasn’t in the plan or the opportunity, or I don’t even know if there was a way for me to go to, to the community that was affected this past weekend, do something but one thing that I can do is I can check on my Jewish friends. And I can see how they’re handling that and how they feel. And if they need to talk about it. Or if they just need somebody to listen to them. Right? It doesn’t matter if they know the people or not. If you’re a woman, and you know, if you hear about a tragedy of a woman or a woman being raped you you feel it differently, I’m assuming then if you’re a man, just like if I hear something with a man, it might feel different, like there’s a connection, right? So I want to reach out to my Jewish friends. And I want to just ask, how are you doing? How are you feeling? You know, if there’s a shooting at a school, reach out to the kids, you know, talk about it, is there something you want to talk about, so allowing it instead of the bypassing of it. And And then lastly, is just to begin to notice, notice where you could take part in things around your community that would help lift other people up, you know,

we are all just built on community. And if we are all actively Imagine if every single person was actively lifting up somebody in their community, checking on an old person, doing whatever to add to the kindness, right, so cheering for your team, adding to the love and kindness in the world, how that can really start to shift the collective now, if you are inclined and you want to go in and and protest or send letters or make phone calls to your senators or whatever that is, take action, whatever action feels good to you and whatever action you think is right. Actually that’s better. Whatever action you think is right, it may not feel good to you. But if you think that’s what’s right, then take that action. You know, I feel like there is this. And I’ll say it again, this spiritual bypass where we’re like, Well, you know, I’m not sure if my intuition tells me to do that. Well, it could just be that your brain doesn’t want you to do that, because that’s uncomfortable, and we’re built to avoid uncomfortable things. So, root for your team, do things that can help promote the things that you love and you think are right, in this world, check on people that you care about. And take whatever action you think you should be taking, that will make a difference. And go out and vote this week. whichever side you vote for, vote for what you think is right vote for who you think is going to protect you and what you think is right for this world, in our communities. We have the ability to change things, but if we’re avoiding them, and we’re using our spirituality as a bypass, then we’re of no use to the world in this way. So I think when we can look at the hard things, make decisions that are uncomfortable, and keep moving forward with love and kindness. I think that is how you live a big life. And before we end, I want to just take a minute, and I want if you have been avoiding it. I’d like to just share the names of the people that died this week in the massacre in Pittsburgh. It was a group of people that were all together at their synagogue, middle aged or elderly people. The victims included a pair of brothers and a husband and a wife. The oldest person was 97. Joyce Feinberg was 75 Richard godfried was 65 Joyce malinger was 97 Jerry Rabinowitz was 66 Cecil Rosenthal was 59 David Rosen Rosenthal was 54 Bernice Simon was 84. Sylvan Simon was 86 that was the husband of Bernice, Daniel Stein was 71. Melvin wax was 88 urban younger was


Thanks for listening, and we’ll see you all next week.


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

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About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.