266: When there's a lot of life happening - Betsy Pake

266: When there’s a lot of life happening


In this episode, Betsy talks about when there is a lot happening in life all at once and 4 things you can do to help shift your experience of it.



Hey, hello,

welcome to today’s show. Today’s show is titled, there’s a lot of life happening.


there is a lot of life happening. You know, it’s funny. years ago, I remember I don’t know why I remember this, you know how sometimes you have like, weird memories where you’re like, I remember that so clearly. And it meant nothing. But I was driving with my daughter. And I was telling her about something that had happened at work. And she was young enough where she was like, Oh, no. And I said, Oh, no, it’s fine. It’s just life happening. And I remember that was like, one of the first times I started saying that, it’s just life happening. And here’s really what I mean by that. And you might just know what I mean by that. But sometimes, it’s not some big, terrible thing that’s happened. It’s just life. You know, it’s just like, the ups and downs of life that are happening. And sometimes it feels like there’s a lot of life happening, like just a lot of ups and downs, and ups and downs. And, like, sometimes it, it can be a little dizzy in. And the thing is, because it’s not some huge thing, although I do have one huge thing that happened, I’ll tell you. But because it’s a bunch of little things, it’s not like a big enough thing where you can say, like, I got to check out for a minute, because I have all these little things happening, like just doesn’t make sense. You know, sometimes I think when big things happen, it gives you a chance to like, pause, you know, pause your life for just a minute, even though you have to focus on the big thing that’s happening, it does give you a chance to like, catch your breath, and all the other places.

But when you just have a lot of life happening, it’s just a lot of life happening. It’s decisions and changes and new things and good things and bad things and uneasy things all happening all at one time. And that’s how I feel like the last couple of weeks have been. And in the end, it’s really, really, really good. You know, I’ve said this so many times before, but I know that we have come here to have this physical experience in order to have the ups and downs that I think we come here to have life happening. And then when life happens, we’re like,

oh my god, I

need a map and a massage. So there’s been a lot of life happening. And so I want to share with you a couple things that I do when life’s happening. I will say, over the last couple of weeks, it’s been a little bit hectic. So life has been happening. But in the middle of all that I did have something big happen. And last week, I didn’t have the show. If you’re on my email list, then you got my email about that we had a family emergency last Monday, my in laws were in a really bad car accident. And we immediately you know, dropped everything and, and drove to North Carolina it’s about 10 hours from where we live, to be with them. And to you know, to be with my mother in law was in the hospital for a little over a week, she had several surgeries, and my father in law came home. But you know, we went to the emergency room in the middle of the night one night, like there’s just a lot of things that were happening,



my husband is still there. In fact, I have been home since Saturday, I needed to get my dog and get back to work and my daughter’s going to college. A lot of life happening. And so, um, yeah, so it’s been, like hectic and a lot of life. So, you know, it’s it’s August, September, I guess it’s September already. So September. I mean, if you’ve got kids in school, or you’ve got kids going off to college, right, or you remember when you had kids going off to school, or it’s just a busy time of the year in general, because it’s like a season change and things are changing. For so many people, schedules changing. I mean, the traffic pattern changes when school starts, you know, so all of the sudden your morning commute might be different. Like there’s just a change in the air and i think that

you know,

fall coming, it gives us this opportunity. I think every year to go all these things are happening all of this change is happening. You know, I see, I grew up in Vermont so you know, I I fall to me means like the changing of leaves. And it’s this opportunity for me to trust, to trust fully, that everything is falling away. But all is well, that everything’s falling away. And it’s meant to be, because something new will have an opportunity to come back. And so I think that when life is happening, you know, when fall is here, it gives us this opportunity to touch back,

almost like a touch point to ourselves and to what we know is true. And to say, Alright, life’s happening. But I can rely on these things. And so, when life’s happening for me, that’s what I try to do, I try to touch back use my, my, my guidance system, my centering as a touch point to be able to go back and go, okay, you know, how I see it is like, um, kick the can Did you guys play kick the can when you are young, like, it’s one of my most favorite memories is of playing kick the can of being like a little kid, it’s starting to get dark. I lived in Vermont. So summers, were always kind of cool at night. And playing kick the can and you know, you the idea if you’ve never played it is you kick the can. And then everybody runs and hides. And there is a, like a tree that is like the you got to get to the tree and touch the tree, and then you’re safe. And so there’s one person that’s trying to keep you away from the tree and to tag you, and then you are the one that’s it. So when life is happening, what is your safe tree? Like? What’s that touch point for you? For me? It is just having a moment where I can sit and center and remind myself that all the chatter going on in my head, all the things that are happening outside of me, all the life that’s going on, isn’t me. It isn’t me, the me is this, this soul, this piece of source energy that’s attached to something bigger the piece of me that wants to expand the piece of me that came here to experience all of this. And when I can remember that, then I can go Oh, well, this is happening. And this is why I’m here. Instead of resisting. Right instead of resisting it, you know, there’s the um, I teach coaches people how to be coaches. I certify you and NLP and hypnotherapy. And one of the things. One of the people that we talk about a lot is Milton Erickson, who was a great hypnotherapist, and a lot of NLP models. Milton Erickson, and there’s a great story about Milton Erickson, and he was on a farm and he was trying to help get a horse into a barn and they were pulling on the horse and the horse did not want to come. You know, you can imagine it the horse like being led and his neck sticking out, but his feet not moving. And so Milton Erickson just walked around to the back of the horse and pulled the horse’s tail. And then he just went forward. Because he wasn’t going to resist, you know, instead of resisting, he was going to use that to help move him in the place that he needed to go. I hope that that visual makes sense. But I think about that sometimes when life is happening. I’m not going to resist. I’m gonna say yeah, you know what, that’s probably true. I think there’s always things for us to learn and expand and grow on. And I know for me, this isn’t just me talking every week and not doing that work. Like like this is stuff that I actively try and remember and recall and do actively in my life. And so, when life is happening, I try to not resist it. I try to use my The, the the belief, the knowledge, the faith, that I that I am a higher piece of source energy and connect into that so that I can expand into what this moment needs from me so that I can expand into what is being called from me as all of this is happening. You know, when everything happened with my in laws, it was a bit triggering that I say triggering I’m not even sure that That’s the right word. But I’m going to use that word just for the example. But the moment of, we’ve got to go, we’ve got to hurry, the unknown is happening. And we need to go there and find out what we’re going to find out. But we don’t know what we’re going to find out. It brought me right back, you know, it brought me right back to my mom’s accident of us all getting in the car and driving to New York and not knowing


was going to happen. And in that moment, I knew all other things, like, you know, when you have an emergency like that every nothing else, everything else is like, That doesn’t matter. And it also makes all the other things go, okay. I don’t need that in my life. And I don’t need that. And I don’t need that. And I don’t need that. And if something isn’t making me feel good, then I’m going to create a boundary to change it.


Because when we have this clarity that comes a lot of life is happening. It gives us this clarity on what’s really important, I’m sure you’ve had that happen, where all of a sudden, you’re like this, this is what’s important. The things I’ve been worrying about aren’t so quite so important,


And so when a lot of things are just happening, a lot of things in your life are going on. And I had so much life happening with this one big thing happening, right? So it was like this perfect storm. So I tried to remember to touch base to have that touch point to say, this is who I am. All of these other things, the thoughts the experiences are happening. But who I am isn’t changing who I am, is, is a is attached is part of source energy. And I can expand into whatever it is that I need to be. The second thing that I did that I think is really important. And I think this is really important, especially when you’re taking care of other people,

whether it’s an emergency or just life happening, right, you’re taking care of your kids or your grandkids or

your spouse or your people at work or whatever it is that you are, are standing for. Right, whoever, whoever is leaning on you for things when that is happening, it’s even more important for you to be able to take a minute and say like, I’m doing things for everybody else. But I’m also important, and I’m going to do something for me. And I’m going to take space for me. And I think when things get really hectic, like when life is really happening and your kids are doing a million things and you’re doing it everybody’s happening, everything’s happening, it can be hard to center back and go, I’m going to take this time for me. And sometimes I think we think of these things as like, I’m going to go get a pedicure, and that can be great, right? Like absolutely like taking that time for like self care, because maybe that’s a time where you can just take a big deep breath and relax. And I also think that can be done just by like going in your room and closing the door and shutting off your phone, and getting off of the internet for a minute. And reminding yourself, right of saying I’m going to sit here for a minute, and I’m going to just breathe. You know, I’m going to take just big deep breaths. And when I can do that, I can start to calm my nervous system. I can start to shift the way I’m actually perceiving all of the things that are happening.

So remembering that all the things that are happening, aren’t me.

And when all the things are happening, and everybody’s leaning on me, I need to also lean on me, I need to, I need to make sure that I’m sturdy enough. And I think that honestly, I know for me too. That’s like the thing that is the very first thing to go, right? Because you’re like, I don’t have time, like, like you might be thinking like, that’s great, Betsy, but I don’t have time to take 10 minutes and sit and fortify myself. And I say well, what if you did do that? What if you did take 10 minutes to do that?

What would feel different?

How would you show up differently? How could you respond in a different way? You know, I remember years ago, my daughter was starting to get sick. I was working full time and I became obsessed with Les Brown. If you’ve never heard Les Brown speak, you can go to YouTube and just go limb just,

you go in,

you call him on YouTube. Um, he’s, he’s such a passionate speaker. And he would, and that is how I would fortify myself. Because I would listen to him. And I would feel and borrow the strength of the words that he was sharing, so that I could go out and do all the things I needed to do. So for me at that time, it wasn’t sitting down and meditating, but it was listening. It was instead of being on the internet, like, you know, scrolling, it was listening to Les Brown, it was in the car instead of listening to music or listening to the news that would just make you even sadder. I, I was listening to something that was fortifying me that something was building me up that was making me think different than that was making me see how strong I could be. And you have that inherent strength in you that I believe you’re you. How do I, how am I going to say this, you might not be aware of in the moment, and especially in the moments that life is really happening. You might even have that moment where you’re like, I can’t do this. And that’s when you need to have the reminder to have something that you’re listening to that fortifies you. You know, where you say, Yeah, absolutely, I can because I know that I came here to experience this. And I know that I’m stronger than this. And I know that this is a moment. And that maybe in six months, this I won’t even remember this moment. You know, my daughter said something to me yesterday about my grandmother, about something I had told her about when my grandmother died, something that was really hard. And when she told me I was like, Oh my god, I’d completely forgotten about that, like 1,000% completely forgotten about it. But at one point, it seemed really big. And so, you know, we hear like Time heals. I don’t know that.

I don’t,

I don’t know how much I believe that. But I do believe the time changes things. Right? The time shifts the way that you see things. And so if I can remember that, when I need to fortify myself, when there’s a lot of life happening, and I’m like, this is a lot, I can remember that time is going to go on and this is going to change the way I see this or feel about this is going to change. And when it does, I will may not even remember. And if that’s true, then what do I want to remember about this. And when I can like separate myself from that, it almost makes things feel like slow motion, where I can see the event happening, but I can be separated from it. So then the event doesn’t seem as emotionally charged as it may have, which helps me when there’s a lot of life happening. Because then I’m in control I have I have some emotional intelligence about things. And then I can make a decision about how I want to act, instead of just being triggered or acting on impulse. You know, there’s that story, I’m sure you’ve heard about somebody walking through an office. I might say this wrong, but you’ll know what, what do you mean? They’re walking through an office with a cup full of hot coffee and they get bumped? What comes out of the coffee cup? Well, coffee, because that’s what was in the cup. They had tea in the cup tea would have bumped out right? And fallen on the floor. So whatever is in us comes out in those moments, right in those moments where there’s a lot of life happening. And we just feel triggered, and then what’s ever in our cup shows itself. And then we have an opportunity to say, oh, there’s a spot where I can grow. This happens to me all the time where I’m like, oh, oh, there’s something there for me. And then every experience changes then when a lot of life is happening, it’s actually this opportunity for me to see things that I may not have seen. And that can be so powerful. And so then when a lot of life is happening, it doesn’t. It doesn’t feel as I’m dreadful or as overwhelming, because it’s a period of rapid expression and growth for me. So when I can touch back to myself and say I am experiencing this, but I am not this, I am the soul, this piece of source energy. And I’m experiencing this, I’m not my thoughts. I’m not the things that I’m, I’m just watching, right. And then I have the thing that fortifies me whether it’s breathing deep, or it’s listening to something that fortifies me in the car, or when I’m taking a shower, or I’m, I’m carving out that time alone. And then I’m remembering that time is going to go on. And I’m going to see this thing differently. And how do I want to see how do I want to see it? Because if it’s five years from now, how do I and I’ll see it in this way. Can I see it like that right now? Would that help me right now? Could that shift, Start to begin right now, instead of waiting, because in the end, what I want is to eliminate or reduce my suffering in it. And when I can see things differently, then my my suffering can change. And I can see that it’s really like this awesome period of growth and amazingness. And I can also look back and see how far I’ve come. Because it’s also in those moments where you’re like, Whoa, I reacted from a place of love. And that felt really good. And I can see how far I’ve come. So celebrate, that would be my fourth thing for you is to celebrate, celebrate the things you’re doing right, especially in those moments where you feel like everything is happening at once. Celebrate the things you do, right, because there is so so so much that you’re doing right. And I think our tendency is to look at the things that we’re doing wrong or not good enough, or where we’re falling down, or where we’re not being enough for people that might need us.

That perhaps their learning is where your learning is ending there. Right? Sometimes, I know with our kids, we think like we’ve got to, I got to be good enough for them, I’ve got to be the support for them. But maybe their karmic journey includes you not being that way, so that they have an opportunity to step up and see how powerful they are.

You know,

I think we’re all working in this co creation together. And sometimes when we can step back a little, it gives someone else a chance to step forward. And when that happens, then it gives them an opportunity to grow and to see what they can do. And this is how come when something happens, and somebody lets me down or something, you know, changes. I mean, I think about this with my ex husband, right? Like, I don’t see it as like this awful thing, I see him as being a person on his journey. And our journeys coincided. And then our journeys took separate routes.


you know, his, his learning could take on from where I was lapsing. That was part of his expansion. And the same for me, right? Or allowed me to learn and grow. And so all as well, despite outward appearances all as well. My love is expanding. I feel like that has been my theme over the past couple of weeks. My love is expanding, I can almost feel it like it’s a palpable thing. And maybe that’s where you are to. Maybe that’s something with the moon right now. I blame a lot of things on the moon, or give credit to a lot of things of the moon. What’s happening with this with the stars. There is so much good that’s happening even when there’s a lot of life happening. So give yourself the space to pause. Remember who you are, get that touch point. Think about how you want to feel about this later on, and how it will shift and celebrate how much you’ve really grown. And remember every day to fortify yourself, because that’s what’s gonna keep you going. If you would love to go on this journey with us. I’m going to give a little plug for my membership. Join us inside the alchemy collective so we’re open right now it’s the beginning of the month. It’s a great time to join. You know we have a monthly breathwork class in there. I did breathwork when I can came home from my in laws. And on on. I came home on Saturday and on Sunday, I mean my nerves I just felt like, I mean, I had a I actually had a really good time there. Like I was so grateful that I was able to help and serve and I loved being able to be outside so much like I really got a lot of contrast with that they live right on the water and it was beautiful. And when I got home, I still felt like my, like my nerves were exposed. You know, have you ever felt like that, like you’re like, I it wasn’t a negative experience. But my I’m definitely frazzled. And I think probably the triggering event of how it all started. And then I immediately went into like, serving mode and helping. And so I never was able to really process that. So when I came home, I did a breathwork class. And this is something we do every month inside the alchemy collective my membership, we do breathwork and it’s incredible, it is so healing and it moves that energy through you, you know, I felt that rawness because the energy needed to move, it was just stuck in my body. And I believe that if we leave that kind of crap in our body, it leads to dis ease and discomfort. And so I moved it through and it was so incredible. And so the next day I did it a breathwork class for the group. And it was so fun. And I was so grateful because they were all like, Oh my god, it was so good. It really is. So we do breath work in there. We do emotion code Body Code. If you’ve ever heard my episode on that you can look good. Just look back at the episode with Audrey Wentz. But we have Body Code coach inside the collective, we have a success coach inside the collective. So a couple times a month you can go and set goals and she’ll help you track them and hold you accountable. It’s really awesome. And then we also have where I do a workshop and an NLP coaching. So if you’ve wanted to be coached, but you don’t want to spend, you know, 1000s of dollars, this is a great option to be able to come in and be part of this community. I mean, the people in here are just really awesome. So if you head to my website, Betsy Pake calm and just scroll down you’ll see at the alchemy collective. So there’s the alchemy collective, that’s the membership. And it’s a month to month so you can join in. If it’s not for you, then you can leave and there’s no big huge investment. So I’d love to have you in there. It’s so much fun. And when there’s a lot of life happening. It’s good to be able to do it with community. So thank you so much for listening. I love you so much. Have an amazing week and I will see you next time. Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit an email it over to us at support at Betsy Pake calm, and we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.