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Betsy discusses coaching both from the perspective of wanting to be coached and from the perspective of being a coach. She highlights the importance of showing up authentically as yourself and provides some things you should consider before entering into a coaching relationship, both as a coach and as someone who is looking for a coach.
* Connect with Betsy on IG @betsypake
TRANSCRIPT
Welcome to the Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy pake. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers. Hi, everyone. Welcome to today’s show. So today’s show, I’m going to talk it’s funny to me, because I was thinking, as I was like making a list of some things that I wanted to share, and I was like, I’ve never done a whole podcast just on, like coaching, what that means from a perspective of me wanting to be coached, and what it might mean from a perspective of being a coach. And it’s funny to me, because I’ve had this podcast like we’re over 300 episodes now, like 300 episodes, I’m a coach, and I trained coaches, and I don’t know if I’ve ever done like a like whole podcast just on what that is, and what I think that means. And so I thought today, it might be fun to kind of dive into that a little bit. I’ve got some stories to tell, and some things that I think might help shift you whether you have wanted to be coached, whether you’re currently being coached, or whether you want to become a coach, I’ve got some thoughts about all of it. And it might be a little bit different than maybe what you’ve heard people talk about in terms of coaching before, you know, one of the things that I think about coaching, that’s so interesting is that once you once you become a coach, it’s almost like this, I don’t know like this, it’s like a double edged sword, right? Because you get this, it’s like a veil is taken off from your eyes, and you see the world in a totally different way. And sometimes, that can really be difficult. So I want to talk about what I mean. And I want to share some of this because I think this can really help you in terms of maybe right now you’re not thinking about getting a coach, but maybe there’s a shift that needs to happen. And what I have to say might really help you. So here’s what I mean by the double edged sword. I was talking inside the alchemy Institute the other day, that once you have an awareness, right, you can’t ever unsee that awareness. And inside the alchemy Institute I in there I teach. I teach NLP neuro linguistic programming as a modality to be a coach. And in that we ask a lot of questions. So questioning is really like one of the foundations of it. And once we get used to asking those questions, we can’t, it’s almost impossible to not ask ourselves those same questions. So I think that one of the beautiful things about becoming a coach is that you start to see the whole world and yourself totally different. And it gives you this opportunity to actually, like reflect in a whole lot more. I was telling the people in the institute that I do this work on myself, self coaching, every day, I do NLP on myself every single day. Sometimes, like in the middle of a conversation with my husband, I’ll be like,
Oh my god, I just noticed a block or a limiting thought, and I want to go in and heal it right now. Sometimes it’s just at night when I run through my day. So I think that becoming a coach gives you this view of the world that’s maybe a little bit different. And I think also you begin to find meaning in everything. You know, on the show, every single episode, I’m giving some story. And I’m finding a meaning in it. Some of it has meaning. And I believe that there are the simplest of things in our lives that have meanings. You know, we’ll I’m talking about that. Every week. On Mondays, I always send a thought for the week. So a little story to help shift your perspective and then a thought for the week. So if you’re not on my mailing list, go to Betsy pake.com. And just sign up for the mail list. It’s called the live big weekly. But on Mondays, I send that out a different way to see your life and one of the the double edged sword, things about being a coach is that you start to find meaning in everything. Which sounds really nice until you’re tired. And you’re like I don’t want to find meaning in things. And so it can be just an interesting way to shift the way that you see the world right? Sometimes I’m like, I don’t want to find meaning in this one little thing. I want to just live my life. But I do think that when we get coached and when we have a coach that starts to shift and we start to expand, and even though sometimes that can feel a little over whelming it actually is like a such a better way to see the world because then when things are happening, they’re not just happening to you, things are happening for you. And it’s much, much easier to see that shift. So that’s one of the main huge benefits, I think, to being coached and becoming a coach. But what I want to start with here is really the difference between being a coach what a coach really is, and what a therapist is, because lots of times people will reach out to me and they will say, like, I already have a therapist, or I want to keep my therapist, can I keep working with you and have a therapist. And I want to say that those two things do totally different things. So those two types of people. So a therapist, this is how I think of it, a therapist is more focused on the past, right, talking about things that have happened, and how you experienced that maybe healing, some trauma, or other kinds of healing work. They are focused on like cognitive discussions and emotional coping like skills to actually cope with things. Now,
they also might diagnose things or treat something. Now, I always say therapists take you to the bottom of the mountain, like they will bring you through the plains of what the barren scape of what you need to move through and bring you to the to the bottom of the mountain. And then there’s going to get to be a point where you’re like, oh, now I’m here. Like, I feel so much better. Now I want to arise, you know, now I want to go up the mountain, I want to have huge goals, I want to expand and do something more. And that I think is where a coach comes in. So a coach is really focused on future stuff on building stuff on setting up goals and achieving things. Now, one of the things that I teach coaches to do and that I do is NLP, which is actually focused on expanding the space from where you are to where you want to go. And what happens in our unconscious mind is that our unconscious mind loves for us to stay exactly the same. I know, it’s annoying, but it loves it. It’s number one directive is to keep us alive. And if we are doing the same exact thing every single day, it’s like, Ah, this is beautiful. This is why it feels so hard to change. Maybe you’re in a job right now, that totally stinks. Maybe you have a boss that you really hate. Right, maybe you’re in a relationship that you’re like, Ah, this really isn’t super joyful. But you know, the, the road signs in hell are familiar. And so you just stay right, you just stay in it. It’s because your brain feels really comfortable with that, even though it might not like it, it still says like this is crappy, but I know it. Right? This doesn’t feel good, but at least I know what’s coming. And so having a coach to help you expand what feels comfortable to your unconscious mind that helps you avoid self sabotage and impostor syndrome and all of those things to move beyond that, where you can start taking steps and go up the mountain and live in a different way than you did before. So this is why this is what I see as the difference between coaching and therapy. And this is why I think it’s so important to have a coach to go up the mountain, right? Because otherwise, we are stuck with limiting beliefs and limiting values, perhaps maybe an identity that doesn’t serve us and by identity. If you’re new here. I don’t mean like the rolls of your life. I don’t mean like I’m a mom, I’m a wife. I mean, like who are you at your core, right? Your identity, I am a kind person, I am a person of integrity. I live in authenticity, like what are the things that come after when you’re like, I’m right, I’m a right. So that’s what we’re talking about when we talk about identity. Okay? So that’s the difference between therapy and coaching. This is why I think coaching is so important. But I also think therapy is important. Like don’t get me wrong. I’ve been to a therapist, I send my kid to a therapist every week. I think therapy can even move in conjunction with coaching if you have a therapist that you really love. So I’m not saying ditch a therapist get a coach at a certain point. I’m just saying that’s the different kind of frames of of how we work now. Now, this is one thing that I really, really think is that if you want to have a coach, you’ve got to be ready to be authentic. You’ve got to be ready to let down your guard and to show the things that are really scaring you the things that are really overwhelming you even I always say like even if it sounds like just insane I don’t care like I want you to just tell me how your view doing this. So many of the things that we view are from the eyes of ourselves when we were 567 years old, two years old, they’re not going to make sense in your 40 year old body or your 50 year old body, it’s okay. But if we don’t, if we don’t interact with those ways of seeing things, we can’t shift them. So if you want to have a coach, you’ve got to be ready to be authentic, and to show yourself. Now, if you want to be a coach, or you are a coach, you’ve got to be ready to be authentic. And to show yourself I think this is so important. And here’s the thing, can you be a coach? And can you make a lot of money by not being authentic? Yes, sure. You could go on social media, whatever, show your perfectness. And whatever that is for you.
But if you really, really want to be a coach, because you want to shift people, because you want to, you want to help people, and you want to help people see, like the divine in them, or the greatness in them, or whatever it is, you call that, then you’ve got to be ready to be okay, not being perfect, because that’s what’s real. And here’s the mistake. The other flip side of that coin that I see coaches make is then they just show all of their trauma, right, they talk about their trauma and their trauma. And I think that we can share things from a really, really good place after there’s healing around it. Right. So it doesn’t mean you have to show all of the the things you might be struggling with in the moment. You know, a month or so ago, I did the episode on how life had been really hard for like six weeks. And I even said in that episode, I recorded it once and I realized I was still in it, I hadn’t found the lessons hadn’t moved through some of the hardship of it. And so I had to wait and come back and teach from a place of healing. So if you want to be a coach, or you want to be a great coach, I believe you have to be ready to be authentic. And that means not being too perfect and not being a total mess. It means showing up when you’re healed. And showing up when you feel good and aligned. And, and not trying to show up as like this perfect human that doesn’t have any problems, because it’s harder to get help from someone like that. And if your intent is to really help people, you’ve got to be authentic. So the authentic. The authentic note is for both sides, could show up coaching and show up as a coach being authentic. Have you been thinking about becoming a coach, but you’re not sure where to start? Are you already a coach or a therapist and you really want new ways to help your clients transform, I want to invite you into the alchemy Institute. It’s a place where we create world class, board certified coaches trained in nlp hypnosis, deep streaming EFT and time techniques. With this knowledge, you can upgrade your business and create your life. Go at your own pace with our on demand trainings, or attend one of our live events. You can get more information at Betsy pake.com. Or head straight to the academy at the alchemy institute.co.
I’ll see you there. All right. The next thing is if you if you want to get a coach, show up ready to be coached. And here’s what I mean by that. Don’t fight for your limitations. Don’t hide the things that you’re struggling with. And this goes a little bit with authenticity. But I feel like it there’s another side of this, okay, so show up wanting to be helped, like, show up to all your sessions, show up with an open mind show up with things for your coach to help you with. So now I’m going to talk about from a coaching perspective, if you are a coach, don’t think that it’s you doing it. If your client is having a breakthrough. It’s because you asked great questions and they got to the breakthrough. They got to the breakthrough. It’s them. You’re not doing it. They’re doing it. And to the extent that they believe you’re doing it, they’re not going to do anything. So you’ve got to show up and let them do it and let them believe that they’re doing it. That’s how people people have so much of it in them already have what they need. I come to the bottom of the mountain. I want to climb the mountain. Guess what, you probably have most of what you need inside you already but we’ve got to we’ve got to chisel the mud off of it. You know, we’ve got to let it loose. Goose, and we’ve got to allow it to show up. So number one, if you want to be coached, you got to show up ready to let go of the mud. And number two, if you want to be a great coach, you’ve got to release the idea that you’re doing it. Right. If you want to help people, you need to show up and, and serve, being a coach is being in a place of service. Right? It’s not being a place of like a master magician, it’s being in a place of service. And that means the client comes to you with stuff and you reflect back, right? The client comes to you with something and you help them integrate that thing. You know, client comes to you and you help them transition that into a thing that actually helps serve them. But the client has to come to you with something. So if you want to be coached, show up, ready to be coached show up open. And if you want to be a coach, show up ready to be to serve, show up ready to serve. Okay. All right.
The next big thing is, if you’re looking for a coach, if you’re like, Okay, I think I’m ready, I’m at the bottom of the mountain, I want to coach or I want to get to the next level, I want to coach, when I’m looking for my next coach, I set the intention, okay, this is what I need. Now, this piece is really important. Setting the intention, this is what I need. So you may be at the bottom of the mountain, you’re like, I don’t know what I need, but I need to find a vision. Great. That’s what you need. You might be already halfway up the mountain and you’re like, Okay, now I need help with these specific things that are slowing me down. Now I need help in this specific area. So get really clear on what it is that you need. When I’m looking for a coach. And I’m like, Okay, I’m open for my next coach. Sometimes I know what that coach is before I’ve finished with my other one. But sometimes there’s like a month or so in between while I’m like hunting, right and looking, who’s the next person is going to come into my awareness. Now, if you’ve been here for a while, you know that it’s important to be intentional, because then my unconscious mind will start to search in order to serve me. So if I get super clear on what I need help with my unconscious mind is going to start showing me the things my reticular activating system is going to start showing me who that could be right. And what will happen is that they will be saying something or posting something and I’ll linger, right? It’ll feel good. I’ll start to watch them and it won’t feel like constriction. It’ll feel like expansiveness, they will send out an email and I will resonate with the email, I will see something in the way that they think. And I will be like, I want to think like that. Right. Because wherever you’re spending a lot of your time, is what you’re molding into. So you want to make sure that it’s somebody that you feel really aligned with someplace where you start to linger. And, and noticing that it’s somebody that’s like that you, you can just feel it right that there is a connection here. And then you want to get their help. Now, if you’re a coach, how do you know if a client is right? So I always I always ask questions. So if somebody wants to work with me, there is a series of questions that I ask. I teach these inside the alchemy Institute, but there’s some that are on a forum, like before someone even gets on the calendar with me. But I always want to talk to someone that wants to hire me one on one, because I want to make sure that I know that I can serve them, right, I want to make sure that I feel aligned to them, I really like them. Right? That’s important to me that I really like because we spend a lot of time together. And and we’re in each other’s energy, right and space, more Voxer going back and forth, messaging back and forth a lot. And I want to make sure it’s somebody that I’m really excited when I see their name pop up, right. So there are certain things that I really be looking for. Now, if you’re a coach, I would say get really clear on what those things are for you. You know, if somebody comes to me, and they’re still really in like a victime mode, you know, that’s just where they are. It’s not bad or good. It’s just where they are. And if I hear that a lot in their language, I would suggest a different coach, because I just know that for me, I’m not going to be able to help them as well. They’ve got to really be ready to go not in a victim II mode. And so if they’re throwing a lot of things that mean when we’re talking about how this happened, and this thing happened to them, and I can’t do it because of this, then they might need a little bit of therapy just to heal some stuff, but or they might need a different kind of coach and I think that too On our people, we have to be able to say no. And so I think to honor people and where they are, you have to know what those things are for you. So that is one thing show up big if you want to be coached and know and and find the the person you feel aligned to right show a big notice where you linger. Find the person you’re aligned to. And if you are a coach, then have some, some set things that you know, I will be able to serve this person with my the most of my ability, or maybe I need to pass this one off. This is where I think it gets really important to like not be
to be okay saying no, because that can be really hard for people, especially if you need the clients, right? You might need the business. But it’s so important that that becomes secondary and that they become primary. All right. And then finally, if you want to hire a coach, ask them, What are the methodologies that they use? You know, you might not know this, but anybody can become a life coach, all they have to do is say, Hi, I’m a life coach. That’s it. There’s no regulations, there’s no, there’s no, nothing, that with no laws, there’s no nothing that would stop them from doing that. Now, does that mean every single person that coaches needs to be trained? You know, I don’t, I think so. But you might not think so that’s up to you. There could be someone that went through something really hard, and they learned a lot about themselves, they did a lot of work on themselves. And they are at a point where they can really serve someone. And if that feels comfortable to you, that’s great. My belief and part of being an integrity is being trained, being capable, having had been evaluated to know that I know real transformation techniques to help people so that I’m not just talking to them. And reflecting back, I’m actually able to do things to help them shift and to help them see things differently, that it’s not like a hypothetical, there are real processes and methods that we use. So I think it’s really important to ask people, What are the methodologies that you use? Where were you trained now? Where were you trained? I’m not, there’s so many different places you could be trained, I think the most important thing is that they are trained, and that they are certified in some way. So when people go through my program in the alchemy Institute, we have been evaluated as a training program. And we are certified by a board. So because life coaching has no overarching laws or restrictions, what the industry has done is created their own boards to self govern. And I think that’s super important. Because if someone takes the time to actually go to a training that is approved by a board, and then join that board, they are saying this process is important to me, it’s important to me that I’m trained properly, I want to serve, I want to serve people properly and have real skills. And also I want to continue that I want to be around people that are doing that. Right. Again, it goes back to that whole high level of integrity, who you’re spending time with. And so I think asking if you want to get a coach, what are the methodologies that you use, and there are a lot of different sometimes people work in energy work. I did a whole episode back in maybe like February or March on healing modalities and what those are, but it could be like energy work. It could be just success coaching, right where you set up goals and it’s an accountability process. It could be something like I teach with NLP neuro linguistic programming where we we are diving deep into the unconscious mind, helping blowback blow past blocks and limiting beliefs and all of those things so
that you can start to see tangible shifts. So I would get to know what is it that they are really trained in? And are they part of a board have? Do they have a certification number one and are they a member of a board so when they talk about what they do, it might say board certified NLP practitioner, right so I’m a board certified trainer of NLP board certified trainer of hypnotherapy, success coaching, life coaching. So there is a board that is overarching in that and that is what, what they are trained on. So if you are a coach, and maybe you started your coaching career as a coach based on all of the things that you had learned, you know, I have my degree in psychology. So like, there were several things that many things that I learned in that that can help me. But maybe now you’re at a point where you’re like, I want to have real, real shifts with people. And I want to have, like tangible results. I think the coaching industry is changing a lot. Where I think in the beginning, I say beginning, when did life coaching even begin, I’m going to say like in the last 10 years, life coaching has changed a lot from when I first started coaching. And it has gone from where consumers aren’t as comfortable anymore with people that haven’t been trained with people that don’t have certifications, and board certifications, and real modalities that help shift people. So if you are a coach, and you want to become certified a board certified in a modality like that, look for something like we’ve got the alchemy Institute. So there are programs out there where you can find one that feels aligned, find the instructor or the teacher that feels good to you and helps you feel expansive, and really wants to cheer you on. So those would be my thoughts on getting a coach and being a coach. And I think that these can be so important because who we choose to I think of ourselves. And this is how I think of myself when I go to get a coach is like I’m playdough. And who am I going to allow to put their thumbprint in my playdough. Right, I gotta make sure it feels really right. I gotta make sure that there are that there is an alignment there and that I’m okay having their imprint on me forever, right? Because it’s going to shift how I see things. So somebody that I really trust someone I feel good about. And if you are a coach or want to be a coach, look for those things. Look for those tangible things that can help you become like the best server that you can write the best servant to someone that you can and look at it from a place of like a humbleness and gratitude and I’m going to learn how to do these things, so that I can best serve people. I believe that when we’re serving people so that they’re living to their highest potential, like that’s how you change the whole world. I, I believe this. I believe this from the bottom of my heart, can we fight against the things we don’t like? Absolutely. I prefer to fight for the things I do want. I prefer to lift people up so that everyone’s living to their potential and if everybody is, and for me, that that feels like the right thing, then I think people are happier and do good and, and can they can then do the work to shift the rest of the world. Right. So anyway, those are my thoughts. That is how I believe that you live big when you’re looking for a coach or want to be a coach. As always, I love you so much. Thank you for being here. And if you want to check out the alchemy Institute, we are going to be opening up the doors again really soon. So you can go to my website, Betsy pake.com. Or you can always go to the alchemy Institute dot c o.co. So I will see you there. Thanks so much. I’ll see you next week. Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show. And thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me a review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to like figure out how to even make that happen. Now, if you want to find me find me on social media, I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on Tik Tok. It’s just my name. Betsy pake, and that’s my website to Betsy pake.com. And you can find out all about the work that I do having me speak for an event that you might be helping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy Institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me just shoot me a DM shoot me a direct message on Instagram and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening. And I will see you all next week.
