352: who am I without this? - Betsy Pake

352: who am I without this?


In this episode of the Art of Living Big podcast, Betsy shares her personal journey of experiencing a shift in energy and circumstances. She explores the concept that we must be willing to experience something new. Betsy highlights the importance of examining our filters and beliefs, as they shape our experiences. She encourages you to let go of the old version of themselves and embrace a new perspective that aligns with their desires.

Find Betsy on Instagram and share the episode here to be put into the giveaway.


Welcome to the Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy pake. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big.

Hello fellow adventurers, Hi, everybody, I am feeling so much better. If you have been here over the past few weeks, you know, that I had COVID. And I have had every thing go sideways that could possibly go and the tables have turned, things have changed. And things are just so much easier. I don’t know, maybe four or five days ago, I noticed there was a shift, you know, a shift in the energy. I actually had carpenter bees. That was one of the things that had happened, I had carpenter bees, and I called a company to come out and take care of the carpenter bees. I felt this shift in the energy, the guy showed up to take care of the carpenter bees. And he’s like, there’s just a couple spots, I’ll do it for free, no big deal. And that’s when I knew, like, Oh, good. We’re back. We’re back on. So things have been shifting and changing so much. But there’s something that I have been thinking about that I really want to talk to you about. And I think that this idea,

I think that this idea might help you start to shift how you are experiencing your world and your life. Now, I started thinking about this, a couple different things happened. But I started thinking about this because I had a lot of downtime when I was sick. But I started thinking about this idea that we are already love.

We are love, and everything else is not love. So fear is just being outside of love. Right jealousy, just outside of love, anger outside of love. But our natural, being our natural way of experiencing is pure love. And I think if we think about when we come into the world, for the most part, when we’re little babies, we expect to be taken care of. Like, if we’re upset about something, we let somebody know, we cry and let them know, if we are uncomfortable, we fuss and we let somebody know, if we’re hungry, we let somebody know, we expect that the world is going to meet our needs. And then something begins to happen, where we start moving away from that, like pure love, where I expect the world to meet me and we start moving into this place of patterns and stories, and the idea of who we are. And I think if we think about when we’re babies, we don’t have any concept of who we are, other than how people begin to relate to us. And as we all know, from being on this self healing journey, people relate to us based on who they are. So now we are starting to create who we think we are based on who other people around us think they are.

And that begins to create our experiences. Now, I want to explain what I mean by create our experiences.

If you’ve listened, if you’ve listened to the podcast, if you listen to a month or so ago, when I talked about did I create the leak in my apartment, right? And I talked about the double slit experiment, and how intention plays such a role. But so I want you to keep that in mind. But I also want you to think about you get what you expect. And the reason for that is because my unconscious mind is scanning all the time. So if you could think of your you having a conscious mind and an unconscious mind, the conscious part of you is like kind of the part that thinks you’re you. And it’s the part that’s like making decisions and do observing the world and thinking, right so you might hear your voice in your head as you kind of have a thought process about things. And then there’s an unconscious part of you. That’s like constantly evaluating. It’s constantly taking everything in and evaluating and it’s

pushing all of your experiences through a filter. Now, this filter was created based on the stories that you have around who you think you are. This filter is your values, your beliefs, what you think your potential is,

what you think is available to you. That’s all being filtered. And so if I’m walking around the world with a filter on that doesn’t serve me, I’m going to see the things that don’t serve me. Now, this may seem really kind of out there. You might be like, Well, yeah, but reality is, like, the reality is I was having a flood in my apartment, right. But the, the filter in which I saw that impacted how I experienced that. Now.

This doesn’t mean I want to just reiterate this, I feel like I say this a lot. But I really want to make this clear, it doesn’t mean I deserved the flood doesn’t mean you deserved any of the things that are happening to you. It doesn’t mean you deserved any of the bad things bad I’m using air quotes, bad things that you perceive as bad or uncomfortable or unwanted. Doesn’t mean you deserved any of those. But what it means is that you experience that, because of the way that your filter is.

Okay, so I want to pause here for just a second. I’ve talked about this on the show before if you’ve been here for a long time, but my mom died when I was when I was at school one day in high school, and my mom died in a car accident. I didn’t deserve that. That’s not something that a 16 year old kid should have to go through.

The filter that I had, was one where

I believe she had made me so

juicy with love. She had loved me so well, that I was able to see myself

and want to do good. Because I wanted the idea of her to be proud of me. That’s the filter that I had. And so I would was making decisions based on that filter. That choice. What unconsciously, like I didn’t consciously say I want my mom. Well, I probably did. I want my mom to be proud of me. But I wasn’t conscious. Now, if I had had a filter of this is the worst thing that’s ever happened. Now my life is over, I probably would have made much different decisions, probably different decisions with

alcohol or being exposed to drugs or boys or any of that stuff could have been different.

Depending on what my filter was, my filter wasn’t, this is the end of my life. I mean, I was devastated. But my filter was I’m gonna make her proud.

Now has every bad thing that’s ever happened to me. Have I had a filter that served me? No, absolutely not. I’ve done stupid dumb things in my life. My filters have not always served me. But they are the frame for how I experienced everything. Okay, so now, I want you to think about your life.

And I want you to think about if if I were to say to you, you have 15 minutes, tell me all the high points of your life. Tell me the big things that have happened. It may be that you would tell me like I was on the Honor Society in school and I ran a marathon and I have had good jobs and bad jobs. But I’ve always made a lot of friends like your frame, maybe that or your frame may be

like this awful thing happened. And then this awful thing happened. And then this awful thing happened. Now, both stories may be true.

But I want you to think about if the things that are standing out to you are stories that are serving you, or stories that aren’t serving you

so many times we can hang on to something

because it defined us

it created our world and it made us go i Nobody can understand me unless they know this thing about me.

It may be that the stories that you have when I say stories, it doesn’t mean it’s made up on

I’m saying like the things, the experiences of your life

have been really challenging.

It may be that you’ve had one challenge after another. I know in a lot of respects, when I look at my life, I’ve had a lot of challenges, you find a lot of challenges, I’m sure of it.

When I think about my last six weeks, the flood in my apartment, the chaos of moving into my house, and all the things that went wrong,

I mean, then getting COVID It was like a microcosm. It was like a tiny macro version of life. Right of like, one thing after another after another after another, and, and how am I being in this?

Here’s my question for you.

And this is the question I asked myself,

because I thought, everything’s been going wrong.

This is a microcosm of the world of my life, one thing after another after another,

and who am I being

that I would have to let go of,

in order to not be living this experience anymore. I’m going to say that in a different way, I’m having one thing, go wrong after go wrong, go wrong, go wrong. And I’m beginning to think like, Oh, my God, I’m having the worst luck. This life is not working out for me, my luck is run out. This is so bad, I have to let go of that idea. I have to let go of the version of me that was kind of victime of like, everything’s going wrong. And now I have COVID, I had to let go of the idea that I was having

so many issues. And if you’d looked at my life, you’d be like, you are having a lot of issues. But I had to let go of that. And say I’m not going to be that person anymore. But now, who am I?

And I want you to think about your life and all the things and all the stories and all the reality of what’s happened to you and your life. And I want you to ask yourself, is the story that I have around that? Is it is it? Is it helping me moving me forward, nothing can take away the awfulness that has happened.

But if you want to hang on to that story, there’s no room for anything to change. There’s no room for you to be someone different. There’s no room for you to have a different experience. There’s no room for you to say, like that used to. I used to have a lot of awful things. I’ve had a lot of awful things happen. And now

I’m, I have a different experience.

And you might fight for it. Like even as you’re listening to me, you might be like, Yeah, but this thing happened. Yeah, but I this, but that really, is my life like things do happen. There’s more I have to deal with, that’s leftover from the old stuff.


Can you let go of who you were in dealing with that? And can you become someone new, so that even if you’re dealing with the ramifications of the old things that happened?

Now you’re dealing with it?

With the, the, I want to say the personality, right?

of someone new? And I think a really great way to say this is like who would? Who would I be? If I was handling this totally different? That’s a question I love to ask myself, who would I be? If I was, you know, doing

any number of the things that I want to do? Who would I be? Cuz I’m not that person. Or I would already have it.


If I was that person, I would have it. So I’m not that person. So what’s different?

What’s different between who I’ve been and who I want to be? So that I have the things in my life that I want to have? And then here’s the big question is, are you willing to let that old version of you go?

Like, are you willing to do that? Because you may be unwilling.

You may be fighting

for your limitations. You may be fighting for the fact that Yeah, but this happened.

Yeah, but that’s not how my life is.

Ben, and you might even be thinking that right now, yeah, Betsy, but if the biggest issue I had was like a flood in my apartment, which I get it, like,

but what if you had all the things that have happened to you, you had all the experiences, you even responded in the way that you did.

And then you’ve forgiven yourself for responding maybe in a way that you didn’t want. And you’ve moved on to the next layer of you.

You’ve said that version of me had to get me here.

And I thank her, him. And now I release them.

And now, I’m going to choose

to be someone different. I’m going to choose to be the kind of person who used to have that stuff happen. But I changed, and now my experiences are different to I know, it might seem like reality is reality.

And it’s really not.

Everything can be viewed through a different lens. There’s a reason why, when you were 12 years old, think about something that you were upset about when you were 12 years old. If you even can remember, right, or 15 years old, or 16, maybe a guy dumped you when you were 16, and you were heartbroken, or you hope or heartbroken, still? No, probably not, hopefully not.

And so that means that your perspective on it can be different.

That means you don’t have to see things in the same way you are different than you were when you were 15 or 16, or 12.

And you can be different tomorrow than you are right now.

You what happened in that time from when you were 16. to Now you grew, you changed, you learn new things, you got new perspectives, you got influenced by other things, you had new experiences.

Well, that can all happen. By tomorrow, that could all happen in an hour, you already have experiences and new perspectives that you haven’t let in, cuz you’ve been hanging on to the old version of you.

You know, in my new neighborhood, I have been walking around. And it’s been so much fun to walk, because it’s all new neighborhoods and new people and I live in East Atlanta. So it’s, it’s the city and its neighborhoods, and it’s all these old houses and bungalows and cool houses with big huge porches. And it’s just so fun to see. And a lot of them have been redone, a lot of them have been gutted, a lot of them have just been kept up. And there’s a lot that are falling down. Some of them are uninhabited, and you’ll have like a million dollar house and then right next door, a house that’s uninhabited. It’s still everything’s in transition.

And I think sometimes when I’m walking, like, Oh, that’s such a cool old house, like, Oh, if somebody would get a hold of that and fix it up, you know,

but you can’t fix it up. If you’re not, if you don’t clear it out, you got to clear out the yard, you got to take out the old brush and the old trees, you got to let go of what is

so that you can create something new.

And if you keep the whole dwelling standing there exactly as it is, it could never be something new. If I had an old house with an overrun yard, and a lot that was just overtaken with weeds and old cars and all kinds of stuff.

And I just said, Well, I’m just going to move in and move like my nice stuff in there. I’m sure it’ll be fine. It wouldn’t be fine. I would have bugs and rodents and all kinds of stuff. Because I hadn’t let go of the outside. I was hanging on making it. I wanted it to be the same.

But I can just thank the yard for doing what it needed to do to get me to the place where I was moving in.

And then I can build something else.

And so who are you hanging on to?

Who are you gripping on to that version of you so tight, that you’re not allowing any new growth.

You’re not allowing the updates and the new version of you and the new experiences.

You might even notice I just replay the same stuff. It’s different faces, but it’s the same relationships.

Right? Maybe your friendships all the same. Things go sideways.

Maybe you’re stuck in a job and every time you move to a new job, you’re like, oh my god, I’m choosing the same thing. Because if you are the same you’re gonna get the same

So, this week,

I want you to just think

about who would you have to release? Who could you bless and release and that version of yourself what version of you?

Can you just say, I’m done with her, him, they, I’m done.

I’m going to release them. And I’m going to step in to who I’m meant to be.

And that version is available to you every day. You just get to choose.

And every minute you get to choose,

it’s okay. If your friends don’t recognize you, if they don’t understand.

It’s okay. If coworkers think you’re acting different.

You are different.

You can make that choice. So ask yourself, Who do I have to release? And can I take a moment and just thank them for their service for bringing me here, and then call in the higher version of you, the one who’s taking you to the next phase, the one who’s going to heal the one who’s going to experience new things, the one that’s going to have an experience and do and be the things that you have been dreaming about.

Because the only thing that’s keeping you away from it

is that old version of you.

And I think when you can do that, that is how you live a big life.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for listening. Share this with somebody, if there’s someone that you think needs to hear this message, maybe they’ve been on the cusp of some changing. Maybe they’re ready to release, maybe you’ve had this conversation, or maybe you just have a feeling.

Share it. Tag me. This week, I’m going to do a little special giveaway to anybody who tags me on Instagram, because that’s where I am right now. Share the show and tag me. I’m going to keep a little list and then we’re gonna we’re gonna pull from a

from an automated thing that pulls usernames, and we’re gonna we’re gonna give away a little prize. It’ll be something good, I promise. So thank you so much for listening. Thanks for sharing the show. Thanks for tagging me at Betsy pake. And I will see you all next week. I love you so much. Bye, everyone.

Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show. And thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me a review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to like figure out how to even make that happen. Now, if you want to find me find me on social media, I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on Tik Tok. It’s just my name. Betsy pake, and that’s my website to Betsy pake.com. And you can find out all about the work that I do. having me speak for an event that you might be hoping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy Institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me just shoot me a DM shoot me a direct message on Instagram and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening. And I will see you all next week.


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.