353: When things fall apart - Betsy Pake

353: When things fall apart


In today’s episode, Betsy talks about when things feel like they are falling apart and how our instinctual response is to keep them together but sometimes, the greatest gifts come when we release, allow things to fall and explore the new things that can come in and fill it’s space.

This is an episode that will help you feel differently about your struggles and hopefully give you new perspective on walking through to the good times ahead.

Find The Collective here: www.Betsypake.com/collective


Okay. So I want you to know, I’ve recovered from all of the things that have been going on over the past like six, seven weeks with me. Now you might be tired of me talking about this, because I’m tired of talking about it. But I want to, I want to kind of tell you, now that I’m on the other side, what I’m thinking and what I kind of was always thinking about all the chaos that was going on. So if you’re new here, I had a lot of chaos going on. I was in an apartment, I bought a house. And then I got a flood in the apartment before I could move. And I ended up having a sleep on the couch a bunch of my stuff was ruined. We had an insurance claim. When I finally moved the sellers there movers like screwed up and so they weren’t out when they were supposed to be out. It took them an extra day, which wasn’t a big deal. But then we came in and there was like just a million little things that we just didn’t expect, which is normal with moving into a house. There’s always things that you don’t expect. But they were like alarming things like we got an $800 water bill for the first month. We weren’t living here. But we got this $800 water bill. So we were like what is the problem with us and water? We just had. I mean it was just a comedy of things going wrong and like the dishwasher broke, we had to get a new dishwasher like just things you don’t expect even though you expect to have things that you don’t expect. But it just felt like everything was falling apart and even In the middle of all that, I remember feeling very clear. And I remember feeling the the idea or the feeling that, like this is all leading somewhere, you know, this is all part of some bigger master plan that I’m just not privy to understanding. And, you know, this happens a lot with my clients, especially my one on one clients, it will happen to people in my programs, too. But after maybe like two or three weeks of doing deep work, they will come to me and say, like, everything’s falling apart. Like, why is this happening, this awful things happening, this big thing is happening, especially if they hadn’t been doing a lot of self work. In the past, it will seem like, oh, my gosh, everything. And I like to say, it’s going sideways, because I don’t want to think of it as like, it’s a disaster, or it’s blowing up, that’s just sideways, it’s just different than what I thought was gonna happen, right. And I think that when that happens, it is so disorienting for people, especially if they haven’t had an awareness. Like, obviously, things have gone sideways in their lives before, but they didn’t have like an awareness of it in the same way, and of how it connects in with maybe how they are being inside and what’s happening. And I always say to those people, this is normal, like this is normal. Imagine, if you bought an old, rundown crappy house with the intention of putting a new house there. You couldn’t just build the new house, you’d have to get rid of the old house, it would have to break apart the structure as you know, it would have to change in order to create room in space. And I think sometimes that happens to us where life starts going sideways, and we clench. Like, we restrict, we start hanging on so tight to the way things are. And, you know, you may be thinking like, well, I’ve had these things going sideways, and they’re not related to where I want to go. And I totally get that. It may not be that the old house is getting broken apart in the way that you thought it might not even look like the old house.
But it’s all related. You know, we had all this stuff going on. I mean, thing after thing after thing after thing. And then I got COVID Like I was like what the craziness. Like I managed to not get COVID throughout all of COVID. And then I got COVID. And then nobody cared because everybody had already had it. They were like, Oh, you have COVID. And in my mind, I was like, Oh my God. I have it. And everybody was like, oh, oh yeah, you’ll feel better soon. I mean, I was like, No, you don’t understand I have COVID was so disorienting and so alarming, right. But even though that didn’t seem like the breaking apart of the things I wanted to break apart, didn’t seem like related to the deepest desires that I had coming true. I was I rested in that. I really did it. It’s funny because I say sometimes thinking this the other day, there are certain things in my life that I’m really proud of. When I got divorced from my ex husband, my daughter’s father, I’m really proud of how we handled that together as a team. I’m really proud of that we both had to bend to make it good for her. And I’ve always been really proud of that this last like seven weeks this I will look back on my life and be like, I’m really proud of how I handled that. Because I didn’t freak out. I didn’t clench. I mean, were there times where I was overwhelmed. Yeah, absolutely. But I didn’t grab on. I let it go. I let it break apart. I let it do what it had to do. And I stayed really present in the moment. And then I did what had to be done in that moment. Nothing else. It means such a huge difference. And this is what this looked like. I got COVID And so I was like in bed it was probably like four days that were really bad. But then the week after, I was still really tired. And in the past I may have said it like I’m better, and I have things to do I have a laundry list of things to do, right? And you’ve probably had things like that too. And maybe you have something like that in your life right now. Where your body or your brain even, you know, your, your consciousness is telling you to do something, but you’re like, No, I have this huge list. I just had to trust. I had to trust that it was all going to be okay. And, and I would just nap, I napped a lot. I am still napping, like every day, I take a nap. Now, here’s why. And, and this goes a whole lot deeper than I can explain probably on the podcast, you’d have to come over to my house and have coffee on my front porch. And I could tell you, I could explain it. But if you guys listened a couple years ago, or a year, a year and a half ago, probably I had my daughter on the show, she is an adult, but she struggled a lot when she was a teenager with her mental health. And, and the episode is, I think like we dive into some of the, like, surprising situations that happened during that time. And I don’t even go into it as deep as it was because it’s painful and unnecessary to rehash all of that. And I let her guide what she wanted to share. But in all of that, I kept working. I kept going, I kept working, I kept working out, I kept pushing myself to be better. And all of those things aren’t bad, inherently, all of those things have value. And I wasn’t really allowing myself any time to slow down because I had deep desires and goals and things that I wanted. And I grew up like my dad was a farmer. He was a you know, he grew up a farmer he was had his PhD in farming. So he did a lot of other things. But like, the mentality of a farmer, like you get up and go every day, it doesn’t matter, you got the cows need to be milked in the hay needs to be hade. Like you have to keep going. And so that’s what I did. There were times where my daughter would be in the hospital. And like two days later, I would go and run an event because I had planned it. Like I didn’t give myself a break at all. And when this has happened over the past seven weeks, there’s been so much energetically changing the situation with my daughter so much better, she’s doing so well. And the I don’t even know how to describe the energy around all of that, I believe was disintegrating in an end so that it could come back together in a new way. And I think that over the past seven weeks when everything was going wrong. It was in an effort to break down that whole experience. And give me rest. I didn’t work for like seven weeks hardly at all. I mean, I did very little, very little. And like, the old me would have been freaking out. But I was like, I’m just gonna watch this unfolding. I’m not gonna hang on too tight. I’m gonna let it happen. And I’m going to stay really present. And I’m going to give myself whatever it is that I need. Now, in that time, was I napping? Yeah, anytime I wanted to I napped, I can’t even tell you how much better I feel like on a deep, deep, deep, energetic level of so much better. Looking back now even like two months ago, I can’t believe how I was running. So depleted. So depleted, and I needed that so badly. So resting. That’s what that looked like to me. Journaling a lot. I always would do my deep streaming. And I continue to do my deep streaming in the morning. But if there was something I would get a feeling like something’s trying to come out, I would just grab my iPad because that’s my chosen avenue of journaling. And I would just start writing, even if it’s not at my like, quote unquote, normal time. Like if something needed to come through me I could feel it. I just let it come through. I let things come out that I normally would never think or say or spend time on and I asked myself so many questions. Questions about my reality. Is that true? Who told me that when you’re thinking that Whose voice is that? Is that a voice you want to have? does that serve you? Does that get you to your greatest desires? And I realized that I have goals and dreams just like you. And I was not connecting deep enough to those things. And there was other things that were wanting to come out. You know, when I left last year, I saw that tick tock that made me book a trip the very next day to Iceland, where I went for a month, that feeling was complete alignment. Was it a little scary? Was it? Did it feel spontaneous? Yes. Did the riskiness of it feel make it feel fun? Absolutely. The unknown, super fun. I started getting those kinds of feelings again, of oh, I want that, that feels so fun. It was coming from deep inside of me. Instead of like, well, these would be the next steps of things you should do or what you love the beach, you should try to move to the beach, like no deep desires of what would what would that really look like? If I were to if, if I, if this whole thing is just an illusion, and a game? And then I get to choose, I get to actually just point and click and say, I’d like that experience and that experience of that experience? What would that look like? It wouldn’t look like the way I was thinking about it, which is why it’s not happening. Because it wasn’t coming from something deep inside of me. And I believe that when we can connect into that, like that moment where I had that vision of I’m gonna go to Iceland, like, as stupid as that is because who like what does that do for the world? I don’t know. Other than Joy brings a ripple. So but that feeling, I believe that means it’s already in action. I just connected to it. It’s already happening. And you have those things happening for you, too, right? Now you might be like, I there’s no, I don’t know. Like, I get that.
Two things. One is, you’ve got to slow down and rest. Give yourself what you need. And maybe you don’t need rest, maybe there’s something else you really need. Maybe you really need rest, maybe you really need to be listening to yourself. Maybe you really need to say something, maybe you really need to release, release yourself release other people release ideas that you have, and that you’ve held on to so tightly. Maybe you need to create all of this takes energy and space. And if you are running in the direction that life has got you going, then you can’t do it. So what happens is, I believe the world will give you an opportunity for it to all just freakin fall apart so that you can start to tap into that. But if you’re hanging on to every little piece and say no, I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want that to happen. I want this brand new house on this lot. But I don’t want to get rid of the old house. I don’t want you to tear down the porch. I don’t want you to rip up the driveway. Don’t do that. But how else are you going to get the How old are you going to even get the vision for the new house if all this other crap is in the way? So sit with that. Ask yourself what is it that I need? To be able to tap into that deepest part of me that’s there it is there you have it. You have it? What do I need to be able to tap into that deepest part of me so that I know what I want? What direction to go what feels like makes my soul feel on fire. I debated telling what my feeling was. I told my husband but I said to him before I even told him. I’m going to tell you but you cannot say anything. Not one word about why that might not be a good idea or why I shouldn’t think of it a different nothing. I can’t say anything. Because this is what the soul wants. And it is guiding me it is making me You take actions I haven’t taken before it’s making me see things in a new way, will I get to that thing? Absolutely, if that stays aligned, but I am totally open to that being like the light, that’s like, I’m like a moth to the flame. And that’s the light. And, and that once I start moving in a direction, there’s another light that I like better, totally fine with that. But right now, this is the thing. And so I am holding it dear. Because it’s so aligning, and it feels so fun and so good. And then the actions that I had been avoiding before or worried about have before or unsure about needing it before, none of that matters. None of that matters. I’m decisive and clear and taking the actions that I need to take. And it’s so different than I everybody has access to that. Everybody has access to that. But I had access to that 10 years ago, but I’ve been spinning my wheels in a lot of ways. Have I done a lot of cool things and like how to Yeah, like I’m not discounting any good thing that I have done, I’m sure this is all part of the journey of discovering myself and listening in the hours and countless hours of listening and deep streaming. Absolutely, that’s all part of it. But the place that I got to, when I didn’t hang on, when everything was going sideways, that that’s made all the difference. So I invite you to take a look where you’re hanging on to things that you don’t need to hang on to where you need to rest and relax into the idea that this is just the falling apart and I am being reborn into something new. And I’m going to allow that to finally happen for me. And when you can do that. I think that is how we live a big life. All right, thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for being here and for sharing the show with your friends. I appreciate it so much. And I will see you all hopefully inside the collective join me in there. Join me in there, Betsy pake.com/collective. And I will see you next week. Bye everybody. Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show. And thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me a review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to like figure out how to even make that happen. Now, if you want to find me find me on social media, I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on Tik Tok. It’s just my name. Betsy pake, and that’s my website to Betsy pake.com. And you can find out all about the work that I do. having me speak for an event that you might be helping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy Institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me just shoot me a DM shoot me a direct message on Instagram and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening. And I will see you all next week.


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.