150: A Mindset To Lose Yourself: A Weight Loss Journey - Betsy Pake

150: A Mindset To Lose Yourself: A Weight Loss Journey



Marie Rossiter is a writer, wife, mom of two amazing young women and is on a journey to reveal her best self. After hitting almost 400 pounds and struggling with obesity for more than 20 years, In July 2017, to avoid weight loss surgery, she made the choice to change her life before it was too late. Early in her journey, this Walt Disney World geek wished she could complete the Disney Princess 5K race in 2020. Today, Marie talks about how she’s lost 100 pounds so far and went from having to ride a scooter during her Disney trips due to pain and fatigue to making her Princess 5K dream a reality in 2019!

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thelightersideofme

Twitter: @marierossiter

Instagram: @lightersideme


You’re listening to Episode 150 of The Art of Living bank. All right, so today I have a really special guest, it is a friend of mine that I have known forever and ever. She was my old college roommate. And she’s done something really incredible. In fact, I would say she’s done something that most people have not done. And the mindset that it takes to do what she has done, I find so incredible. And it has been an honor to get to watch this transformation, that I wanted to bring her story to the show, so that she may inspire you.

And you can follow along as she completes the transformation, which I don’t know if it’s really ever complete. It’s sort of a journey she’s on, but you’ll hear more and you’ll understand. But before we go there, I want to just remind you, that we are talking about the show, we are doing some coaching and I think I’m going to start broadcasting the show live inside my facebook group. This is a new group, if you heard last week, I started the group when I started the podcast ended up we we archived it for lots of reasons.

And it’s been a year and a half or so and we are starting fresh. So I really hope to build a community where you can really go in there and get support and meet people and create really lovely relationships with other people that are on this path. Because I’ve brought people together on the path, right, so I’ve found the people on the path. And they have come together to listen to the show.

So if we can come into that group, and really create, I think something that can be really remarkable. So to get there, all you need to do is just go to the art of living big.com. And it’ll put you right into the Facebook group. And you can join from there. So I hope to see you there. When you get there. Find the post and introduce yourself and say hello so that I can acknowledge you and and get to know you a little bit inside there too. So all right, I will I will quit my yappin. And this is a real treat.

So I’m excited for you guys to get to hear today’s show. Let’s go to the show. Welcome to the art of living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake and this podcast is designed to share interviews and new ideas to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hey, everybody, so I have a really special guest today. Today. I have my friend Marie Rossiter. Hey, Marie.

Hey, Betsy. How’s it going?

Hey, I’m really happy. You’re here. So everybody, this is my old college roommate. Right? So we’ve known each other for, like, I’m gonna say, like, 30 years.

Yeah, let’s not rub in the old part there. Okay.

years old, remember? Yeah.

Yeah. So 30 years, we’ve known each other. We actually lived next door to each other when we very first started college, which was like in 1989. And, um, I know, Isn’t that crazy? And then I feel like kind of reconnected like in Facebook land. Right, right.

Yeah. And we both have daughters that are about the same age. And yeah, I mean, I kind of

on like similar journeys and paths, but you’ve been on a really incredible path lately. And, and that’s really what I want to share with everybody today. And I’m so grateful that you’re so open to sharing this because I think that, you know, as I have watched you and known you for 30 years,

I am,

what’s the right word, I feel like I am honored to have been able to see what’s been happening to you over the last year. And I find it really incredible. And I know that what you’ve shifted and changed to become what and to get where you are right now can really be really powerful for people. So I’m going to, I’m going to be quiet for a minute and I want you to tell people, like sort of your story and what where you are.

Well, okay, so no, no pressure, anything,

no pressure.

So I’ve pretty much I pretty much been overweight for most of my adult life. I’ve pretty much started I think, you know, even in college, you know, you kind of put on the freshman 15 and under 15 become 20 and it kind of goes on from there. But anyway, you know, life happens and things happen and I got to Well, let’s see was July of 2017.

And I weighed almost 400 pounds, and I had tried many times to lose weight and knew I had to and it just wasn’t clicking for me. I’d start on a diet. I started trying to exercise I would just I would get into my head a lot and just kind of think of the whole, you know, when you’ve got that much weight to lose, it can be really overwhelming. And I finally got to the point where I knew I had to do something. And I met with a new doctor. And she laid it on the line for me and said, If I don’t do something, I could die. And that, you know, if that doesn’t put the fear of, of God, or whatever you believe in into you, then nothing Well, she was really awesome.

And, but she said, if we don’t figure out a plan, I want you to consider surgery. And I didn’t want to have surgery, I was scared of having surgery. I know, it’s a great option for a lot of people. I had not done well with anesthesia in the past because of my weight. And it just that it scared me. And so

did that. Did the thought of surgery scare you more than the thought of dying?

You know, probably at that particular moment, if I’m going to be honest, yes. Um, but it

feels like because it feels that you know, go ahead with time. Yeah,

that’s okay. It’s funny, because either way, it was the same fear. Because my fear with the surgery was that I wasn’t going to wake up. You know, because I’d had complications in the past with surgery that I’ve had, where the anesthesiologist is like, in you in a CG is not is not good for you like one because of my weight, too, because, you know, I’ve got red hair and I guess we have this disposition of not tolerating anaesthesia drugs really well. So Oh, really? Yeah. Which, you know, we redheads you know, have your own set of issues, but injures you gingers have


We are a we are a medical

doctors, but anyway, so my fear was I wasn’t gonna wake up from surgery. Yeah, but apparently the fear of not waking up just from having a heart attack or a stroke or diabetic coma because I had diabetes, I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, I mean, a laundry list, right of health concerns. But I was so focused on taking care of other people.

And you know, my family, I’ve got a husband, I’ve got two amazing daughters. And for me, it was just like, well, I’ll get around to it. But I think the word surgery was enough for me to go, Oh, okay. I can’t ignore this anymore. And so she gave me three months, and said, Okay, um, I want to see what you do in three months.

And we’ll revisit, but if you don’t get start things going, you know, in the right direction, in three months, we’re seriously going to talk about surgery. And I left that appointment, and I got in my car. And I bawled my eyes out.

Because I really, the the task in front of me just seemed insurmountable. Like I couldn’t imagine getting, I’ve tried it before. And it’s never worked. It’s always been a short term thing. And I just didn’t know. And I just kind of put it all out there and middle of, you know, the doctor’s office parking lot, just crying. And saying, I don’t know what I’m going to do.

How is this going to be different this time? I don’t know. Um, and the next day, you know, I’m, I signed up for, you know, for Weight Watchers, you know, now it’s known as ww I guess, but whatever. The next day, and I had done it before, and even the doctor was like, Well, have you done anything before to lose weight? Well, yeah.

Like, like everything, like lots of things, right? Because I think I remember you trying some stuff when we were in college, like we all do in college, right? Like, sure. Yeah.

Right. I mean, everything you can think of from, you know, fasting to mean I’d ever done anything like the, you know, just drinking juice or whatever, but they were all short term benefits, short term benefits. And when she said, Well, did it stop working? Am I know and I was really honest with her. And I said, No. And she said, Well, I’m obvious No offense, but obviously something’s not working here because, you know, you’re 385 pounds and I went, yeah, I’m not working.

I’m not doing like, I’m not doing anything at this point, I kind of was in denial. And for me, when we were talking about the surgery, I knew in my head that unless I changed my relationship with food, and unless I changed my relationship with getting up off of my butt, and moving, it wouldn’t matter if I had surgery or not. Because my mindset wasn’t going to be healthy.

My head wasn’t in the right place. So you could cut off half of me if you wanted to. Right. But if my head wasn’t in the right place, it wouldn’t matter. And right, so not only was it the fear of the surgery, it was knowing that that wasn’t going to be a cure all for me. And so that was I signed up on and I went to the doctor on July 7 2017, and I signed up to I started changing my life. I’m going to say that afternoon, even though I didn’t officially sign up for a weight loss program until the next day, July 7 2017. was the day that I changed my life.

Yeah, in the car, right in the car, releasing all the emotion. Yep. And going, Okay, I’m really I’m surrendering to a new version of me that has to come forward.

Yeah. And understanding that I couldn’t do it by myself. You know, I think as women, we have this tendency to really think that we have to take the world on our shoulders, and we have to do it all. I should be this is my problem. I should be able to fix this problem, even though I hadn’t at that point. Because, you know, how’s that working for you?

It wasn’t, but I know, my husband has enough things going on, you know, he’s got work, he’s got his life. My kids, they don’t need to, you know, know about that, or what’s going on, my friends who wants to hear about, you know, my crap that’s going on. This time, though, I said, I know, I can’t do this by myself. I can’t, I mean, obvious, I can’t.

So this time, I decided to be really transparent about this change I was going to make, I wasn’t going to keep it secret. I wasn’t going to hide in shame. And you know, looking back now, it’s kind of funny, a lot of people like, there’s so much shame that comes with rain, people have a lot. I mean, whether it’s a lot or you know, maybe not so much to what it comes with to weight and body image. There’s so much shame. So much.

Yeah. But so like, what happened next I want to talk about but I want to kind of go back, I want to talk a little bit about

when you said I got into my head a lot. And so, you know, as I’ve talked about this a little bit on the show, and I realized this is not the same. And I realized that this is a show about you, okay, but I have recently gained some weight, like over the past year when my kid was sick, and I was stressed and all that. And so the shame thing is so real to me, I totally get that.

But then also the like getting into your head a lot when you’ve got that much. And I have had times in my life where I’ve always been sort of fit. So like if I felt like I was getting a little fluffy, like two weeks would kind of do it. And now at a point where I’m like two weeks ain’t gonna do it, like two weeks might not even make a budge at all. And that feels really overwhelming. So I would love because I think a lot of people are on the spectrum, like, between where I am and where you were, you know what I mean? When

you know, I, yeah, probably another hundred pounds to go before, right? Right on where I would like to be.

And but and but now you’ve had evidence that what you’re doing works, right. So I think that that’s sort of a piece of it is that we’ve got to learn. And this is one of the things I work with my coaching clients all the time is cutting the break between your beliefs and your results. So like if I work for two weeks, and I don’t have any results, I cannot have the belief that it’s not going to work.

I have to keep going. So I want to get into that when you say I got into my head a lot about like, I’ve tried stuff before and it didn’t work. Like What Did that look like for you? was it was it just as simple as that, like, the I tried before? I didn’t have the results. So I don’t have the belief. It’s gonna it’s gonna happen for me.

Yeah, I mean, it would be as simple as like, I would have a couple of really good weeks and I still sometimes struggle with this Betsy, you know, um, yeah, people will talk to me and they’re like, Well, you know, you’ve lost 100 pounds and it must be so much easier. No, it’s not. Okay. It’s different. Not easier, it’s different.

Whereas before, if I would have a couple of really good weeks, if I would be like on top of everything and tracking all my food and doing all of this and seeing really good results on the scale, and then if I would have a bad day, a bad day, for me would be like, if I’m not being really super aware of what I’m, like, aware of it, but just not my give a damn has kind of gone out the window.

Yes. I mean, I call that a ding dongs,

and I don’t care. I call that

a case of a bucket. Right? Like, Yes, perfect.

Okay, so since you’ve dropped the bomb, I’m gonna say, yeah, definitely a case of the buckets, and I’m gonna eat the ding dongs. And yeah, fuck it, I don’t care. But then that would spiral into Well, I didn’t care. I failed. I would look at that as a failure. Like, if I was perfectly on plan. It was a failure. So I’ve already blown it. The mentality would automatically go, we’ll see. Look, you can’t do this. So you’re never going to do this. If you can’t even get through one

day. Right? there like an all or nothing, right? Oh, yeah, I couldn’t be perfect, then I’m awful.

I have always been the classic all or nothing. Personality always. Yeah, for everything I do. And it’s really been, I think, if I’ve learned nothing else through this journey, it is a constant reinforcement that life is not an all or nothing journey, whether it’s about my weight loss, whether it’s about being a good mom, whether it’s about being a good wife, whether it’s about you know, the writing work that I do, doesn’t matter. Um, the all or nothing mentality will get you nothing.

Right? Yeah, nothing? Well, the all or nothing mentality is built on being perfect, which is built on an underlying level of shame, which they’re talking about shame with your weight, right? So it totally makes sense when we come to our weight that it’s all or nothing, right? Because you’re filled on shame.

So now you’re down 100 pounds. Yep. I mean, incredible. Short, right? Who do you have? Could you have imagined that then? Like, did you have a vision? Could you create a vision or have an idea of what you wanted? Or were you just like, I gotta make it to the next day, this is what I want for

the next day, like the concept of 100 pounds. At that point? Seemed? It seems impossible. Like, right, it just, I couldn’t even I couldn’t even imagine that in my wildest dreams, you know, right, right, half that maybe 50 pounds, maybe. And then I would get to thinking, Well, you know, 50 pounds. That’s great. But that’s not going to get me where I need to go. And finally, I was like, You know what, I can’t, I can’t focus on that at this point. I just, I can’t I have to just focus on getting through today. And sometimes it was getting through the next meal. That was like, Okay,

I’ve got to get through this choice that I’m making right now. And it gets tiring after a while, you know, because you are the monotony. Right, the monotonous grind. Yeah. Right. And it’s constantly evaluating your choices. Mm hmm. Okay, is this going to get me where I want to go? And then what happens if you deliberately make a choice and saying, not today, I’m going to have something or I’m going to do something that is not going to align with that goal today. But that doesn’t mean I can’t make a better choice.

The next meal, it doesn’t have organic day. It doesn’t have to spiral into days and weeks and months of beating myself up because I wasn’t perfect. Right. Right. And, you know, the biggest change for me, I think, up besides the eating because I mean, and my doctor was like her primary focus was getting the eating under control. Right wasn’t even activity. Because for me walking up a flight of stairs. Right?

Well, I mean, activity gets to be a whole lot more difficult, right when you’re at that weight.

I mean, yeah, I kind of could joke about it now. But like even getting my socks on was kind of like doing hot yoga. Because if I you know, try socks on your, you know, sucking wind and you’re sweating. And it’s like, whoa, I’m putting like, Damn socks on come on. I know.

It was like, you were constantly reminded of this problem. It’s not like you had a relief from it, which is like, like, sort of like that. What you’re thinking about all the time is what you’re bringing right so you are connected.

Gonna be thinking, oh my god, like, this is bad my health is bad like, because you’re having evidence of it in front of you all the time. The fact that you could sit in your car that day and ball and go Holy crap, I’ve got to change and release the old Murray and accept the new new and you were really self selecting forward, which is something that people don’t do.

And and so now you’re at this place where now you’re like down 100 pounds, but the journey when you said, you know, when we started talking, you’re saying there was a lot of shame around it. And I realized I couldn’t do this by myself. So tell me what you did. So that day you were like, Okay, I’m gonna join Weight Watchers this afternoon. And how is this going to be different than every other time?

Yeah, for me, it was literally just talking about it with people talking about it with the people that I love, talking about it with the people who love me, and just putting it out there and saying, I have a problem. Um, I need support. Um, it’s not going to be pleasant. And it’s not going to be pretty sometimes I’m going to be a bitch. I mean, just yeah, owning it.

Because I think a lot of times, it’s, at least in my experience, I can’t speak for other people. But I was so afraid of people seeing me at my worst, or thinking that people were seeing me at my worst, where really, they kind of already were, because I was so unhappy with where I was at. And instead of like denying it, just kind of like write down instead of being just miserable, because I’m unhealthy.

And now I’m going to be like, Alright, I’m going to be working towards something, and it’s going to be frustrating and stressful for me. I need support through that, and really just talking about it helped a lot. And you know, putting it out there in the world and saying, I’m fighting this battle.

Yeah, not alone this time. Yes. And because if you had something else, that was a health issue, you had cancer you had, do you know what I mean? Like you would get hurt, you would have people rally around you and say, You’re amazing, you can do it. But when it’s something like weight or mental health, or do you know what I mean? Like those things seem right.

Which I struggle with both of those things, you know, yeah, I, I’ve been dealing with depression for, you know, it was undiagnosed when I was in, in college. It wasn’t until after I was happily married and realizing that there’s something else going on here. And I bring a lot of my physical health issues have to do a lot with my mental health issues.

Absolutely. Yeah. Those are also I mean, your body and your mind talk to each other all the time. Right, sir. All right, vicious circle

kind of go hand in hand. And it’s it’s interesting how both of those things obesity and mental, mental health. They’re kind of still it’s getting better in our society, but they’re still kind of taboo subjects. People don’t put it out there as a health concern, like you said, like cancer or other things, and I’m not trying to diminish. You know, somebody, I know way too many people that have a cancer diagnosis or a serious health concern. But let’s make real obesity, morbid obesity, like what I have depression and anxiety, like what I have, those are serious health concerns, too.

Right? Yeah, absolutely.

Millions of people struggle with this. And I think the more that we can pull it out of the dark corners, and step up, I mean, for me, I looked at it finally is if I did have a son, I think I remember saying this to my husband, I was like if I had cancer, God forbid,

Mm hmm.

I, I wouldn’t have the same type of control over my health that I do as somebody who is obese, I can take control of this. I have to make a positive change that people who have a diagnosis that may not be able to have that opportunity. Yeah. Has, which I mean, it sounds kind of like a depressing way to think about it.

But well, it’s really empowering.

Yeah, I have over this right. Well, you can fix it. I don’t need to depend on, you know, medication, or I mean, I was to sustain my life as far as my blood pressure and my cholesterol, but to the underlying cause of all of those things. I didn’t need to go in for chemotherapy. I didn’t need all of these horrible treatments that these people have to go through. I can fix it.

I have the ability to do that. Right. And that kind of made me mad like I was being really sad. I felt like wow, what The Selfish bitch, you’re being by not taking for granted, you know, taking advantage of the fact that you have control over this. Right, right. You know, and then you doesn’t go ahead. I was

gonna say, you know, one of the things that you said just now, when you were talking was that you realized you could be working towards something. And like that is one of the biggest shifts in mindset. When I work with people the very first week, that’s what we do is understand where they’re coming from.

Because when you’re running away, like when you’re trying to not be heavy, it’s much less empowering than trying to be healthy when you’re moving towards something. So it was interesting to me that that’s one of the things you just said, I realized I could be working towards something. And that mind shift all of a sudden made it exciting, right? It made it fun, the reality of what could be

right, even though it was so fuzzy, and and not something tangible. For the first time I started thinking maybe this isn’t about the number. I mean, it’s it’s a constant battle between the number on the scale and well being. And for me, I think this time, while that number on the scales still pisses me off when it doesn’t go the way I want it to. Mm hmm.

I’ve changed how I look at how I’ve changed my life as far as my activity level, and then I’m going for to be the healthiest me I can be not the skinniest me, I can move.

That’s a big distinction. I like that.

Yeah. And for me, I think that was a real switch. And when I started the activity, I started almost right away. But for me, it was literally walking to the end of the block and back. That’s all I could do it. Yeah. Five or 10 minutes. And that was it. I literally, I was done. I could not do any more. And I was like, wow, that’s because my first day I’m thinking, Oh, I’ll just go take a mile walk. It won’t be that bad. Yeah, no, that wasn’t happening. And I had, I could in the past, I would have looked at that as a failure, and said, Well, you can’t do it.

So why bother? This time, it was like, I’m going to get there. I don’t know when. But I’m gonna, I want to go as far as I can today, and see what I can do tomorrow, or next week. And the goal was always to get to the next. The next mailbox, the next corner, the nap. You know, and whenever that was that was and as a not so patient person. That was difficult.

Right, right. Yeah. Because we want results. Because Have you ever done this? So have you ever done this, I’ve done this, I okay, universe, I just want to be skinny. Like, I just want to be as thin as I’m supposed to be, I want to be thin and then all maintain it. Like just get me there like tomorrow morning. And then I’ll do what I’m supposed to do once I’m there. I just don’t

have to deal with.

Right. Like,

I think I think that probably once or twice a day.

Right? But I have that like I’m gonna be okay, in the process is a really huge mind shift.

Sure, and the things that I’m doing now, you know, I had to learn to get to the point of where I’m at now, I don’t I couldn’t do you know, it’s funny that you bring that up Betsy because it’s like if I were to have said, on that day, I was sitting in my car and bawling my eyes out and said, you know, universe I want to be 100 pounds less and I’m going to do whatever you know, I need to do I’ll maintain a jacket no way I would have been able to do that without going through the journey that

the journey prepares you for what it is you really

want to write yes I hate saying that because I want those that instant gratification that we all want so desperately. Yeah, I not like looking back now it’s been almost two years since I’ve been on this path and I wouldn’t change any of it I’m supposed to be as much as I it’s counterintuitive to what you know, I say you know I really really want I want to be at my goal weight right now. But I wouldn’t change any of that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now that we need some listener.

When did you add in So you started Weight Watchers but when did you add in exercise because you’re you’ve been running right so you just Disney five K so tell me Yeah, tell me about that part of the journey.

Like I Said I started with the activity. Within a couple weeks after starting the weight watchers, I wanted to start really slow this time because again, with that all or nothing mentality, right, I’ve tried exercise before, gone to the gym or gone outside and put in, you know, a really hard couple of workouts and then was crippled for damage afterwards.

This time I, you know, it was about a month or two after that, where after I started Weight Watchers, where I finally joined back up at the y and got over that cutover push through the gym intimidation that I had about walking into a room with people who I perceived to be physically fit, and probably looking at me going, Oh, my God, look at this check. Coming in weighing almost 400 pounds, what the hell does she think she’s doing here? That was what was going on in my head when I started going to the y, which is so

it’s interesting to me, because I will say as like a lifelong exerciser. And, you know, you even mean in college, I taught aerobics and I’ve owned across, right? If I saw somebody that had been in a gym, I would think Holy smokes, they are awesome. Like, like, so it’s funny that that is your perception, because I think the people that are really fit, like salute you, because they know what you had to go through to even get there. Right.

Right, I and I do now with the benefit of having hindsight. And also now coming at it from a different place where I’m a regular there, and I see people who are just starting out who maybe weren’t even as heavy as I was when I started. But they’re just starting out. I think the same thing that you do, it’s like, you go you do that you are awesome. Yeah. But there are so many other people who I know think the same thing I do is like I don’t want to go in there. They’re gonna think hey, you know what, it makes me sad? Because it makes right

so if you’re listening, if you’re listening, and you’re a that no, that that’s not true. That’s just in your head. Right?

Is is totally in our head. And that’s the fear. Yeah, yes.

That’s it, the fear feeds into, I’ve had this conversation with my, my 17 year old daughter about this. And that’s something that I’m learning to push through is the fear thrives in isolation. We are not able to push past what we think that we’re capable of doing. Because the fear doesn’t like that. It doesn’t like being out there. Right out into the world. Because then it’s like,

and shame to shame once shame is all part of it.

Yeah, fear and shame go together. And they’re they’re nasty, nasty partners, you know. And once you kind of put yourself out there, and you realize, okay, people are there at the why’d you and their thing, first of all, if they’re even paying attention to me, right, right. Yeah. Because they’re feeling self conscious about their own thing. Or they’re focused on their workout and taking care of themselves. They don’t give a rip, you know, or at least not as much as I think they do. I’m really not that important. And that’s a reality check for, for me, it’s like, oh, people really aren’t. Oh, right. Yeah.

So focused on themselves. Yeah.

Right. And then, as I started coming more regularly, and people would talk to me, it was like, I like wow, you know, I see you’re here on a regular basis, you’re doing a great job. That was really surprising. For me, it was like, Oh, that’s totally against what my inner voice was telling me.

Right. All right,

just proved everything I thought, right. What others were thinking, that was my crappy thinking that was talking not other brains. Crap, right.

Um, so then, so now you’ve gone on, I know you run a lot of races, right. And you have a Facebook page and a blog where you document this. So really, like sharing with people became not just sharing with your friends and family, it became like a much larger and I think you should write a book about it. Much larger thing of sharing and documenting this journey and you’ve created like, sort of an online community, right of people that you know, and that are also on a journey and other places. And I say that I saw when you went to the Disney thing. There is some other runner that you follow or

who’s the guy like,

yeah, so Mike, he he’s amazing. He has his own podcast as well. And he’s a weight one track calm. It’s called. Wise wingman. It’s why s wingman and he goes by fat dag it’s f At DG, his story is amazing. And you should have him on your podcast at some point. He is a. He’s in the Air Force, he almost lost his career to obesity, and has made it his mission to help other people who are like who are like him from losing their careers in the armed forces.

And, but he’s also a weight watchers leader, and we just happen to connect online. He saw me posting and was like, Hey, I think you’re doing an awesome job. And he is one of my biggest supporters. And he surprised me by coming down to Disney the day before he was doing a five k in Atlanta and your neck of the woods actually. Yeah, yeah. He took a detour to come down to Orlando this crazy guy and to run the Disney Princess five k with me because it was a it’s a bucket list item. Right. I remember you’ve talked about it for a while. And you had a really cute outfit.

Yeah. Which I like now, it’s like, I want to play tennis only because I want the outfit. Like I don’t really want to play tennis. Right? So I’m good. I’m a fan of outfits. Oh, you have like a cool skirt. And like, yeah, like kind of like a two week kind of thing, right to run

a little solo, a sparkly skirt. And one of my other friends as part of my community made me the T shirt that I wore. And I have made connections with people that have been instrumental in me staying on this path, because it’s hard. But there’s so many, it’s so easy for us to think that we’re alone. I whenever challenged, they say whether it’s weight loss, or depression or other health doesn’t matter. We’re not alone in this,

and which is what I talk about every week on the podcast like we I give you two I tell my own story sometime. And I’m like, does anybody really care about my story, but only because I think they can see themselves? Because Exactly. And that’s it. Right? Right. Cuz

there’s nothing special about you know, when I hear you when Mike came down, he’s like, you’re so special. You’ve done this. And I’m like, but what I’m doing is no different than what so many other people out there are doing. But like you said, Betsy, if it helps other people realize they’re not alone in this. Right, and it sucks. Look, I’m not gonna say wow, this is the you know, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. But does it suck sometimes? Yeah, but the benefits totally outweighed the suck.

So let’s talk real briefly then about like, are you still on medication for stuff has your you when you mentioned right in the beginning, you were like, I used to have diabetes?

Yeah, I don’t have I do amazing. Diabetes. I know what’s so I’m often my diabetes medication. I’m often my blood pressure medication. I’m on the lowest dose of my cholesterol medication. I’m scheduled to go off of that this summer. Um, yeah, my doctor is she like, shocked and amazed. You know, it’s amazing.

She, every time I see her, which now was only every six months, which is great. It was like every six weeks for a while. I said no offense. I love you. But I don’t want to see you as much anymore. Yeah. She is just like, it’s amazing what you’ve accomplished. And because it’s been a long term, and the weight loss has slowed down some. I mean, when you first when you have that much weight to lose, it comes off quick in the beginning.

Right, right. Yeah.

And now that I’m actually I’m active, you know, I’m usually doing at least one race a month now, which a year ago is ridiculous. A year ago, you were just going to the mailbox the next day. Exactly.

Come on. Now. You’re starting to do all. Exactly. And

I mean, that’s the understatement of the century, I think starting small. Um, yeah. And the Disney run for me was a 2020 goal. I never thought I would get to the point where I could do a five K. Down is the before 2020. Now my 2020 goal is to finish the half marathon.

Next. Oh, yeah. Good one.

Yeah. So that’s, you know, I want to run through that castle. Yeah, you know, I can do it. Well, I’m training to get there. But I got the you know, I did the five K a year earlier than I planned. It’s Yeah, he’s seen what we’re capable of doing. Mm hmm. You push past that fear? Yes. Yes. You know, the fear of what could be, you know, kept me from doing the things that I’m doing now. But it was amazing to me that the fear of dying wasn’t enough for me to get started at first, you know,

I think any but but that feels so abstract, right? It feels like abstract. But then when somebody says surgery, that feels real, and then you’re like, Oh, hell no. Like that. Yeah, really what it sounds like lit the fire where you were like, Okay, wait, I don’t want that for my life. Right. Right. So. So at this point, now you’ve got another hundred pounds right to go. Yeah.

You’re I mean, you’re a little more than

you’re a little more than halfway, though. Yeah, would you say? So people can follow along, and they can find you on Facebook is where you’re most active, right? And if they are on this journey, or they want to get on the journey, they can find you and join that community and like find support and like find somebody to like accountability, right?

Because I know sometimes you guys, right? Like what you’ve done or, you know, you, you are very transparent and open about like, this is what I gained this week, I gained a pound, right? You know what I mean? Like you’re very transparent about it, which I think is so empowering probably for you, but also for other people to be able to see and go you know, what success in anything is not this like straight line. That’s perfect. Exactly. It’s

not linear, it can match a roller coaster,

it is a mess. It is it, it is a hot mess. And that’s one of the things that I’ve had to learn in this journey, that it’s the the peaks and valleys that that’s okay, that’s part of the process. It’s not going to be linear, it’s not going to be a straight line down. And I don’t know about you, but like, I see people who post things on social media or on their blogs.

And it’s great that I know a few people who like, every week I lost, and I started to plan 100%. Well, good. That’s great. I realize I’m not capable of doing that. I can’t write perfect. I’m tired of trying to achieve. It makes me tired. And I’m already tired. Right? Yeah. more tired. Yeah. And I think this by putting it out there and being honest, that’s what resonates with me, when I’m looking for accountability partners and people who inspire me.

I’m not looking for perfection. I want to see the people who are digging in their heels and going, this may suck today. But I’m going to push through it. And I’m going to guess I’m going to get to where I need to be no matter, right?

Yes, no matter what days might motivate

me. And it seems like you are now realizing that it’s not about just getting there. It’s not about like driving your car and going I want to be 100 pounds less tomorrow. It’s about like, I’m gonna have fun on this journey. And I know, we know it’s here enjoy the journey. But I feel like you’ve morphed into, like, actually enjoying the ups and downs and going, I’m going to figure this out. This is a new puzzle. Like, if life is a game, I’m figuring it out. And I’m playing the game full on now.

Yeah, I’m too stubborn to give up at this point. And yeah, I’m gonna, you know, I tried to look at it the way I used to look at school, you know, I was very, I was very goal oriented in school and was always, you know, shooting to get really good grades.

So I would always try to find ways to deal with, you know, those things that would come up in school and kind of work around it, I’m too stubborn to just kind of lay back now and just go, you know, it’s hard, I’m not gonna do this anymore. Now I’m like, damn it, it’s hard. Okay, bring it, let’s go.

And I made, I made bitch and whine about it a little bit.

And that’s okay. You can have a pity party for a short time. But ultimately, you’ve got to make the choice to say, you know, what am I going to do? What’s one thing that I can do, that’s going to be a little bit better? The next decision I have to make, and that is that, that is what in the end was going to get me to my goal, whether that’s in a year from now, another two years, I’m living my life anyway. Right? You know,

right, I’m gonna pass anyway, right? Time

is gonna pass anyway, I can be deliberate about the choices that I make good, bad, or indifferent. Or I can allow life to happen to me. And one of the goals that I wrote and one of the very first things and I have a card that’s in my wallet that I wrote down on an index card, I said, I’m tired of living my life on the sidelines.

That was one of the things and that was one of my why’s was, I want to be deliberate and don’t want to live my life on the sidelines anymore, and saying, that’s what I’m doing now. And it may not always go the way I want, but I know that ultimately, I’m the one that has control of it. Right? It’s going to be as honest as I can about the journey because that’s all I got. Yeah, my journey is my journey. You know, ugly, beautiful or not, it’s all gonna come out, you know, the right way in the end, right? Well,

I love that. So tell people how they can find you.

website address it tell people how they find your website.

Okay, it’s the lighter side of me.com. Yeah. And then it’s the same thing on Facebook. Just the lighter side of me on Facebook. Okay, awesome. You can, can feel free to share that if you’re, you know, I write about it. If you’re looking for accountability partners, I message with people to say, hey, just check it in.

How you doing? I’m not a type of person who gives out a lot of tough love. I keep it real. But um, you know, sometimes we just need to reach out to other people. And let us know that you’re not alone. Right? Yeah. You got people who have got your back. And

there is no shame or good way, man

in saying that you want to take control of your life. And that’s an amazing thing. And we need to embrace that more. And I have to remember that too. Sometimes.

Yeah. Well, thank you so much for being here, Marie.

Well, thank you for having me, Betsy. It’s been awesome talking to you. And, you know, I love your show. And I love you,

I’m so proud of you. And I’m so grateful that you stepped up to really share this with everybody right, and to come on this show, but also to share it. So honestly, out in the open. And I know that you say you did that for you. But Gosh, I feel like this was really part of your greater journey and your purpose here and you embraced it instead of running from it. So I salute you. And I love you. And thank you for coming on the show.

And I love you too. Thank you, sweetie.

Thanks for listening. You guys. How amazing is that? Right, some awesome tidbits and window into someone that really has built over this journey, like an ironclad mindset. So I’m so proud of her. And I’m so grateful that she came on the show.


I talked earlier about jumping into our Facebook group. I I’m hoping Marie might come in there, I think she will Marie come in the group. But if you want to connect with her, and you know, let’s use this as a place to kind of talk about what you think if you’re on this journey, what is coming up for you and what you might need help for you help with, you know, maybe we can provide resources and we can plug you into some of the podcasts or things that she’s listened to, that helped to create this amazing mindset for her that has kept her on this journey through the ups and downs. So thank you so much for listening to today’s show. And I’ll see you next week. But as always, here’s a little message from my husband.

That’s it.


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.