103: Changing Forward - Betsy Pake

103: Changing Forward


Do you sometimes think…. ‘those were the good old days!’ or ‘I wish I was THAT thin again!’

We all have changes we’d like to make in our life, but what if we could let go of the past and instead create a new future based on all the experiences and wisdom we’ve gained along the way? What if we could create a new metaphor for our life and use others stories to learn and build something that is uniquely our own?

This episode is great for anyone who wants change and to think about a change in a new way.

Thanks for listening and sharing this episode.  Remember to come find me on Instagram and let me know the new metaphor for your life!


Welcome to the art of living day. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. And this podcast is designed to share interviews and new ideas to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hey, everyone, welcome to the show. Today, I want to talk to you about changing forward. Now, you might be thinking like changing forward, I don’t even understand what you mean, or what this is about. But maybe you just listen every week, you’re like, oh, give her a shot and see what the heck she’s gonna talk about today. All right, so here’s how this came up. I have some things in my life. And maybe you do too, I’m sure that you do, right, because we all have things that we wished we could shift or change, or that things were just a little bit different, right? So no one’s life. If you’re sitting there like scrolling through Instagram, and you think everybody’s life is really perfect. You’re wrong. Everybody has challenges and things that they’d like to shift. And I do too. And I was finding that I was getting this, like real constriction and getting frustrated with the fact that I had things I’d like to change. And I didn’t feel like I was feeling like it wasn’t as much in my control as I as it used to be right when I’d want to make a change on different things. And so I really got settled and started thinking about that. And if you’ve listened to my episode, my episodes for a while to the show for a while, you heard Episode 94, where I talked about talking to your inner being. And that is a practice that I do every single morning and and I sit and I ask a question, and I just try to settle my ego settle that voice in my brain that is like shouting and saying all the things that I should be or do and to really try to listen to my truth. And I write it, I have journals, and I write my question. And I actually write like Q and then the question and then a, and then I wait and listen for the answer. Now, I have been doing this for some time. And so I feel like I’ve gotten really good at being able to, and I’ve been meditating for so long, like I can just start breathing and really kind of drop myself down into a place where I feel like I’m able to shut down that loud voice pretty quickly. And if you’re interested in doing this, listen to that episode 94. But it’s really just practice. And if you can get good at it really quickly. Now, what comes out when I write a is always something that feels very much rooted in truth. It’s always positive, it’s always loving, it always has the same tone. And it always is very helpful. Now, I don’t know where that voice is coming from, I am totally open to the fact that it could be coming from me and all of the things that I’ve learned and experienced in my life. And when my loud mouth brain can relax and step out of the way, all of that wisdom sort of comes together and can give me a very clear answer. I’m also open to the idea that maybe this comes from like a collective consciousness, like the answers, I believe are out there. And I believe that we’re all sort of tapped into a collective consciousness. And when I can ask the question, and like, put the question out there by writing it to me is like putting it out there. And then just be quiet and hear what sort of answer I get back. Okay, so today’s episode is about changing forward. And it’s about really how this this question that I asked for myself. And I have felt like, I’ve got some changes that I want to make, and why can’t those changes? Why does it seem so laboris? Right, like, why does it not seem like fun and easy and exciting to shift? And I also had this moment and what my question was, was, how do I get myself back? Because I had written a couple questions before and gone back and forth. But I was thinking, you know, there are some things about my life that are that I’d like to shift right now. And maybe you do too, that weren’t always something that needed to be shifted. So let me give you an example. Like, I’m going to give you an example after I tell you the answer. And there’s a reason for that. So but just think about it, if you have some things that right now they’re trouble, but they didn’t used to be trouble. Those things used to be easy, right? And so I asked, like, how do I get myself back. And what I heard was moving forward does not include things in the past in the same way that they presented to you before, to experience what you truly feel you want.

You must move forward and create something new. In actuality, you don’t want to go back because that is the path that brought you here, which is a place you’d like to change in some way. You would like to actually change forward I was like, Oh, I want to change forward, I want to take off, I don’t want to go backwards, I don’t want to go back to where I was, even though it had some pieces of things that I’d like in my life right now. But what I’d really like is to be able to change my, what’s happening with me right now in certain areas. But moving forward, I don’t want to go backwards, I want to take everything I’ve already learned all the wisdom I’ve already pulled into my life by going through ups and downs. And I would like to change all of that, and then move forward in a totally new way where I’m bringing the new, that’s that same thing into my life, but in a totally new way. All right, so I’m going to tell you what my example was. Because now that you’ve heard what my intuition said, I’ll be able to bring it forward a little bit and make more sense. So about three years ago, I competed in the Pan American Masters for weightlifting, I do the snatch and the clean and jerk. And at that time, I had gotten really lean to compete in a weight class that I wanted to be in. So when you compete in that, you it’s, it’s your age group, and it’s also your weight class, right. So you get weighed in. And so I had a goal to be in a certain weight class, and I met that goal. Although the day of the competition, I had to completely stripped down to nothing, stand there where they weighed me. But I did that. And I felt really good. And even after the competition, I ended up leaning out even more just because I was on a roll right with how I was eating and what I was doing. But after that was over, probably like six months later, I noticed I started to gain a little bit bit of weight. Now I’m very short, I’m like, fit five feet tall. So like 10 pounds on me, looks like more, right. And if I lose 10 pounds, it looks like more. So I I’ve had this moment where I’m like, ah, like think life is just kind of taken over. But I would really like to get back to that. So that’s where that started, I really like to get back to that weight. I wish I could get back to how I looked, then I wish I could get back to how I felt then. And so

I have this moment. And what

I wanted to share with you is that the way we see our lives, the

way that we see things,

and all the things happening in our lives, you probably have a little story around it.

And I had a story around that,

who I was at that time

was somebody different than I am now. And I like some of the things that I am right now. So I really don’t want to go back, I really want to move forward with the knowledge and the skills that I have now.

But what

I thought about myself was different. When you say I am, when I described myself, if someone walked up to me and said, Hey, Betsy, who are you? About three years ago, I would

have said I’m a competitive athlete,

that would have been one of the first things I said, I’m a competitive athlete. I’m a coach, I’m a nutrition coach. At the time, I had just sold a CrossFit gym. So like moving into a new, you know, just doing the coaching online. So like, I’m an entrepreneur, like I would have said all these things. And when you say I am that starts to define what you do. And when you define what you do, it starts to define the actions that you take. So I want to explain what I mean. So if I am someone who is a competitive athlete, well, now I’m somebody that really takes care of what they eat. They focus on that it’s fun, right? Because they’re they have goals. It’s somebody that is really into health that really researches and is involved in, like church training and learning more about training. And when you are that person, what do you do you surround yourself, you follow on Instagram, people who lift you follow on Instagram, other successful competitors, you follow you, you watch stories on TV that interest you and those things that interest you. Like, let me ask you right now, do you watch any kind of lifting documentaries? Probably not right? Because that’s not who you are. Right. But when I was a competitive weightlifter, I would seek that stuff out. I would, you know, I would find the people that I saw on the documentary on Instagram and like, so it became like really part of who I was and who I became. And what these are, are really metaphors for our life. And right now you have metaphors for your life that are defining who you are and that are defining the actions that you take. And so I want you to think about that right now. Who are you? So what are the metaphors that you have for your life? Are you do you think that like life’s a beach, or life’s a roller coaster with lots of ups than downs. Or what about life is a climb, but it’s worth the view. What about a Life is like a box of chocolates. So all of these are metaphors and how you adopt them starts to define how you see your life, and then the choices that you make moving forward. Alright, so if we don’t like where we are, if we don’t like the metaphor that we’ve adopted, maybe unconsciously, how can we start to change that? How can we go, you know what, like, I didn’t realize how much I am really feeling like I’m the victim, or maybe there’s some parts of your life where Gosh, in that area, I really am overcomer, that’s how I see myself is that I can never be stopped. And I’m going to keep on going no matter what. And you might notice different areas of your life have different metaphors. And perhaps the ones where you’re really struggling are also the areas where the metaphor you’ve adopted just isn’t a metaphor that supports you. So this is a totally different way of looking at making change in your life. It’s really about how you see and how you’re viewing that component of your life. And if we can change the metaphor, can we start to change the way you’re reacting to that. So in my example, when I was talking about how I was, I am an athlete, see how I said I was because I don’t see myself that way anymore. So metaphors can be really, really powerful. Now, I want to tell you a story. And it might be a story that you’ve heard before. It’s about a boy named jack, and his mom tells him to go and sell a cow at the market because they need money, they need to get firewood. And so he gets talked into trading his cow when he gets to the market for three magic beans. When he gets home, his mother is heartbroken because she lost the cow. And then her idiot son comes back with three beans. And so she just tosses the beans out the window. And the next morning, there’s a huge beanstalk there. So jack, who knows he’s not going to be very happy to go to breakfast and see his mother in the morning anyway, gets curious. And he climbs this beanstalk. So he climbs and climbs it and he gets way up higher than the clouds. And he’s in this really magical realm where everything is larger than it is down where he lives. The chairs are bigger, everything’s bigger. And he finds that there is a giant that lives there. Now there is a harp that’s also captive by the giant. And he tells him where the giant keeps all the gold and helps jack escape. So as they go back down the beanstalk, they’re being chased by the giant, and he’s roaring and he’s screaming that he’s gonna kill them. And then jack gets to the bottom, and he chops down the beanstalk and the giant falls and is destroyed. So let me ask you, when you heard this story, did you at any time think you were the giant?

No, probably not. You thought you were jack. That’s the point of view that you took. Because we all want to be the hero, we want to be seen as the hero. And so if you would like to start to change the metaphor for your life, you can listen to other people’s stories. If you listen to other people’s stories of people doing the things that you’d like to be doing, it is a way to start to shift who you’re identifying with, so that you can start to see things in a new way. And it will become easier to start start to take on that identity. And when we start to do this, we get focused on reaching, when we’re stuck, we’re focused on avoiding risk. But when we’re focused on future stuff, then we’re focused more on reaching and that’s when we become unstuck. That’s when we can start to change and identifying with other people’s stories is a way for us to do that. Now, even when I was talking about lifting, did you start to identify with me, you’ve probably had a time in your life where you felt really good, or your body felt good, where you’ve were motivated to work out or eat right. And so here’s what I would like to offer you as a challenge for the next 30 days is to find some stories that match what you would like to do who you would like to be I am. So to get a piece of paper and at the top right I am and then write down all of the ways you’d like to identify yourself. Maybe it’s just one thing, maybe you can come up with four or five, maybe there’s a laundry list of things that you’d like to be able to say I am. I am a really healthy eater, I am really conscious of my spiritual life. I’m really a great friend and a really terrific listener. And then try to challenge yourself for 30 days, find a story that you can identify with seek out some people who would be able to say the very same thing about themselves that you would like to be able to say about yourself. And then I just want to challenge you just to start to see how this starts to impact What you’re doing now, about, about two months ago, I decided that I am a person who is really healthy, and conscious of what they’re putting in their body and what they’re surrounding themselves with. And so I went about finding some people, and I am a fan of Instagram. And so I found some people that I could follow that I could emulate that I could say, you know, what I really like, that doesn’t mean you like everything they do. It doesn’t mean you copy them, but you go, you know what I really like that idea. I’m going to try and turn that into my own. Now what I did, because I wanted to focus on 30 days, and I decided to do whole 30 for 30 days. And what happened to me was really so profound, which is sort of what made me circle back here today, with this changing forward is that I focused for 30 days on, on, really eating in a specific way. But I also tried to make it so that I was changing the way I thought about food, I was changing the way I ate my food. So if you’re familiar with whole 30, it’s really about eating whole foods, not eating anything that has sugar in it. So no added sugar, which, like spaghetti sauce, and peanut butter, all of that stuff has added sugar. So I took all that and I did all of the whole 30 what it says to do, but I also changed the way I ate my meals. So I sat down, I didn’t scroll on my phone, I tried to get really creative. So find something I’ve never eaten before and tried that. I also tried to identify what someone who lived whole 30 what they actually how they lived, like what choices they made surrounding their detergents, or like all the other chemicals that they put in their body, like what does the person who says I am someone who eats whole 30? Or lives whole 30? How does that manifest itself? Now, like I said, I’m not copying somebody, I found 15 different people probably that I’m following and watching and getting ideas from and turning them into my own. And what’s manifested for me is that I find my choices now, after whole 30 I did eat some things off of the whole 30 like technical plan. But my choices were like more

profoundly like way more than I even thought it would are geared towards whole 30, I’ve realized I felt so much better and it became who I was. So now I’m the kind of person that eats tons of vegetables at every meal. I’m the kind of person who goes out to meals and can order something healthy. I’m the kind of person that like thinks through their meals. Now, it doesn’t mean every single time I go out, I’m like, perfect, no, but I’m paying attention. And I’m going you know what, if I had that choice, that probably wouldn’t make me feel as good. But this probably would, and I can still enjoy the food and be happy and healthy. So it started to really impact the little choices that I was making. And now that it has become who I am, it is way easier for my family to respect how I want to eat because they go mom doesn’t do that. Like in their mind. Now that’s not who I am. So it has changed the way they see me because I was consistently making these choices. And it didn’t take long 30 days, right. And so now this is how mom is right, this is who I am. So the people around me are also supporting that. So I want to challenge you to 30 days, write down who you would like who you would what you would like to be able to say after your I am, I would like you to find somebody that you can, that you can get ideas from an inspiration from maybe watch a documentary or two or something where you can identify to jack in the beanstalk right? Where you can identify to that person’s journey and see how some of it can be applicable to our own because I believe our stories are so powerful. And that’s what really brings us together and connects us. And that’s what can really help you grow. And that’s what can help me grow is by learning about other people’s stories, which is why I share my own stories so very often. All right. So as you go through this whole thing, and as you’re building that, I want you to remember that you don’t want to become who you were. If it is something that that you had in your life before that you wish you still had. The goal is not to become who you were, it’s not to bring back the past or to get back to the good old days. If that’s your metaphor for your life. The idea is really to change forward to create the new person that you want to be that supports you now and who you are now with all the wisdom and knowledge and life experience that you’ve had since the good old days. Now when you get started with this, I would love to hear about it. Please come to my Instagram. I’m just at Betsy Pake and find me there and let me know what you want to shift or if you have an idea, or even if you found some good people to follow like I would love to hear and if you want to hear who I’m following, I’m going to Are those in my stories too? So now, lastly, don’t forget who are you? I am someone who deserves to live a big life. Have a great week. See you next time. Thanks so much for listening. Remember, you can find me all over social media at Betsy Pake and, as always, here’s a little message from my husband.

That’s it.


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.