157: Making Peace With Your Triggers - Betsy Pake

157: Making Peace With Your Triggers


Episode 157:

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You’re listening to Episode 157 of The Art of Living big. Hey, everybody. So on today’s show, I’m going to tell a story, just about some sort of chaos that happened to me this morning. very disappointed in myself, but I’m gonna share it with you. And then we’re going to talk about it. So, before I get going, I just wanted to take a minute to invite you to the Facebook group. Now, if you have heard me talk about the Facebook group, and you’re like, I’m so sick of hearing her talk about this because I’m not on Facebook. I still got you.

So if you go to my website, up in the, I think at the very top and the right hand corner is all like my social media links. I have a YouTube channel. I don’t know if you knew that. But I have a YouTube channel. You can listen to the podcast there. There are old videos there from when like I very first started doing videos, and I used to meditate. And then do these crazy videos where I had like total bedhead and ridiculousness, but those are on there. But I also upload some of the videos from the Facebook group.

So not all of them some to get more personal in there, I think because it’s my peeps, you know, my people are in there. So I get a little personal inside the group. And of course, you’ll miss out on the conversation. But a lot of the videos are listed on my YouTube channel, so you can head there and actually, I think you can go to Betsy live.com I think that’s a real link. That’s e live.com. And that will bring you right to my YouTube channel. If you liked this episode, please share it with your friends.

And if you leave me a review on any of the like iTunes or pod beam or any of those apps listening apps, leave me a review, just take a screenshot of it and email it to us at support at Betsy Pake calm and we will send you a self hypnosis, audio download that is built to help you change your beliefs and it’s really powerful. It’s actually one that I use myself often

so. Alright,

without further ado, let’s go to the show.

Welcome to the art of living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an international expert in manifesting from your subconscious. And this podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hey, everyone,

welcome to the show. Here

I am again, coming at you on a Wednesday, I’ve gotten a couple messages from people I haven’t forgotten. The podcast has not been stuck in technology Limbo, I just really haven’t had a chance to pull it all together.

So, you know, I like to have the episodes come to me based on some stuff that’s happened in my life because I feel like the things that I teach and the things that I follow and believe are way easier to explain as they happen to me, right. So I have a good one. For today, I have a couple things. And you know, I’ve gone into my the folks that are my coaching clients, we have our own little area on Facebook, our own little small group.

And I have gone in and done a video this week about some things, but my daughter, I feel like has been teaching me an awful lot lately, and has just been saying things that are, you know, wise, I think sometimes and I say kid, she’s almost an adult, right?

She’s almost 18. But I think sometimes their view on things is just so different. And not as I guess like jaded or imprinted by all of the experiences that I’ve had as somebody that’s like almost 48, right. So I’ve had a whole lot of different sorts of experiences than her and so I’m viewing the world different. So I’m going to share with you a quick little story.

And then I want to tell you about something that happened today. So it my daughter, she lives with her dad because she goes to school down closer to Atlanta, and so it’s closer to him. And so she has stayed living there since this past fall, which is great. And I go I see her several oh three times a week, probably at least. And she’s busy and doing our thing and I went to go getter.

And out front, there are these big beautiful flowers at her dad’s house. And they are like, you know, I don’t I’m really bad with flowers. So I don’t know what kind of flowers they are, but they are kind of flower, maybe like most flowers and they bloom. They are either really closed up or they get like really big and open and really pretty.

And you know, I kind of like walked over and I was looking at them and it was like sort

of that

moment. Sometimes I have these moments where I feel like am I seeing this through my eyes or am I seeing it through like spirit. I know that sounds a little odd but sometimes when I see something I in nature, I get almost like I’m like, Oh my god, I feel like I’ve never ever ever seen this before. So I have that weird moment where I feel like this is I’ve never noticed this before, how beautiful the color is or how like, there’s just things about it that I noticed.

And I said to her, this flower is so beautiful. And she said, there’s some over there too. And I looked up and there were some, but they were all closed up. And I said, How come those aren’t closed up? What’s wrong with those. And she looked at me and she said, they’re not ready yet. And then she walked away.

And I kind of stuck with me and when tell you where my brain went, so it kind of stuck with me and I came home. And I have like this little this cool little hammock that is like kind of ties around the trees. So it’s portable. So I pull out my hammock and I put it up so I could meditate outside. And I can be under these trees in my backyard has a ton of trees, and I can lay there and look up. You know what I mean? It’s something about it is very calming to me. And if you close your eyes and the wind’s blowing, it sounds like the ocean.

It actually sounds exactly like the ocean. And I feel like there’s something to that. But that’s for another day. So as I’m laying there, I’m thinking about her saying that. And I because I had said, What’s wrong with those? Why aren’t they open? And she said they’re not ready yet. And then kept walking. And it made me realize, you know, some of us are really, really closed. And some of us are a little bit open and some of us are fully bloomed. Right, I would like to get to the point where I’m fully bloomed, I think.

But all of us are perfect in the in the space where we are, right. And if we’re if we’re all closed up, we’re just not ready yet. It doesn’t mean we’re broken, it doesn’t mean something was wrong with the flower, right? It doesn’t mean that it’s never going to become what it’s supposed to become. I didn’t have to go over and say to it, you should grow, you really need to open.

Right? It was doing what it was supposed to do on the time that it was supposed to do it. And I really don’t think it was looking over at the other flower and going Oh, that one looks so good. Right? That one looks so pretty and open. Right? And so I gave you that thought, because that’s the thought I had. And I thought about it for an awful long time, like probably more time than was necessary.

But that’s what my brain does. But you know, wherever you are, whether you’re really closed up, or whether you’re really opened up. And you know what you might close up a little again and open in other areas. It’s all exactly right. You’re doing great. And you’re moving right along, and you’re growing, and you’re learning and you wouldn’t be listening to this show if you weren’t trying to grow and learn. And so I know that you are so if you doubt yourself at any moment, am I really am I growing? Am I changing? Am I doing enough?

Yeah, you probably are. Because you’re listening and you probably don’t just listen to this show. If I’m lucky enough to have you listen to this show. I’m gonna bet listen to other shows too. Or you have other places where you where you learn, right? And so, you know, you might just not be ready yet, but you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. Anyway, so now I want to tell you about how I flipped some guy, the bird on the highway. Alright, so this morning, I had to get my kid to go to school, she doesn’t have her license yet. With a couple more months, you’ll be able to get it and she didn’t want to get her permit. And so she’s now when she wanted to get her permit. She really wanted her license,

but then you have to wait a year in Georgia. So when she wanted her license, she finally got her permit, but now we still have to drive her everywhere. So anyway, my ex husband had a meeting and so he asked me Will you come? Can you come pick up all of them bring her to school in the morning and I was like, Oh yeah, it’s no big deal. So got up at the crack of dawn because I live outside Atlanta in a suburb called Buford, Georgia. And it’s the suburbs but it’s still far and Atlanta traffic is like terrible, like it’s unbelievably terrible.

So I was like, it’s cool. Like she doesn’t have to be there till nine even though I have to drive her from her house to the school. I knew that would take like 30 minutes. I was like it’s cool. Like I could get there at eight o’clock in the morning and still have time to like swing by and pick up a coffee or whatever. And so to get there by eight o’clock in the morning, it takes me 40 minutes to get there. So I thought cool I’ll leave an hour and 15 minutes before I have to be there that way if there’s a little bit of traffic or volume I’ll be good to go. Right.

Right so I started driving and it was weird because well first of all, it’s like rush hour and it’s Atlanta so the volume is a lot right. So we didn’t notice there was an increase in volume because typically when I go see her I try to go like off times you know when it’s not traffic key to traffic. It’s always traffic in Atlanta, but I started passing people like eating cereal like literally their cereal. Bull. And then I came across like cars are whizzing by right they’re going like 7580 miles an hour as I first get on the highway and there’s this BMW that’s going I don’t know maybe maybe 60 miles an hour.

I mean slow were cars are like whizzing around it. And I look in that lady literally has like a huge compact out, like holding her steering wheel and her compact like to put her makeup on her. Her back mirror is facing her. Do you know what I mean? Like her rear view mirror is facing her so she can put the makeup on. And she’s like, full on putting on mascara and powder and all this stuff. I just was like, Oh my gosh, like, this is why I work from home because people are like crazy, right?

So that’s what I’m going into. But I kept feeling like, you know what, I’ve given myself a lot of time and I got a I downloaded a book. And I was like, I’m gonna listen to an audiobook, because that’s like my time to learn, right? So I’ve got this, like, 40 minute drive on a good day. So I use it to my advantage, right. And so I was driving and I was doing really good. And then all of a sudden, traffic started getting heavier and heavier and like really heavy. And then I was going like 15 miles an hour.

And then I stopped. And I’m like, Oh my gosh, I’m you know, her house is probably like, I don’t know, 15 minutes 10 or 15 minutes off the interstate, right. So like, even once I get off the interstate, I got to drive a minute. But I was literally on my app 3.7 miles from her exit like I could, I could see like, Ooh, that’s the bridge

that I go under right before I hit her

exit like I knew I was really close. And traffic was stopped. And all the sudden ways went from like, you’ll get there in 22 minutes or whatever, to an hour and 10 minutes, which would have been past the time that I would have been able to get her and bring her to the school. Like I never would have made it especially I was like if there’s all this traffic will be all this traffic to her school, like, what’s happening. And so I called her dad, he was about to go in a meeting. And he was like, Oh, no, like, Well, you know, you can try to get over and try to get inside lane, you

know, but then I started hearing

police car. So then police cars started coming. So

I’m like, I don’t really want to be that chick that drives on the curb.

Right? Like, I hate that. You know what I mean? Like where you’re like, in the well and I especially didn’t want to be in the lane that’s like the lane to to like for emergency vehicles, right? So I sit there for a while I sit there sit there and then traffic moves a little bit. I talked to spirit.

I was like, Can you help me like, Whatever happens helped me become like helped me you know, and I wasn’t really super affected. I was a little worried about her because, you know, she’s she’s got anxiety anyway. And then if I’m going to make her late, and her class is such that if she’s late, she can’t get in. So if I’m not going to make it there on time, she actually can’t go so she’s going to miss the day, right? So I wait and then after I’m it is at eight o’clock at this point.

So that’s when I told her come out at eight o’clock. I thought I’d be in her driveway like 737 45 so I was like I gotta call her so I call her Meanwhile, the cars are getting like more and more compacted and people are trying to come in off another exit. I’m still feeling calm, but I call her and she’s disappointed although she’s doing really well.

But here’s what happened. I see that now they’re getting to the point where there’s a lane that’s open on the right hand side. Right so now I’ve passed this last exit I can see the exit I have to get off on there’s all of this traffic. There’s clearly this enormous accident, but I can get all the way to the right and I’m getting off the exit so I don’t need to stay in the traffic. I’m getting off right. And I go to get out. Meanwhile, I just want to remind you that I’m staying really calm. I go to get out and this black caddy with a big sign on the back that says


like totally sees me trying to get out. But like honks like, like the mean kind of honk you know, not the friendly honk. It’s like they’ll mean honk, honk. And then like, cuts me like goes around me and honks and like I feel like I’m about to cause an accident and like it’s all just very dramatic.

And I was so irritated. So I went from like, I’m experiencing this and I’m watching myself experience this traffic and I’m unaffected and I’m talking to spirit and i’m uh handling all of the things and who needs to be notified and all as well. And then I’m like you ever like I was like, I immediately turned into like this. Like I was totally triggered right? So this is what I want to talk about these moments where we’re totally triggered and we lose our shit right?

Where we suddenly become like, how did I, I went from? I went from Zen. I know I’m in this traffic, but I’m Zen to like, I will, I will, I will run into your car, right? So I drove past the guy, because then he actually was trying to get in my lane. He got in the lane I was trying to get out of right. So then I pass him. And you guys, I gave him the finger. Like, as soon as I did, as I was doing it, I was like, What are you doing? Like, what are you doing and what just happened? Now, here’s the thing.

When we’re feeling emotion,

our emotions can change just like that, right? Anything can happen. And I don’t have to own the emotion of that I can let that go. I can be like I had this moment. And I don’t have to hang on to that anymore. And so I was like, Okay, I just had that moment. I’m really embarrassed if I could go back and apologize, I actually would have, and I hope nobody saw me.

And then I was like, Did somebody see me and take a picture? I mean, I don’t even think he saw me because I would just, I was going by fat like, but all of these things went by in my head, like, who do you really want to be? Like, Betsy, who do you really want to be. And so who I really want to be as I want to be the kind of person that accepts that he had his own thing to get to, that he might have been late for a job that he’s been laid up for a long time. And if he doesn’t make it today, he’s going to get fired. And I don’t have that level of worry.

My daughter might not be able to make it to class today. But it’s not the end of the world. She’s super smart, she’ll email the teacher, I’ll take her out to breakfast, and all will be well, which is what happened. But I want to go back now that I’m away from the situation and evaluate what in the devil just happened and why was I so triggered. And so here’s how I do it, and I want to share it with you.

Because you’re gonna have times in your life where you’re triggered, right? Where you’re, where you’re where something happened, where you’re, you’re, you know, you you don’t get along with somebody at work or, or your boss says something, or you have a customer, right? That says something to you that causes you this feeling that you feel like all of a sudden, your mood has shifted immediately and you feel sort of out of control, right? Maybe it’s an ex husband, or maybe it’s your current husband, maybe you’re getting divorced, like whatever it is, when you have that moment.

So here’s what I did is I rewound the situation in my head. What is the story that I had going on? So I rewound? And I kind of do this like slow motion like it’s a movie blew up. So I can see myself now I’m driving by backwards giving him the finger deciding to give him to the deciding to give him to the finger. What’s the image? What’s the thought I had, right before I decided that guy needs the finger.

That guy needs to know how I feel that guy needs to know that I think he’s a crappy driver. And that he just could have caused an accident. Wait. So the image that I had in my head was an image that flashed, and this is you may be really good at this, like this may just come to you. But when you’re in that heightened state of emotion, it’s really hard to identify what just happened, right?

So I will say that if you’re trying to think back of something that happened like two days ago, it might be sort of hard to like, rewind to the movie, but you might be able to get a feeling for it. Right. So I have a thing about being ignored. So I it goes the image that fast in my head is when my mother had died and I needed help. And I asked for help. And I was told I didn’t need help.

But honestly, that’s the image that flashed in my head. I was in college. My mom had been dead about a year. I said to my dad, I think I need a therapist. I’m just coming off the shock and my stepmother leaned over and said, I think you just need some friends.

That’s my story that happened to me. And they created this moment where I actually said to myself, you’re all alone. You’re all alone. So I was God, what was I 18 my mother died when I was 16. Almost 17 my dad got married. My dad was married to my mom.

They got she died. He started dating someone else and got remarried the beginning of my freshman year of college so they might not have been married. No they were they might not have been married yet. They were engaged probably them. So you know who knows why they said the things I’m sure they were doing the best that they could do but what that did was it imprinted something on me and I had that moment where I thought I’m all alone.

All everything that has happens to me from now on, I have to create it from myself because nobody’s going to help me like, like, if you’re not going to help me when I say I need help, because my mother died and I’m processing it, then you’re probably not going to help me with much, right? So here’s what I did was I took that thought. And I created a lot of stories around that thought.

And so you probably have a story like this in your life, right? So that might seem like sort of a benign afternoon thing that happened. But it created a victim story in me. And it created a hero story in me at the same time. And so I have throughout my life, waffled back and forth between the two. And when that guy cut me off, that was the image I saw in my head. You don’t see me, right? You don’t see me that I’m suffering. And I’m

struggling. And I’m trying to get to

my kid to bring her to school. Because I made a commitment, I made a commitment to my ex husband. And I do see how like, all of a sudden, the story gets really big. So that instance, was the that moment where that guy cut me off was this huge gift. This huge gift, because it gave me space to identify where I had to heal.

Oh, Betsy, remember that? That’s the story. Where else can you heal that? How can you go back in and heal that there’s something unresolved, there is an open loop. And even though I have done so much work, and I feel so at peace with my relationship with my dad and his wife and all of those things, there’s something in me that was yet unhealed.

And daddy in the caddy, do you see how the connection is there? So that daddy triggered that moment in me, and I recognized it. I mean, it was weird how I was like, Holy smokes, that I was just mad about that. And that was yell. I mean, that was, what, 30 years ago. It’s a long time ago. So that very long story about how I gave the guy the finger is simply to share with you that we are all learning and growing and trying to become the open flower. Right?

We’re all at the exact point where we’re supposed to be. But here’s how you can continue to grow is to notice where the hurt is, because it is a huge gift, because it helps you to identify. And it helps you to see the places where you have yet to heal. And there is no shame in finding spaces that have yet to heal. And I think when you can do that, that is how you live a big life.

Now, if you want to tell me your story, so that I don’t feel so exposed, you can come and join us inside the Facebook group, you can just go to the art of living big.com and that will pop you right into the Facebook group. And don’t forget I have a free training. If you want to learn about how I help people turn their crisis into their greatest transformation.

You can head right to my website. It’s Betsy Pake calm, and you can sign up for free right there. All right, you guys. I’ll see you next week. Thanks so much for listening to this episode. If you found it a value please share it with your friends, tag me on Instagram or leave a review on iTunes or any of your listening apps. If you take a screenshot and you message it to us at support at Betsy pake.com. We will send you a self hypnosis

audio on how to change and transmute

your limiting beliefs. Thanks so much for listening and keep living big


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.