236: Releasing the “HOW”


In todays episode, Betsy invites you to have coffee with her while she shares some stories to help you understand more about releasing the “how”.


Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy


I’m an author, speaker, Master hypnotherapist and NLP coach, and I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes,

I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers. Welcome to today’s show. Today is going to be like coffee, we’re getting coffee together. So it’s going to be a bunch of things that I would tell you if you were my girlfriend, or boyfriend that is like just a friend. And we were going out for coffee. So if you are new here, thank you. Thank you for being here. Because I know there’s a lot of podcasts to listen to out there. My thoughts with sharing stories like the ones I’m going to share with you today is because we all have such common experiences, that I believe that some of what I share isn’t just about me, it’s about you. So if you listened to last week’s episode, where I got those messages from my guides, which is for lack of like a better way to say that I don’t know how to refer to what it is that I’m getting. I’m going to talk about that a little bit. But it’s about you. And I think we find connections in our stories, you know, so I’m going to share some stories about me. But I guess I’m prefacing that, just to say I’m not just talking about myself, there’s actually a reason why I want to share the stories. And a couple of the stories are one in particular, that maybe I’ll start with is really cool. And so I know that you guys will really like it. But before we get started next week inside the Facebook group, which if you’re not in there already, you can go to the art of living big.com. And that will redirect you right to the Facebook group. We are doing alchemy week in there. Now, if you’re not familiar, I have a monthly membership that’s called the alchemy collective. It’s so cool. It is it has grown to be this. Like, I don’t know, this awesome community. But inside there, I do a monthly workshop. There is monthly meditations, hypnosis, we do happy hours, there’s always new things. In fact, yesterday, I posted in the group that COVID pods are coming What even are COVID pods. But you will learn about those if you join us next week in alchemy week. So inside the Facebook group, I’m going to do sort of like a mini experience, you know, like a card poll, we’re going to do a mini workshop, a hypnosis, a live hypnosis. So it’s free, obviously, it’s in the Facebook group. So jump in and join us. And if you like all that stuff, the membership will be open next week. So I don’t open this all the time. And really in the beginning, I wanted to make sure that it was like a really awesome community. We do things like possibility partners, where we partner up for

a month

and connect with each other on a deeper way. You know, we do what I call the non book club, because I don’t like book clubs, because they seem very strict. And sometimes I can’t finish the book in time. So this is the non book club, you do it at your own pace, and you post about what you’re learning. And so anyway, it’s it’s just really awesome. So I had not opened it up, I opened it up Originally, I wanted to make sure that it was like how I felt really good. And for me as a coach, the collective super fun. Because anytime I have some new idea, like I want to do, like I haven’t a whole idea for January of doing like weight loss hypnosis is in there. Like I have this whole, like I can do it in there. Because it’s it is like a place where I can just be creative. So anyway, if that is your thing, jump into the Facebook group next week and join us for alchemy week, get in touch with some of your personal magic, and then join us inside the collective. So that will be open next week. And you can find out more about that on my website. If you just go to Betsy pake.com backslash alchemy, or alchemy collective, I think you could put either one it would bring you right there. Um,

all right. All right.

So I have a story. And I’m trying to decide, I feel like you know how some, this is how this story feels to me. You know, if you go to re redo your bathroom, and you’re like, I’m gonna just redo the countertops, and you know, put in a new toilet, and then you get the toilet out and you realize that there’s a pipe that’s leaky in there. So then you have to do part of the floor. Do you know what I’m talking about where you think it’s one thing, but it’s this enormous thing. That’s the story I’m about to tell you. So if you’ve heard pieces, like if you’re coaching with me, and you may have heard pieces or parts of this and you’re like, Wait a second. There’s so many parts to this story. So I’m going to try and share that This story from like an overview and then dive down into the pieces I think are important. But the overarching theme of this story is that we’ve got to release the how, actually, I’m going to tell a couple stories that are about releasing the how that things are going to happen. Because when we want something in our lives,

we we get

very, where we want to have like a path to it. And to be able to release the path, to be able to go, I’m not going to worry about how this is going to happen. I’m just going to trust. I think that part that trust that it’s going to happen is really, really hard for people. You know, I think that we have a lot of impatience, because there’s a fear that it’s never going to happen. And I know for myself, if you’ve been here any amount of time, you might notice that I’m mildly obsessed with living at the beach, that’s where I want to live. And right now I live north of Atlanta, Georgia. So in all of that, I have gone through periods where I have been totally okay with that. And then really impatient, like impatient to the point of tears, like longing and aching for it, and how is this ever going to happen? And and when that would happen, I would get really into the how well this could happen. And then this could happen. And then I could see this, and then I could do this. And all that did was it made it really hard, made it really more of a struggle, feeling. And so I believe that part of this process, for me of wanting to move to the beach, is learning how to release like, what’s a better way to learn how to release them to have something that’s that you really can’t figure out on your own. And you might be wondering if you’re kind of new here, you might be like, Why doesn’t she just leave? Well, my husband is an attorney here in Georgia, and he’s taking the bar exam for Georgia. But it’s not transferable to states that have beaches, because then I guess everybody would just move to the beach, right? So he would have to retake the bar exam. And if you’ve ever known anyone that’s taking the bar exam, it you you, you know you study for six months.

That’s all you do.

So it is kind of the thing like do I really want to go through that again. And my daughter is 18, almost 19 now, but I’m divorced from her dad and her dad lived here. So they were real reasons why I didn’t want to move yet. The longing was there. I was trying to figure out how could I make this happen and what could happen. And in all of that, I got to a place where I really didn’t like where I lived. Now, this is all important to the story. So over the past, I mean, I’ve lived in this house, I don’t know eight and a half years, almost nine years, I think it’s a beautiful house. It’s a great neighborhood. It’s I just got probably about five years ago, where I was like, I can’t stand it. Like everything, I hated everything about it. And that’s a lot of what I focused on. Like I would have to purposely move my focus from being frustrated and wanting to live someplace where I could walk to places and you know, I don’t have a lot of friends out here and my friends are more in the city. You know, so all of these different things, why I didn’t want to live here. So I want to live at the beach. And I don’t want to live here. So it’s like this kind of recipe for unrest. And I’ve seen that show up in my life in lots of different ways. You know, where I just wasn’t happy or didn’t want to do things because I didn’t like where I was. Now, I will say because as I’ve been talking, I’ve been thinking there is beach in Georgia, you might be like, Why doesn’t she moved to Savannah or Tybee? That’s a really good question. That’s a really good question. I mean, my mind my beach is, is not that beach. I guess that’s all I can say. self sabotage. I don’t know. I don’t know, we could dive into that for episodes and episodes, but back to my story, which is how we cannot control the house. Okay. So we’re gonna back up to early 2020, this year before COVID hit. So before COVID hit, my husband has worked for himself for a long, long, long time. And before COVID hit back in like January or something he got a call or a text from someone he used to work with. And she said that they were hiring at the DHS office at the district attorney’s office here in the county that we live in just outside Atlanta. So it’s like the biggest county in Georgia and they were hiring and so he interviewed and wasn’t totally sure if you should take the job or not and, and my friend Trish from Episode Two, eight, if you listen to that episode, said he has to take it. I don’t know why he has to take that job. So I told him Trish says you have to take the job. So he was like, you know, finally decided it was a good idea. And Trish said, Okay, so we listen to Trish. So he took the job, he worked at the job for a week, and then COVID happened, and we got locked down. And he had to start working from home. Now, if he had been working for himself, it would have been really difficult because he wouldn’t have been getting paid. You know, he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t have been able to work, because he’s a trial attorney. But since he was working at the DEA is he could work on files from home, you know, he, he’s able to work, you know, so it was it was sort of awesome. Now, at that same time. If you’ve been here for a while, you might remember that I was in LA for some training. I was finishing some training. I was supposed to finish that training, and then go back to LA in August to take my final training that would allow me to certify people to be hypnotherapist and master NLP practitioners. Okay. So at the beginning of the year, I was like, I want to be an expert. If I want to be an expert in what I do, I think I have to be able to train and board certified people. So I started that whole process. Okay, I tell you that because these stories intertwine. So

I’m in LA,

he is here, starting a new job, COVID hits, I have to come home, he ends up working from home. So now he’s working from home. And we spend the COVID time like you guys probably have right at home. My training I was supposed to take obviously I was there and it got canceled. So I had to reboot, I could not take the last part of the training in August, because I had not finished the training in March when I was in LA. So everything changed around. So my husband’s working, right, we’re all working from home, everything’s locked down. I’ve had this dream to go to the beach for 20 years, probably more. But I and I have tried to figure out the how now when COVID happened, it kind of just threw everything out the window, did you do that too, where I just was like, whatever is gonna nothing’s gonna happen this year. So I’m not gonna worry about it, like nothing can happen. And so I did, I just kind of let that go. And then this fall, the presidential election happened and my husband’s boss is the DA was up for reelection. He’s been elected for 30 years, he’s been the DA for 30 years. And he was not reelected. So my husband’s like, I’m not sure what will happen, I may keep my job, I might not when the new person takes over, like you never know, with that kind of thing. And so my husband was like, you know, maybe we move, maybe we move like closer into the city. So it’s easier for me to get to work instead of being out here in the suburbs. And we just rent a place for like a year and figure out where we want to go or what’s going on with my job. Now, I want you to just think about could I ever have had an idea, figuring out the how, where I said, Alright, here’s what’s gonna happen, there’s gonna be a pandemic, and not pandemic, we’re gonna be together a lot, and we’re gonna be talking about stuff a lot. And it’s gonna help everybody reevaluate the stuff that they think and what they want in their life. And then my husband’s gonna, you know, he’s going to, his boss isn’t going to get reelected. And like, I never could have figured that out to say, Okay, then it will, the path will start to become clear. Like the never could have happened, the how it could never have happened. Okay, so now we’re at this place where we’re cleaning out like my husband’s on board, like we’re cleaning out, we actually got an offer on our house before we put it on the market, which is a whole other story that I don’t want to get into. But we’re not sure if we’re gonna take it because they wanted us to do some repairs. We weren’t sure we were going to do. We’ve had a realtor we’ve used forever. And so we reached out to her. And she was like, I think you can get more money than that. Like, I don’t think you’d have to do those repairs. Let’s put it on the market and see what happens. Now in my mind. I have this fear, right, this like total clench, because I’m like, Oh my god, it’s slowing down. I don’t want anything to slow down, right? But I’m trying to trust to the universe and say, Okay, so we’re just going to, it’s going to be fine. It’s going to be fine. Okay. This is where the story gets intertwined with my story about my training. So remember, I was supposed to go to that training in August. I was at the training in March. That’s training in March got moved to September and I finished that training. The training that was in August is now in January in LA. So COVID is heating back up, am I really going to be able to go to LA. So now I’m on a time crunch because I see this window of opportunity to sell my house. And I think I have to control everything. Because I see this opportunity. I mean, we’ve only got six weeks before I’m going to be gone for a month, hypothetically, because the COVID, I don’t know, but we’re gonna be gone for a month, we got to get the house on the market, we got to get an offer. And it’s got to close. And we’ve got to figure out where we’re going to move to and we’ve got to move. So the how the control in me is like freaking out because like, I need this and this and this and we’ve got this cash offer, who cares if we make less, let’s just go. But if I’m relaxing into the universe, and I know that no matter what happens, everything is going to be fine. No matter what happens, it’s working in my favor.

So even if I don’t get an offer till December 30, then I can’t move till February. It’s, it’s because that’s what’s supposed to happen. Now, this can be hard for me, and maybe it’s hard for you to because I like to control, right, I like to be able to. Now I always want to be taking aligned action. Remember, it’s not that I’m not doing anything. It’s just that I’m not trying to control. And what I mean by control is, when I think about not getting an offer until later in the month, I get panicky and worried. That’s me. That’s me not being in the present moment. Right, that’s me going down some path that doesn’t even exist. That’s me putting out a vibration that I don’t want to put out because I want the house to sell right off. Right? I want to get a contract on this house right off. So I don’t want to put out that vibration, though. The worry, vibration is not one that I want to have. Right the need to control. I don’t want to be upset, I don’t want to be worried about it. I want to be thinking about it. I want to be able to just relax into it. Right? So. So here’s a little magical story that happened yesterday to the to all of this, besides the magic of like, I never could have picked this particular how to make this work, right.


you’ve heard me I did a couple episodes on grief. And if you’ve been here for any amount of time, you’ve heard me talk about how my mom died when I was in high school when I was 16. Her name was Carol. I messaged yesterday, the woman who is in charge of that training in January. And I said is the training still going to be in LA? Are you going to move it? And she said Well, right now we’re going to move it to Orange County just south of LA. But if we need to move it again, we will. And I said do you have a location so I can you know kind of plan? Look around for an Airbnb, where’s it going to be held? And she sent me this message. This is what the text said. And remember, I’m thinking about I’ve got to get a contract on this house. Right? That’s my like, that is the vibration I’m sending out. I’ve got to get a contract on this house. Now I’m messaging her because in my head, I’m like, I gotta be gone. And is this really going to happen? Where am I going? Well, I will have hopefully just moved or what will be happening? You know, it’s so much unknown, right? Unknown. The text I get back from her is Carol is working on the contract now. That’s what it was. Now. If you listen to Episode 208, with my friend Trish, she talks about how there are no coincidences. So I’m going like, I’ve got to get a contract. I’ve got to get a contract. My mother, her name is Carol. And when I texted this woman her text back to me is Carol is working on the contract now. Now do I think that’s a coincidence? No, I

do not.

I think that’s Carol saying, Just relax. I’m working on it. You don’t have to worry about it’s going to be fine. And so it is it is done. Now, when I say that in my head, it is done. I am just able to release how it doesn’t matter how I never could have planned how this whole year would have gone. I never could have planned. I never could have planned what’s about to happen because what’s about to happen is really cool and magical. Now, where am I going? I’m going into Atlanta. We’re selling this house. We’re going to rent some place, which is what I call the bridge house. We talked about moving buying something we got alone. And then we were like no let’s just rent so We can see what’s happening. Now, I have my own feelings about what’s going to happen. And I think my husband has feelings about what’s going to happen. And we’re just going to be open to whatever happens. The plan right now the action that we’re taking is towards having a bridge house where we stay for 812 months, and then it could be near my daughter for a little while, he can be at his job. And we can just figure out what’s next. Right? We just don’t know there’s a lot of unknowns. But what I have found is that the unknowns are what leaves space for magic. It is known to me it’s something I’ve already experienced, I want the unknowns, I don’t want to spend my time being worried in those their windows of magic. And if I can release the worry, I can expand into any possibility. So I wanted to share that story with you guys, because you’ve heard me talk about the beach so damn much. And because I wanted to open you up to releasing the ideas about the how it’s something that I work on constantly. And in fact, the last fewer weeks, I have felt this huge shift around it. And I’m going to be talking more about that. If you’re on my text list, I send out texts a couple times a week, which are messages that I’m getting. If you listen to last week’s episode, I talked more about some of that. But I’m finding that this is coming more and more and more. And it’s just so helpful for me that I I text those out. So if you want to get on my text list, and you live in North America, you can just text me just text 770-343-3409, you can text anything, just text Hi, and it’ll respond. But then after you get the autoresponder and you add me, then all the texts are from me. And you can text back to me and everything. So if you’re interested in a little bit more about that, and that work, and I’m going to be sharing more and more about that, because I feel like that time where I have been quiet and connecting to, you know, my inner Knower, my guides, I don’t know how you would call it. I mean, I’ve talked about this a lot over the years. But I’ve been doing this for I don’t know, 1015 years now is becoming way, way faster. And a lot more interesting, I guess. So I’m going to be sharing a little bit more of that stuff, and what’s coming, but I wanted to share this story today about about my mom working on the contract, so that we don’t have to worry about it, and just about how you can never ever

figure out the house. Now I do have another story for you. And this story is about your unconscious mind and how it’s always working for you. Now, if you’ve been following along for a while, you know, really like my message is to, you know, watch where you’re focused. You know, I’ve always talked about like focusing on what you want, releasing the how, but you know, having trust and faith in the universe, and using your subconscious mind to help you to move you forward, I have a class that I’m running right now that I run a couple times a year will be running a few times a year called next level. And it’s about how to manifest using your subconscious so that you are releasing all the action. It’s something that I have been working on a lot this summer and has been so fun, and I can see how it is working so beautifully. And so um, so in all of that, one of the things that I talk about is about how we’re, how emotion is what communicates to our subconscious. And you’ve heard me talk about that on the show. But our unconscious mind, one of the ways that it knows and communicates with us is through emotion. So if I have something I experienced, that’s highly emotional, my subconscious is way more apt to remember that thing, then, if it’s just something benign, right, so I have been to the airport many, many, many times, many times. And I don’t really remember all the times like I can remember being at the airport, but one time I was at the airport and I saw Sandra Bullock and I remember that time because it was more emotional when time I saw Rick Okay, sick, you know, from the cars in the parking lot. Yeah, of an airport. I used to live in DC and I saw lots of people at the airport. But I remember those times, highly more emotional, right? Where are my memories kept in my unconscious mind. So I tell you all of that to tell you this next little story. Now, the person that I’m going to talk about, I don’t know, she might listen, she might not I’m not sure if she’s a listener. But I’m telling you this story, because it’s so good. Okay, I went and got my hair done last week, and it was a new person, it was someone that was referred to me. And I know now why they were referred to me because they were freaking awesome. Besides the fact that I have like, amazing hair. She was so cool. Like she was my people, you know what I mean? All the Whoo, we had the best conversation, like, it was so much fun to hang out with her for that, like, I want to go get my hair down again, just so we can hang out. And in the beginning, when we were talking, and I had it colored, so I was there for a long time. You know, in the beginning, when we were talking, she asked me what I did, and how did you get into that? And, you know, part of my story is that my mom died. Like that changed who I was, it changed how I looked at the world. And so, you know, that’s usually kind of something I touch on when I tell somebody I say, you know, well, you know, I tell the story of how I got into coaching 10 years ago.

But I say, you know, my

mom died when I was 16. She got in a car accident and just changed the way I looked at everything. And that kind of fed into everything that I do now, right? That’s how I tell it. That’s what I say. And that was it. We and then we talked about a million other things. And then, like two hours later, when she was washing my hair, she said, so how did your mom died? Did? Did she hit something? Or did someone hit her? Which is a totally valid question. Because at this point, we are like, totally good. But I felt restriction, like all of a sudden, I felt like I don’t want to think about it. And I felt so grateful. Because I was so comfortable with her. I could just say I don’t really want to talk about that. And she was like, oh, okay, and it was totally fine and done. And it wasn’t weird or awkward or anything. But I felt this emotion. Now remember, my unconscious mind knows what’s important by what is emotional.


now, so we went, and then she dried my hair, and I didn’t really think about it again. But two things happened. One is she asked, How did you get into this? How did you get into this work? And when she asked me that, no, she said, What’s your message? And the way she said it? The way she said it, I had it, I had to think differently. I forget how she worded it, but it it, it hit different, right. So. So that was in my brain? And then she asked that question, and I felt emotion. Okay, so usually when someone asks like, what do you do, I say like, I help high achievers rewire, so that they can get to the next level. But she didn’t ask that. She said, What’s your message? Okay, so what’s your message? And then she asked, How did your mom die? Okay, that was it. I did not think about it again. Which is the whole point of everything that I’ve been talking about today is not like just letting stuff go into the cosmic crock pot, which is what those things did, I guess. So now those things are cooking in the cosmic crock pot. Something to know about me is that I’ve been a coach for a long, long time. I mean, almost 10 years, you know, I’ve got my degree in psychology have been NLP certified forever, like so this has been something that I, you know, people and understanding people. And all of that has been something that has been important to me for a long, long time. And one of my dreams, and one of my favorite things to do is to speak. That’s why

I have the podcast.

That’s why I started the podcast in the first place. So I really want to be a speaker. Now, this year, I thought that’ll be something I can do. But with COVID it kind of gave everything pause, right? Last year, I took a class to learn how to be a speaker, a better speaker and how to get more speaking gigs and all of that. So if you’ve know of somebody that needs a speaker, y’all think about me, so, so so I tell you that so that is what is, I believe, like the master plan for me. Okay. So this is in the cosmic crock pot. I go to bed that night, knowing all this stuff about me that this thing happened that really my goal is to be able to reach thousands of people. I feel like there’s a bigger purpose right? In the morning. The very first thing I thought of like the moment I woke up, was this. Do you know how my mom died? She was on a dirt road. She had gone taken a wrong turn. So she got on a dirt road to connect to the road she needed to get on. She went down an embankment. This huge investment into this giant open field. This huge open field had one thing in it a tree one tree. Do you know what she was focused on the tree? Do you know where she went? The tree where you focus is a matter of life and death. Y’all it’s so important. And it’s not just if you’re looking at the tree. If you’re looking at what you want in your life, are you looking at what you don’t want if you’re looking at what you hate about your life, or you’re looking at what you enjoy about your life, if you’re looking about what sucks about your job or looking about the good parts about your job, and what you’re great at and what you’re strengths are, where you focus is a matter of life or death, whether it means you physically die, or you’re just living walking around dead. Now, why is that important? Because Do you see how much more effective that story is? in context to my message, I never connected those two things. But it’s so important. It’s why I have so much passion. And I didn’t even know that. It’s why this work is so important to me. And I didn’t even recognize that those two things were connected, until I allowed my subconscious to do the work and say, Betsy, if you want to be Imagine if I must speak, just imagine for a moment Actually, yes, let’s imagine, imagine it with me, because then we’re putting that vibration out. But you go to a huge event, and I’m there talking. And I say, it’s really important that you focus on what you want, it’s really important, or I tell you that story, what are you going to remember what’s going to feel something in your body, that story, but in that instant, I made purpose out of that event for me. So all of this whole show, to say allow your subconscious mind to help you to help you get where you want, stop trying to hustle with the how and make it all happen. Allow it to flow because when it does, magical things can happen. You can shift and you can see things and you can make connections that you never ever could have imagined. And when you are focused on the how you are hustling, and you are not allowing space for magic. I hope that you liked this episode. I hope that it all made sense. I hope our time having coffee together today made sense. And that you felt something and that this time was worthwhile to you and I hope that it helps you think a little bit differently about what could be possible for your life. If you liked this episode, please share it with your friends. Please let me know just tag me on social media at Betsy Pake. I love you all so much. Thank you so much for being here with me today. Focus on what you want. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it, please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.