289: Living a Confident Life - Betsy Pake

289: Living a Confident Life


Imagine how you would feel if no matter the situation, you had confidence.  Even if the people in your world don’t see eye to eye.. you were grounded in knowing your truth. 

In this episode, Betsy talks all about confidence and growth. How you do one thing is how you do everything. 

How are you treating situations, people in your world, and even yourself lately? 

>>> Connect with Betsy on IG @betsypake


For today, I really wanted to talk to you about confidence. You know, one of the things that I hear a lot from people, whether it’s my coaching clients, or people in my certification, or just people that reach out to me is that they have something that they really want to do. You know, they have some thought or goal or idea of something that they really want to experience in their life. And then when they tell me, then they immediately tell me the reasons why it’s not feasible.

Like, why it can’t happen. I’ve noticed this in myself, too, right? I mean, we all do this, no one’s immune to it. And I’m certainly not anything I teach this, because I’m like, trying to figure it out myself. Right. And I’ve noticed that I think with over the past couple of years with the Coronavirus, and all of us having to be inside during the pandemic, something has shifted. So it’s been almost exactly two years. For me, since COVID. Hit and I had to make adjustments in my life. I was in LA at the time for like a month. And in the middle of that it was a training that I was at. And in the middle of that I decided to leave the training, the training hadn’t even closed down, although a lot of things in the United States had closed down. But I made the decision I needed to leave. And so I left and came home. And for me, that’s when the that’s when the pandemic started. You know, that’s when being home became a really normal thing. And I’ll tell you for me in the beginning, it was like an introverts greatest wish, because nobody was going out. So there I didn’t have to say no, I didn’t have to feel bad about saying no, because everyone was home. And although there was a lot of unknown and it was scary, and I certainly never wish anybody to get sick or, or to die or to lose loved ones. Obviously that’s obvious. I hope. There was also something for me as an introvert that was, so was nice about being home. And, you know that summer, it, I did a lot of things around my house. And I think a lot of us kind of got into like a pattern of being being home and being in this like, bubble. Now. I was lucky where I lived at the time, I had like a big outdoor deck. And I spent a lot of time outside. And that was great. But as time went on, more and more and more, I wasn’t doing things. And then as things began to sort of open up, then I had gotten in the habit of like not doing things. And maybe you were like that too. Like, like there was so much unknown there was so much like information coming and going you didn’t know can I go out? Can it should I stay in? Do I wear a mask? Do I not wear a mask? Do they work do they not wear like, it was also confusing and everyday was something different, which understandably. And it also led me to, instead of it led me to change my behavior where instead of like, having times where I wanted to be inside as an introvert and then having moments of getting my energy by going out and exploring and seeing new things and meeting up with friends or going to dinner, because I couldn’t do those things. Or because that was so unknown. I was constantly pulling back. So now instead of like this ebb and flow of being out being in being out being in I was in and if I went to go out there was a fear around it or a concern. And even for me, there was a concern where I didn’t want people to think that I didn’t care because I didn’t care about what was happening and what was going on with other people. I just I didn’t know what to do. And there was a need and a desire to have novelty. Right. Our brains love consistency, but they also crave novelty. And I was craving novelty. And I think if you were an extrovert that was even more painful for you. You probably really crave novelty and maybe There was even a level of feelings of depression, right feelings of feeling like boxed in and sad about that. And I believe that throughout that experience over the past two years, because it was an extended period of time, it wasn’t like two weeks. Remembering the beginning, did you think it was going to be like two weeks? Because I remember thinking like, I’m not even gonna buy a mask, I won’t need 100 Poor, naive, Betsy. I didn’t know. But I think that in that experience over the past two years, I think something has happened. That is like a secondary pandemic. And I think that that is a confidence, a confidence in doing a confidence in trusting yourself, because you never knew what was happening and how people would perceive you in what was the right thing or the wrong thing. And I think that that level of uncertainty, bled into our everyday lives. And you may have heard me say this before, you may have heard this quote before, but how you do one thing is how you do everything. And I, I believe that I believe that if we want to discover something about ourselves, or we want to understand why we’re not getting the thing we want, we need to just look at the rest of our life and see how we’re responding to things, how we’re reacting to things and how we relate to things. Because how we do one thing, is how we do everything. And so now we’re in this position where we’re home for two years, right? It is very uncertain. The rules change every day, we are pulling ourselves in more and more out of like, information or misinformation. And now our confidence is starting to dwindle. Because we never know if we’re doing the right thing or not. And part of confidence is being really sure of yourself. And now we’re going out in some places, we need masks and some places we don’t. And how we do one thing is how we do everything. And so now I’m unsure of myself out here. And so now I’m unsure of myself in other places, too. And maybe you’ve noticed this, that you’re unsure of yourself in places that you didn’t notice, it starts to bleed in to our lives, I imagine. This is the image that’s coming to my mind is like a paper cutout of a human form. And it’s like a paper towel, right? And you take a watercolor and you put it on, you put the paper, you put the watercolor, and it doesn’t just go where you put it. It like expands out, right, and the edges of it bleed into other areas of yourself. And so nothing happens in a vacuum. And so as we were having this experience, I believe it started to disintegrate other parts of ourselves where we felt sure. I mean, I think that there was a lot of divorces, a lot of people got separated over that. I mean, I know I heard about it, from many, many, many people. I mean, I’m sure there’s a statistic on it, right? Because things that we were sure of before, suddenly felt unsure. And the places where we felt unsure begin to expand, because we didn’t have certainty in other areas. And so

I saw I wanted to talk about that, because I wanted to see if that was something that you’ve been experiencing. And I wanted to talk about some ways that I noticed this in myself, and some things that I’m doing about it. I got an email this past week asking me about Iceland. And a lot of people have been asking a lot of people have been really curious, like, why are you going for so long? How come it’s so long? Like why are you there for a month like that seems unusual to people? And then it seems unusual to people that I would be here for a month and not have my husband. And then it seems unusual to people that I would be going with strangers, like the whole thing seems understandably like I understand that. So when I’ve gotten several messages, and then I got an email asking what’s the intention, like what’s your purpose of your trip? And I realized the purpose for my trip was well, the outcome of the trip is I’m getting more than I bargained for which is great. But the purpose of my trip was really to get my confidence back. The purpose of my trip was to put me in positions where I was forced to grow. Like the purpose of the trip was to be able to say like these are all the areas where I’ve noticed that I have restricted Over the past two years, and I don’t want to wait in a normal everyday situation for me to start to open up, right, like a flower, like open up really slow. I want to force that experience. That was, for me, that’s just how it felt. For me, I wanted to force that experience. And for me, forcing that experience meant totally changing my environment. Because I believe that travel in general hopes to expand but if you are traveling someplace you’ve never been. And then you’re traveling someplace that doesn’t speak your language, and you’re traveling to someplace where food is different. And every, like, everything is different. It, it makes you very wobbly, and you’re forced to go inward to find stability. And I think that lots of times, in our everyday life, we lean on other things to give us the things that we don’t have internally, we all do this, right, we all do this, where we’re like, I don’t feel that good. I’m gonna go shopping on the internet, because I can buy myself something from Amazon and have it delivered in a day, and then I feel better, right, or I can eat, I’m gonna go make a cake, or I’m gonna have a drink, or whatever thing it is that you do. When we feel wobbly, we many times what we do is we go to find a way to feel that security. And I wanted to take away that outside security so that I was forced to go inward, so that I was forced to find the confidence and the stability internally. And by internally, this is what I mean, I wanted to have an opportunity to focus or to rely on my beliefs and my values and my identity. So you’ve been listening to my podcast, and you’ve been hearing me talk about ways to master your subconscious. Maybe you’ve been really curious about how you can learn this too, and maybe even create a business of your own to help other people transform their lives as well. If you’d like to become board certified in six different certifications, we have it all for you inside the alchemy Institute, you can go at your own pace with our on demand training, or you can attend live events. Find out more over at our website, the alchemy institute.co. That’s the alchemy Institute, dot C,

O, I’ll see you over there. And if something in there was wobbly, I wanted to be able to root it out. And it’s hard to root it out when everything around you is familiar. Now I want to talk about that for just a minute. What do I mean by values, beliefs, and identity. So when we talk about the unconscious mind, right, I’m I go conscious to unconscious, and my unconscious mind is running about 95% of everything that I do. And if that’s the case, then that means that when I feel wobbly, I need to be able to go to the 95% I need to be able to go internal, because if I’m relying on the 5%, that’s conscious, that’s not enough stability. And that’s when I start going outward, right? I start going to having a drink or meeting up with other people, right relying on other people to give me. So when I’m forced to go inward, I’m forced to check these higher levels of my unconscious mind. Now, one of the very first levels of my unconscious mind is my beliefs. This is like what do I believe about the world. Anything that you think over and over again, is a belief, the way that you have structured your reality is a belief. The things you believe to be true, are a belief, the things that you don’t even realize are beliefs, but that have created a structure that allows you to live your life. It’s your beliefs. So our reality is created by what we believe. And it can be really, really easy when everything around us supports that. So my beliefs could be something really simple. Like, I believe I’m a kind person, right? I believe that my gift is of gab, I have the gift of gab, right which is why I chose to do a podcast as my thing, okay. But it’s also that I believe that I believe that the the world is generally like a kind place, or that I believe certain areas of the world are scary. Or I believe that people that are married, should try this a good one that people that are married, should travel together, they shouldn’t have separate vacations. Right? And that might be one that you have. So I’m noticing all of these things, and how do I push past the boundaries of what those beliefs are? And question those beliefs, and decide which ones are worthy of Me leaning on so that I don’t feel wobbly anymore. Alright, so just above my beliefs or my values, my values come from my, my youth from growing up, right? We get it from our parents and our grandparents. By the age of seven, usually, we have our deep seated core values. And those are things that generally we would fight to the death for. They’re not going to be things that we shift very easily. Right. I don’t believe we should kill people, right? Like that is I, I would fight you for the death. That makes sense, right? But like, those are things that I would fight for that I believe we shouldn’t be murderers, right? There are certain things that we have that form our reality, that are things that we just picked up from our upbringing. I had a friend years ago, who was super religious, she was Christian. She is Christian, super Christian. And we were talking one day about being Christian and her faith and what that meant, I’m always really curious about how people believe in what they think. And I said, Well, it’s interesting, because if you were born, like in a different country, you probably would believe something different. And right off, she was like, No, I would not, because what I believe is truth.

And I thought that was so interesting that she that she really didn’t have a concept of that truth came from her values, it came from her experience if she had been born, like in a Hindu religion, that would feel like truth. Like if that’s the way she was brought up, that would feel like normal, and that would feel like real, and reality and, and truth. And so I think there are times where we don’t realize how much just our environment has created our concept of reality. And that shows up in our values, some of the deep work that when I when I when I train people, and my level two training is how to really identify what those values are for people, it can be really, really powerful for entrepreneurs to make. I say entrepreneurs, entrepreneurs, or anybody, anyone, but I, I do it a lot with entrepreneurs to be able to find out what your values are, so that you can make business decisions based on those so that they align with who you are, right? Having this confidence being shaken. Right? I mean, I’m home for two years, I want to have an expedited experience of relying and evaluating what my beliefs and my values are and my identity. And for me, I thought, my identity, the perfect place to check it is going to be in a group of people, I don’t know, it’s going to show up for me in how I react to people. What I’m thinking, I’m what I’m thinking about other people is telling me something about me. It’s showing me a place where perhaps I’m I am really confident or a place where perhaps I need healing. Being in a group made me recognize how I showed up and where my lack of confidence SAT. There were things that people said that were totally different from my belief. And I didn’t, it didn’t shake me at all, I was completely fine with them having the belief that they had, because I felt so strongly in my belief. I didn’t feel challenged, I felt totally fine if they believe something very different. One of the things that’s been fun about this group is that they didn’t know a lot of the teachers that I know. So they nobody knew who Dr. Joe Dispenza was, or Dr. Bruce Lipton, or Abraham Hicks, no one had heard of so it’s been fun for me to share those things. And what that means also is that this group has a whole bunch of experiences and things that I don’t write because they’re not shared experiences. We don’t have a lot of shared things. So you noticing when someone else says like, and they’re all very kind, so Nobodies, but they’re sharing their own experience of like, I’m not a spiritual being having a physical experience. I’m just having a physical experience. There’s no spiritual side to any of this. And I, I felt so good about that. No, that sounds strange. But I did not feel rocked or challenged by that I didn’t feel like I had to convince them otherwise, I actually really, really appreciated how they felt about that. And I liked it. I liked that they felt so sure. And so I knew that my there was no trick, there was nothing to heal in that. Now, other times people have said stuff, I know I have a lot of things to heal in terms of my understanding and education around politics, I don’t like to talk about it, because I don’t feel like I know enough. And in the United States, I don’t feel like my education around it was very good. I noticed that as they speak, they’re much more educated about it. And I know that that’s a cultural thing. I’m guessing that’s a cultural thing.

Just because it’s so different from me, everybody in that aspect is so different from me. And so I realized that that made me shaky, it made me wobbly, it made me unsure. And so it gave me an opportunity to see something that I needed to heal, I either needed to be 1,000%, okay with that, or I needed to take action and fix it. If I wanted, get educated, learn more, you know, become better at having conversations and sharing my point of view. Sometimes with politics, especially, and maybe you’re like this, too. I know how I feel. But I can’t explain it. And I don’t necessarily have the facts and statistics to back it up. And although I don’t want to be an erg, viewer of politics, there’s a belief in there, did you hear it? I do think that it showed me something that perhaps would help my confidence. So then why did I come here? I did it so that I could find so that I could have an experience where I could find what needed to be healed, gained my confidence, understanding my understand my footing, and really get a clearer view of my identity. And that’s what I’ve done. So I offer that little thought to you and that that story of why I’m here and why I did this. And what I believe, you know, the other one that I mentioned earlier was people that are married should travel apart, like, especially for a month, right? It seems kind of strange. And a lot of people have asked me that. I’ve had a lot of people ask me, like in covert ways, you know what I mean? And I would just challenge you of like, why does that have to be, you know, my husband works full time at a job where he has to go in, I work full time at a job where I can go anywhere. So because I made the decision and the choice to marry him, does that mean that I have to change the experiences that are available to me? Does that mean I have to choose not to have the life experiences that I crave. Because I chose a partner who can’t travel in the same way that I can. Like just something to think about. And maybe for you that is what it means. For me it doesn’t. But what I’ve sensed is, for a lot of people, that is what it means that you don’t do that. And I can tell by their messages, which doesn’t make me feel wobbly at all, I’m actually happy to share my point of view on it. So where can you and you might not be able to go away for a month with a bunch of strangers. But where can you start to recognize what needs to be healed? How you can gain your confidence? And how can you put yourself in situations that causes you to expand and to go inward? Instead of going outward? To find your stability someplace else? This could be a really interesting experiment. If I didn’t have this month to go. And when I get back, I’ll probably do it in smaller ways. Like how can I put myself in uncomfortable positions so that it becomes glaring at me, the things that need to be done? Right becomes glaring, the things that need to be healed, it becomes glaring, the things that I’m good at the things that make me me the things that I like. And I think when you get clear on that, you get a path. And I think that when you’re walking that path, that is how you live have a big life. So I hope this was helpful. Please post if you have thoughts or you’re doing your own experiment, do it and tag me because I would love to celebrate you and I would love to see what you’re doing could really be an expansive moment for you to be able to take a day or two, and see how you can put yourself in a position that causes you to see what needs to be seen.

Alright, I love you so much. I will see you all next week.


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.