344: The Hidden Factor That Determines Your Success


In this episode, Betsy discusses the hidden factor that determines your success and explains why you may not be getting what you want.

While it’s important to have clarity and define what you want, it’s equally crucial to believe in it fully. However, beliefs are often unconscious and can hold people back from moving forward towards their goals. Betsy explains that our unconscious programming influences our behavior, experiences, and responses to the world around us. When we set a new goal, our conscious mind may be excited about it, but the unconscious mind defaults to old programming and patterns that don’t align with the new goal. Listen in as Betsy shares the keys to getting what you want in life.


Welcome to the Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy pake. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big.

Hello, hi, everyone. Welcome to the Art of Living big welcome. If you’re new here, hi, thanks for being here. Maybe your friend invited you. So I would like to thank your friend for sharing. You know, it’s funny because I’ve listened to a podcast, I don’t know, a week or so ago. And I was messaging with April, you guys might remember April, I call her my magical unicorn, but she works with me and she was on an earlier episode, she’s gonna come on again, we’re gonna do that again. But I was saying about in the podcast, they were saying, like, I don’t take any ads. There’s no ads on my podcast. And I have actually had people message me and say, like, I’m so glad you don’t have a whole bunch of ads, or you’re not like selling stuff, or you don’t only do a podcast when you’re selling something, right. And I was thinking about that, because I was like, I don’t have ads. I, I rely on you guys to share the show. And when you share the show, it makes me so happy. And if you like it, maybe your friends would like it.

So I have a big ask this week. And it is that you just share the show with one person. If you did that you would make me so happy. And you would help me reach the goal that I told April I would reach of increasing the listens on the show. So it would save me like a bunch of like trying to figure stuff out if you just shared it with one person. So if you’re here and you’re new, because your friend shared it, thank you. Thank you, thank you for being here. And thanks for listening. Okay.

Quick note, if you’re not on my text list, and you live in the US or Canada, once a week, I send out a text. Now if you’re not in the United States or Canada,

it’s you can’t get it. It’s like a service that they only text those countries. But I do post them, although it’s after the fact but on my Instagram, but here’s the text. And I tell you when I’m gonna give you the number and you just have to text like anything Hello, whatever. But I’ll tell you that people respond to me like, oh my god, this, like perfect timing. This is so weird. This is wild, I can’t believe you sent it at this exact moment. Like, it’s really fun. So although you could see them on my Instagram, I think there’s something magical, magical, magical about getting it the moment that I send it. So anyway, that number is 770-343-3409 It’s free just text Hello. And if you hate it, you can just text me stop and it’ll, it will stop. So.

So yeah, come and join me over there. And I send little messages, which is actually kind of what I wanted to talk about today. So yesterday, I sent out a text. And last night, we had a group meeting inside the alchemy Institute. So I did Episode 341, where I talked about why I think everybody should learn NLP neuro linguistic programming. And I put together a group of people who are going through the material and then we are all meeting and a little small group and talking about how to use it in your everyday day to day life based on what they’ve been learning. If you want to join that group, just message me and I will get you the information. But one of the things that I was talking with them about last night was about the text that I sent yesterday, I’m going to read you the text, you might have gotten it but let me just read it to you.

And then we’re going to kind of break it down. So it says belief in what you want is just as important as defining what you want. Belief, however, is sneakier. It holds you in place when you want to move forward. That’s why so many people turn but never get anywhere. Imagine what you want and then work on what you believe about it and your life will change. Now

I think that these these text messages hit people at the right time, right like if if you’re ready to receive you will hear this in a different way. Maybe then it would like of me just reading it or whatever it will

hit different when you need it than when you don’t need it. Which makes sense, right? So last night, when we were in our group, I was talking about this and I. And I said, there is a nuance to this specific text and to so many of my texts, that I think if you have the lens of neuro linguistic programming, if you have the lens of seeing the world in a way that is driven by your unconscious programming, and you know how to take control of that programming, which opens your world up to all new things, when you hear this text, they will feel a little different, you’ll, you’ll experience it a little bit different. So this text might seem like, oh, well, that’s yeah, of course. But I really want to break this down. Because this is this, your life will really change if you get this. Okay, so I want to break this text down on today’s show. All right, we always hear about, you’ve got to have clarity about what you want, you got to know what it is that you want, you have to have a vision, you have to have it like, outline, you know, do a vision board, write it out, you have to know where you’re going. And I think that is so true, we have to know where we’re going, or we’re just going to go wherever on default, or we’re gonna get pulled by other people’s whatever’s right. So knowing where you want to go, defining what you want, is so important.

The big problem that most people make is that they define what they want. But they don’t have full belief in it, which makes sense. Why would you have full belief in something that you’re defining that you want that you’ve never had before, if you had full belief in it, you would have it? Right. So you’ve defined this thing, I really want to experience this, you know, I want to have that promotion, I want to create this great relationship, I want to have a good experience with my kids, I want to create more income, so I can go on vacation, and whatever that thing is for you.

I want to be healthy, I want to feel good in my body, define it.

But if you don’t have a belief in it,

you’re not going to get it.

Now, that’s why belief however, is sneakier. It holds you in place when you want to move forward. Right? This is why so many people churn but never get anywhere. So I want to break this down. So here’s what happens. And you may have heard me say this before, but but I’ll say it again, our patterns, which means like the things that I do every day, when I’m not paying attention, those are all created and housed in my unconscious mind. So I may consciously set up this vision of what I want, I may consciously write it all out, I may be really excited about it. I may even be like I’m putting together an action plan, I’m gonna take action, I’m gonna change my behavior. I’m gonna change my environment, I’m making this happen.

That’s all great.

But our conscious mind is like only about 5% of what you’re doing. And I want. And you’ve probably heard me say that before, but I want you to understand what I’m saying.

What I’m saying is, the moment you’re not thinking about that vision, that goal, because you have other things on your mind, right? The moment you’re not thinking about it, then the default goes into play. And the default is your subconscious programming, all the patterns and all the things that you do, how you experience the world, the things that trigger you the expressions on your face, the way you respond, the feelings that you have, all of that is predetermined programming in your unconscious mind. So I put together this whole vision, and it includes consciousness, it includes me changing my environment, me changing my behavior, which are all conscious things. Now, if I wanted to include unconscious things, then I would look at my values around it. I would look at my identity around it. I would look at my beliefs around it.

Because those things are 95% of you hitting that goal.

I would say to a client, don’t even worry about what actions you’re going to take which I know

You might immediately be like,

don’t worry about that. Because when you change your identity and your beliefs, the things you do just naturally change.

So, what you’ve probably been doing what most people do and what we’re taught honestly and shown is that you set up a goal and you define it, you vision board it, you get excited about it, you’re like, yes. And then you’re thinking about it, I mean, you’re probably thinking about it for like a couple of weeks more often than not, because it’s new, it’s a novelty, our brains love novelty.

And then you hit a tipping point where your unconscious mind begins to take over. And when it does, that, it brings all of the old past programming up, that got you to where you were in the first place, without the new vision.

And so you’ve put together these

action plans, which are good action plans are good, if that makes you feel good, like, Yes, do it.

But you’ve, you can’t ignore the beliefs and the values and the identity, because that’s really the driver.

So belief in what you want is just as important as defining what you want.

So imagine what you want, and then work on what you believe about it, and your life will change. If you are going for a goal, here’s one of the things that makes me like the saddest in the world, is when people are like, I guess it’s just not for me, like I get I’ve tried, I’m so sick of failing, I’m so tired. I

like I just want to hug you.

Because you’re not failing, you’re actually succeeding, your brain is working exactly the way that it is supposed to. And it’s taking over. And it’s making things simpler, our brains are designed to, to generalize, to delete, to distort information. It’s designed to do that, so that I can make my way around the world. Imagine if every time I went into the bathroom in the morning to like, brush my teeth and do my thing in the morning, if I had to go like, Okay, I gotta know how to brush my teeth. Let me let me get YouTube. But I gotta remember how to do YouTube, I gotta remember there is I would have so many sticky notes all over. Because when those things move into my unconscious, I don’t have to think about them. And it frees up my space in my brain.

Consciously, I can only process about 126 bits of information. Now our brains chunk information. So if you could think of like seven chunks of information, seven things I can be kind of focused on I can have in my awareness.


seven things. So when I am taking in information into my nervous system, and I want you to think about what that means, how do I take in information into my nervous system, I am seeing things, I’m hearing things, I’m smelling things, I’m feeling things.

So when I’m taking in all this information, my brain has to figure it out. Because because it’s taking in 2 million pieces of information every second, but I can only handle seven chunks of that. So two millions coming in. I can only handle seven chunks. And so my brains like put things on autopilot, autopilot, autopilot, autopilot. The amazing thing about that is that I don’t have to think about it. When I go to brush my teeth. You probably have driven to work and you don’t even remember driving there. You’re just like, Oh my God, how do I show up here? Have you ever done that? Where I’m like, Oh my God, I hope I was safe.

I hope nothing weird happened. But it’s because your brain just takes over. It’s beautiful thing.

So when you’re not hitting your goals, and you’re like, oh my god, I’m failing. I’m like, No, you’re not. It’s a beautiful thing. You’re actually doing great. You just are focused on the wrong things. Because we weren’t ever taught that we have to be focused on the belief about the goal, more than the action items about the goal.

Now one of the things that I do when I get a new goal and we teach this inside the alchemy Institute for

what we teach it to life coaches and therapists on how to help people set up goals for their subconscious. And now I’m doing this with people specifically for their own self development. So

So as we’re going through that process, you know, I’m right, I’m getting clear on the goal. And then I’m figuring it out figuring out all the reasons why I don’t believe it.

All the reasons why I think this won’t work, or this isn’t true, or this isn’t for me, or maybe it’s just a feeling that just No, this isn’t gonna work.

Or like, there’s something that says, like, if I’m nervous about it, I really want the job. I really want the promotion, right. If you’re an entrepreneur, I really want to build my business to this next month. But there’s something in you that goes, nope, I know, that’s not gonna happen.

That’s not for you.

That’s where you have to go. It’s not if you put together the action plan. I mean, that’s great. If that makes you feel good. Do that. But But first, work on why you think that?

What’s the past programming? What’s that? What’s the experiences that you’re pulling from from your past? You’ve got to start to shift. And when you locate those things, you have to have a mechanism to be able to change them.

Oh, well, I remember I had a really bad experience 10 years ago, and this thing happened. And I’m still carrying that I’m still carrying that baggage.

You know, I say sometime,

I’ve said this to my husband, but like, everybody has baggage. I like to think mines and Louis Vuitton. Everybody has baggage. So the the trick is to set your goal, define what it is you want, and then figure out what the baggage is.

D go through your crap sack and figure out what the crap is, and then clear the crop. All of the sudden, you’ll be taking actions that move you towards the thing. And then you’re like, This was so effortless. This felt easy. This felt like the next right thing. You know, it’s fascinating to me, when we work on that part, and we have tools to do that work, how everything can shift.

So I asked you,

what is it that you really believe about the goals that you have written down? The goals that you have in your head? What do you really believe about them? And if you’re like, I have no idea, that’s fair. How do you feel about it? If there’s something that’s making you uneasy, then you have beliefs in there? You know, sometimes I’ll talk to a client and they’ll be like, I am so worried about this thing. And I’m like, Oh, well, it’s fine. Like, that’s fine worries, just an alert for you that there’s beliefs in there that aren’t serving you. So we just got to find those beliefs. But if you continue to worry, you’re just continuing to feed

that dragon. And it’s not necessarily that the worry part is wrong. It’s that the worry is alerting you to something and you’re not doing anything about the alert.

Right. The worry is saying, Hey, you’re thinking about this in a way that’s driving you down a path that is not going to be a path you want whatever it is you’re thinking about is like you’re creating it, just because that’s the way your unconscious mind works, not because that’s some whoo, whoo creation thing, although it can be.

But that’s how our brains work.

So, if you’re like, I have goals, and I have toned goals, I’ve never hit

yay. Because now you know, now you know that you’ve got to take a look a strong hard look at the beliefs, you know, the values, your identity around those goals. And when you do that, your life will change.

If you want to do that with me, just shoot me a message, shoot us a message at support at Betsy pake.com. Come and join us in that group we just got started, you can join us. And you can start to learn the tools because I think one of the big things is that

this might all make sense. But unless you have a mechanism to change that, to recognize it and know how to change it, what tool needs to be used.

It can be really debilitating. It can be really overwhelming because then you’re like, alright, well now I know. But but now I’m just aware. And now I don’t have the next step, you know? And we got to be able to take the next step to start to shift this. And there’s so many ways we can do that so many ways, and I teach a bunch of them inside the institute.

When you can start to do this, when you can know that belief in what you

Want is just as important as defining what you want.

That is how you live a big life.

All right, y’all shoot me a message. I want to talk to you. I think if you’re feeling it that you’re ready.

I love you so much. I will see you guys next week.

Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show. And thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me a review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to like figure out how to even make that happen. Now, if you want to find me find me on social media. I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on Tik Tok. It’s just my name. Betsy pake, and that’s my website to Betsy pake.com. And you can find out all about the work that I do. having me speak for an event that you might be helping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy Institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me just shoot me a DM shoot me a direct message on Instagram and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening. And I will see you all next week.


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.