360: That time I left my husband (and what happened next)


In todays episode Betsy celebrates 7 years of the podcast and shares with you some of her journey, including a few years ago when she left her husband and created a new path for herself in the process


Welcome to the Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy pake. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big.

Hello fellow adventurers. Hi, everybody.

Welcome, welcome. Welcome. So a few days ago, I was looking something up in my, in my journal. So I’ve talked about how I use an app for my journaling app that I’ve used for years and years and years. It’s called day one. And the cool thing is, is that it shows you like on this day, 10 years ago, on this day, two years ago, whatever it shows you all of that, and I was looking and I was like, Oh my gosh, it’s been seven years since we started the podcast. I, every year I forget. And then it’s like October, and I’m like, oh my god, I missed September. But it has been seven years since we’ve been here together. And so I wanted to take at least a second just to celebrate, that is the most consistent thing I’ve ever done in my life.

Oh my gosh, it’s lasted longer than lots of things. And so um, you know, I wrote a post on my Facebook and in an Instagram and I had posted the four covers that we’ve had over the years. And it’s funny, because

you know, this has been such a journey for me of sharing. And I know a lot of you have been here, like the whole time. And those covers when I look at them. I’m like, Oh, I remember what was going on, you know, it’s sort of like, when a season felt complete, then a new me was emerging and a new cover needed to emerge to so I started out with this picture of me kind of looking off to the side. And I think it’s so interesting, because at that time, I really wanted to start the podcast, and how I started it was interviewing people. So not coming straight on, coming from the side, right where I would interview people like the first 50 episodes, were strictly interviews, and I still interview people from time to time, but not in that way. And so like almost a full year. And I was thinking about it. And I was like it’s really

sometimes we have this idea of what we want to do. And the LEAP feels really big. But there can be a step in between. And I think that that doing those interviews was that step for me. And then I moved into just about every episode where I was talking or sharing or teaching something. And then there’s a next cover, which is like a black and white cover where you only see half my face. And that is the time where my daughter started getting sick. Like as I was looking at it, I was like, that’s such an interesting cover, I took that photo of myself. And again, like, I can’t, you can’t see all of me because there’s this thing that I can’t really tell you about. And you know, as we navigated that and over the years, then there’s this next cover, right, so there was a cover in between that’s not in the post that I did. But there’s this cover that’s like me sitting I think in the middle of the road.

Just Zen and I think that that’s where I was chaos can be happening around me. It may look like there is disruption, but all is well. And then there’s a cover where I am holding a cup of coffee, just like it’s a cream background, like a diagonal cream and black background. I actually really liked that cover. But I’m blonde in that cover. That picture was taken. I was actually in California for some training in January. And I came home

for like a week and a half and then I had to go back to California and I almost didn’t come home. But I had booked this this photoshoot and paid for it and everything and I was like I’m gonna do it. But I battled with it like do I do it? Do I not do it? I already had my flights home and all that stuff. And I wanted to I was in California for a long time. And then was going to be there for a long time again. So I wanted to come home and do laundry and like just be in my own bed. So I came home did that cover? And short then I went flew back to California and was there just a short time and COVID locked down happened and I had to figure out how to I was in that class I had to figure out how to come home so that

that cover was like the last time I colored my hair COVID. And so it started to feel like a lie. Like I’m not blonde people would hire me to come speak and I’d show up gray haired woman, you know. So that final cover the cover that is right now it was the pink I thought the pink would show up

would show up really good on a, you know, if you were searching in iTunes, it would catch catch your eye. I think I was probably in alignment with the Barbie thing coming in. And, and I’m gray haired. So I don’t know that it’s my favorite cover. But it is so reflective of all the different stages and parts of this show. And I appreciate you guys listening so much and giving iTune reviews. You know, I talked to my dad yesterday and I had mentioned or he mentioned to me that he saw that I had had the show for seven years. And he said that’s a long time. And I said yeah. And he said like do do people like your people listening?

And I was like, Yeah, Dad, like people listen.

And he was like, like, like every week or like I was like yeah, like people listen every week. And I don’t know that it’s the same people every single week, but probably some.

And he was just so they like it they like they like they like the show. It’s like yeah, so I told him, you know, you can go on your podcast app on iTunes, and scroll all the way down. And there’s reviews, and you can see what people say. He was so fascinated, and it was actually so fun. So for everybody that has left a review, my dad is going through them. And I appreciate it so much, because although I think, you know, I think he thinks I can probably do anything that I want. I think it’s still the whole idea of the internet and how it all works. And podcasting and all of that is a little, that’s a reach right to grasp. He’s in his 80s. And anyway, it was very fun to be able to prove it, to be able to prove to him that people listen. So thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing it with your friends for listening every week for sharing with me for giving feedback. You know, I am so thankful and thankful that I have had the opportunity to be consistent. Thank you for that. Ah, so.

So I wanted to talk to you a little bit this week, you know, I have mentioned over the past couple years about when I left my husband, and if you follow me on social media, you saw that I have posted about this and come out with like a big post about how I left my husband. It was two years ago, just a few weeks ago. So I just had that two year anniversary. And in that process, I think being a coach makes me really think through things and see things in a in a

I want to say a different perspective. But I question things, right, I use the tools that I have available to me a lot. And I journal in that day, one app every just about every day, and especially when things are hard. And so it has been an interesting journey. Because,

you know, I left my husband two years ago, a couple weeks ago, and it wasn’t because he was a terrible person. It wasn’t because he was abusing me or doing anything wrong. We just weren’t connecting. And it wasn’t just me that was unhappy. It’s never just one person that’s unhappy, whether I think it has to be the brave one to admit it. And something had to change. It wasn’t that I wanted to get divorced, or that I even really wanted to leave. It was a pain in the neck honestly to leave. But I felt like it was so necessary. And I actually remember that first night, my daughter had gone to college, and her apartment was paid for for a few more months. And so her stuff was still in there. Like we hadn’t moved her stuff into the storage space or anything. And my ex husband said to me, you know, you can take that space, go move into that apartment. And so

that’s what I decided to do after I deep cleaned it Oh, my God.

But I went and I and I talked with Craig and I told him what I was going to do. It wasn’t that I wanted to get divorced. It was that I could no longer stay in the circumstances as they were. And I remember that night that I laughed. You would think maybe it was a sad thing or

really hard and and I think

It was hard on some respects. But I felt joy. I felt empowered, like I was making this decision, like I felt so in alignment with it. There wasn’t fear, there wasn’t like trepidation there was like, This is what I want, I’m so clear on how I want to feel every day, and the kind of partner that I want. And I’m no longer willing to settle for anything, and he shouldn’t either. And so that experience was actually really filled with joy. It wasn’t filled with scarcity, or lack or nervousness. And there was sadness elements to it. And I was gone for some time, I came back for a little bit and kind of tried to see how things were

around the holiday, I came back. And

you know, Craig left to go spend New Year’s Eve for a football game. And so I decided that when he was coming back, because we have a dog, when he was coming back, I was gonna leave, and I was gonna go, I just couldn’t do it. And I, you know, lots of things, it, I just, it felt so out of alignment to be there. And I still had work to do on myself, you know, keep in mind this whole time. So months gone by, right? I’m doing a lot of internal work on myself, coming into alignment, learning boundaries, and calming my nervous system, like doing really intentional things. And I’m journaling about it the whole time. So I have this record of things. And I decided I was gonna go to the beach because the beach brings me joy. And I wanted a full month in a place. That felt really great, you know. And so that’s what I did. I went down, I rented an Airbnb like a condo. And I have lots of stories about that I’ve talked about, and if you’ve ever seen me do a live keynote, I’ve talked about that time at the beach, and how transformative it wasn’t how I was able to see things so different. There were lots of magical things that happened during that time. And while I was there was when I got that inclination that I should go see the Northern Lights in Iceland, of which I know all of this is

we don’t always have, I was very fortunate at that time to have the flexibility in my schedule, and income to be able to do those things. I also did those things very cheaply. It’s, it’s pretty inexpensive, if you’re gonna go to Florida and rent a condo for the month, go in January, because it’s only a couple 1000 bucks, you know, like everything was

I was thrifty in my adventures.

And so I went to ice I came home for like, I don’t know, maybe maybe it was two weeks, it might not have been that long. I had to get stuff together, I had to buy things to go into a cold environment. I didn’t even own a winter coat. And then I went to Iceland, where I just found who I was. Because when you’re with strangers, when you’re around people who don’t know, you, then you get an opportunity to have yourself reflected. Who are you trying to show them that you are? Because that’s probably who you want to be? And are you that person? Are you showing up as that person in your everyday life? And what needs to change? And what do you need to call in. And I just got so clear. And then when I came back, I came back to find that Craig had been doing his internal work. He had been getting help and guidance, and reading things and listening to podcasts and trying to explore what it was that he wanted in a relationship and how he wanted to show up. And he admitted that he wasn’t happy, which was really huge, because when you’re in denial, and if you’re happy or not, it’s really hard to create any change.

And so

in all of that, I mean, now that’s been, you know, a year and a half. And

I realized that there was a clear path that was taken during that time. And I think it’s a path that I was able to take because of the tools that I had. And I can’t imagine going through that without having the tools like without being able to calm your nervous system without being able to see a different perspective without being able to feel steady to create boundaries to do the things that you’d need to do. You know, the time in between me moving into my daughter’s apartment and Christmas. We saw a counselor and a therapist and although that had

that had value, there was something about

I’m gonna say like just talking about the problems that weren’t necessarily giving momentum to the things that we each wanted.

And I knew that if I continued to show up in the same way that I had been that nothing would change. And whether or not Craig did attend to that therapy with me, but I didn’t know if he was willing at that point to do his inner work. And I knew that whether or not he did his inner work or not, had nothing to do with me. Now, you might be thinking, like your inner relationship takes two,

it takes one person to be very clear, and very intentional, to live the life that they want to live, to be able to have clarity on if the other person is going to be able to come on board or not. And I had been going back and forth, back and forth, like literally for years, I lost friendships, hairdressers, were sick of me, like,

I struggled with this

until I did these certain steps. And so I have created a process for women who are struggling with whether they should leave their relationship or not, whether it’s time to go or it’s time to stay, you know, whether their partner is capable of change and being on this path with them. You know, my marriage is not perfect, there’s still things that we work on, because that’s normal, with individuals that come together. And I believe it had created a space for me to heal a lot of things that I would not have been able to heal otherwise, because it would not have been in my awareness, or, for lack of a better word triggered within me. And I think that there is this container, that maybe Disney movies like screw us up into thinking things have to be a certain way. But I was replaying a lot of things. And I knew that if I didn’t take this time to work on myself and heal these intentional things, these specific things that I could stay with Craig or I could leave. But if I ever had another relationship, I would play out the same things. Again,

I would just relive and create this experience again, in another relationship, because that’s what we do. Relationships, I believe, are a container for us to be able to expand.

And so in this I created, and I noticed as I’m going back through all my journal entries, this framework that I call navigate, it is perfect for women who have been internally wrestling with this decision. And they’re just done spinning. You know, they feel like maybe they left a part of themselves behind years ago. And they’re ready to reconnect to her now I used to say, I would pull out a pull, Betsy, my maiden name is McPheeters, I would say I would pull up Betsy McPheeters out of my back pocket and look at her some time and be like, I wonder what how she is what she’s doing. I didn’t realize I could fully have her exist in this. Because I didn’t have to bend and contort to meet a certain standard that I was trying to meet in my marriage. And that if I fully showed up as Betsy MC feeders, and I’m using that as a,

you know, example of like this, this true part of me, right, the deepest part of me, if I was not able to show up as her, I couldn’t possibly hold space for anyone else to show up as fully them.

So navigate is perfect for women who feel really scared, but they know that was someone by their side that they can do these hard things.

You know, this program isn’t for someone who’s in an abusive relationship. I think that’s different. It’s not for people who aren’t ready to own their side of this right their obligation to create their own life, and that they can create a life that they really love for themselves.

And it’s not for people who can’t make financial decisions on their own or have no way to support themselves outside of marriage. That’s far too tricky. But it is if you’re ready to come away with a marriage that feels like a true partnership or come away with a decision on how to move forward with all of your next steps mapped out.

So you will know with clarity if your husband is capable of doing his work and being the partner that you deserve. So your time inside this program is going to save you months or years. I’m telling you because I did it for years of questioning your marriage that you’re going to put so much energy into like counseling where you’re rehashing stuff, but not really getting to the root of things.

And or date nights or tactics that really haven’t moved the needle or brought you closer. So I wanted to invite you to look at navigate, and see if this is something that could help you, I have a free video, it’s like 10 minutes of me just describing what it is, is full transparency. If this is something that you think is for you, then just reach out to me, you can DM me anywhere, or just shoot me an email at support at Betsy pake.com. And I’ll send you a link, there’s no pressure, this is going to be for the right person. And you’ll know it’s for you. If you’re listening, and you’re like, I think this is for you. If you’re listening, if you’re still listening, it probably resonates in some way, you probably would have shut me off by now. Right.

So if you have started to feel like your marriage is a prison, and your husband seems incapable of growth, and that you have been begging him to see who you really are, and what you really need, but you still feel invisible, then it’s time to take a step forward. And I might be able to help you. So if you’re interested in navigate, just shoot me a message.

And I’d love to be able to talk with you.

All right, thank you so much for being here, on this next part of my journey. Right? This feels like a big

next level for me to next part of this as we begin our eighth year here together and start this work. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being here with me. I love you guys so much. And I will see you all next week. Bye bye.

Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show. And thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me a review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to like figure out how to even make that happen. Now, if you want to find me find me on social media, I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on Tik Tok. It’s just my name. Betsy pake, and that’s my website to Betsy pake.com. And you can find out all about the work that I do. having me speak for an event that you might be helping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy Institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me just shoot me a DM, shoot me a direct message on Instagram and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening. And I will see you all next week.


Meet Betsy!

I'm Betsy Pake!

*Ocean obsessed

*Probably hanging out with my dogs


*Deep thinker

Hey There!

About Betsy

Hi I’m Betsy and I’m a subconscious change expert.
By day you can find me digging deep into the unconscious beliefs and identity of my clients so they can move past self-sabotage and lack of confidence and gain traction in their career and life.